Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It belongs to J.K. Rowling, for reasons unknown to me. Apparently she wrote it or something like that. Bah!

Title: The Growing Pains of Draco Malfoy: Age 16

Summary: What's next for Draco Malfoy? His mum is pregnant at the ungodly age of 35, his father's been carted away to the loony bin, and he's losing the closest thing he's had to a bestfriend to a beatnik gothic Ravenclaw. Not to mention the fact that he can't stop thinking about a certain Weasley's legs...no, it's not Ron.

Rating: PG-13 for language and a butterbeer bottle to the head.

Author: Punk up the Volume

Author's Note: Sorry about the long wait. Numerous things have happened in the last two weeks, so I didn't really have a lot of time to write. I did have a garage sale in which I made eleven dollars! What a brilliant waste of time! I did however see "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" with my earnings and it was very funny. All of you should check it out, it's great. Well, that's all from me. Thanks to my reviewers, you guys are great:

Krystal1989, HealerAriel, Dorthey Star, Mizuhi Sakura, emvee, akuweaselgirl, Vanyaria Darkshadow, snapes kid, HPROXMYSOX, Novalee Sims, Lindsey, Mellabee, ako-si-feeYoWnah, meheeners, Inuevans, and lavender baby

Saturday November 2nd

Urg. There is absolutely nothing in my wardrobe even remotely worthy of a date like this. Perhaps if Crabbe was about thirty sizes smaller I could borrow some of his updated clothes. They slightly resemble mine. I must talk to him about this. What will happen to my signature wardrobe colors?

Got a letter from mum, telling me that she needs me home next week. Apparently, they've cleared the Lunatic to be released from his captivity and she wants me to be at the manor to welcome him back to sanity. I'd rather not; he might be a bit grouchy after a few weeks of being tested for every psychopathic disease ever heard of. Who knows what chores he might assign me? He might have gone round the bend completely for all mum and I know! How do I know he won't butcher us in our sleep? And mum with child and all!

On the other hand, I do get to miss three days of classes. The Lunatic's insanity is the gift that keeps on giving!

Sunday November 3rd

Morning: Spent three hours working on missed homework. Mainly because I couldn't think about this afternoon without a retching feeling in my stomach. What could I possibly say to her? What could I POSSIBLY SAY!

Afternoon: Goyle and that Raven girl wanted to know if I wanted to paint mugs with them and some Hufflepuffs in the Ravenclaw common room. I told them to piss off; I think that my...uh, er, outing with Ginny is a bit more important than painting china with some sissy poetry writers.

Snuck a couple of Valium out of Snape's medicine cabinent while Crabbe distracted him. He told him that Terry Boot sexually harrassed him. Snape wanted to know how, when, and where. He also asked if it felt nice. Again, what a fucking weirdo! Also peeked inside of his bathroom cabinent. He has twenty six bottle's of hair gel. It's not as if it is a good look for him either. Some people do just not know when enough is enough. Goodness.

Valium helped me calm down. I am not clawing at my arms, wondering what I will say to Ginny anymore. Although, peculiar enough, Crabbe has started walking in slow motion and it seems that the Slytherin common room has been painted purple in my absence. Perhaps that wasn't Valium after all...

I only have one hour to find something to wear! How formal is too formal? For some reason Mum snuck a pinstripped suit into my suticase when she packed me up for Hogwarts. It is two sizes to large and smells of death. The Lunatic must have worn it to his lost party.

Night: It did not go how I thought it was going to go. It went far worse.

First of all, I decided againt the pinstipped suit. It was a bit too Capone- ish for me and no matter how much of Pansy's Chenelle I dumped on it, the smell of rotting flesh would not go away. Bugger.

I ended up wearing jeans, but balanced it out with a bowler hat and cigar so I would look a bit posh and sophisticated. I was sure that Ginny would appreciate the extra additions, but apparently she did not. When I met her in the booth at The Three Broomsticks, she wrinkled up her nose and asked why I had a carnation in my pocket. I told her that I thought it was delicate and beautiful. She just wrinkled up her nose some more.

Then, unfortunately, I pulled out my Muggle Studies text.

"What is that?" she questioned with a frown.

"My book," I answered, wondering if she had snuck into Snape's private collection as well. "I thought we might get a bit of studying in."

"But...but..."

"Hmmm," I answered absentmindedly, flipping to page 187. We have a quiz tomorrow and there is no way I am going to fail! Again.

"But, I thought you...asked me out."

"Well," I shrugged. "Sure. But there's that really important test coming up and-"

Ginny's face completely screwed up into a mask of anger and horror. I became frightened and wanted to hide in the corner. Why did she always have to scrunch up her face to show an emotion? It is not attractive. It is unnerving and will no doubt give her frown lines and crows feet. Some people just don't take enough pride in their appearences.

"Fine!" she announced, grabbing at her purse. "If you want to study, do it alone. I came here, hoping that maybe you..."

I had the feeling that she was going to start crying again. She is always crying! I think she needs some of those hormone replacement pills or some of that depression medicine. Anything to make her stop crying all the time!

"...felt something. But obviously, I was wrong. You can't feel anything when you haven't got a heart!"

"Now that's a bit harsh." I answered calmly, slamming my book shut. "I've got a heart. I'm not sure what it's purpose it, but I've got one-"

"No, you haven't. You've just got a giant lump of coal, or ice, something...not good!"

She never makes sense when she's upset. As she started to slide out of the booth, Raven slid in and Goyle pushed me into the wall, squishing my bowler hat.

"Hello." He said cheerily while Raven stared at Ginny, who was giving me devil eyes. She obviously had no longing to socialize with my "friends". We have something in common after all!

"What happened to painting mugs?" I questioned through gritted teeth.

Goyle didn't seemed to notice. He just beamed at Raven, who answered grumpily, "That Neville Longbottom tried to join in and knocked them all to the ground. He's dead annoying. Who's this little tart?"

"I'm am not a tart!" Ginny replied, looking as if she was about to cry again.

"Don't flip, sweetie," Raven told her, pulling out a cigarette. "I did 't mean it in a bad way. You know, 'She's a tart! He's a tart! We're all tarts!'. You know?"

"No," Ginny shook her head, looking a bit more relaxed. I rested my head onmy hand and stared out the window. I wanted to crawl into bed and not come out until graduation.

"Hey!" Raven snapped her fingers. "Aren't you that Gryffindor chick that was all over that Potter kid a couple years back? What a nerd, he is."

"Um," Ginny started, tensing back up. Raven saved her the trouble of finishing.

"Are you and Draco dating?" She questioned, coughing as she took a puff off of her cigarette.

"No!" we both shouted at the same time, then glared at eachother. What was so wrong with me that she didn't want to bemy girlfriend? She had met up with me here, hadn't she?

"Sorry," Raven put up her hands defensively. "I could see you do better. Draco talks too much. That's why I like my Gregory. He's nice and quiet. A good listener."

Goyle grunted in response. They leaned over the table and gave each other a sloppy kiss. It was disgusting. I practically threw up my breakfast all over the two of them.

"Well," Ginny answered with a fake smile once the humping dogs had broken apart. "There's nothing wrong with Draco."

"There isn't?" I questioned, surprised.

Ginny shrugged. "Well, not much anyway. He's got, um, nice eyes. And he's funny, sometimes. And..."

"I smell nice," I whispered across to her.

"Right!" she nodded. "He's smells nice! Like..." She sniffed quickly and they furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. "Um, women's perfume."

"Well, if it isn't the two love birds!" Pansy spat, sticking her head between Goyle's and mine, as she sat in the booth behind us. "You two make the most darling couple!"

"Well, if it isn't Fatsy Patsy," Raven spat right back. I suddenly had a very high opinion of her and would have kissed right on the lips if Ginny hadn't been there.

"It's Pansy," she replied with a sneer.

Raven shrugged. "Either wayyou're still fat."

Pansy ignored Raven and the chuckling Goyle (I have never seen him chuckle!), and turned toward Ginny. "You little slut! Why don't you crawl back to your little Potter and leave my little Drakey alone? He's already suffered enough in your company. I think he's ready to come back to a real woman. He's too much for you."

Ginny balled up her fists and I was sure she was going to jump up on the table and deck Pansy, give the old one two. Instead, she reached across the table, grabbed me by the ears, which I might mention was extremely painful, and slammed her lips right onto mine. The entire table went quiet for the thirty seconds where I couldn't breathe. Then, Ginny let go, pushed me back into a sitting position. I sat there, shocked while she wiped her mouth and smiled gracefully. "Oh, don't worry, Pansy. I think I can handle him."

Raven laughed, clapped Ginny roughly on the back, and flicked the rest of her cigarette between me and Goyle at Pansy. The little brat screamed and pawed at it as it burned a whole in her new green robes.

"Well, this is a little party, isn't it!" Terry Boot annouced angrily as he stopped at our table, Blaise at his side, holding his hand. She gave me a little wave and then returned to her serious pose. "Glad to see you're all having a great time while I was in Dumbledore's office, trying to explain that I did not sexually harass Crabbe!"

"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem," Raven said tritely, lighting another cigarette.

"The only problem I have is with Crabbe spreading vicious rumors about me clutching his ass!"

"Right, right," Blaise went on for him. "Mine is the only ass he's clutching."

"But he'snot the only one clutching your ass, is he Blaisy? What about Draco?" Pansy replied smartly with a nasty grin.

"Don't bring me into this," I told her, trying to shrink as far down in my seat as possible.

Terry gave Blaise a hurt look and started out of the restaurant in a huff. Blaise angrily pushed Pansy into the table and then ran after him shouting, "We were broken up! You can blame me, Draco's got magic hands!"

"I do you know," I told Ginny with a wink.

"I hope you have fun with your little whore, Draco," Pansy hissed.

"Oh, shut it." Ginny replied. With a look at Raven, they both picked up their butterbeers and threw them in her direction, drenching her. She shrieked like a banshee, shook herself off like a dog, and then stormed off in a huff. Obviously, it was a moment of triumph for Ginny, and I didn't want to ruin it.

"We'd better be going." I said quickly. Raven and Goyle let us slide out while Terry Boot came running back up to us with clenched fits, Blaise practically on top of him.

"They're making me go into counseling and it's all your fault!" he screeched in my face. His breath reeked of onions and peppermint. How can Blaise stand it? "I thought your should know."

I gave him an apologetic look.

"With Snape!"

"Ooh," I grimaced, clapping him on the shoulder. "Worse luck! Well, goodbye." And before he could get another word in edge wise, Ginny and I were off, running out of the pub, leaving the rest of them with our bill. As we tumbled through the alley way, Ginny began to laugh.

"I'm about that." I bit my lip and scratched my lip.

"Don't about it." She smiled. "It was very liberating."

And that was it. I squeezed her hand and we went out separate ways. She went to meet up with Potter and his little gang and I decided to make my way back up to the castle. For some reason, I suddenly felt dead tired.

Monday, November 4th

Spent last night staring at the ceiling. I could barely move during my classes, I was so tired. Held Ginny's hand underneath the table in Muggle Studies. It was dead romantic, but now my hand is asleep. Now I know what they mean by making sacrifices for love.

I go home on Wednesday to welcome the Lunatic back to the sane world and don't return until the following Tuesday. What awonderful little vacation! Thank goodness my father is crazy; perhaps he can do this again during finals.