C-apter Six
"P-34r my mad sk11z!1 (Fear my mad skills)" shouted a man next to Naruto. They were at the arcade, playing Mortal Kombat. Naruto stepped back from the machine.
"Shut up you stupid l33t punk. You win this Konohamarue! Next Konohamarue I shall ownz you."
"Lol!!11 Good 1!"
"Go to hell."
"Come on Sasuke you have to do better than that!!" shouted Naruto as they practiced the game at the base. Sasuke was losing extremely fast, possibly quicker than Naruto had lost to the l33t man.
"Sorry sir I was never good at arcade games!"
"Right! K.O.!"
"Ooh!" said Sakura as she eyed the game. "Can I play?"
"Yeah right!"
"What?"
"Listen," said the Sasuke. "Women never win at games, not even against me."
"Ahah!"
"What?" said Naruto. "Come on, I'll own you!"
"Bet me a thousand dollars!"
"You don't have a thousand dollars. . ."
"Can I borrow some?"
"Sure." She walked up to the little arcade game and they entered their quarters. "P-34r me!! (Fear me)"
"Sir can you please not talk like that l33t guy." Said the Sasuke.
"o!"
". . .yes sir."
"W-4t!? 1'm los1ng to joo!? (what I'm losing to you?)"
"Haha!" Naruto's character kicked and missed and Sakura's gave it a uppercut. "You suck!" the character then punched Naruto's in till it hit the wall, giving a K.O. to it.
"Fine you win."
"Where's the l33t?"
"I don't use it no more! Hey!"
"What?"
Naruto sat there sitting still with a ridiculous smile on his face. The Sasuke stepped in. "I think that a thought other than stupid entered his mind and he couldn't handle it, so like a normal l33t idiot his brain couldn't handle it and he shorted out."
"Aw. . ." Naruto then snapped back into reality.
"I have an idea!!!"
"You do!?"
"Why are you so shocked?"
"What is it. . ."
"Okay first off it be like this. . ." NOW I know why they always do that. It's so fun!
"P-34r t-3 l33t master (fear the l33t master)!!!" shouted the same l33t guy that had beaten Naruto in Mortal Kombat. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke walked into the arcade, Naruto and Sakura had an increasing smile on their face, the one that says, hey I'm an idiot. Yeah that one.
"Hey! L33t!"
"W-4t 1s 1t?! (what is it)"
"I chalNarutoge you to a game of Mortal Kombat."
"R1g-t o! (right on)"
"But she'll be playing in my place." He gently shoved Sakura in front of him. She gave l33t a smile and he laughed a lol laugh. "Y34- r1g- t!" (yeah right)
"Then try me," said Sakura as she took a quarter from her pocket. They went to the arcade machine and the game started up. Sakura's character punched l33t's and then she was attacked with a move she couldn't think of.
"1'm te- Mort4r Komb4t m4str! (I'm the mortal kombat master)"
"Shut up." Her characters life was drained almost all the way. He punched it one more Konohamarue and then she was K.O.-ed. "I have more quarters."
Two hours later
Sigh. "Why are we out on the streets again?" said Sasuke.
"Well first off I was fighting l33t and I wanted to-"
"Shut up." Sakura was the saddest, she's the one who had made them sit on the streets waiting for a drive home. L33t's car pulled up. "Hey can you drive us home?"
"L3t m3 t-1n 4bout 1t, o! (let me think about it, no!)" he laughed as the car pulled away, letting a big puddle fly into their faces.
"I hate that guy. . ."
Two days later
"No food, no way home, no nice people in New York," said Naruto as he sat on the brick wall.
"What a shock."
"Get a job ya bum!" shouted a guy.
"That's it!"
"What's it?" said Sasuke. Naruto had stopped again, completely.
"His face is turning blue!" shouted Sakura. They started shaking him.
"Oh sorry, anyways, we go to the arcade and then. . ." again, I know I'm an asshole.
"L33t!!" shouted Naruto.
"I'm sorry," said a voice beside him, he looked and saw Konohamaru. "You have to leave me at Iceland instead of taking me on a trip to New York City. So I wont help you."
"Sorry!" said Sakura. "You have any money?"
"Money, no. I spent it at the chocolate store. It's right over there!" he pointed to a building with a fat baby with chocolate around its lips. "Chocolate!" he took some melted chocolate and started eating it. It got all over his hands. "L33t!"
"W-4t joo w4nt lil m4? (what you want little man)" said l33t behind him.
"I chalNarutoge you to a game of Mortal Kombat, and if I win you have to give me enough money for some plane tickets to Iceland!"
"Deal." Everyone was shocked at his normal expression. "1 m34n d34l!! (I mean deal!)" he smiled. Konohamaru was given a chair to stand on and they started the game, his fingers getting all sticky on the controls. He lost the first Konohamarue.
"Cheat!"
"F1ne l3t m3 pl4y yours. (fine let me play yours)" they switched and Konohamaru's ingenious plan commenced. He licked his fingers before putting in another quarter.
"Go!" said Naruto. The game started up.
"Wtf!?" shouted l33t. "My controls ar3 fscked up!! (My controls are fucked up)"
"No, it's just you suck!"
"D4mn joo! (damn you)"
"No, d4mn joo!" Konohamaru beat him in the two out of three rounds and he got the money he wanted. He counted the bills, "Hahah cold hard cash!"
"Can we have some to get a coup-Konohamaru!" Konohamaru's taxi drove away. Naruto sat down on the curb again. "Damn kid."
A week later
"I managed to get a job in the arcade!" said Sakura.
"Wow, can we get some beer?" said Naruto.
"No!"
"I'm thirsty!"
"Well get some water! There's some water fountains over there, get some!"
"But that's good for you!!" Naruto smacked against the wall as Sakura walked off. "Whatcha doin' Sasuke?"
"Thinking."
"You do that too much."
"Well excuse me if I'm thinking of a way to get out of here. I mean this is the first Konohamarue I've been here. I mean we aren't citizens of the United States, so technically we can get deported!"
"Yeah, I'm going to get some beer, call me when you're done thinking."
"Sure, whatever, I'm going to look for a job."
Naruto looked around, he was in a computer store. "Do it!" shouted someone. He flipped around looking for the speaker.
"Do what!?"
"Do it. You know you want to."
"No!!"
"You don't even know what I'm talking about and you're rejecting it, people call that being shallow."
"I'm not shallow!"
"Yes you are, get used to it. By the way, do it!"
"Noo!" he ran around the store running into the stands, knocking down the stands.
"You asshole!" shouted the clerk. He ran to get a fire extinguisher to get the fire out.
"I wont do it!" said Naruto.
"C'mon."
"No!" he put his hand on another stand with labtops on it and it fell over, knocking into a bunch of monitors and towers.
"Are you done yet?"
"Yes. . ." he left the store. "I still wont do it!"
"Come on! Do it for me!"
"I don't even know you!"
"Yeah you do!"
"No I don't!"
"C'mon!!!!"
"Noooo!" he ran into the street and went on his knees, then started beating the road with his fist. Cars started to avoid him and wreck into each other, causing a pile up. "You suck."
"Hah! You did it anyways."
"Wait how do I know that that was it?"
"I know, how do you?"
"Stop messing with my head damn it!"
"So. . .4r3 joo Link or Zelda?(So. . .are you Link or Zelda?)" said l33t as Sakura sat at the counter with a costume on.
"I cant understand a word you're saying."
"Ahem! Are you Zelda or Link?"
"You can speak!!"
"Yeah when I want to."
"Now go away."
"But you did-"
"Zelda."
"Then why do you have a sword?"
"I don't know, now go away."
"So you doing anything tonight?"
"No."
"Want to go somewhere?"
"Ah-no."
"I have a place you can stay besides the park."
"Well . . .no."
"So do you have any openings?" said Sasuke.
"No. But we do have one in sales," said a kid, almost ten years old. He had a Pokemon shirt and hat on. He stood almost five feet and had red hair and blue shorts.
". . .Can I take it?"
"If you want."
"Well I'll take it, what's the pay?"
"About ten dollars an hour, all you have to do is make sure no one steals my cards, if they take Charizard then I will. . .die." his eye twitched.
"Ok. When do I start and when do I get payed?"
"I'll pay you tomorrow, you start immediately." He pressed a button and a card booth appeared all around them and he noticed he was in a suburban area.
"When did we get here?"
"We were traveling here, Pikachu did it." Sasuke gave him a questioning look and went outside the booth and circled it. A little kid almost five years old ran up to the booth and put his hand on a card.
"Die!" shouted Sasuke as he shot the kid.
"Thank you for saving Pikachu but you didn't have to do THAT." He picked up the bloodstained card.
"Do it."
"Shut up already."
"Nah uh."
"Who are you anyways?"
"I'm your guardian angle, the one who is responsible for everything bad in your life. Including Kiba."
"But he's dead."
"No he isn't, he faked it to get noticed. Now the army is attacking the base, and your empire is about to fall to Kiba's hands."
"That asshole!!" he threw his hands outwards, hitting a guy. "But I'm sure Konohamaru can handle it."
"Konohamaru? He's in Disneyland."
"Liar, he's probably triumphing right now!"
"Right."
"Wooh!" shouted Konohamaru. The ride reached the top and he stood up, disobeying the sign. "Oh yeah I'm a crminal! He faced the rest of the people as he stood up at the top preaching to them. Then the ride started up again and he hit the sign, causing him to fall into the seat in head of him.
"Get off of me you asshole."
"They're coming for you! You'll seee!"
"You know what?" said Naruto. "What?" "You're probably right."
"You know what's funny?" said l33t.
"No, why don't you grace me with your comedic sk1llz."
"Now your talking my language!"
"No I'm not."
"Damn."
"Sir! The perimeter is clear!" said Sasuke.
"Excellent! Bogey eleven o'clock high!" said the kid. Sasuke shot three shots into a kid, knocking the kid backward.
"Ow!!!" said the kid as he sat up, red stains over his shirt.
"See Sasuke paint guns work better than killing people, this way I don't get sued."
"I'm telling my mommy!"
"Fuck!" said Sasuke. "Run sir run!" An angry mom came running towards them, "Run sir! I'll handle it!" he shot four shots at the lady. She dodged them all and reached the Sasuke. "Die!" he shot one at her face, it exploded and her eye twitched. "Run!" he shot one in her stomach and ran off. Minutes later four hundred angry PTA members had followed them to the kids roof.
Where the booth was, was now a bon fire. They threw the Pokemon accessories into the flame. "Sasuke. . ."
"Sir!"
"You're fired."
"Would you leave already?" said Sakura.
"Why?"
"It's closing time and I need to clean up before tomorrow!!"
"Oh. Alright see yah tomorrow."
"Yeah, see yah." An hour later she left the store. They met in the park. "My boss paid me in advance, I have three hundred dollars, Naruto you?"
"I mugged an old lady, I got about ten dollars."
"I've got none." Said Sasuke.
"You couldn't get a job?"
"No I just got fired, damn brat."
"Well I think this is enough to hold a small apartment, why don't we look for one?"
"After booze!" said Naruto.
"No! When we all get good jobs and enough money we can buy beer, when did you become an alcoholic anyways?"
"When Sasuke was stupid enough to let me drink a beer."
"You've been like that," said the Sasuke. "You didn't need me to get you going, your dad was an alcoholic, your grandfather and great grandfather was so I bet you'd be too."
"I remember the first Konohamarue I tasted the sweet nectar. I was just a la- "
"Shut up we need to find an apartment!" said Sakura. "No time for time consuming flashbacks. Remember the last one?"
". . .And then I was like pow! Kazaow!" Small excerpt from a forty hour rant.
"Oh yeah. Lets find an apartment already!"
"Do it." Said the voice.
"Damn it shut up already!?"
"Who the hell are you talking to?"
"This voice in my head, she keeps telling me to do 'it'."
"Do it."
"You asshole stops it!!"
"But its so fun!"
