I know. I haven't updated in a while. If you've been logging on every day just to see my story, then I apologize for disappointing you. I've been very busy. First I got addicted to a game called "Custom Robo". Then I put it (the story) off for a few weeks. Then I went to a journalism camp. Then I played some Mortal Kombat. And here we are. But I think that the reason I put the story off for so long was that I only got ONE REVIEW!!! What's up with that?! Did all my other fans die off when I dropped my guard for a spilt second? But I made this chapter extra long to make up for my absence. Anyways, here's the response to that one review.
Varewulf
Hey! I saw that! You're mean...
I guess you're talking about the part about "a complete obsession of Pikmin" huh? Sorry. I couldn't resist.
That speech at the beginning was really fun. Actually made me laugh out loud, and that's rare. I'm glad I was alone in the room.
If you liked that then you should watch a show called "Sealab 2021." That speech is taken directly from one of their episodes. I also put something in this chapter from that show too.
This story is definately going in an interesting direction. Eternal Prison and the Device you say? That's... scary. I hope they keep Dumah on a leash.
I think that when you see the Mass you will be pleasantly amused. Pleasantly amused indeed.
Will that Seer chick come too? That might be cool.
Perhaps. It depends on where I go with the story.
Well, until next time: Keep up the good work!
That I will.
PS! All the Pikmin comments are inspired by an article at I'm all ut now though. But if you miss them too much, I'll think of some new ones. :)
That's okay. I don't want to tell you what to say but any and all comments will be appreciated.
And now, without any further adieu whatsoever. Sarafan In Training!
The scene begins in a room where a sculptor is sculpting a bust of the Sarafan Lord's head. The Sarafan Lord is supervising the process.
Sarafan Lord: No... th-the chin... isn't jutting enough
Sculptor: Yes, commissar
Sarafan Lord: It don't mean butt if it don't got that jut! Know what I'm saying?
Sculptor: Yes, commissar
Sarafan Lord: In fact, put that on a post.
Sculptor: Yes, commissar
Sebastian walks into the room.
Sebastian: Um... Sir? Again I must express my... concerns about the crop harvest.
Sarafan Lord: Nobody touches the crop!!
Sebastian: Sir, please...!
Sarafan Lord: Never say please! It means you're weak and blithering. How's that sound?
Sculptor: Uh...
Sarafan Lord: There is a specter haunting Nosgoth! And that specter is... my five-year plan!!
Sebastian: But the grapes are rotting on the vine!
Sarafan Lord: So? I don't care how hard you work.
Sebastian: Look. Hasn't history proven that Marx's vision of an egalitarian utopia is unattainable? Inevitably creating an oligarchy more oppressive to the proletariat than the booshwacy it vilifies?
Just then, Marcus walks into the room with an AK-47 strapped to his back.
Marcus: Commissar. I have rehabilitated another group of the party's enemies.
Sarafan Lord: Ha ha! Yeah! Uh... what does "rehabilitated" mean again?
Marcus: Beaten the asses out of.
Sarafan Lord: Hahahahahaha! Hey, yeah. I love new speak! Sebastian! What were you saying and... do it in new speak.
Sebastian: N-no, I wasn't...
Sarafan Lord: Something about more oppressive...
Sebastian: Um... the bust! The chin! It doesn't... um... jut!!
Sarafan Lord: I was just saying that!
Sculptor: I'm jutting it now, commissar.
Sarafan Lord: Now, if you'll excuse me, we need to go rehabilitate Faustus. In the face.
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
Dumah: I'm hungry....
Raziel: Shut up! We're almost there.
Dumah: No! Dumah needs food badly!!
Turel: Look, we can't stop now. It'll...
Dumah: FEED ME!!!
Raziel: Fine. Turel. Get Dumah something to eat.
Turel: Rahab. Get Dumah something to eat.
Rahab: Zephon. Get Dumah something to eat.
Zephon: Melchiah Get Dumah something to eat.
Melchiah: (Sigh.) It's lonely at the bottom... Come on, big boy. We'll see if we can find a McHylden's.
Dumah: Yaaay!
During this conversation, Malek just hung back staring in horror at their group dynamics and how each of them conveniently avoided responsibility.
Malek: My God...
At the entrance to the Eternal Prison.
Guard #1: Dude, I'm tellin' ya; Scorpion totally kicks everyone's ass!
Guard #2: Nuh-unh! Sub-Zero's the best there is! With his Ice Blast, he'd shatter Scorpion like a cheap porcelain figure.
Guard #1: Not if Scorpion got him with his Spear attack!
Guard #2: You lie. YOU LIE!!!!!
Guard #3: Um... I like Reptile...
Guard #1: Shut the hell up, rookie. No one cares about Reptile!
Guard #3: Bu...but...
Guard #2: (Gazing into the distance.) Hey, who are those guys?
Guard #1: Dunno. Halt! Who goes there?
Malek: Hello my friend. I am Malek! That's right, Malek! The Protector of The Circle of Nine. The Guardian of the-
Zephon: Shut the hell up! No one cares!!
All the Brethren are staring at Zephon as though he just announced that he enjoys wearing ladies undergarments.
Rahab: (Whispering.) Do you have a death wish? Malek's gonna wipe the floor with you.
Raziel: It was nice knowing you, man.
Malek: We'll talk about this later. (To the Guard.) We're here to visit the Builder. Can you help?
Guard #1: No way, dude.
Guard #2: All the prisoners in here are trying to redeem themselves by reaching a state of Inner Peace.
Turel: Sorry, but we don't buy all your hippie "Inner Peace" crap. Just let us in.
Guard #3: No can do. Orders are orders.
Raziel: (Points behind them.) Look! A Chichi bird!
Guards: (Turns around.) Where?
Raziel hits all three of them in the back of their heads with the hilt of his sword.
Raziel: Heh heh heh.
Meanwhile, at McHylden's...
Cashier: (In a band monotone voice.) Welcome to McHylden's. Home of the McHylden. Can I take your order?
Melchiah: Yes. I'd like one Happy Hylden. A McHylden meal with medium deep-fried potato slices and a large snow-colored Frost beverage.
Cashier: Would you like anything to drink with your Happy Hylden?
Dumah: What do ya got?
Cashier: We have New Vengeance, Diet Vengeance, Classic Vengeance, and Salty Lemonade.
Dumah: Gimme a large Classic Vengeance.
Cashier: Here ya go.
He hands them their order. Melchiah pays him and they exit the restaurant.
Melchiah: There. Are you happy?
Dumah: (Ignoring him.) I love the little hamburgers. I love them good.
Back at the prison.
Raziel: Boy, that was our most extreme, action filled battle yet.
Turel: Indeed. There were many prison guards but we succeeded most triumphantly.
Rahab: And surely, we all learned a valuable lesson about life.
Zephon: Now, so long as there aren't any bosses to fight...
At that moment, Magnus comes bursting through the wall screaming for meat.
Malek: I hate you, Zephon.
Magnus: Raarrrgh!! Magnus smash puny hu-mans!
Malek: Sarafan! Attack!!
They all charge towards Magnus. Raziel, Rahab, and Zephon focus on attack his mid-section with their swords. Malek and Turel attack the head with their pikes. Eventually, the Brethren are able to distract him enough for Malek to get a clear shot at his heart.
Malek: Haaaaaa!
He drives his pike into Magnus' chest. A spurt of blood squirts out. Magnus falls to the ground and does not get up.
Malek: Excellent job. Now let's see if we cam find this Builder...
???: You need not look no further.
Rahab: "Need not look no..." Hey! That's a double negative! That ain't no good English.
Malek: Who's there?
???: What ho' and well met travelers.
Zephon: (Excitably.) What ho' where?
Builder: I am the Builder. I understand you've been looking for me.
Malek: We have. We need to enter the Device in order to obtain the Nexus Stone. Can you help us?
Builder: Ah, yes. I may be able to help you. What's in it for me?
Just then, Dumah and Melchiah return from McHylden's. They already ate the food on the way over here and Dumah is playing wit his Free Toy.
Dumah: Look guys! I got a new laser pointer!
The Builder swipes it from him and begins examining it.
Builder: Hmm... Yes, I think this will do nicely.
Dumah: Hey...That's mine...
Malek: (Whispering) Be quiet. We'll get you another one. (To the Builder.) So, do we have a deal?
Builder: We do. Now listen carefully. Every door in the Device has a nine-digit keypad. The code to each one is different but I installed a master code that would open all the doors that only I would know.
Malek: What is it?
Builder: It's the tune to "Funkytown".
Melchiah: Funkytown?
Builder: Yes. I presume you know it.
Turel: Yeah, but why "Funkytown"?
Builder: Hey, I like Funkytown. You got a problem with that.
Turel: Nope.
Builder: Good. Now, you guys better get out of here. The guards change shifts in half an hour. You don't want to be here when they show up and find out you slaughtered all their colleagues.
Malek: Point taken. Come on guys, let's head out.
And so, the Sarafan warriors began to walk calmly towards-
Raziel: Whoa!! Hold up! Since when do we do anything calmly? We're in Nosgoth! What happened to all the vampires and demons that would jump out at us every five minutes?!
Caboose2814: Look, if I had vampires and demons attack you then I would have to create a fight scene to go with it. And I'm really not in the mood for that right now.
Turel: Well, you can't be that good at writing LoK stories if you're never in the mood for fight scenes.
Caboose2814: Hey, I wrote the fight scence between you guys and Magnus. Besides, this is my story. And in my story, you'll all do what you're told.
Dumah: Oh yeah? Or else what you stupid-
Suddenly, Dumah's head exploded because of an inoperable brain tumor.
Rahab: Dude!!
Caboose2814: Who else wants a piece of me?
Malek: Alright. I've had about enough of this. You can't just go screwing around with our lives like you're-
Malek turned around to face group. "Gentlemen", he began. "I have an announcement to make. I'm secretly gay. And Raziel? I-"
Malek: Okay!! I'm sorry! I'll shut up.
Zephon: But... Why are you doing this?
Caboose2814: As I've said before. I am the author. And I can do whatever I please with your pathetic lives. If I wanted Raziel to be the son of Heero Yui and the girl-type Ranma, then it would be so. Now you will move along with your quest and do exactly what you're written to do. Is that understood?
Raziel: I guess...
Caboose: Good. Now begone.
Melchiah: Um...
Caboose2814: WHAT?!
Melchiah: Do you think you could possibly but things back the way they were?
Caboose2814: Oh. Right.
At that moment, Dumah's head was miraculously restored to him thanks to powers that cannot be explained without Jesus or magic. And Malek became straight again.
Raziel: Okay. That was really weird.
Turel: I'll say. It's probably best to forget that it ever happened. Let's just move on.
Dumah: My head feels funny.
They continued on their journey. Eventually, they reached the Device.
Malek: We've reached the Device.
Rahab: We know. Weren't you listening to the narration?
Malek: Um...
Raziel: Whatever. Let's just find this Nexus Stone-thingie and get the hell outta here!
So, cautiously, they entered the Device. Being Sarafan, no one questioned their purpose there. After wandering around for the better part of an hour, they manage to run across the Beast.
Beast: Raaaaarrrgh!!! Who dares disturb my slumber?
Zephon: No one. We were just on our way out.
He turns around to leave but Malek catches him and brings him back.
Malek: We were wondering if you could tell us where the Nexus Stone is?
Beast: Even if I could I would not tell you. You are all servants of him who imprisoned me!!
Raziel: No we're not.
Beast: Yes you are!
Raziel: No we're not!
Beast: Yes you are!!
Raziel: No we're not.!!
Beast: Hmm... Perhaps you are right. You seem somehow... different from the rest. Besides that, my ass hurts whenever I look at you.
Malek: Just answer the question.
Beast: Very well. The Nexus Stone is being held in the same room as the Mass. As such, this room is the most heavily guarded severe steps must be-
Turns to look at Dumah who has been poking him with a stick he found on the road.
Beast: THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?
Dumah: Ewwwww! He's all squishy!!
Beast: RAAAAAARGH!!!
Raziel: And that's our cue to exit! Come on guys!
The Brethren grab Dumah and exit the Beast's cell.
Malek: Whew! That was easier than expected. No we just need to figure out how to reach the room that contains the Mass...
Melchiah: Three floors up, second door to the left.
Malek: Wha...?
Melchiah: You really need to pay more attention to the informative maps they post on the wall.
Malek: Duly noted. Now let's transform and roll out!!
Brethren: ???
Rahab: (Whispering to Zephon.) See, this is what happens when he doesn't take his medicine.
They make their way up several flights of stairs and eventually reach the room that supposedly contains the Mass.
Turel: Well that wasn't too hard!
Sebastian teleports in front of them.
Turel: Aw, crap.
The Sarafan go into battle modes but Sebastian holds up his hand.
Sebastian: Hold your ground! I did not come here to fight you.
Raziel: Then what do you want?!
Sebastian: To talk. At this moment, the Sarafan Lord is leading us against an enemy that may or may not exist. At the same time, he preaches his pro-communist and oligarchy propaganda.
Zephon: Uh-huh. And you're telling us this why?
Sebastian: See, I think this "Great Struggle" is all made up. And that the only thing we're struggling against is him.
Dumah: So... So you're saying the Sarafan Lord is bad?
Sebastian: Well, this idea is bad. The crop harvest is all rotted and-
Dumah: S-so you're saying communism is bad?
Sebastian: What're you, two years old?
Rahab: What do you want from us?
Sebastian: To form an alliance. If you take the Lord out I'll help you get what you want.
Malek: Fine. Now leave us. We have work to do.
Sebastian teleports out.
Rzaiel: That was interesting.
Malek: Whatever. Let's just hurry up and get the Nexus Stone.
Melchiah: Hold up! There's a sign outside the door.
To whom it may concern;
As of now, the Mass is currently in it's
devolved state. Please come back in about
150 years to see it in its full glory.
Turel: Okaaaay. Why did you show us that?
Melchiah: Dunno. Just thought it was interesting.
Tired of waiting, Malek backs up and charges the door.
Malek: Siek-yaaaaaaaa!
He busts the door open and all the Brethren are able to see the Mass for what it really is.
Rahab: My God...
Melchiah: The Mass... It's just... made out of thousands upon thousands of PIKMIN!!!
And there you have it! I don't know how soon I'll update, but the more reviews I get the sooner it'll happen. And, if possible, tell me what you you thought of the part where I included myself in the story. R&R please!!
