And now…it's time for another update. I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter, and I hope you like this one as well. Happy reading, and please remember to drop a review when you're finished.
Chapter Twenty-One: Undeniable Truths
Sesshoumaru looked upon Rin one more time before she and Jakken were completely out of sight. They were very close to their destination, and he had made the decision that a confrontation with the Toukai was too dangerous a place for Rin. So, he decided to deposit them at a safer location a few hours from the destination. Kirara was left to guard them as Sesshoumaru and Sango rode away into the sky with Ah and Un.
It was early, and Sango fought the urge to look over at Sesshoumaru. She hated to admit it to herself, but she was ashamed of her behavior at the spring. She didn't dare bring it up…hell…she didn't dare look at him. She felt so…confused. Last night, Sango had felt something-'No!' she berated herself, 'It was just the enchantment and nothing more.'
'Besides…even if it wasn't the spring or the enchantment, Sesshoumaru could never be with me, nor I with him. He's one of them. A demon.' He was ruthless and cold. He could never experience any feelings of love or kindness and therefore could never express them. All he can do is hate and destroy. She told herself these things over and over again. However, for as much she told herself that he could convey naught but hate, she could find no explanation for his tolerance of Rin.
Sesshoumaru snuck a glance over at Sango. She looked deep in thought, and though he was not a mind-reader, he could tell she was thinking about the previous night. He let out a silent sigh as they continued to near their destination. He tried to shake the sudden urge to break the ice between them. Instead, he opted to refocus his attention to the passing ground beneath them. He reminded himself that he owed her nothing.
Hell, even the respect he held for her was something that he told himself he didn't have to give her. Sure, she fought well, but who wouldn't under certain conditions? He had nothing to be ashamed of, and as if to prove it to himself he glanced at her again through the corner of his eye. Almost immediately he was reminded of the desire he held for her. He could see her as she was the night before. He could have taken her and ignored the fact that it was an enchantment. Why hadn't he taken advantage of the situation and rid himself of this need?
He was a demon lord god damn it. He didn't have to pussy foot around his desires. Then, like a slap in the face, his father's image sprang into his mind. He remembered the way his father pampered that human whore that gave birth to his half-demon brother, Inu Yasha. It was his father's desires-the same desires, he told himself, that fueled Sesshoumaru's own thoughts toward Sango-that had tainted the blood of their clan. It was the desire for a human woman. That was the desire that was the sole responsibility for his father's growing weakness and ultimately his demise.
With a low growl that sent chills down Sango's spine, Sesshoumaru forced the thoughts from his mind. He could feel her curious eyes on him, and he hated her for it. It was none of her business. Who did she think she was anyway? Looking at him boldly? Questioning him? All of Sesshoumaru's hate boiled to the surface, and as it did he turned his gaze to meet her eyes. For once, he didn't even try to guise his emotions. He just let them flow from his soul into her. It was such a strong wave of hatred, that it took Sango's breath away.
Sango quickly looked away, and then down at the ground. What had that been all about? Why did he look at her in such a way? Did she truly disgust him that much? Shaking her head, Sango looked down at the terrain beneath them. She cleared her throat, trying to recover from the death glare she had just received, "We're almost there-"
"I know where we are," he snapped at her before guiding Ah and Un toward the ground. They descended to the ground without another exchange of words. Sango followed him as he led them toward the village that Sango had tried to repair several times. She could see her hut on the other side of the clearing and she let out a sigh, "I should have never come here." She hadn't meant to say it aloud, but she had…and Sesshoumaru had heard it very clearly.
He turned to face her. He could see the fatigue that outlined every inch of her being. She had looked refreshed that morning, but as they rode over here, he sensed the tension taking over again. He forced down an emotion that could have been regret or remorse, and replaced it with disdain, "No. No, you shouldn't have. I should have never put my faith in a human-A female human no less-to keep my lands clean."
Sango's eyes met his, and impending tears weren't the only thing they were full of. There was anger, annoyance, a twinge of fear, doubt, confusion…and finally defeat. Before she could open her mouth to speak whatever it was she was thinking, the ground began to shake. Sango was used to it, so it didn't phase her as badly as it had the first time.
She watched as three Toukai dove in and out of the ground in a familiar pattern. There were so many things she didn't understand about these demons. Where did they come from? Why were they here and not dead? Why do they always go in that same damn pattern? And why the hell do they always wait for the attack before attempting to strike? And when they did finally connect with a blow, why wasn't she killed? It infuriated her to no end. These creatures seemed to be looking for a world of hurt. Why wouldn't they just go away?
Sango was jerked out of her thoughts when Sesshoumaru suddenly sprang from her side and jumped in the middle of the Toukai's circular pattern. The creatures stopped what they were doing and looked down at the being below them. Sesshoumaru looked upon them with a stern glare, "Who are you? Why is your kind here?"
The largest demon of the three spoke out in a slow, deep, booming voice, "Do you not remember us, Lord Sesshoumaru?"
"What are you talking about. I had only heard stories of your kind when I was child. It was only months ago, when we killed Akogi, that I had ever laid eyes upon your kind. Tell me, you are part of the Toukai, are you not?"
"Yes. We are. However, you seem to mistake us. It is true that Akogi was evil, and if you had not killed him, we surely would have."
Sesshoumaru's brow furrowed, "You have not answered my questions." Sango looked on from where she stood. She was amazed that even though these creatures were many times larger than Sesshoumaru, they still seemed so inferior and they paled greatly in comparison to his presence.
"Lord Sesshoumaru, we were put here years ago by your father as hired guards," the larger demon began.
"Hired guards? To protect the land? If that is so, then why do you continuously burden the land with your presence?" Sesshoumaru was getting a little more than agitated.
"We were not hired to guard the lands, but something your father valued far more than the land. After this precious thing was lost and your father died shortly afterward, we were no longer needed and thus we receded into the earth once again. It is there that we hibernated until we were needed again."
"Needed again?" Sesshoumaru didn't recall needing some huge demons tearing the hell out of his Northern borders.
"Yes. You need us. There is something precious that you wish to protect, is there not? We could hear your thoughts in our sleep."
"And what thoughts were those?" he challenged.
"Come…you mean to say you haven't figured it out yet?" The demon shook his head, "If that is the case, then there is nothing more that I can say to you. You must find the answers you seek on your own. I cannot help you if you constantly refuse to see the truth." And with that, the demons went back underground.
Sesshoumaru had opted not to gut them for only one reason: they were hiding something from him. If he wiped them out, then he'd never find out what it was. No, he'd have to devise some sort of plan to get them to talk. Something they said plagued his mind…what had been so valuable to his father that he'd bring such demons here to protect it? What was it that his father could not protect himself?
What they mean by needing them again? What truth? 'I protect nothing.'
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It was late that night by the time they had retrieved Rin and Jakken. Sango was silent as she and Kirara glided gracefully through the air. Sesshoumaru, Rin, and Jakken rode slightly above them atop Ah and Un. Neither Sango nor Sesshoumaru discussed what had taken place at the village nor had they discussed the spring. There seemed to be a peaceful blanket covering the atmosphere as they journeyed back toward the East, but underneath that blanket there was an emotional storm brewing.
It was a cold and quiet night. The moon was absorbed by the clouds, and Rin had fallen asleep at the end of Sesshoumaru's pelt-something he pretended not to notice. For, if it were thought that he intentionally allowed her to sleep there, then it would be considered a weakness. Of course, he did allow her to sleep there, and truth be told, he felt soothed in knowing that she was there.
He knew how swiftly human children grew, and he didn't take this time for granted. Rin was in his heart, and although he made it seem for such a thing to be infeasible, it was true. Sesshoumaru loved Rin like a father loves his daughter. It was strange how realizations such as this came so suddenly and at the most awkward of times. He knew it had something to do with his conversation with the apparent leader of the Toukai earlier that day. Sighing, Sesshoumaru snuck a glance toward Rin and had to hide his surprise at seeing her large brown eyes smiling back at him. His eyes softened a bit as he stifled a smile. Was she what he longed to protect?
Sango had only wished to steel a glance at the peeping moon, but her gaze was unavoidably stolen by Sesshoumaru. Her eyes were wide as she observed the scene above her. Sesshoumaru looked almost serene as he gazed upon his small servant. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. He was soft for the girl. Oh, he'd never admit it, but after seeing this, Sango would never have a need to ask. She turned her gaze away swiftly before he could catch her.
The image, however, was forever imprinted in her mind. How much love she saw in his eyes just now. Not the love a man holds for a woman, but that of a different kind. Sesshoumaru loved Rin as his own child. She smiled at that idea, for the thought of him ever opening his heart and allowing it to love someone just seemed so impossible. And to think that after all those icy glares and cool, demeaning words, that look in his eyes was all it took for her to forgive him.
Sure, it might not matter to him, but it made Sango want to understand him all the more. While that made her more determined to know him, it did not explain the reasons for which she felt the initial desire. Sango was uncertain as to what drove her to this madness-this need to understand and solve him. Thoughts of the past few months ran through her mind as if she were watching someone else's life. She saw images of Sesshoumaru leaned up against a tree as she placed a delicate kiss upon his cold lips and then being pushed away and onto the ground, but before she hit the dirt, there was another flash and she was pushed up against a tree.
She could see Sesshoumaru kissing her, and she could see herself returning those kisses. She watched her hands desperately explore him. Then another flash took her to the previous night in the enchanted spring. Her desires weighed heavily on her heart, and she found herself unable to bear anymore of the memories. She quickly opened her eyes. She was surprised to find that her vision was blurred. Blinking, she felt the hot tears run down her face.
Ashamed, she again buried her face in Kirara's mane. Her beloved friend sent a comforting nudge in her direction, to which Sango replied to by stroking Kirara gently on the back of the neck. She dared to close her eyes again, expecting to once again be faced with the same antagonizing visions. This time however, her visions were not of the passion she had shared with the Lord of the Western Lands.
This time, it was of the battle with Naraku. She saw herself being struck with the arrow and felt herself falling…falling and landing painfully beside her brother's limp body. She saw the tears streaming down her own face. They were tears of failure and pain. She forced herself to roll over onto her side so she could see.
Sango watched clearly for the first time, what happened that day. The fog that covered the memory of those events was finally settling, and Sango was finally seeing what truly happened. She closed her eyes tighter, trying to focus on the events that flashed in her mind.
She could see Inu Yasha's final blow to Naraku, sending the bastard straight to hell. Sango watched as Kagome ran to embrace him, as he was on his knees with fatigue and injury. Miroku was cradling and injured Shippou to his own mangled form, she wasn't sure if he even noticed when the wind tunnel closed. Through her bloodied eyes she watched as a figure approached her and knelt before her. The image was still blurred, but little by little she began to recognize it as somewhat familiar. She wasn't afraid. In fact, she could actually feel her muscles relaxing at the presence before her.
Sango concentrated harder as her body was picked up from the ruthless floor of the earth. In her mind, she opened her eyes and saw a large, green dragon's arm. It didn't frighten her, however, and she weakly moved her head to see what was carrying her. As a result, her gaze was met by two golden orbs. They regarded her genuinely and surprisingly, without contempt. She opened her mouth as if to speak his name, but she could not find her voice or the strength to utter any words. Instead, all she could do was think it, 'Sesshoumaru…'
Sango snapped her eyes open as she shot up from her leaning position. She gasped as she felt herself and Kirara descending. They were at Sesshoumaru's cottage. Sango was still trying to regain her bearings as they landed, but she ultimately failed and when Kirara did touch down, Sango rolled right off and onto the ground. Sesshoumaru regarded her strangely, "What are you doing?"
"N-nothing. I'm just tired," her voice was small as the tears gathered in her eyes. She was thankful that he wasn't looking at her. She patted Kirara on the back, sending her ahead so she could rest.
Sesshoumaru continued on toward the cottage, Rin and Jakken running ahead to turn in. He stopped short outside the steps that led up to the porch and looked back at Sango, "You may sleep here until I figure out a way to get the Toukai to talk. Either that, or you may return to your home outside of my borders."
Sango's eyes widened as she hurried up beside him, "Are you saying you want me to leave? You no longer wish to have me as a guard?" She didn't understand why she would feel hurt if he agreed, but she knew she would.
Sesshoumaru turned to her with cold eyes, "You should have never come here in the first place. Isn't that what you were saying earlier today?"
"I-" Sango fought the oncoming tears, "I was distraught over last night!" There-she had said it.
Sesshoumaru went stiff, "It was just an enchanted-"
"An enchanted spring! Yes, I know that! But it still happened and it was in my mind, don't you see?" She paused to think of her next words, "Sesshoumaru, it will be in my mind until the day I die. My father told me that the most dangerous demons-the ones to fear the most-were ones like you. I was born to hate and to kill your kind! For me to feel something like I did last night toward you is-is an abomination to my beliefs-to everything I have ever known!"
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. How was it that her thoughts were the exact mimic of his own. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off.
"And yet…" her voice was soft, "As much as an abomination as it is…" she took a step closer to him, "There is nothing I want more." As soon as she said it she looked away in shock and in shame at having admitted it. Why was she doing this to herself? He was silent, "Have you nothing to say?" she whispered, "Will you not at least strike me?" She would much rather be slapped in the face and cursed than to have him be silent and unfaltering.
Sesshoumaru fought a mental battle. It was true that his thoughts were the same as hers, only from his point of view-the point of view of the 'most dangerous' type of demon. He had always held a high disregard for humans, but after his father abandoned him for Inu Yasha's human mother, Sesshoumaru had begun to hate them with a most intense passion. He had vowed that he would never be weak like his father. He would never care for or love any human-especially a woman.
A picture of Rin flashed through his mind, and he realized a truth. He had already broken both of his vows. He cared for Rin and he loved her-that much he already admitted to himself this evening. Hell, he had known it from the moment Sorikata had taken her that he must get her back, for he could not continue on without her. Rin had conquered him and his personal vows, and even if he tried, he could never hate her. Is this how it was now with this woman before him? Did he seek to protect Rin as well as Sango?
Sesshoumaru took a step toward Sango, "I cannot strike you, Sango."
She looked up, confused, "What-why?" She searched his eyes for an answer.
"You are not solely to blame," Sesshoumaru admitted. "My desire was with me last night as well."
Sango shook her head, "The only thing you felt was the respect you held for me-"
"No," he stopped her, "Did your father not also tell you that demons of my nature do not hesitate to tell a lie when they have to?"
"What?" Sango's eyes wavered.
"I lied about the spring. An enchanted spring only affects those who are too stubborn to admit their feelings and desire." Sesshoumaru smirked slightly, "From the moment I stepped into the water, I knew it was enchanted, but I wanted you. Then to find that you desired me as well…it was that much harder for me to find the inclination to get us out of the water."
"Sesshoumaru…I thought you hated me because I was human. I just thought you were doing with me-"
"Our thoughts on the matter are similar, Sango. The only differences are the reasons we hate each other's kind. But when it comes to you, I cannot deny…that I too long for nothing else," his eyes were intense-on fire even.
Her heartbeat quickened. Was he telling her that he-no. It couldn't be…could it? Did he truly want her just as badly as she wanted him? Had they both been denying the truth? She opened her mouth as he took yet another step toward her, "Sesshoumaru, tell me," her voice was uneven as her eyes welled up with tears, "Was it you? Did you carry me away from the field that day?"
Sesshoumaru looked upon her solemnly, "Let me ask you a question first." He paused as he reached out to touch her hair, "Do really regret coming here? Do you wish to leave?"
Sango took in a breath, and this time it was her turn to take a step closer to him, closing the space between them, "No. I regret nothing about my decision. Please do not send me away."
Bending toward her, Sesshoumaru whispered his answer, "Yes, Sango, it was I who carried you that day. I could not understand why at the time, but I think I do now."
Their lips brushed together for a brief moment, "Why Sesshoumaru?"
He had her in a full embrace as his voice rumbled his reply into her ear, "There is something that draws me to you, Sango. Some odd desire to be near you. Leaving you in the North to fend for yourself was a test I had to put myself through. Truth be told, if you hadn't have come back to tell me of the Toukai-I would have come to you." Sesshoumaru inhaled her scent-something he should not have done, but he fought the urge and continued on, "I need you to…stay. Stay with me, Sango."
Sango's eyelids drifted shut as she succumbed to the warmth that surrounded her, "I-I-Yes. I will stay with you, Sesshoumaru."
At her admission, Sesshoumaru seized her neck with passionate kisses. There was no enchantment telling him to kiss her, hold her, or touch her. He did so of his own free will with only his need to be near her. All his memories with her flooded his mind. In nearly all of them he had seen her in some disdainful manner, but now that he re-evaluated each moment…he saw her in a completely different light.
His disregard was replaced with care. His need to distance himself from her was replaced with his need to be near her. His initial desire to kill her was replaced with the desire to protect her-to keep her alive as long as possible. And alas, his hatred was replaced with his love for her. He loved her, and it was clear to him as held her there amidst the darkness and the wind. "Sango…" he had remembered the way he had treated her, "I'm sorry." It was the easiest an apology had ever come from him.
Sango knew what he was apologizing for, and she kissed him gently on the lips before meeting his eyes, "Sesshoumaru…I've already forgiven you," she smiled. Taking a step back she studied the soul before her. It had changed, but he wasn't the only one. She too had undergone a drastic change. She had realized that the only purpose she needed to live for, was for life itself.
It was true that life was full of confusion and doubt. That sometimes it can seem so hard to find your way without a little guidance. She realized now, that when you feel that way, you must look to yourself for the answers. Sango knew that if she were to ask advice on whether or not it was the right path for her to stay with Sesshoumaru, many would object. However, they didn't know all the facts-only she knew the truth. 'To hell with my vows and tradition,' she thought. If she were going to look to herself at this time, then she was going to choose him. She loved him, and that knowledge was all she needed to make her decision.
With a new clarity, Sango pressed her lips to those of whom she loved. She kissed him with all the passion of her heart. He matched every one with kisses of his own. Sango found herself with her arms and legs wrapped tightly around Sesshoumaru's body as he carried into the cottage with his one arm cupping her bottom.
It was only a short while later that their bodies were entangled in his sleeping quarters. Their naked forms danced together in the darkness as muscles contorted and breaths became strained. Their bodies molded and became one for the first time. It was in this moment that the past was cast aside to make room for the future. All former doubts and transgressions deteriorated as two unlikely lovers gazed into one another's eyes.
In unison, as they reached the peak of their desire, they both admitted the undeniable truth, "I love you."
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Alright…so that's chapter twenty-one. There might be one more chapter, or a follow up story. Or, you can decide if I should just let this be the end. It's your choice. What do you want?? Tell me with your review!!
