Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Harry Potter.
Title: The Growing Pains of Draco Malfoy: Age 16
Rating: PG-13, man.
Author: Emily
Author's Note: Well, I can't believe that I haven't updated in two months. I'm so sorry about the long wait. I've been so busy, and school has started up, but I felt I must update for my loyal readers. Thanks!
Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers! If I didn't have a hand cramp from writing so much, I would definately list all your names right here. I promise I will next time.
Saturday November 9th
Well, today has been downright depressing. Grandma Malfoy's been stomping around the house, throwing things at houseelves. Mum's been equally disturbing. She just sits in her bed and cries while she pats her bulge. I wish she would show me that much attention. She should be cherishing her last few days with me at home before I leave her all alone with a man with the IQ of a five year old! For cripes sake!
Today at breakfast Lucius started going on and on about his cat. "Where's JoJo?" he said as he pulled on my sleeve. "I want my kitty-cat."
"You don't have one," I muttered and went back to my Muggle Studies text. Unbeknownced to Mum and the rest, I had a copy of Big and Bouncy Hags stuck inside.
"He certainly must have loved his cat," Mum commented between sobs and sips of tomato soup.
"I wouldn't think so," Grandma Malfoy replied in a worn tone. "He set it on fire when he was six."
Mum choked onher soup and I started to laugh. My magazine fell out of my book. Needless to say, I was sent to my room for all eternity.
Sunday November 10th
Morning: I've been condemned to slave labor. Mum made me help her work in the garden this morning because the gardener quit yesterday. He was scared off by Grandma Malfoy's neurotic tendencies. I spent two hours shoveling the same dirt over and over! At least Mum stopped sobbing.
Afternoon: Caught Grandma Malfoy snooping in my room. She was just about to open my ultra secret privacy drawer of doom a-go-go when I caught her. I don't need her finding my back issues of Big and Bouncy Hags. Although, I do think a heart attack might do her some good.
Then I had to talk to the old wench. She wanted to know how I was doing in school, if I was getting eight hours of sleep a night, if my mother was providing me with enough Vitamin C, if I was thinking of what sort of job I wanted at the Ministry of Magic.
I informed my dear, sweet Grandmother that I had no intention of working for the MOM. I told her that I was going to be a famous Quidditch star. So, famous, in fact, that I was going to have my own action figure with super kung fu grip and maybe a dream house.
"Don't be silly," she squinted at me. "Why would you want a doll of yourself?"
"Not a doll," I told her. "An action figure with super kung fu grip. And maybe a dream house."
"You'll outgrow that when you become a Deatheater, just like your dear old Dad."
"Not a Deatheater. Action figure. Kung fu grip. Dream house. Not pink though, maybe a manly blue, or green."
Grandma Malfoy said me and my doll could both go to hell. Then she stormed out, yelling that this was all my mother's doing.
"Not a doll!"
Midnight: I'm stricken with insomnia. I'm devastatingly worried about Grandma Malfoy's concern with my Vitamin C intake. Am I becoming blotchy? God forbid! I could get scurvy and it would be all my mother's fault! Curse that demon seed inside of her! She been so preoccupied that she's forgotten all about my health and needs!
Monday November 11
Morning: Mum found me lying on the bathroom counter this morning. I must have fallen asleep while counting my spots last night. I had horrible dreams where a giant Vitamin C pill chased me around a corn field. Snape was playing the mandolin and Terry Boot was sitting like a wooden dummy on Blaise's lap while she told knock knock jokes.
I once heard that our dreams are really our most hidden desires manifested in the dark. Ha! I certainly hope that Terry Boot isn't involved in any of my most hidden desires! Who ever thought up that theory is a crackpot.
Mum told me that she's worried about me and wants me to see the school counselor when I get back to Hogwarts. Counselor! I didn't even know the school had a bloody counselor. She told me that she'd send me five galleons everytime I went for a meeting. Hell, I'll pretend to be bipolar for that amount of pocket money a week!
1:00 p.m.: Spent most of the noon hour trying to write Ginny a dead romantic poem. My creativity has been stolen from me by these ugly circumstances! It's Grandma Malfoy's looming presence that's doing, I just know it! The sooner she leaves, the better.
2:00 p.m.: I did the best I could. Here's what I came up with:
My darling Ginevra
No one can compare
To your blood red hair
And ghost like skin
Maybe you should have that
Checked out
It can't possibly be healthy
Maybe it's a rare skin disease
That I can cure with my love
I am desperately lonely without you
Being without you
Is like when peanut butter sticks to the
roof of your mouth
Well, not your mouth
My mouth really
I meant 'your' as in a collective 'your'
I miss your little tendencies
Like when you bite your nails
During Muggle Studies
You make this sound
Like a gopher choking
Or when you get embarressed and
Puff out your cheeks
You look like a blowfish
But the point is that I miss you
And you god awful habits
And your huge legs
I am like peanut butter without jelly
Or jelly without peanut butter
I hope you miss me just as much
As I miss you
I sent it off with Boris, the owl. Hopefully it'll arrive before I do tomorrow.
4:00 p.m.: The Lunatic came bouncing into my room like a puppy and jumped up and down on my bed until I payed attention to him. He was grinning, actually grinning! I've never seen my Dad grin before. I do not like this change at all.
"Let's play pirates!" he shouted in my left ear while I pined for Ginny.
"No," I told him, "I'm trying to think deep thoughts."
"Will you be done soon?" he questioned impatiently. "I want to play pirates." He pulled out an eye patch made of construction paper and elastic and a plastic sword.
"I will never play pirates with you. Ever," I told him, going back to my deep thoughts.
"But you have to," he whined, sticking his thumb in his mouth. "You're my brudder."
"I'm not your brudder or your brother. I'm your son, you psychopath."
Lucius giggled. "You're silly, Draco. Only old people have sons. I'm not old. Please play with me!"
"Listen to me," I commanded, pushing him off of my bed. "I will never play pirates with you. Never, ever, ever!"
6:00 p.m.: Well, due to unforseen circumstances, Grandma Malfoy has left in a huff. When Lucius and I were playing pirates in the back yard, we accidentally buried some of her jewelry in the garden. She was especially mad about the dirt encrusted Sapphire tiara, which apparently has been passed through the generations for thousands of years. Honestly, who takes a tiara on vacation with them?
Also, it seems that Lucius' sword indeed NOT plastic, but one he had swiped from the suit of armor standing in the entry way. I'm thanking God that he didn't take a swipe at me. Mum locked him in a spare bedroom, more out of fear than punishment. I'm certainly glad that I'm going back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Poor Mum has to stay here, pregnant and all, with the Lunatic.
Well, I wish her luck.
Also, I did manage to swipe an emerald necklace from Grandma Malfoy before she left. It must be worth a thousand galleons, at least! I think I'll give it to Ginny. That'll teach Grandma not to call my action figure a doll!
Tuesday November 12
Unfortunately, the Hogwarts Express is currently under repairs, so I was forced to Floo back to Hogwarts, even though Mum knows how much the dust clogs up my sinus'. Doesn't she know that I am very susceptable to head colds, what with my Vitamin C deficiency and all? She didn't even go with me; she took Lucius to buy a new cat. Her doctor put her on a new prescription and now she's like a vessel of cheer. It can't possibly be good for the demon seed.
Tumbled into Dumbledore's office around noon and took a few candies from his dish since no one was there. Perhaps I am developing a case of kleptomania. Perhaps I can be the troubled boy of Slytherin! Everyone wants to have a go with the troubled boy!
I strolled down to the Slytherin common room and met Raven on my waydown tothe dungeons. I asked her where Ginny was and she just grinned in a manical way.
"Oh, she's up in the dormitory. She's all alone up there, too," she told me casually. "I think she's waiting for you. The password is "Severitus Impacto", if you're interested. She's got a surprise for you. A big one."
"Really? Does this surprise involve sex?"
Raven raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "Hmmm...no. It's even better."
I practically ran all the way up to the Gryffindor Tower. Luckily, no one was in the common room. It must have been lunch; my tummy was growling with hunger, but I still had high hopes that my surprise was sex. I peeked into the girl's dormitory, looking for Ginny, and got a whole lot more than I expected.
"Ginny?" I called, stepping in the doorway. "I saw Raven and...- ah! Boobs!"
"Ah!" she shrieked back, pulling a shirt over her head. "Ah! Draco!"
"Ah! Green hair!" Her hair, her beautiful - alright, decent - red hair had been replaced by bright boogie colored curls.
"Get out, get out, get out!" she screamed, pushing me out the doorway, straight into Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown.
"Ah! Boy! A boy!" Lavender shrieked.
"Oooh, it's Draco Malfoy," Parvati purred.
I pushed past the both of them and ran shrieking down to the Slytherin common room, where I accidentally stumbled in Crabbe's chest.
"Hey, mate," he greeted me with a big clap on the back. "How was your vacation. Hey, why are you breathing like that?"
"Ginny...hair...GREEN!" I panted, trying to regain my breath.
"Oh, yeah, Raven did it yesterday. Isn't it great?"
"Raven did it?" I questioned, snarling.
"Sure did. Lemme tell you, Ginny's brother blew a gasket! He's in a coma up in the hospital wing right now."
No matter how much I enjoyed the thought of a paralyzed Ron Weasley, all of my liking for Raven instantly disappeared. She was transfered to my People to Kill Once I Am Powerful Enough That No One Will Care list.
Went and hid under my bed the rest of the afternoon, hoping that Snape didn't know I was back. Goyle warned me that Terry Boot had been sleeping naked in my bed every night, trying to stink it up. I didn't care about Terry Boot's revenge plans! I had just seen Ginny half naked! I had seen...boobs, very nice ones at that, and I wasn't the least bit happy about it! I should have been rejoicing. There should have been a choir of angels singing. Instead, my girlfriend of a week was going to break up with me.
I just know it.
