A Day in the Life of Paul Starr, Special Edition!

Disclaimer: "Cartman's Birthday!" - Eric Cartman, SouthPark

Chapter 3: Fire and Explosions! More Madness Ahead!!

The Xavier Institute

"What kind of advice, Bulldog?" Paul asked Bulldog. The mutant Joe shifted nervously as he looked out the window. The window showed Storm watering some plants. (Bulldog has a huge crush on Storm. She thinks he's rather nice. However, another Joe codenamed Shipwreck also tries to win Storm over. Bulldog and Shipwreck fight constantly. Shipwreck is a very crazy sailor and the father of Althea "Wavedancer" Delgato, the leader of the Misfits. He also has three younger daughters: Daria, Quinn, and Brittany, the psychic mega-geniuses known as Trinity. He also has two baby sons: Claudius, who has a seal-like mutation, and an adopted son Barney. Barney looks like a baby chicken. We call him Beak. He's really cute. Bulldog has a sister who is also a mutant Joe. Her name is Hannah, but she's codenamed Lionheart. They were both in the Royal Air Force. Lionheart is a quick-tongued, super-tough, and very wild lady who can telepathically communicate with any member of the cat family, as well as create energy "claws" from her fingertips. She tends to have a bit of a temper, and she has a huge crush on the Joe fireman and John's guardian, Barbecue. She chases him around constantly.) Barbecue ran by the room.

"Leave me alone!!!" The Joe fireman screamed. Lionheart followed.

"Come to Hannah, cutie!" She squealed. Bulldog laughed.

"And she bloody rips on me for liking Miss Munroe." The English pilot laughed. John ran by.

"MOMMY!!!" John screamed. Logan ran by, claws out.

"C'mere and get shish-kabobed like a man, you little fire-starting punk!!!"

"You'll have to make it quick, Bulldog. I gotta save John from the Wolverine's Wrath." Paul told the Englishman. Logan's been wanting a piece of John for some time for setting his motorcycle on fire.)

"Right, well…I would like to take Miss Munroe out on a date, but I don't know how to ask her." (A lot of the other Joes come to me for advice on romance as well, believe it or not. Yesterday, Duke himself asked me which restaurant he should take Scarlet to. Wanda suggested I start an advice column. She said I'd be hailed as a men's Dear Abby. Sounds like an idea. I might try it sometime.)

"Well…" Paul rubbed the back of his head. "You could try just coming up to her and asking her. Heh Heh." Bulldog put his hand on his chin in thought.

"I guess I could try that. Thanks, Paul." Bulldog left the building.

"You sure about this?" Xi asked Paul.

"Are you kidding, Xi? Paul's advice is foolproof." Blob snickered. (I don't know about that. I just give advice that hopefully helps.)

"OWWWW!!!! OWWWWW!!!!" Scott's screams rang throughout the building. (Craig thinks of Scott as a huge mama's boy and a major wuss. In my honest opinion, Scott's an okay guy. He's got some issues, though. And the man seriously needs to unwind once in a while, but he's okay.)

"Guess Craig found a target." Lance smirked. "He should let me throw a couple punches."

"Think we should practice some more?" Paul asked. Jamie walked up to the four.

"You guys got a band, right?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Lance asked. Jamie smirked.

"You guys could use a manager." Jamie pulled out a little black book. "I do have numerous connections." Paul looked at the small book. (Jamie's got quite a few interests. I think I'll let him direct the band's music videos.)

"Nice start." Paul smiled at Jamie. "Here, let me show you something." Paul teleported away. He returned a second later carrying four huge thick black books. (I got quite a few phone numbers when John, Craig, and I went back home to LA for a week. (1))

(1) - See "Baby, You're a Starr!"

"That's no little black book." Lance whistled. "That's a big black encyclopedia! Anyway Paul, are you sure it's a good idea to let the little guy here manage us?" Paul snickered as he gathered Blob, Xi, and Avalanche in a huddle and whispered in their ears.

"Let's humor him." Paul whispered. "Let him think he's managing us." The other three nodded in agreement. "I'll tell Craig and John when they get back." They broke out of the huddle. "Alright, James. You can be our manager. But we get half the profits from all ticket and merchandise sales."

"Cool with me." Paul and Jamie shook hands. Jamie's cell phone rang. "Hang on a sec." He answered his cell phone. "Hello? Janet!! It's good to hear from you again, baby!!"

The garden

Storm hummed to herself happily as she watered the plants in the garden. Bulldog walked nervously up to her. The weather manipulator smiled when she saw the Joe.

"Hello, Bryan." Storm greeted the English pilot. She gave a pat to Davey Boy, who then gave her face a tongue bath. Bulldog laughed.

"Sorry about him, Miss Munroe. Davey Boy's just saying he likes you." He gave Ororo a handkerchief. "He tends to be a little over-affectionate at times." Bulldog saw a screaming Barbecue run by as Ororo wiped her face off.

"Bulldog, get your crazy sister away from me!" Barbecue yelled. Lionheart ran by, only to get grabbed by the back of her shirt collar by her superhumanly strong brother. He held her up easily by one hand.

"Hey, big brother!" Lionheart whined as she punched and kicked the air. "Put me bloody down!!"

"I happen to have a sister myself. Her name is Viola." Ororo laughed.

"I hope she isn't as crazy as Hannah here." Bulldog sighed. Barbecue did a jump for joy.

"Thanks, Bulldog. Now I gotta find John. I heard Logan's after him again." Barbecue ran back to the mansion, hoping to find Pyro before Logan does.

"Let me bloody go or I'll slash your arm right off your shoulder!" Lionheart screamed. Bulldog smirked.

"If you say so, sister dear." Bulldog threw her up into the air.

"BRRRRRYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!" Lionheart screamed as she fell, landing in a treetop. "Bryan, when I get down from here, I will kick your butt, you prat!"

"Ahh, go build a nest!!" Bulldog playfully called back. He turned to Ororo and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Well, I was kind of wondering…Maybe you'd like to…well, um…maybe, uh…go with me for dinner or something?" Bulldog smiled nervously.

"Way to work the charm, big brother!" Lionheart called from the treetop.

"Hey shut up!" Bulldog called back. He punched the tree. The vibration made Lionheart fall out, landing on her butt.

"OW!"

"Perhaps I will, Bulldog." Ororo smiled and went back to watering. Bulldog whooped and raised a fist in the air triumphantly.

"Yesssss!" Bulldog whooped.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" Kitty's voice screamed. Bulldog, Lionheart and Storm ran to the source. "Like, Dear God no!!!" Kitty looked at the X-Van in shock. It was on fire. John was dancing around it, making funny noises. It was like he was performing some very odd ritual. "What'd he do to the van?!"

"I think he's sacrificing it to some kind of fire god." Lionheart snickered. Everyone shot her a funny look. "Well, this is John we're talkin' about." Storm sighed, calling on a rain cloud to douse the flames. John whined.

"Hey Sheila! How can I keep the pink bunny monsters away now?!?!" Pyro pouted. "They attack at random, ya know. They're scared of fire."

"That guy belongs in an insane asylum." Kitty grumbled.

"Uh-huh." Bulldog agreed. Davey Boy sniffed the charred van.

Charred van. Smells like chicken! Davey Boy quipped.

"John, Logan's already after your head for toasting his motorcycle." Bulldog warned.

"But I'm boooooooooooooored" John whined.

"Then go play your bloody drum kit!" Lionheart snapped impatiently. John looked at the Englishwoman quizzically for a second, until he realized what she was talking about.

"Oh, okay!" John grinned happily. He then ran off.

The pool

"Okay, you guys. Let's go. Scott said he'd catch up." Ray, Peter and Remy approached the Superstars' instruments. Scott walked up to the trio, nursing his head.

"Alright, you got the stuff?" Scott asked. Ow, my head. Man, what did Starchild do to the girls? He brainwashed 'em! Gambit opened up his jacket, revealing a couple devices used for pyrotechnics.

"Rigged and ready." Gambit grinned. "Chere and de girls bought dese for Paul." The X-Girls did get devices, designed to shoot fireworks into the air. They hoped Paul would use it in the performance. However, the four X-Boys rigged grenades they swiped from Beach Head into the devices. It was designed to explode when Paul smacked the pedal with his foot. "Dis'll work for sure!"

"We rig the devices to explode in his face, and he'll end up thinking the girls did it!" Peter laughed.

"One final detail." Ray placed a note on one of the devices. Peter saw the foursome coming.

"Hurry!" Peter ordered.

"Let's go!" Ray waved. The four quickly jumped in a nearby bush. The Superstars arrived, and set up their instruments.

"Hey, a note!" Paul picked up the note and read it. "To the Superstars, we got you these pyrotechnics to improve your show. We wish you luck. Signed, The X-Girls. Aww, how sweet of them." Paul grinned. "I don't think the club will allow us to use pyro, though."

"What'd I do?" John asked as he sat behind his drums.

"Not you, you goofball." Lance told John. "He means the pyrotechnics."

"Let's just try them once." Paul shrugged. He, Lance, and John looked at Craig, who silently sat down with his bass.

"I don't care. Let's just practice." Craig sighed. The X-Boys watched from the bush.

"Hee hee. He's gonna get blown up. And I'll take out Alvers in the bargain, too." Scott snickered. The band performed a cover of Kiss's "Strutter". At the final drum crash, Paul smacked the pedal with his foot. Four white spark columns shot up into the air. (The pyro the X-Girls provided worked like a charm. However, I called the club later, and found out they didn't allow it for safety reasons. It was a real shame, because the X-Girls went to all that trouble to provide it. We were able to use it in a later show, so it was worth it. ) In the process, the grenades in the devices got shot into the air, to land in the bush the X-Boys were hiding in. The grenades exploded with a BANG!!

"OWWWWCH!!!!" The X-Boys cried.

"Man, that was great!" John whooped.

"Yeah." Lance agreed. "We will definitely win that contest."

"Mmm." Craig nodded neutrally. He then heard a yell and a brawl. "Looks like Shipwreck found out about Bulldog's dinner with Storm."

"Hoo boy." John shook his head. "I just hope Bulldog don't break Shipwreck's neck. He's certainly got the strength WHOA!!!" The four mutants ducked as Shipwreck was sent flying over their heads. "Holy Flying Flames!"

"Flaming Frehley's Comet! Man, remind me never to get on Bulldog's bad side!" Paul gulped nervously.

Man, the X-Boys are determined to make sure Paul never makes it to the talent show! Can the Superstars make it to the show? Will Bulldog and Storm's dinner go without disaster? Find out in the next chapter!! Suggestions needed!!!