The Great Middle earth Game Show
By Dene4 & Simply Sara
Disclaimer: Neither of us own Lord of the Rings or any characters recognizable herein. We also do not own that soda you are drinking while reading this and so can't really be responsible if you spew it over your keyboard. Sorry. This is just for fun, no money is involved. Please also note, we love each character portrayed within and any OOC-ness is for humor purposes only and in no way reflects upon our honest opinions of the character. We wouldn't mess around with them if we didn't love 'em. Alright, I'll shut up now.
Somewhere in Middle earth, (it really doesn't matter where) a small hobbit was standing in the center of a stage set up with a long table, lined with chairs, a beeper placed on the table before each chair. There was also a lone table facing the other table equipped with a computer flashing all kinds of intriguing data across its screen. A rather interesting looking group of beings was standing nearby.
Suddenly the hobbit spoke: "Hello and welcome to 'The Great Middle earth Game Show'. I am your host, Peregrin Took. But you can call me Pippin."
One of the beings, Gandalf, as it were, whispered to the man to his right. "I thought the host was supposed to be smarter than us, not dumber." Aragorn snickered.
"Silence!" Pippin boomed. "Now, let's get on with this. As I call your name, please make your way to the table and take a seat. Frodo Baggins," he began, "Meriadoc Brandybuck--"
"Merry!" one of the hobbits called out. Pippin shot him a look--you know the one.
"As I was saying, Merry Brandybuck—"
"No, no! Just 'Merry'," the same voice interrupted. A few laughs circled through the assembled.
The veins in Pippin's forehead were starting to pop out a bit. "Frodo Baggins," he began again, "Merry—"
"What about 'Merry the Magnificent' instead?" Several chuckles pealed through the gathered.
Now you could see the veins in Pippin's neck, too. "Merry…SHUT UP!"
Silence. A cricket chirped.
"Frodo—" Pippin started yet again.
"We know, we know! Frodo & Merry! Let's get on with it!" Saruman interjected. Nods of assent swept through the crowd.
"Wait a second," Gandalf interrupted in disbelief. "Did I just nod in assent to Saruman?"
Saruman cackled evilly.
Pippin closed his eyes for a moment clenching his jaw in frustration and then continued. "Smeagol, Gandalf, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Denethor, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, and Samwise Gamgee, please approach the stage."
Gollum cried out "But I thought I was going to play too."
"You are preciousss," Smeagol replied.
"Shut up!" Gollum barked.
"What's the matter," Smeagol returned. "Is Gollum loosing his nerve?"
"No! Not! Gollum wants to see nasty hobbits… (gulp)…lose."
"This sounds all too familiar...." mumbled Sam.
Pippin glared at Gollum/Smeagol. "That's enough! Smeagol quit fighting with…uh…yourself."
Making sure that each contestant had been seated, Pippin continued. "Alright, let's begin." He glanced at his computer screen. "First question: Who is the ultimate evil bad guy?"
The beepers beeped.
"Alright, the first person to answer was…Faramir. Well Faramir?" Pippin questioned.
"Denethor!" Faramir supplied without hesitation. Denethor balked.
"Why you!" he started, rising from his seat.
"What? You tried to kill me!" Faramir supplied in his defence.
"I would have, too if it weren't for Gandalf." Denethor said oh-so-helpfully.
"Um…dad…that's only strengthening my case…." Faramir pointed out.
Before Denethor could reply, Gandalf added his two cents. "What did I do? Is it my fault you like burning things?"
Denethor crinkled his eyebrows. "Boromir! I order you as the Steward of Gondor to kill this crazy wizard!!"
"Hey, wait a minute buddy! I'm the King of Gondor and I make the rules!!" Aragorn interjected hurriedly.
"Crazy?" Gandalf asked, mostly in rhetoric. "I'm crazy? Denethor, Mr. Hey-Let's-play-with-matches-they-won't-start-a-fire-I-promise-and-if-they-do-it-won't-hurt-that-much is calling me crazy?"
Boromir stayed in his seat muttering to himself. "I am not getting involved," he offered to no one in particular.
"Hey!" Pippin broke into the commotion. "Let's try and keep it friendly here!"
"No!" Denethor said forcefully. "He ruined my life and my reputation!" he continued, pointing at Aragorn.
"What are you whining about now?" Aragorn said. "You didn't have a life or reputation to begin with!"
Everyone (excluding Denethor and Aragorn of course) was getting extremely tired of the both of them. They all screamed in sync, "SHUT UP!!!"
Denethor put his face in his hands and moaned. "Nobody loves me!"
Pippin seemed slightly creeped out by this and raised his eyebrows. "Um…ok then. Everyone please take your seats. Let's get back to the game. Second question: Who is the good white wizard?"
The beepers beeped again.
Pippin glanced at his screen. "Ok…that was…a tie! Wow! Saruman and Gandalf. Well, gentlemen?"
"Me!" Gandalf and Saruman supplied in unison and then both glared at each other balefully when they realized they'd spoken at the same time.
"It's me!" Gandalf said forcefully.
"No! It's me!" Saruman countered.
Pippin braced himself, knowing that this was going to be awhile. Merry glanced at Frodo and Sam and yawned. Boromir and Faramir rolled their eyes gratuitously. Denethor was still skulking and Aragorn seemed to be dreaming of…uh…something else.
"You destroyed half of Middle earth! Maybe even more! How is that good?" Gandalf was screaming now.
"Well its better than what you do! You hang around hobbits, kill stewards and perfectly good Balrogs, and worst of all, you can't even stay that clean!"
"What?!"
"You heard me, Mithrandir," Saruman taunted mockingly. "You get all dirty, risking your neck and for what? The race of dumb old men!"
"HEY!" Boromir, Faramir, Denethor, and Aragorn shouted at once.
"Watch who you're insulting!" Aragorn said.
"You may have won a battle, but you lost the war!!" Boromir added. Immediately, remorse set in. "Ahhh! War! Don't remind me! Why did I say that?!"
"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Pippin interrupted loudly. "Third question! What individual kills the most Uruks at the battle of Helm's Deep? Remember, it's someone who was in the fellowship!"
The beepers chirped happily.
Pippin glanced at the screen and paled a little. "Well…it's a (gulp) tie again. Legolas and Gimli!"
"The answer," Gimli said smirking, "is Gimli."
"Legolas of course!" supplied Legolas, glaring at the dwarf.
"Gimli is correct," Pippin offered, wincing and waiting for the explosion.
Legolas however narrowed his eyes a bit, but calmly stayed silent. Pippin quirked an eyebrow but decided against commentary.
"Finally someone answered a question correctly besides me" Saruman said aloud.
"What are you talking about?" Faramir asked. "I was right, too!" Saruman only stared at him condescendingly. "Come on, Boromir, let's get out of here," Faramir uttered slightly under his breath but loud enough for the others to hear.
"Yeah…I'm getting out of here!" Boromir agreed.
"I'll come, too!" Denethor said. "We can watch a movie!"
"No thanks!" the brothers said in unison.
"Yeah," said Boromir, "You always watch movies that are…uh…very…how shall I put this…'pro-pyro'." Faramir snickered a little.
"No! I won't! We can watch something else! How about 'Indiana Jones'?
Boromir and Faramir looked at each other. "Run!" they said in unison.
"Wait! Come back!" their father called after them.
"Hey!" Saruman said coming up along side of Denethor. "You like burning things?" Denethor just stared at him in a rather menacing manner. But Saruman was undaunted. "Why don't you come with me? We can come to Mordor together and see the Mountain of Fire!!"
"Um…I…I don't know about this…." Denethor said uncertainly.
"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Gandalf of course couldn't help but overhear them. However, he decided not to comment any on the situation.
"Well…ok" Denethor agreed.
Gimli it seemed also had plans for what to do next. "Come on, Elven princeling. What do you say we practice our moves?"
"No thanks," Legolas returned snidely. "I wouldn't want to hurt you. I mean, your face looks like it hurts already."
"Why you…." And so the fight commenced.
"Come on, Smeagol," Gollum offered. "Let's go find Galadriel, precioussss. I hear she knows somewhere to find a good ring. Heh heh heh…."
Meanwhile Pippin was sitting in mild shock and heavy sadness watching his precious show dissolve into nothing.
"Sorry to leave you all but I have a game to play with Celeborn. Tonight's rummy night! Gotta go!" Aragorn supplied on his way off stage.
"Everyone's leaving!" Pippin moaned. "I'm a failure!"
"There, there, Pippin!" Gandalf said comfortingly. "It's alright! I wish I could stay and help matters but I have to leave. Denethor may very well jump into Mount Doom and we can't have that, now can we?"
Merry left the table where he'd been talking with Sam and Frodo and made his way over to Pippin.
"What do you want?" Pippin asked.
"Come on, Pip. I'm sorry about earlier, me giving you a hard time and all. But don't be sad! Come along with Frodo, Sam, and me. Let's go and get some ale!"
"Alright," Pippin agreed, never one to refuse a proffered drink.
"You know," Sam said as the quartet began to head off stage, "I didn't understand a word they said."
"Neither did I," said Frodo.
"Neither did I," said Merry
"Neither did I," said Pippin. "But then again," he continued, "We are very small."
Laughter circled merrily through the air.
"Wait!" Pippin cried. "I almost forgot!" He ran back over to where he'd originally been standing on the stage. "And that concludes…oh who cares?" he said with a grin.
Merry, Frodo, and Sam all laughed as Pippin made his way over to them again and they all walked happily of stage and continued the never-ending instinctive hobbit search for more good food and ale.
Any comments are appreciated!!
God bless! Love and hugs to all!
-Sara (and her little sis, too)
