Desperately Yours
Chapter 4
A Little Bit Over My Head
"It's alrightand it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets
in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he says
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets
in white houses
Love,
or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades
in white houses"
-White Houses: Vanessa Carlton
"I didn't understand any of it then, but oh, I remembered it later. Initially after we got together, I couldn't figure out how it had suddenly happened. But then, I began to look back and I started to think about it, and I realized it had been there all along, in the little things like that. We always had this strange, angry passion toward each other that I could never explain. Sure, he acted like a prat, but he got under my skin and made my blood boil in a way that no one else could. It felt almost like all those years before I had been hiding from him, hiding behind angry words and glares, because I was scared of the control he could have over me. I was always the one in control, but when I was around him, he took that away from me. I couldn't control him, or the way I acted around him....."
The Sorting Hat had sung its song, the first years had been separated into their new houses, and Dumbledore had given a short welcome speech. Hermione now stared in awe as she reported the incident on the train, watching as Harry and Ron stuffed an amazing amount of food into their mouths. They were acting as if they hadn't eaten all summer, even though they had just had an enormous dinner at Headquarters the previous evening.
"You have to share a dorm with him? Man, that's harsh" said Ron, chewing with his mouth open. He paused for a moment to swallow before continuing. "See, this is one of the reasons I never got into the whole responsibility thing, look at the horrible things they're making you do!"
"Now Ron, don't say that. It's an honor to be given this opportunity." She scolded him. Both Harry and Ron stared incredulously at her.
"Since when is it an honor to live with a ferret?" Harry inquired.
"You guys, being Head Girl is about more than living arrangements you know." She glared at the reproachfully. "Anyways, maybe some of the stuff that's been going on has changed him." She said, trying to not to think of the anger he had caused her only a few hours before.
"Yeah, for the worse." Ron grumbled to himself, trying to speak quietly so that she wouldn't hear him. He was unsuccessful however, and he glared at him once more before heaving an exasperated sigh.
"Look, I'm not exactly thrilled about this either. I'm just as apprehensive as you are, but I'm not going to give up this honor just because of stupid Malfoy. We're all nearly adults, so we should be able to handle this situation with maturity. I mean, sure we've disagreed in the past, but we should be able to put that aside now and at least be civil to each other."
"You do know that this is Malfoy we're talking about right?" Ron asked her.
"Yeah, he hasn't exactly shown that he's capable of acting civil towards anyone who's not getting the mark as soon as they graduate. Especially if they're not a pureblood." said Harry, trying to delicately remind her of all the times Malfoy had insulted her over the years without raising her temper. This was obviously something that she was a bit touchy about.
"I know, I know, but if we're going to be sharing a dorm, maybe he'd be willing to try. Anyways, I can't just resign myself to a year of hell; I have to at least be able to hope that it won't be so bad. So can we please just drop this now?" she asked them pleadingly.
"Of course Mione." Harry said, and Ron nodded. She gave a small smile in return, and there was silence among them for a moment.
"So who do you reckon we'll get for Defense Against the Dark Arts this year?" Ron asked, and they settled back into the contented mood of the feast.
It was nearly an hour later, as they sat completely satiated with food and laughter, that Dumbledore stood again. The three looked at each other, knowing immediately that this was the end to the relaxed mood of the evening. They had allowed themselves to forget for the past few hours, but now they had to come back to reality. This was not just another year at Hogwarts; Voldemort was back in full strength and attacks were growing more frequent every month. His face was somber as he began.
"Students and staff, I know that I have already welcomed you back to Hogwarts, but this year I think there are more things that need saying. As you will all know, Lord Voldemort has been gaining power. This is no longer just a far-away nightmare; the war against him is very real and is being fought at this very moment. It pains me to say, and while I wish it could not be so, by the end of this year many of you will have been personally affected by the hostilities. The only advice I can give you is this: cherish those dear to you, keep you heart open to new friends, and don't be afraid to forgive the enemy. What will be most powerful in the fight against Voldemort is not our artillery, but our hearts." He stopped for a moment, looking around at the many students and teachers listening to his wise words. She couldn't be sure, but Hermione felt as if his gaze lingered on her for a moment. "We can only fight another when we are no longer fighting each other. Now if you'll allow yourselves to return to your houses, I'd say that this has been a long enough evening. Prefects have all been alerted of the house passwords, and they will be leading you to your respective houses. All of your bags have been taken to your rooms...." He continued on, but she was no longer listening, lost in contemplation on the way Dumbledore had looked directly at her as he spoke.
"Hermione?" a voice and a light hand on her arm finally snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Huh?" she asked, startled.
"Dumbledore just said that we're supposed to lead everyone back to our houses, since we know the passwords, and then come back here for details on our meetings." Ron stated to her.
"Okay" she replied, not moving.
"Which means we have to go now." he said, looking at her confusedly for her lack of action.
"Oh, right!" she said, immediately jumping up and regaining her composure. "All right, first years please follow us or a fellow Gryffindor to the common room, if you don't know the password already, ask a prefect or myself. Alright then? Okay let's go," and with that she began leading the majority of the Gryffindors to the common room. She talked with Ron and Harry as they walked.
"Wow, I can't believe this is the last time we'll all be walking to the common room together like this." Harry said, a bit sadly.
"It's not like I won't be seeing you anymore," she said softly. "I mean, I'm not BANNED from our dorm just because I have my own."
"You never know Mione, everyone might ban you after they find out you're living with a Slytherin!" Ron joked.
"Ha ha, very funny." she responded sarcastically.
They quickly arrived at the dorm, and after showing the first years where to go, and explaining to Parvati and Lavender why her trunks hadn't arrived with the rest of them (which at first surprised them but then quickly elicited giggles, and as Hermione walked away she could hear them debating over who was hotter: Harry or Draco), Hermione set off towards the Great Hall, accompanied by six-year prefect Ginny. Harry, not being a prefect and therefore not being required to attend the meeting, had gone up to bed, and Ron told them he would join them a minute later, as he was busy trying to explain the concept of their talking portrait, the Fat Lady, to a very bemused muggle-born first-year.
As the girls walked out of the room however, Hermione was in shock. She was used to hearing girls fawn over Harry; after he grew into his messy dark hair, Quidditch muscles, and vibrant green eyes, he immediately became one of the most sought after guys at Hogwarts. But Malfoy?!
"Did you hear what Parvati and Lavender were saying?" she asked Ginny, looking astonished.
"No, what were they saying?" she asked in response, amused by the surprised look on Hermione's face.
"They were saying that Malfoy was hot! I mean, he's not even remotely attractive!" Now it was Ginny's turn to look surprised.
"Um, Hermione, have you even LOOKED at him lately? He may be a complete git, but damn he is totally sexy!" Hermione's mouth literally dropped open. "What?" asked Ginny innocently. "He totally grew into the whole pale, but dark and evil thing! Oh, and his eyes are amazing, that steely grey color? Gives you shivers every time he looks at you."
"But it's Malfoy!" the new Head Girl protested.
"I never said he was nice or anything, just that he's totally hot, which he is!"
"Merlin Ginny, I can not believe you're seriously saying this. I am going to close my ears now, and pretend like this conversation never happened. Okay? Okay."
"Suit yourself, I'm not the one who could possibly walk in on him naked." Ginny responded nonchalantly, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Just then they reached the entrance to the Great Hall.
"Let me just say, you are so lucky that we have this meeting right now, because if not, I would spend the rest of the evening chasing you until you took that back."
Ginny just smirked, in a near perfect imitation of Malfoy himself, and opened the door.
"After you" she said sweetly, and followed as Hermione walked in. They were both however, surprised to see Malfoy standing with all the other prefects.
"While Granger may be the Head Girl, I would advise you NOT to follow her example, as she seems to have a nasty habit of being late." he sneered. Her temper flared. She wasn't even technically late, he was just early! She was quick to verbally attack him, although her fantasy of pounding his head floated back into her mind.
"Yes, and I would advise you all not to follow Malfoy's example as well, as he is a total bas-"
"Miss Granger," said Dumbledore as he suddenly entered the Hall, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "I am sure we would all be very interested to hear you finish that sentence, but we are all sleepy and stuffed with food, so perhaps now is not the time." She blushed and nodded, and the headmaster continued.
"On the rain you were informed of your various patrol duties, but I wanted to inform you of the meetings. One a month we will hold a meeting to discuss upcoming festivities, which you will work together to plan, reassign patrol duties, and resolve any issues that may arise. Tonight's meeting is the meeting for September, there are no events this month, you've already been assigned patrol duties, so does anyone have any issues they'd like to discuss?" Everyone looked around, a few in particular looking at Hermione and Malfoy, but it was silent.
'Yes, I have an issue,' she thought desperately, 'and he's standing across from me!'
"Well then, you're next meeting will be September 29, and as the location will change each month, be sure to ask one of your new Heads, Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy, sometime the week before the meeting and they will happily direct you. So now if you have nothing to add, then I would suggest that you all hurry to bed before you fall asleep standing up!" As she looked around walking out of the Great Hall once again, she noted that everyone did look extremely tired. Before she had hardly taken two steps however, she heard some calling her.
"Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, unless you have by some miracle already found where your private dormitory is located, I would suggest you follow me."
'Aurgh,' she thought miserably 'the stupid dorm with stupid Malfoy.', but nevertheless she waited for Dumbledore to exit before continuing behind him.
As she followed the headmaster to her new dorm, Hermione's steps were quick and angry. Following her, with the usual smirk on his pale face, was Malfoy. She had already given up her earlier hope that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, and was now just hoping she would survive the year without losing her sanity, or murdering his cocky self. But, considering she had already wanted to pound his blonde head twice so far that day, she figured that no amount of finger-crossing would save her from one of those two fates.
She glanced back at him to glare at him, and he just rolled his eyes. He quickened his pace for a moment to catch up to her, and as he passed her, he leaned in whisper softly so that only she could hear.
"Why Granger, you just can't get enough of me can you?" His hot breath on her ear and his body leaning in close to hers caused her to stammer and lose her words for a moment, and he smirked at her reaction before continuing behind Dumbledore once again. Her thoughts quickly returned to her however, and she immediately wanted to pounce on him. How dare he? How DARE he? The nerve of him, to even insinuate that she could even stand him, and then to insinuate that....that....that she was attracted to him or something! She had always felt safe and relieved to have her headmaster around, but at that moment, for the first time, she wished that he was in a far part of the castle so that she would be free to attack the egotistical, arrogant, bigheaded idiot striding in front of her. He had humiliated her in front of everyone at the meeting, and now this? Suddenly she didn't care if Dumbledore was there, and just as she opened her mouth, the headmaster stopped in front of a portrait. He turned around, his eyes twinkling.
"Well, this is your home for the next 9 months. I believe Minerva explained most of the details of your dorm to you on the train, so I'll leave you two alone to unpack and, get acquainted shall I? Oh yes, and the password is 'stardust'. Good luck!" he finished, smiling, and then he was gone. Hermione was shocked that he had just left her alone with this, this THING that she was supposedly going to have to share a dorm with. Sure she had wanted him gone a minute ago, but now that they were actually at their dorm, where they'd be together for the rest of the year, she felt her anger slipping away and slowly being replaced with......she was ashamed to admit it, but fear. She had always had Harry and Ron there right by her side, but this was something she had to do alone. It wasn't something she could study for; all of her books and notions of 'looking it up in the library' were no good in this situation. How was she going to do this?
"Are you going to go in Granger, or are you going to sleep out here like the mudblood you are?" Malfoy sneered. He must have said the password while she was thinking, because the portrait was now hanging open. Her anger came back to her as soon as the word mudblood left his lips, along with her common sense. Of course she could do this! It was only Malfoy, the stupid git, she could handle him.
"Ladies first" she said, smiling sweetly at him.
"Oh wow Granger, I mean I had my suspicions about you of course but I never knew!" he batted back sarcastically.
"Oh shove it Malfoy." She said, and with that was the first to storm up into their new quarters.
Author's Notes: Yay! Chapter 4 is finally up....and Chapter 5 on the way!! :-) Also, I'm having MAJOR problems with the stupid formatting stuff (even the stuff that's supposed to be really basic) so if anyone would be willing to help me with some of that stuff, or be a beta for me, just say so in a review or e-mail me at !! Thanks so much!! Virtual brownies to everyone who reviews......and they're really good brownies too! Seriously they're like super chocolatey and stuff...oh yah you definetly want to review for one of these. :-)
