She reached Scully and placed her hand gently on her
shuddering back, trying to ease her sobs of grief. Scully
released her tight grip on Mulder's hand so that she could
embrace her mother, clinging to the comfort of her hold.
Maggie gently rocked her daughter back and forth, giving her
time to collect herself before pulling away slightly and
brushing the hair off her tear streaked face. Scully turned
back round to face Mulder, leaning against her mother's side
while she caressed his cheek with her hand.
"Bill said we'd all be better off if he didn't fight to get better, mom. How could Bill say it would be better if he d...dies?"
Scully's voice broke on the horrible word, not wanting to accept death as a possible outcome. Maggie shook her head in disbelief at hearing her son's words again and, with her arm still around Scully's shoulders, pulled her closer to her side in a futile attempt to comfort her distraught daughter. Scully allowed her head to drop onto her mother's shoulder in exhaustion, her eyes closing against the painful image of Mulder's seemingly lifeless form.
"Honey, you're exhausted - you need some proper rest in a proper bed like the one in your room up the stairs...Dana, are you listening? ...Dana?"
"Bill said I could just walk out of the door and never have to see him again, he said..."
"Bill's gone Dana. I sent him home - just ignore what he said."
"But it's true mom..."
"What's true honey?"
"If I leave him - if I go away, it might be...it might be the last time I ever see him alive. He could..."
"Honey, you can't think like that. He'll pull through."
"You don't know that mom. The doctors don't even know it so how could you?"
"Dana..."
"Mom, I'm sorry. It's just...I mean, sure, he left me in my room yesterday. He went away and I don't know why - but I can't do it, I can't just walk out of the room like nothing's happened. Even though he did it, and even though Bill thinks that that means I should do it as well, I...I just can't."
Grief overcame her once more and she buried her head in her hands, trying to stop the tears from escaping. She was unsuccessful however and the tears spilled around her hands, soaking the blanket that Maggie had wrapped around her shoulders as they had talked. Maggie watched her daughter in despair, debating if she should tell her of her conversation with Bill or whether it would just upset her more. Recalling the pain that had crossed Scully's face when she had mentioned Mulder leaving her the day before, Maggie knew that she could not allow her to keep thinking that he had chosen to leave. She eased Scully's hands away from her face and wiped her eyes dry with one corner of the blanket, trying to calm her down before she told her what she now knew had to be said. Taking a deep breath, she readied herself to speak and her heart ached knowing that it was her son who had caused part of her daughter's grief.
"Dana, Fox didn't just go. He..."
"What is it mom? Did you find out why he left?"
"I wasn't going to tell you yet - you need to concentrate on Fox's, and your, health. However, if you're thinking it was your fault he left - if you think he didn't want to stay with you - you need to know that he did want to stay Dana; it wasn't your fault. Don't think he went out of choice, he would never leave you out of choice - you have to realise that. He..."
"Mom what is it?"
"...It's your brother."
"Bill? He made him leave? I knew it...I knew he must have said something to him. What did he say?"
"The details don't matter Dana. I'll tell you later if you still want to know but right now - all you need to know is that Fox didn't want to leave, he thought that it was what you wanted so he respected 'your' wishes and left."
"What?!! I am going to kill Bill - he's such a bastard!"
"Dana, calm down. Getting angry is not going to help Fox get better."
"I'm sorry mom. It's just that...he might not pull through and now you're telling me he thought I didn't want him around. What if that's the last thing he remembers about me, what if he dies thinking I didn't want him there when I did. I wanted him to stay so much, to be there when Dr Zuckerman told us the good news but I wasn't strong enough to stand up to Bill. I thought he'd be back in within minutes - and I thought that it would be okay, that he'd understand. How did I expect him to understand though when I didn't? I don't know how I could have been so weak and let Bill send him out - why didn't I stop him then mom? If I had then he'd be okay, we both would."
"Honey...thinking about 'what, ifs' isn't going to help him get better. You can't blame yourself for this - it was just an accident, nobody's really to blame. Not completely. You need to save your strength for helping him to fight and for recovering yourself - don't think I've forgotten that your doctor said you needed plenty of rest since you're still weak from the treatments."
"I can't leave him, not when there's a chance that I...that he...Please, don't make me leave him mom. I can't do it...I won't."
"Okay honey. I understand - but I want you to try to get some rest. You'll make yourself ill if you keep this up. Why don't I see if the nurses can bring in a reclining chair or something?"
"Sure mom. Thanks."
Maggie left the room to go and talk to the nurses at the desk while Scully once again took hold of Mulder's hand and began gently stroking his hair. A solitary tear ran down her cheek but she quickly caught it before it fell as she heard voices approaching the room. There was a knock at the door and, once she had called for them to come in, two orderlies entered rolling an extra cot between them. Maggie followed them in and, once it was set up at the other side of the room, she eased Scully gently away from Mulder's side and coaxed her across the room and into the bed. As Scully's head hit the pillow, Maggie tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair from across her face and watched as her eyes drooped closed. When Scully's breathing had evened out, she left her side and took a seat in the chair between the two beds, watching over both of them as they slept.
Scully slept restlessly, waking every now and then in a panic, sitting bolt upright on the bed and immediately looking over to Mulder. She got out of her bed and walked the few feet over to his side, clasping his hand in both of hers and bending over him so that she could hear his heart beat in his chest and not just the mechanical beep of the monitor. After assuring herself that his heart was indeed still beating, she lifted her head up from where it lay on his chest so that she could look at his face. She stroked his forehead gently and bent down once more to press a kiss to his cheek, urging him to fight with a whisper in his ear.
On the fifth repetition of this reassuring ritual, she stopped dead when she reached up to stroke his forehead. She laid the back of her hand along his brow and, after double-
checking her suspicion; she instantly reached for the nurse-
call button. Maggie watched all of this silently as she always did but when she saw her daughter press the button, she knew that something was wrong - very wrong. Her fears were confirmed when Scully clasped his hand tighter and, again bending over him, she kissed him on his mouth while tears fell from her eyes. Maggie got out of her chair and within seconds was at Scully side, supporting her as her knees gave way beneath her and her sobs increased in both volume and intensity.
The nurse came into the room hurriedly, worried about the urgent call she had just received. Turning on the overhead light as she entered, she immediately recognised the problem as she approached the bed. Laying her hand where Scully's had just been, she quickly turned down the blankets and then took a note of the readings on the monitors. She looked up at the two worried women and, as she was about to explain what was wrong, she realised by the look on the younger one's face that she already knew. Turning swiftly back round, she walked out of the room again and rushed off to find Mulder's doctor.
"Bill said we'd all be better off if he didn't fight to get better, mom. How could Bill say it would be better if he d...dies?"
Scully's voice broke on the horrible word, not wanting to accept death as a possible outcome. Maggie shook her head in disbelief at hearing her son's words again and, with her arm still around Scully's shoulders, pulled her closer to her side in a futile attempt to comfort her distraught daughter. Scully allowed her head to drop onto her mother's shoulder in exhaustion, her eyes closing against the painful image of Mulder's seemingly lifeless form.
"Honey, you're exhausted - you need some proper rest in a proper bed like the one in your room up the stairs...Dana, are you listening? ...Dana?"
"Bill said I could just walk out of the door and never have to see him again, he said..."
"Bill's gone Dana. I sent him home - just ignore what he said."
"But it's true mom..."
"What's true honey?"
"If I leave him - if I go away, it might be...it might be the last time I ever see him alive. He could..."
"Honey, you can't think like that. He'll pull through."
"You don't know that mom. The doctors don't even know it so how could you?"
"Dana..."
"Mom, I'm sorry. It's just...I mean, sure, he left me in my room yesterday. He went away and I don't know why - but I can't do it, I can't just walk out of the room like nothing's happened. Even though he did it, and even though Bill thinks that that means I should do it as well, I...I just can't."
Grief overcame her once more and she buried her head in her hands, trying to stop the tears from escaping. She was unsuccessful however and the tears spilled around her hands, soaking the blanket that Maggie had wrapped around her shoulders as they had talked. Maggie watched her daughter in despair, debating if she should tell her of her conversation with Bill or whether it would just upset her more. Recalling the pain that had crossed Scully's face when she had mentioned Mulder leaving her the day before, Maggie knew that she could not allow her to keep thinking that he had chosen to leave. She eased Scully's hands away from her face and wiped her eyes dry with one corner of the blanket, trying to calm her down before she told her what she now knew had to be said. Taking a deep breath, she readied herself to speak and her heart ached knowing that it was her son who had caused part of her daughter's grief.
"Dana, Fox didn't just go. He..."
"What is it mom? Did you find out why he left?"
"I wasn't going to tell you yet - you need to concentrate on Fox's, and your, health. However, if you're thinking it was your fault he left - if you think he didn't want to stay with you - you need to know that he did want to stay Dana; it wasn't your fault. Don't think he went out of choice, he would never leave you out of choice - you have to realise that. He..."
"Mom what is it?"
"...It's your brother."
"Bill? He made him leave? I knew it...I knew he must have said something to him. What did he say?"
"The details don't matter Dana. I'll tell you later if you still want to know but right now - all you need to know is that Fox didn't want to leave, he thought that it was what you wanted so he respected 'your' wishes and left."
"What?!! I am going to kill Bill - he's such a bastard!"
"Dana, calm down. Getting angry is not going to help Fox get better."
"I'm sorry mom. It's just that...he might not pull through and now you're telling me he thought I didn't want him around. What if that's the last thing he remembers about me, what if he dies thinking I didn't want him there when I did. I wanted him to stay so much, to be there when Dr Zuckerman told us the good news but I wasn't strong enough to stand up to Bill. I thought he'd be back in within minutes - and I thought that it would be okay, that he'd understand. How did I expect him to understand though when I didn't? I don't know how I could have been so weak and let Bill send him out - why didn't I stop him then mom? If I had then he'd be okay, we both would."
"Honey...thinking about 'what, ifs' isn't going to help him get better. You can't blame yourself for this - it was just an accident, nobody's really to blame. Not completely. You need to save your strength for helping him to fight and for recovering yourself - don't think I've forgotten that your doctor said you needed plenty of rest since you're still weak from the treatments."
"I can't leave him, not when there's a chance that I...that he...Please, don't make me leave him mom. I can't do it...I won't."
"Okay honey. I understand - but I want you to try to get some rest. You'll make yourself ill if you keep this up. Why don't I see if the nurses can bring in a reclining chair or something?"
"Sure mom. Thanks."
Maggie left the room to go and talk to the nurses at the desk while Scully once again took hold of Mulder's hand and began gently stroking his hair. A solitary tear ran down her cheek but she quickly caught it before it fell as she heard voices approaching the room. There was a knock at the door and, once she had called for them to come in, two orderlies entered rolling an extra cot between them. Maggie followed them in and, once it was set up at the other side of the room, she eased Scully gently away from Mulder's side and coaxed her across the room and into the bed. As Scully's head hit the pillow, Maggie tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair from across her face and watched as her eyes drooped closed. When Scully's breathing had evened out, she left her side and took a seat in the chair between the two beds, watching over both of them as they slept.
Scully slept restlessly, waking every now and then in a panic, sitting bolt upright on the bed and immediately looking over to Mulder. She got out of her bed and walked the few feet over to his side, clasping his hand in both of hers and bending over him so that she could hear his heart beat in his chest and not just the mechanical beep of the monitor. After assuring herself that his heart was indeed still beating, she lifted her head up from where it lay on his chest so that she could look at his face. She stroked his forehead gently and bent down once more to press a kiss to his cheek, urging him to fight with a whisper in his ear.
On the fifth repetition of this reassuring ritual, she stopped dead when she reached up to stroke his forehead. She laid the back of her hand along his brow and, after double-
checking her suspicion; she instantly reached for the nurse-
call button. Maggie watched all of this silently as she always did but when she saw her daughter press the button, she knew that something was wrong - very wrong. Her fears were confirmed when Scully clasped his hand tighter and, again bending over him, she kissed him on his mouth while tears fell from her eyes. Maggie got out of her chair and within seconds was at Scully side, supporting her as her knees gave way beneath her and her sobs increased in both volume and intensity.
The nurse came into the room hurriedly, worried about the urgent call she had just received. Turning on the overhead light as she entered, she immediately recognised the problem as she approached the bed. Laying her hand where Scully's had just been, she quickly turned down the blankets and then took a note of the readings on the monitors. She looked up at the two worried women and, as she was about to explain what was wrong, she realised by the look on the younger one's face that she already knew. Turning swiftly back round, she walked out of the room again and rushed off to find Mulder's doctor.
