The Great Middle earth Game Show, Take Two


By Dene4 & Simply Sara

Disclaimer: Neither of us own Lord of the Rings or any characters recognizable herein. This is all in the sake a fun and amusement, no money is involved. Please also note, we love each character portrayed within and any OOC-ness is for humor purposes only and in no way reflects upon our honest opinions of the character.

Author's Note: Um…looks around nervously…I seem to have…misplaced the lovely second chapter of this story. So…uh…hopes sister is not going to kill her…I tried to modify the original chapter 3 to become the new chapter 2 but that didn't really work out so…I tried to work from what I remembered and build the chapter again. That also did not work.

Good News: My sister did not kill me, and then, one LOVELY day, I opened a drawer, and there it was: The second chapter. So, here it is folks. Sorry it took SO long. Alright…on with the story now. Finally.


Merry had never really considered himself an ambitious hobbit. Nor a violent one.

In fact, he blamed Pippin's stubbornness and inflexibility. Yep…it was all Pippin's fault.

He didn't quite remember how the argument had started, but all he'd wanted was a chance to host Pippin's game show. Surely that was not such a huge request? The show hadn't really been that big of a success anyway. When he'd pointed this out to Pippin, the Took had slugged him.

From there the argument had quickly descended to little more than an angry sort of scuffle.

"It's MY show!!" Pippin screeched in between left hooks.

"So? You already had a turn!" Merry returned, ducking.

"It's still my turn! It's MY show!"

"No way! You were host last time! Besides, I'm older!"

"I'm taller!" At this, Merry cringed visibly.

"No! Stop it!" he pleaded, his voice coming out more like a growl.

"Three eight! Three eight!" Pippin cackled, hopping around Merry, avoiding all of his shots.

"SAAAAM!" Merry screamed. Pippin's wicked smile wavered for a moment.

"HELP!" Merry added, noting Pippin's worry with pleasure.

Sam entered, wondering what exactly the problem was now. He was getting tired of playing referee with these two. He stopped suddenly when he came upon the scene. Merry was throwing punches wildly while Pippin hopped in circles around him, nervously glancing over his shoulder in all directions every so often. Their eyes met, and Pippin squealed. Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Frying pan!" Merry called out. Sam hesitated, not really wanting to hurt either of them. However, it was easy to see that Merry was in need of help. He deftly, but somewhat gently, knocked Pippin on the back of his head with his handy frying pan.

"You're welcome," Sam offered grimly, looking down at a now unconscious Pip.

"Thanks," Merry offered with a weak grin, panting for breath.

As if on cue, the contestants began slowly filing in. Merry took in the sight cheerily, as he quickly motioned for Sam to drag Pippin behind stage.

"Please take your se—" Merry began.

"We know the routine," Saruman snapped.

"Right," Merry gulped.

"Excuse me," Eowyn snapped, glaring in Saruman's direction, "Not ALL of us have done this before, thank you."

Eomer raised his eyebrows high. His sister was in a mood again. The siblings had been called in to replace Gollum and Legolas after it became apparent that both were in no condition to attend between Legolas 'injuries incurred via Gimli and Gollum's new 'precioussss' acquired a la Galadriel.

Merry quickly outlined the rules to a skeptical Eowyn and an amenable Eomer. Saruman yawned loudly gaining him a fiery look from Eowyn and a swift whack from Gandalf's staff.

"Watch it buddy!" Saruman whispered shrilly aiming his harsh look in Gandalf's direction. The good wizard merely made a face.

"Alright, Gandalf, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Frodo, Aragorn, Gimli, Eowyn, Eomer, Sa—" Merry paused. Uh oh. Sam was backstage tending to Pippin. Merry bit his lip. They needed twelve players. "Well, uh…Sam seems to be missing. Is there anyone who'd like to take his place?"

Aragorn's hand went up. "I've know! Arwen! What about Arwen?"

Boromir rolled his eyes. "Here we go," he said. Faramir snickered. Aragorn pretended not to have heard him.

"Uh…sure," Merry said, thinking it was better than having only eleven players.

Aragorn looked distinctly cheered up. "Hold on, I'll get her." There was silence for a brief moment as all looked at him expectantly. "ARRRRRRWENNNNNNN!!!" He screeched. Everyone winced, except Gandalf. The gathered looked at him questioningly.

"Earplugs," he explained smugly, withdrawing them from his ears. Eowyn rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently.

Suddenly, Arwen appeared. "You called?" she asked. Aragorn smiled.

"How would you like to play a game, dearest?" he asked.

"As long as you're playing, too, lovecakes." Boromir looked as if he would loose his lunch at any moment. Faramir tried in vain to suppress a laugh. However, it mattered not as the two who would be offended seemed to have fallen on the deaf side of things.

That problem solved, Merry looked back at the list only to find himself facing another difficulty. Denethor.

"Ummm…Boromir?" Merry asked, "Is Denethor still with us?"

"You could say that," Boromir offered.

"Sure, why not?" Faramir added.

Merry looked at them both a little perplexed, for he hadn't seen Denethor anywhere so far, but let it go. He was getting tired of trying to start the show: It was best to leave well enough alone.

"Alright then. Everyone, including Denethor, approach the bench," Merry commanded. Everyone began moving to their seats. Once everyone was seated Merry scanned the panel. It soon became apparent however that Denethor was indeed missing. Merry elevated an eyebrow. This wouldn't work without twelve!

"Uh…where's Denethor?" Merry said, looking pointedly in Boromir and Faramir's direction.

"Well you can try to make him come out here if you want to," Boromir said sharing a look with his brother. They both then looked fiercely at Saruman, who suddenly became very interested in the fabric his cloak was made of.

"Why? What happened?" Merry inquired.

"Someone," Faramir said, still frowning in Saruman's direction, "Took him to Mount Doom on a fell beast."

"Oh great!" Aragorn exclaimed, mostly under his breath, but not so quietly as to escape Boromir's hearing. Boromir gave him a stony stare.

"He had a little accident," Boromir supplied evenly, returning his gaze to Merry.

"Joy," Merry muttered.

"If it weren't for Gandalf," Boromir added, "My father would be dead right now thanks to Saruman." Saruman tried not to look guilty and Aragorn looked at Gandalf disbelievingly. Gandalf merely forced a smile.

"Luckily he followed Denethor and Saruman on an eagle," Faramir pointed out.

"Well, could you see if he could be persuaded to come out? We do need another player," Merry said.

The brother's nodded and quickly exited.

"Unbelievable," Eowyn muttered. Eomer almost risked comforting her, but decided—wisely—against it.

Merry glanced angrily in Saruman's direction. "What do you have to say about this?!"

"Hey, he leaned off the fell beast and jumped!"

Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Please! Give me a break. I know Denethor likes fire but not that much. Saruman waited till he wasn't looking and then pushed him off!" Aragorn tried his best not to laugh.

Gimli chuckled a little. "Figures," he said simply.

"Liar!" Saruman shouted.

"Call me a liar will you? Fine. You and me. Right now. Let's go.

"Bring it on! I've already beaten you once!"

"What's all the shouting about?"

Everyone turned at the sound. As Denethor entered, looking a little…crisp. His sons trailed behind him, smiling nervously.

All were silent except for Gimli who made a noise that was probably supposed to sound like a cough and Aragorn who was a little less discreet.

"Holy Gondor!" he exclaimed, "What in all of Middle-earth happened to you? Are you okay?"

Denethor walked by him, ignoring him completely. Arwen didn't like this very much.

"Excuse me! My husband, the King of Gondor just asked you a question. Answer him!" she exclaimed.

Denethor stared at her coldly and his hands began to shake.

"Here we go," Faramir mumbled.

"Forgive him," Boromir said, looking around at them all, "The fire did something to his head."

Denethor gave his elder son a look and deliberately stuck his hand in his pocket.

"Father, no!" Boromir said, "Don't! I know the urge is strong, but don't give in!" Denethor still said nothing but did remove his hand from his pocket, relinquishing his grip on the matches.

They all once again took their seats. Once Denethor was seated he looked at everyone in turn, pronouncing, "The next time someone upsets me, watch out!" He cackled under his breath.

Eowyn crinkled her face, "What a freak!" she muttered.

Denethor whipped his head around in her direction and quickly stood in one fluid motion.

Eowyn glanced at Eomer who stood just as quickly and fixed Denethor with a stare of his own.

"Leave her alone or you will answer to me!"

"Bring it on horse-boy" Denethor proclaimed.

"Horse-boy?" Eomer queried, a dangerous blaze growing in his eyes.

Denethor grinned.

Everyone immediately decided to take sides, except for Arwen who looked exasperated.

"Come on, Eomer!" Aragorn yelled.

"Go Dad!" shouted Faramir, earning himself a cold stare from Eomer.

"Uh…did I say 'Go Dad!'? I meant 'Go Eomer!'" he quickly said, grinning uneasily.

Between Eomer and Denethor trading insults and everyone else shouting out cheers and boos, the noise level was hitting a new decibel.

Suddenly a strange voice broke through the noise.

"FLAM LE BOORA!" it said. "Chick ye TUM BA! Boola goola hoola BAM!!!

Everyone ceased screaming and moving, confused.

"What did you say?" Merry asked from where he'd been sitting dejectedly, watching his turn as host going much the same way Pip's had, if not worse.

"I have no idea. But it sounded cool and made you all be quiet!"

Arwen rolled her eyes and huffily announced, "I'm leaving! This isn't a game, this is just childish!"

She made to leave and Aragorn quickly got up and went after her. "Wait for me!" he exclaimed.

Eowyn noted his exit from the corner of her eye and decided it was time for her exit as well.

Frodo looked around, having been taking it all in quiet contemplation. "Hey Merry!" he called, "Where's Sam?"

"Backstage helping Pippin," he said trying not to sigh.

"Oh," Frodo said, shrugging, but he made no move to leave.

As if to simply contradict Merry, Sam came walking out, taking in the scene, but making no comment.

"There you are, Sam!" Frodo exclaimed, getting up and moving toward him. Sam smiled and waved.

"Hey, since this is turning into a disaster again, no offense Merry, what do you say we head over to the Green Dragon for some ale?"

"Sure!" Sam replied enthusiastically. "But forget about paying. Rosie always has free ale for me and my friends," Sam said a little too loud.

"Take me!" exclaimed Gimli.

"And me!" Eomer added.

"Free ale!" exclaimed Boromir.

"I want some!" Merry yelled, looking cheered up at the sound of free drinks.

"Eh…Go, Frodo! RUN!" Sam exclaimed. Both made a hasty exit.

Sighs escaped several lips. Denethor had reclaimed his seat and was sitting quietly taking all in with an all but unchanging expression.

The curtain on the left began moving and those still left turned to see what it was.

Pippin came teetering out from behind the curtain, mumbling incoherently and tilting this way and that as he 'walked'.

Merry's eyes widened and he made a quick and wordless exit. Pippin plopped haplessly into a seat next to Denethor, whose eyebrows twitched. The hobbit yawned hugely.

"Woah…," he said, looking around, "What's going on here?" he turned to Denethor as his vision focused. He jumped about a good foot off his chair and landed on his feet, eyes wide, mouth open. Simply acrobatic he was. Denethor, however, was not impressed, but insulted. He stared coldly at the hobbit for what seemed like an eternity to those watching in interest, waiting to see what he'd do. His gaze crumpled though and he let his head slide to the table and buried his face in his folded arms.

"Nobody loves me," he complained to his elbows, the sound coming out slightly muffled, "Everyone hates me."

"I…don't hate you," Pippin supplied pathetically.

Denethor quickly stood up once more, not looking at the hobbit at all and quickly exited. Boromir and Faramir exchanged sighs.

"Now look what you did!" Boromir exclaimed.

"Do you have any idea how long it takes to find him sometimes?" Faramir asked.

Pippin forced a smile, "Uh…sorry?" he offered.

"Oh no, that's not going to get you out of this! You're coming with us to help! You're the one who made him run away!" Boromir announced. Faramir nodded his approval and off they all went, Pippin trying to charm his way out of it. Unfortunately for him, the brothers were not daunted.

"Well…"Eomer said looking around, and resting his gaze on Gandalf. "What do you say we blow this joint?"

"Please! Let's go!" Gandalf nodded ardently. They made to leave as Saruman tried to follow after them.

"Wait!" Saruman called out, running to catch up.

"Well here I am, all by myself; imagine that," Gimli said to no one in particular, "Hmmm. Might as well leave, I guess."

But before he could, a familiar voice reached his ears.

"Where is everyone?" said Legolas, stepping out from the right of the stage, arm in a sling, one eye bruised, leaning on a cane for support, as one leg was bandaged to the knee. His gaze settled on Gimli.

"Uh oh," Gimli said.

"Yeah, you're gonna bet 'uh oh'," Legolas exclaimed. "Look what you did to me!" he screeched.

"Hey it was fair fight!" Gimli said in his defense, "And besides, I can't talk right now, as I was just leaving."

"You can wait a second or two," Legolas said forcefully. "And no you did NOT fight fair! You fought dirty, you dwarf!"

"It was too fair! Is it my fault you can't fight?"

"I can so fight! You sat on me! You call that fair?!" Legolas grabbed his beard.

Gimli laughed nervously, "I refuse to answer that question on the premises that you may snatch my beard clean off." Gimli calmly kicked his stomach causing Legolas to make a very unattractive sound and loose his grip.

"Bye!" the dwarf said, and zipped out of the room with surprising speed.

Legolas did his best to hobble after him, shouting insults all the way.


Reviewer Response:

To All: Thank you all so much for reviewing! You guys are great! You make writing this all the more enjoyable. =D

Noldo—Very pleased to hear you find it funny! Thanks for the head's up about the errors. You seem to have a knack for pointing them out to me. Not that I mind or anything. : ) Arguments often are the best parts of LotR humor fics IMHO. Hope you liked this chapter, too!

IrethAncalime3791—Since your story "Remember Erkenbrand" is so wonderful, it's flattering to hear you find this story funny. Denethor the pyro: a favorite subject of mine [grins]. Glad to know it amuses someone else, too! : ) God bless!

Erestor—[smiles] Thrilled you find this amusing! I pointed out the fact that Pippin probably had a time trying to keep order to my sister when I first read this and she just grinned. I think she likes creating all but impossible situations and trying to make them work. I'm sure Faramir & Boromir would like watching Dr. Jones with their father if the movies simply involved less fire.

Thanks so much for reading! : ) Next chapter up next week or sooner!

God bless,

Sara and Dene4