Woohoo! Summer vacation's here! Booyaka! That means I'll have more time to write and update my fics. I've decided to start doing a review response, which will appear right before the chapter starts. I'll begin with the reviews from the last chapter and keep going from there. No Legacy of Kain or anything else in this fic belongs to me.

schreient spiegel: What the...? What do you expect me do with a bag of fish? Ballerina outfits? I don't understand!! (Begins to weep quietly.)

Dark-Sepiroth: Yeah, it was a little crazy. You can be assured that I'll keep the weirdness comin'!

Varewulf: Yes, yes. I suppose I could find it in my heart to forgive you. Pikmin ruling the Earth? It must be another diabolical plot by George W. Bush!!

After the ghastly affairs of last night, the brethren aren't real anxious to go back to work. Nevertheless, they all appear in the briefing room on time.

Raziel: Uhh... God dammit. What the hell were we smokin' last night?

Turel: I don't think we smoked anything. It was probably the beer that didn't agree with us.

Malek walks into the room.

Malek: Well I hope you all had a good nights sleep. We've got a big day ahead of us.

Melchiah: So long as it doesn't include Pikmin-

Dumah: Or Moogles.

Melchiah: -It's fine by me.

Malek: Today's your lucky day! It's only a horde of vampires lead by Vorador seeking revenge for his sire Janos Audron.

Rahab: Oh my God! How is this better?!?

Zephon: Silence fool! This could be our chance to hit on some hot vampire chicks.

Raziel: (To Zephon.) Glad to see you're staying in character. (To Malek.) What do you expect us to do?

Malek: To defend the Fortress with you're very lives! To risk life and limb in honor of our holy crusade!

Turel: No thank you.

Malek: That wasn't a question.

He gets out a whip. He cracks it over Dumah's head.

Dumah: Ahh!

Malek: Are there any objections?

Rahab: Nope.

At that moment, the wall in front of the Sarafan explodes. Malek is thrown backwards. Vorador strides through the hole with several of his brides.

Vorador: All your base are belong to us.

Raziel: The hell...?

Malek: Sarafan! To your posts!

Zephon: Right... Just to make sure, my post is in the women's locker room, right?

Malek: Nice try. Yours is in the kitchen with Melchiah.

Dumah: We're all gonna dieeeee!

Turel: (Slaps him.) Get a hold of yourself man! We've got a battle to fight!

Raziel: Wow Turel. I never knew you we're so serious about this.

Turel: Hey, the sooner we kick their asses the sooner we can loot their freakish corpses.

Raziel: Sigh.

Vorador: Um... Hello! Remember me?

Rahab: We'll be right with you. Until then, enjoy this complimentary Sarafan squeaky toy.

Throws a squeaky toy at Vorador.

Vorador: Oooooh! (He squeezes the toy.)

Toy: Squeaky! Squeaky!

Malek: Good thinking Rahab! That should buy us some time while we get everything prepped for battle.

15 minutes later...

Vampire bride: Lord Vorador? When do we get to kill people?

Vorador: Just as soon as I'm done here.

Toy: Squeaky! Squeaky!

Vorador: Ha ha ha! Man, that never gets old!

Elsewhere in the fortress...

Malek: Alright. We're outnumbered, but we're fighting for a good cause, which is that I want to be king of Nosgoth, so let's kick some vampire ass and we'll all be mighty pleased with ourselves on the off-chance that we actually survive.

Raziel: That's not very reassuring.

Malek: Yeah, well it's the best I got. I'd like to see you do better.

Raziel: No, that's quite alright.

Malek: Good. Now, you and Turel are guarding the entrance to the armory. We can't let any of those damn vampires get their hands on our weapons. Dumah and Rahab are guarding the war room. Zephon and Melchiah are guarding the kitchen. I'll be protecting the Circle. Any questions?

Turel: So what do we do if we actually meet a vampire?

Malek: Are you high?! You kill it!!

Turel: Just making sure.

Malek: Groan Just... try not to get killed.

Raziel: Will do!

Back in the briefing room...

Vorador: This toy no longer amuses me. Let's go kill people!

Vampire horde: YAAAAAYY!!

Vorador: A third of you attack the armory, another third attack the war room, and the rest of you go for the kitchen. I'm going to assault the Circle!!

Vampire horde: Yes, commissar!

Meanwhile, in the kitchen.

Melchiah: I don't under stand what we're doing here.

Zephon: Weren't you listening to Malek?

Melchiah: Just indulge me.

Zephon: We're here to protect all of the Sarafan's foods from falling into the wrong hands.

Melchiah: You're referring to the gruel?

Zephon: Yes. The gruel.

Suddenly, a group of vampires burst through the doors.

Vampires: Revenge! Revenge!

Melchiah: I guess its show time.

He begins to charge towards the vampires when Zephon grabs him by the shoulder.

Zephon: Wait. I have an idea!

Melchiah: It's a miracle!

Zephon: (Glares at him.) You see the sugar tanks over there?

Melchiah: How could I not? They're huge!

Zephon: Well I bet that if we rupture the tanks at the right time, we can bury the vampires under a mountain of sugar!

Melchiah: Sounds like a plan. On three!

Vampires: Hisssss.

Melchiah: Three!

Melchiah plunges his pike into the sugar tank. Zephon does the same with his sword. They tear a hole in it and sugar immediately starts streaming out. The vampires easily dodge it.

Zephon: Oh sh.

Vampires: Revenge! Reven-

Then they see what it was that they dodged.

Vampires: Sugar! Sugar!

They get on their hands and knees and begin shoveling sugar into their mouths.

Melchiah: Uh... I guess that works too.

Zephon: Shall we?

Melchiah: After you.

They slaughter all of the vampires. They don't even break a sweat

The war room...

Dumah: Are they here yet?

Rahab: No.

Dumah: Are they here yet?

Rahab: No.

Dumah: Are they here yet?

Rahab: No.

Dumah: Are they here yet?

Rahab: Raaargh!!

Rahab tries to attack Dumah but he easily keeps him back with one hand.

Dumah: Silly Rahab! Homicidal rages are for vampires.

Rahab: I'll kill you!!

That's when the vampires break down the door and storm into the room.

Rahab: Aw crap.

Dumah and Rahab take up the defensive. Try as they might, the vampire forces eventually overwhelm them.

Dumah: Ahhhhhh1 it's just like my dream all over again!

Rahab: Never fear! I still have my secret weapon!

Rahab reaches behind his back and pulls out a Super Soaker XL 5000.

Rahab: Hasta la vista, baby!

He pumps the vampires full of cold H20. Eventually, they're all dissolved into nothingness.

Dumah: Dude! That was sweet!!

Rahab: Wasn't it though?

Back in the armory...

Turel: God I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored ,bored.

Raziel: And I'm sure that talking about it all the time makes it less boring.

Turel: Well what would you suggest I do?

Raziel: Gee, I don't know. We're only in a room full of lots of weaponry and explosives...

Turel: Ah-ha. I get your point.

Then the vampires break in.

Raziel: Oh my God!! Defend the weapons of mass destruction!

A long bloody battle ensues. But Raziel and Turel win in the end.

Turel: Wow that was fast!

Raziel: Yep. Only a one-sentence battle.

Elewhere...

Malek: Quickly, Circle members! Get into your vault!

Mortanius: Ow, hey, stop pushing.

Moebius: Women and Time-Streamers first!

Malek closes the door behind them. Vorador teleports into the room.

Malek: Vorador.

Vorador: Malek.

Malek: So... How are the brides?

Vorador: Good, good. How's training rookie Sarafan?

Malek: Same old.

Vorador: Shall we get right to it, then?

Malek: Let's.

Malek's Sarafan blade collides with Vorador's hybrid sword. After several swipes, Vorador lunges at Malek. Malek parries and pins Vorador to the wall. He raises his sword to deliver the finishing blow but Vorador escapes before he can pull it off.

Malek: Son of a crap!!

Raziel and his brethren rush into the room, only to see that the battle is finished.

Raziel: Malek! All of the other vampires have been disposed of.

Malek: Excellent. Now help me organize their corpses so we can throw them out with the trash.

Raziel: Yes sire.

That was fun! I hope everyone who reads this reviews. I expect no less than five reviews! If I'm lucky, I should be able to get one chapter out every week. Unless I have some kind of camp to go to. Also, I just found out that I've been misspelling "Mortanius" with "Mortainus". Sorry about that.