So, the little bird brain thinks I don't "get" Josh and proceeds to give me a lecture on Josh 101. It's a good thing we've both had some beers, cause I could give Donna Moss a doctoral dissertation on the psyche of Joshua Lyman.
I "got" Josh long before you were around.
I get him, I got him, I had him, I lost him.
Damn this beer tastes good.
I listened to him cry out in his nightmares when we all lived together at law school. Many a night I climbed out of Chris's bed and into Josh's to hold him tight against the demons assailing his soul. We would awaken together at dawn, and he would mutter thanks as I crept back to Chris. I know that those nightmares were caused by his guilt.
I know more than Donna about his sister, although I affect not to.
She thinks I appear surprised at what she is chirping to me. I'm just surprised he told her about Joannie, though apparently not about his sense of responsibility for her death.
She warbles on about his sense of family, and his loyalty to people. . .
I know all about that, chickie.
I wonder if she knows everything about him. His bi-sexuality. About Sam, about the President. Will she be able to stand by her man, like Abbey does? I doubt it.
I listened to her chirp. No, obviously she doesn't "get" that part of Josh.
She is probably too naive to "get" his other needs; she's too much of an ostrich to see his craving to be dominated and his addiction to physical punishment. Even if she ever figures that out, she'll never provide the relief he needs the way I did.
I was to bear his child, and I selfishly denied him of that. I put myself first, and I lost him. My past had resurfaced and manipulated my present actions. Will I always be dominated by that incident, which I had no control over? Will I ever be able to move beyond its grasp?
Her inane comments bring me back to the present. She trills on in her shrill voice, chirping and peeping her dingbat theory of Josh.
Loyalty. Hell, loyalty is his contriving a scheme which goaded the First Lady to hire me. She never realized it was a calculated plot to guide her hand, she thought she was pissing him off. We had a good laugh over that when I saw through it and called him on it. Loyalty is seeing I was hired after I screwed him over, and then helping me as I faltered on my first day.
But I have loyalty too. I may have screwed up, but I still love him. I will do everything in my power to make him happy.
I know Josh through and through, too much so for our own good. I've realized I need to move on, I've got Sam. Sam is a learning experience for me, a delightful one I might add. Josh and I have made our peace with each other, that night at the Women in Government Dinner; it is still difficult, but he no longer avoids me - I can speak to him without guilt.
Yeah, Josh is ready for a wife. I could have been the one. I would have been the Perfect, Political Wife for Josh; but not the perfect, emotional wife.
But Donna would be. She would be his little love-bird perched in her gilded cage, all that is right and good in this world. Perhaps she could be the one to banish his demons.
I rearrange the bottles yet again on the table - liquid courage.
And I know how he feels about her. Hell, I love the man; I'll do this for him. I'll play Cupid for him and his little turtle dove.
"Are you in love with Josh?"
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End of this portion of the Trilogy
