Chapter 31 – Swapping Stories
Saturday, June 19, 2004

Samantha finished bringing Martin up-to-date regarding his drunken night and, once they'd both stopped laughing, he realized that he still had a headache and was still nauseous. He excused himself and went into the bathroom. Samantha heard a myriad of sounds coming from behind the closed door, then the shower started. She decided to go to her own room to shower and change.

Martin emerged from the bathroom and was glad to see that Samantha had left to get ready for the day. He got to her room and knocked on the door. She opened it, still dressed in a towel, but allowed him to come in. "You look better," she stated.

Martin responded, "Ah, the power of pain killers, but now I'm starved. Do you know how late it is?"

At lunch, Martin wanted to get Samantha to open up about her father. He didn't know much about her past and didn't think that Vivian or Danny did either. He knew that she needed to let someone in before she self-destructed on herself. He thought about the dwindling days they had left before they both returned to work and hoped it would be enough to prepare Samantha for the long road ahead. He prompted, "Tell me about your dad."

"Oh, Martin, I don't really want to talk about the trial," Samantha responded.

"Then don't talk about the trial, tell me a good memory you have of him." Martin was not going to give up that easily.

"Oh, I don't know, it was a long time ago."

"Quit your whining. If you tell me a story I'll tell you something about my dad." Martin hoped that a bargain would get her talking.

"Okay, but I get to ask you a question about your dad, you don't just get to pick something to tell me. Knowing you, you'd probably tell me his middle name." Samantha answered, before she realized that she was giving in.

"Fair enough," Martin agreed. "Tell me a good memory."

Samantha was silent for a moment and Martin thought that she might be reconsidering her assent to the agreement. But in fact Samantha was trying to recall a suitable memory to talk about. Finally, she began, "We were living in Florida at the time, we moved around a lot, I didn't know it then, but it was probably because he got in trouble a lot, but I was just a kid, I didn't know why we kept moving. I thought that's what everybody did. Anyway, we were in Florida and dad promised to take us to Disney World. We were so excited to ride the new Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, oh my, I'm getting old if that was new when I was kid. But my dad came home and said that he'd been laid off of his job so he didn't have the money to take us. You should have seen us, my sister and I, just bawling our heads off. He tried everything to get us to cheer up, he offered us ice cream, he promised we'd go next year. I know he thought of more things, but we weren't even listening to him, we didn't notice when he left the room."

Martin interrupted, "Sam, this was supposed to be a happy memory."

"I'm getting to the happy part, Marty," she intoned, using his nickname too. "Well, you remember how kids are, we forgot exactly why we were crying and starting playing. I must have been at least two hours later when dad came in from outside, he called to us to follow him back out. We were reluctant, but like I said, we'd kind of forgotten why we were sad. Outside, he had set up a whole Disney World in our backyard. It was amazing. He must have set up every toy we had ever accumulated. The slip-n-slide was out and placed right underneath the regular slide so you'd have some good speed going into the sprinklers. He had tried to rig the swing set so that you'd jump out at the highest point right onto the neighbor's trampoline, but we were both too scared to try that one."

As she spoke, her eyes lit up in remembrance of the day, but quickly a haze covered the sparkle. Her voice was no longer animated and was nearly a whisper, "He could be great, when he was around. And I worshipped him. When I was sitting on the witness stand, directly across from him, he looked at me, but the love he had always had in his eyes was gone. All I saw was stony blackness and I knew then that he would never forgive me."

She paused, but Martin didn't speak, he sensed that she had more to say. After a brief moment she continued, "I've thought back over my childhood, with an adult, FBI agent's perspective, and I can see that my father was not the most upstanding citizen. I really was sheltered from most of it, but I remember snatches of telephone conversations, late night meetings held in the garage, or long periods when he was gone. I don't know if he killed that man, but no other suspect was ever arrested, much less convicted for the murder, so it puts doubts in your head. Anyway, that all happened when we were in Wisconsin so I spent the rest of my childhood there and that's where I tell people I'm from, it's a lot easier than the whole story." She laughed at herself, but then added, "I guess he's the one missing person in my life that I've never looked for."

Martin reached over and placed his hand on hers in an unspoken show of support. Both were silent for a time, until Martin spoke, "Let's go out and take a walk on the beach."

Samantha sighed and agreed. She needed to breathe some fresh air to help clear away her memories. "That sounds good, but only if you can talk and walk at the same time. I haven't forgotten that I get to ask you a question about your dad now." Samantha was eager to put Martin on the hot seat and was relieved to have gotten through her own story.

As they walked, side-by-side, on the beach Samantha said, "Don't take offense, but here's my question. Has your dad always been such a prick?" Samantha actually took a step away from Martin in preparation for an angry response from him, but to her surprise Martin laughed.

Martin thought about where to start, "Unlike you, who worshipped her dad, I wouldn't have known who, or what, to worship. My father was never around, he got married and did the 'family' thing because it was expected. Any upright, productive person in society takes a wife and procreates to ensure the next generation has plenty of upright, productive persons. I think that was my father's creed." Martin had stopped and picked up several rocks. He began flinging them into the ocean as he spoke. "I had nannies, I had summer camp, I had boarding school, what I didn't have was a father. I'd watch movies and see dads taking their sons to baseball games and teaching them how to ride a bike, but to me that was all a fantasy land." As he remembered how angry he was at his father, he began throwing the stones harder and harder. "But he always had expectations—he wouldn't help me reach them, but, boy, if I didn't I was in for a grand lecture about letting the family down and letting him down.

"I remember when I told him I got accepted by the FBI, I thought that he would be proud that I followed in his footsteps. But I don't know if I've ever seen him more disappointed. I remember he said, 'Martin, why I thought you were going to be politician. Run for office.' You know what I did, I stood there and apologized to him. I apologized to him for not following in his dreams for me. He didn't care what I wanted for my own life, what I wanted for me. If I could do that conversation over again you can bet that I wouldn't apologize." He had stopped throwing and stood looking out at the ocean. He felt a hand on his arm and he focused his eyes on Samantha. She took his hand in hers and led him down the beach to continue their walk. The two walked in silence, neither having to say a word to the other, both lost in their own pasts.


At the end of the day, Martin thought back about what he had learned about Samantha and her family. He realized that she had never mentioned her mother, but Martin knew that those questions would have to wait for another day. About his own revelations, he was surprised that he had verbalized some of his feelings. It had felt so easy to talk to Samantha though and he knew he didn't want to keep everything inside of him any longer.

Samantha also reflected on the day. Contrary to what she had believed for so long, it was nice to know that someone knew a little bit of her history—knew that she wasn't 'Suzy Sunshine' and that her childhood hadn't always been rosy. She decided that it would be okay to open up that vault of her memory where she had stored so many remembrances, good and bad, over the years. She had been surprised by Martin's depiction of his father and now felt a bond between her and Martin. They shared a connection of failed family relationships that only each other knew about.

TBC