Chapter 6
The ring of the telephone in the kitchen made April jump slightly, but she made no move to answer it. Probably a client or maybe the JV detention center. Whoever it was could leave a message.
The machine picked up and Donatello's worried voice floated in from the kitchen, "Hey April, it's Donnie. I guess you're probably out working by now but listen – if you see Raph at all, please let us know. We're all worried about him – Mikey feels awful, too – blames himself for the whole mess. Anyway, I guess that's all…so hopefully we'll hear back from you. And if we find him first, we'll let you know right away. Bye." Click.
April glanced up at Raph, biting her bottom lip nervously.
Raphael didn't move, but merely continued to flip through the same 11 channels that April's 6-years-too-old television received. Though outwardly he did not reveal that he had heard the not unpleasant sounds of familiarity with the outside world, his silence was loud enough to express his inner feelings. That, along with the single tear that nearly escaped his right eye from under his mask. The amphibian wiped at the liquid quickly, hoping it would go unnoticed by his singular female friend, "Not much on, is there?" he asked, hoping to cast away the voices within himself by producing actual sounds waves. Naught but small talk, but talk nonetheless.
"Nothing but daytime talkshows and soap operas," she said, forcing a smile, "I used to follow 'Days of our Lives', but it always got too complicated, and by the time I knew what was going on, they'd have changed everything on me. So I kind of gave up. Those things were always too fake anyway – no real emotion."
"Lucky them," he muttered under his breath.
"I've always loved the late-night, black-and-white movies, though," she said, pretending not to have heard him, "Sometimes I just get in a funk where it really feels good to cry, and those always do it for me."
"Don' like cryin'," he said bluntly, "Never have. Not comfortable, 'barrassing, an' it doesn' make me feel any better." His defenses were failing on him, all the talk of sadness, loss, depression biting into his innermost layers of shielding. Emotions were for the weak, those unable to cope with their problems. It simply didn't suit him. Raph was tough, a fighter, an unstoppable war machine to his enemies and a hot-headed, but fairly agreeable friend to those close to him. Crying showed signs of limitation, failing, fault. He didn't know the definition of such things, they simply did not exist within "Raphael, Ninja". Water cannot be withdrawn from a heart of stone. Then why did the tears flow so?
"Oh, Raphael…" April hiccoughed, silent tears pouring down her own face now, at the sight of his, "It's okay…it's okay…" She sat up, drawing him closer to him, letting him bury his face in her chest, wishing her arms could actually reach all the way around his massive bulk. Kissing the top of his head again, she whispered, "You don't always have to be so brave, you know…"
"Yeah…I do."
The sun was beginning to set and the three turtle brothers and the vigilante were getting discouraged. "What if he skipped town all together?" Mikey wondered sadly, sitting down on the rooftop where they were currently perched.
"I doubt it," Casey spoke up firmly, "He's never even been outside the city. It's not exactly like he would know where to go, or even what direction to go to leave."
"I just wish April had called us back…" Donnie said, hanging up the Shell Cell, "I'm still getting the machine at her apartment."
"Maybe we should just head over there," Leo suggested, "Even if she's not home, Raph may have snuck in through a window or something, to wait for her."
"Think it's a good idea just ta drop in on 'er?" Jones asked, scratching his chin (scraggly, and in need of a good shave), "I mean, no offense, but you guys might scare off customers."
"Well, we weren't thinkin' of walkin' in the front door," Mikey said, getting to his feet, looking glad for something else to try.
"Besides," Donnie said, "I called the shop floor too and got the machine. She's probably out with a client somewhere, and it won't be open. No eye-witnesses to worry about."
"As long as you guys got it under control: let's go," Casey replied, standing up and moving his mask back into position.
"Look at this…" April choked, with a small laugh as she gently untied the knot in Raphael's mask, "you've soaked this thing clean through…" She pulled it away from him and set it on the coffee table. Taking his chin in her hands, she drew him up so they were at eye level again, brushing at his wet cheeks with her thumbs. His big brown eyes were still leaking, and he seemed so lost, so much younger and more vulnerable without the mask. "Hey…it's gonna be okay – I promise," she murmured.
He rubbed furiously at his eyes with his large, two-fingered hands, angered at his uncontrolled display of emotion, "Wish I could believe ya," he sniffed, turning his head away, "But yer just sayin' that."
"No, not at all," she said, grabbing his hands, "Didn't you hear Donnie call before? Your brothers are worried sick about you. No matter what you've done, they still love you. That's never going to change."
"I betta get going," he said, avoiding the current subject matter, "I wasted 'nough a' your time already. Thanks fer lettin' me stay, April," Raph stood, gently pulling his hands out of her grip and reaching for the wettened mask on the table.
"It's not a waste at all," she said, "And where will you go, if you don't think you can go home? Why don't you stay? I've been meaning to take some time off anyway."
"Nah, I don' wanna…" What's the damn word? A picture of Donatello reading the Webster's dictionary from cover-to-cover appeared in his head, and Raph blinked several times, trying to focus on the present. That was the past, all of it… "…uh, impose."
"It's not an imposition," she said, slightly taken aback that he thought of himself as a burden to her, "We're practically family – I couldn't live with myself if I turned you out on the street," she said, taking hold of his arm.
"Well, I think I just need ta be alone for a little while," he conceded. If she wouldn't let him leave, at least he could brood by himself somewhere, "Mind if I use yer roof?"
"Sure," she sighed, wondering if he'd actually stay there, "Just come back inside when it gets dark, okay?"
"Kay," he agreed, nodding. As he pivoted around, preparing to leave the room and head up to the top of the building, a crash was heard from the kitchen. Voices (familiar), were heard from the room, "Nice job, Casey. Are you ever gonna get that operation to make you less clumsy? Or dumb for that matter?"
"Hey, chill – I'll clean it up."
"Uh oh," April muttered, before darting to stop Raphael from escaping out the front door, "Hold it, hold it, hold it!" she whispered to him, "Don't you want to talk to them?"
"Not especially."
Her face fell, "What should I tell them?"
"You ain't seen me?" he asked hopefully.
She frowned, "No, I'm not going to let you run away from this." If she could just hold him here for a few more seconds, the others were sure to come in spot them.
"And why not, may I ask?"
"Because I don't want to lose you," she said, a little more loudly than she would have liked.
This of course, caught the attention of those in the kitchen. "Raph!!" Mikey cried, bounding into the living room, "I can't believe you're here!"
"April, what's going on?" Donnie asked warily, as he and Leo also entered, followed lastly by Casey, "I…I called five times…"
"When?" Raph spoke up, raising an eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe it was only two," Donnie shrugged sheepishly, "But that's not the point – why didn't you call us back? We've been through the whole city looking for you."
"He just needed some time to think about things," April said, coming to his defense.
"You didn't have to run off like that!" Leo scolded, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm sure Master Splinter was just upset; There was no reason to run out like that and make us all worry!"
"'Just upset' my ass," Raph said, "You heard 'im. I sure as hell ain't welcome in the sewers anymore."
"You weren't relieved of your sais, or your title," the blue-masked amphibian responded coldly, as if stating a completely obvious fact, "You dishonored our master with your actions, but your apprenticeship to him wasn't withdrawn. Sensei was merely getting a point across."
"Ya know what Leo?" Raphael started, one finger raised in Leo's direction, but lost his momentum and his arm fell limp at his side, "You're right…" he muttered, "So what am I supposed to do?"
"Apologize for being an idiot, for starters."
"What? To you??"
"No, to Master Splinter, genius," Don said, shaking his head.
"Uh…oh...right," Raph nodded, "An' what if he won't accept it?"
"He's our father, bro," Mikey reminded him, walking over to his short-fused brother and putting one hand on his shoulder, "He will accept it."
"All you have to do is swallow your pride and make the effort," Leo said.
"Come on," Donnie said, coming up along Raph's other side, "Let's go home, okay?"
"Please??" Mikey begged hopefully, "We'll be right behind you the whole time – I promise."
Raphael found himself glad he had cried so much earlier. If his ducts hadn't been dry, he probably would've started again then and there. "Thanks guys," he said shakily.
"Now that's what we like ta hear!" Casey said, smiling.
April brushed her own new supply of tears away, a smile now on her face as well. Brotherhood was an amazing thing to watch in action.
