Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been studying for Finals.
In case any of you were wondering, the reason I had Rahab be against
another attack on Janos Audron's retreat is because in SR2 Rahab wasn't
with his brethren when they made their assault on it to rib out Janos's
heart. There's lots of stuff in this chapter that doesn't belong to me. I
don't have the space to disclaim all of it, but suffice to say that nothing
in this fic is original. Except the jokes, most of them, some of them...Crap.
Malek, Raziel, and his brethren are at the Coorhagen tavern enjoying a round that Malek had graciously bought for them.
Malek: Once again, I would like to congratulate you guys on a job well done! We nailed his ass!
Raziel: Aren't you worried he'll seek revenge?
Malek: Not really. He never leaves his retreat.
Zephon: (Takes a long swig of beer.) Ah! That is some good sh!! Thanks for buying a round Malek.
Malek: No problem. This is what I live for. "The pleasures of the flesh". Drinkin' beer with me buddies, eating cake, and torturing rookies.
Rahab: Speaking of which, you've been awfully nice lately. What's the deal?
Malek: That's only when I'm being paid to be cruel. Off the clock I'm a pretty decent person.
Dumah: (Has indulged in a few more beers than he can hold.) I will never surrender to you, Andross! Now die like the scum you are!! Tssw! Tssw! Tssw!
Turel: So... what are we doing tomorrow?
Malek: Well I thought I'd show you some instructional videos on how to kill vampires.
Melchiah: What?!? But we already know how to do that!
Malek: Noo... you've only been in one assault on a vampire who wouldn't even attack us. You haven't been in a real battle yet.
Raziel: So what do you have planned?
Dumah: Eat Power Bomb suckers!
Malek: (Ignoring him.) First we'll watch Dracula, then Dracula 2000, then Van Helsing.
Zephon: Couldn't we just take the day off?
Malek: No. Now come on. we'd better leave now if we want to make it back to the Stronghold before curfew.
Raziel & brethren: Awwwww!
They got back to Stronghold without incident. (But Malek did ask Turel about the green-clad corpse in front of the gate.) Now they are all in bed dreaming happy thoughts. Let's watch!
Raziel's dream.
Raziel: What the...? Where am I?
???: Raaargh!
Raziel: Show yourself creature!
???: Do you not recognize me, Raziel? Am I so changed?
Raziel: Melchiah?!
Melchiah: Yess brother. You should've stayed where the master sent you, Raziel. You will find Nosgoth less... pleasant than you remember.
Raziel: What the hell are you talking about? What's happened here?
Melchiah: Everyone is afraid sibling. You awake to a world of fear. You have missed so many changes Raziel.
Raziel: I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to kill you .
Melchiah: Aha ha ha! Really? And how do intend to that in that weak human form?
Raziel: Like so!
He throws his sword at him. It pierces his throat and he dies. At that point, a small figure with a mushroom for a head walks up to him.
Toad: Thank you Raziel! But your brother's soul is in another castle!
Raziel: Not you again! That's it! I've had enough! DIE MUSHROOM FREEEAK!
He goes berserk and begins attacking anything in a 20ft. radius. Meanwhile, in the bunk beside him, Turel is dreaming...
Turel awoke in a shadowy realm.
Turel: What is this place?
Suddenly, a figure in a yellow and black ninja suit appears. He has a metal faceplate covering his mouth.
Turel: Who the hell are you?
The figure goes into his battle stance.
Background voice: MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
Mortal Kombat music (which, in my opinion, is the best video game fightin' music that have ever existed in the world of the universe) begins playing.
The mysterious person charges at Turel and punches him in the gut. He then delivers several swift kicks to the head. Turel falls down.
Turel: Ow! That freakin' hurt! What the hell is your problem?!
The figure disappears in a purple flash. He then reappears behind Turel and fires a long chord from his hand, which impales Turel's right pectoral.
???: Get over here!
He pulls Turel towards him, pulls off a few more combos, and prepares for the cou dé grace.
Background voice: FINISH HIM!!
He pulls back his ninja hood to reveal a Death's Head. It spews flame from its mouth, incinerating him.
The waking world.
Turel jolts up from his bunk covered in a cold sweat.
Turel: Arrrrgh! Hunh? Oh, whew. It was just a dream...
He falls back asleep.
Dumah's dream.
Dumah is in a field of daffodils. Before he begins to wonder where he is, he sees these small furry creatures moving in slow motion towards him.
Dumah: Moogles! Yay! They must want to be hugged!
He begins running towards them in slow motion. They meet in the middle and begin hugging each other.
Dumah: Awwww! You're just and soft and cute as I imagined!
Suddenly, the Moogles turn vicious. They begin biting, and scratching, and tearing his extremities.
Moogle: Kupo! Die kupo! Die!!
Dumah: Aaaaa! No! Bad Moogles! Oh God, it hurts!
The waking world. Dumah is lying in his bunk screaming in his sleep.
Dumah: Aaaaa! Aaaaa! Aaaaa!
This continues throughout the night.
Rahab's dream.
Rahab is walking through the ocean. He wonders how this is possible. After a while he just doesn't care. Then, a person swims up to him.
Aquaman: Greetings! I need your help to avert a force that threatens all the worlds' oceans! Will you be my battle-buddy?
Rahab: What the...? No way! I played your video game! It sucked ass! Why would I help you now?
Aquaman: But what about all my fishy friends?
Rahab: F you!!
He then kicks him in the groin and walks away.
Zephon's dream.
Zephon is dreaming he the leader of the Sarafan army. He is addressing his troops.
Zephon: Gentlemen, today's operation will be a unique one. We will go deep into vampire territory with a full entourage of cavalry, establish a tight perimeter, have the infantry remove my pants and underpants, and then I will attempt to make love with a vampire girl under heavy enemy fire. Are there any objections?
Zephon's military advisor: Yes, general. Several.
I can't go any further detail of Zephon's dream because of this fic's PG rating. But suffice to say that Zephon pelvic thrusted long into the night.
Melchiah's dream.
Melchiah is dreaming that he is lord and emperor of all of Nosgoth. He is standing on a balcony high above a crowd overlooking his empire.
Melchiah's servants: Long live Lord Melchiah!
Melchiah: Yes... Worship me for I am your god!!
Pikachu: Pika pika pi! Pikachu! Pi pi pi! (No way Melchiah! You've lived long enough. Actually it's been too long for my taste.)
Hamtaro: Melchiah! Listen up! We quit! All of us!
Pikachu: Pikachu? Chu pika! Pikakachu. (Got it? We don't work for you anymore! You can find someone else to do your dirty work.)
Hamtaro: Oh yeah. There's one more thing.
Pikachu: Pika pika pi! Pika...chuuuuu! (This is for all the people we killed in your name! Here! Have it!)
Pikachu fires a large electric blast at Melchiah. He is unable to dodge and takes the full brunt of the blast.
Melchiah: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!
Hamtaro comes and kicks Melchiah off the balcony. Pikachu joins his side.
Pikachu: Pika pika pika pi! (And now... with our army of Pikmin, we will rule Middle Earth!
Hamtaro: Nosgoth.
Pikachu: Ka chu! Pikachu? (That's what I meant! What did I say?)
Hamtaro: Middle Earth.
Pikachu: Pi! Chu pika pika chu... (Crap! Well at any rate, the Pikmin will feast well tonight...)
Meanwhile, Melchiah is being feasted on by the Pikmin....
Malek's dream.
Malek is standing in a shadowy room. He hears footsteps approaching.
Malek: Who goes there?
A suit of armor reveals itself.
Armor: You mean you don't recognize yourself? Come now Malek, where are those renowned deduction skills you're famous for?
Malek: I don't know what you mean.
Armor: Of course you don't! it's so hard to believe I was that naïve back then...
Malek: to what are you insinuating...
Armor: Don't you get it?! I'm you! From 530 years in the future! I...am your future self.
Malek: No! that's impossible!
Armor: You know it in your heart to be true.
Malek: Nooooooooooooooo!
Back at the Coorhagen tavern...
Tavern master: Oy. Did ye sell any of that dream inducing beer we bought?
Serving wench: Nay, but I was able to get rid of it by mixing in the drinks o' these other guys ina shiny armor.
Tavern master: Good girl, good girl. That stuff just wasn'ta sellin'. Had to get rid f it somehow... This chapter was really just an excuse to bash on a whole lot of different stuff. I hope I didn't offend anyone but if I did... too bad! Suck it up you wussy! Anyways, I thought that this would be a nice little tangent from what I was originally writing about. In the next chapter, Vorador seeks revenge!
Kain: You fool! You've already used the Moogle joke!
Caboose2814: Yeah, I know. But the fic it was in was removed! And I really liked that joke!
Kain: It's like you're plagiarizing yourself!
Caboose2814: So what? I'll make a joke as many times as I damn well please. It's a free country dammit!
Kain: I should kill you where you stand.
Caboose2814: Perhaps you should. But you don't.
Kain: Are you so certain of that?
Caboose2814: Yes! Because here's a convenient plot hole to suck you away!
Kain: What? Nooooooo...
Malek, Raziel, and his brethren are at the Coorhagen tavern enjoying a round that Malek had graciously bought for them.
Malek: Once again, I would like to congratulate you guys on a job well done! We nailed his ass!
Raziel: Aren't you worried he'll seek revenge?
Malek: Not really. He never leaves his retreat.
Zephon: (Takes a long swig of beer.) Ah! That is some good sh!! Thanks for buying a round Malek.
Malek: No problem. This is what I live for. "The pleasures of the flesh". Drinkin' beer with me buddies, eating cake, and torturing rookies.
Rahab: Speaking of which, you've been awfully nice lately. What's the deal?
Malek: That's only when I'm being paid to be cruel. Off the clock I'm a pretty decent person.
Dumah: (Has indulged in a few more beers than he can hold.) I will never surrender to you, Andross! Now die like the scum you are!! Tssw! Tssw! Tssw!
Turel: So... what are we doing tomorrow?
Malek: Well I thought I'd show you some instructional videos on how to kill vampires.
Melchiah: What?!? But we already know how to do that!
Malek: Noo... you've only been in one assault on a vampire who wouldn't even attack us. You haven't been in a real battle yet.
Raziel: So what do you have planned?
Dumah: Eat Power Bomb suckers!
Malek: (Ignoring him.) First we'll watch Dracula, then Dracula 2000, then Van Helsing.
Zephon: Couldn't we just take the day off?
Malek: No. Now come on. we'd better leave now if we want to make it back to the Stronghold before curfew.
Raziel & brethren: Awwwww!
They got back to Stronghold without incident. (But Malek did ask Turel about the green-clad corpse in front of the gate.) Now they are all in bed dreaming happy thoughts. Let's watch!
Raziel's dream.
Raziel: What the...? Where am I?
???: Raaargh!
Raziel: Show yourself creature!
???: Do you not recognize me, Raziel? Am I so changed?
Raziel: Melchiah?!
Melchiah: Yess brother. You should've stayed where the master sent you, Raziel. You will find Nosgoth less... pleasant than you remember.
Raziel: What the hell are you talking about? What's happened here?
Melchiah: Everyone is afraid sibling. You awake to a world of fear. You have missed so many changes Raziel.
Raziel: I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to kill you .
Melchiah: Aha ha ha! Really? And how do intend to that in that weak human form?
Raziel: Like so!
He throws his sword at him. It pierces his throat and he dies. At that point, a small figure with a mushroom for a head walks up to him.
Toad: Thank you Raziel! But your brother's soul is in another castle!
Raziel: Not you again! That's it! I've had enough! DIE MUSHROOM FREEEAK!
He goes berserk and begins attacking anything in a 20ft. radius. Meanwhile, in the bunk beside him, Turel is dreaming...
Turel awoke in a shadowy realm.
Turel: What is this place?
Suddenly, a figure in a yellow and black ninja suit appears. He has a metal faceplate covering his mouth.
Turel: Who the hell are you?
The figure goes into his battle stance.
Background voice: MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
Mortal Kombat music (which, in my opinion, is the best video game fightin' music that have ever existed in the world of the universe) begins playing.
The mysterious person charges at Turel and punches him in the gut. He then delivers several swift kicks to the head. Turel falls down.
Turel: Ow! That freakin' hurt! What the hell is your problem?!
The figure disappears in a purple flash. He then reappears behind Turel and fires a long chord from his hand, which impales Turel's right pectoral.
???: Get over here!
He pulls Turel towards him, pulls off a few more combos, and prepares for the cou dé grace.
Background voice: FINISH HIM!!
He pulls back his ninja hood to reveal a Death's Head. It spews flame from its mouth, incinerating him.
The waking world.
Turel jolts up from his bunk covered in a cold sweat.
Turel: Arrrrgh! Hunh? Oh, whew. It was just a dream...
He falls back asleep.
Dumah's dream.
Dumah is in a field of daffodils. Before he begins to wonder where he is, he sees these small furry creatures moving in slow motion towards him.
Dumah: Moogles! Yay! They must want to be hugged!
He begins running towards them in slow motion. They meet in the middle and begin hugging each other.
Dumah: Awwww! You're just and soft and cute as I imagined!
Suddenly, the Moogles turn vicious. They begin biting, and scratching, and tearing his extremities.
Moogle: Kupo! Die kupo! Die!!
Dumah: Aaaaa! No! Bad Moogles! Oh God, it hurts!
The waking world. Dumah is lying in his bunk screaming in his sleep.
Dumah: Aaaaa! Aaaaa! Aaaaa!
This continues throughout the night.
Rahab's dream.
Rahab is walking through the ocean. He wonders how this is possible. After a while he just doesn't care. Then, a person swims up to him.
Aquaman: Greetings! I need your help to avert a force that threatens all the worlds' oceans! Will you be my battle-buddy?
Rahab: What the...? No way! I played your video game! It sucked ass! Why would I help you now?
Aquaman: But what about all my fishy friends?
Rahab: F you!!
He then kicks him in the groin and walks away.
Zephon's dream.
Zephon is dreaming he the leader of the Sarafan army. He is addressing his troops.
Zephon: Gentlemen, today's operation will be a unique one. We will go deep into vampire territory with a full entourage of cavalry, establish a tight perimeter, have the infantry remove my pants and underpants, and then I will attempt to make love with a vampire girl under heavy enemy fire. Are there any objections?
Zephon's military advisor: Yes, general. Several.
I can't go any further detail of Zephon's dream because of this fic's PG rating. But suffice to say that Zephon pelvic thrusted long into the night.
Melchiah's dream.
Melchiah is dreaming that he is lord and emperor of all of Nosgoth. He is standing on a balcony high above a crowd overlooking his empire.
Melchiah's servants: Long live Lord Melchiah!
Melchiah: Yes... Worship me for I am your god!!
Pikachu: Pika pika pi! Pikachu! Pi pi pi! (No way Melchiah! You've lived long enough. Actually it's been too long for my taste.)
Hamtaro: Melchiah! Listen up! We quit! All of us!
Pikachu: Pikachu? Chu pika! Pikakachu. (Got it? We don't work for you anymore! You can find someone else to do your dirty work.)
Hamtaro: Oh yeah. There's one more thing.
Pikachu: Pika pika pi! Pika...chuuuuu! (This is for all the people we killed in your name! Here! Have it!)
Pikachu fires a large electric blast at Melchiah. He is unable to dodge and takes the full brunt of the blast.
Melchiah: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!
Hamtaro comes and kicks Melchiah off the balcony. Pikachu joins his side.
Pikachu: Pika pika pika pi! (And now... with our army of Pikmin, we will rule Middle Earth!
Hamtaro: Nosgoth.
Pikachu: Ka chu! Pikachu? (That's what I meant! What did I say?)
Hamtaro: Middle Earth.
Pikachu: Pi! Chu pika pika chu... (Crap! Well at any rate, the Pikmin will feast well tonight...)
Meanwhile, Melchiah is being feasted on by the Pikmin....
Malek's dream.
Malek is standing in a shadowy room. He hears footsteps approaching.
Malek: Who goes there?
A suit of armor reveals itself.
Armor: You mean you don't recognize yourself? Come now Malek, where are those renowned deduction skills you're famous for?
Malek: I don't know what you mean.
Armor: Of course you don't! it's so hard to believe I was that naïve back then...
Malek: to what are you insinuating...
Armor: Don't you get it?! I'm you! From 530 years in the future! I...am your future self.
Malek: No! that's impossible!
Armor: You know it in your heart to be true.
Malek: Nooooooooooooooo!
Back at the Coorhagen tavern...
Tavern master: Oy. Did ye sell any of that dream inducing beer we bought?
Serving wench: Nay, but I was able to get rid of it by mixing in the drinks o' these other guys ina shiny armor.
Tavern master: Good girl, good girl. That stuff just wasn'ta sellin'. Had to get rid f it somehow... This chapter was really just an excuse to bash on a whole lot of different stuff. I hope I didn't offend anyone but if I did... too bad! Suck it up you wussy! Anyways, I thought that this would be a nice little tangent from what I was originally writing about. In the next chapter, Vorador seeks revenge!
Kain: You fool! You've already used the Moogle joke!
Caboose2814: Yeah, I know. But the fic it was in was removed! And I really liked that joke!
Kain: It's like you're plagiarizing yourself!
Caboose2814: So what? I'll make a joke as many times as I damn well please. It's a free country dammit!
Kain: I should kill you where you stand.
Caboose2814: Perhaps you should. But you don't.
Kain: Are you so certain of that?
Caboose2814: Yes! Because here's a convenient plot hole to suck you away!
Kain: What? Nooooooo...
