Lost In You
Chapter Two
And
all the pictures that I kept
And all the things I should have
said
It was you and I
But mostly me
I walked to my locker as I heard the first period bell ring. I was late, again, and I knew I was going to get hell for it from my other teachers. I took my time though, I didn't care if I was late or not. I had a bad night, which meant my morning would suck ass too. I saw the halls flood with kids and in a matter of 2 minutes they were empty. I sighed and thought about what had happened the night before. I exchanged my books and stood at my locker for a second to think. My thoughts were interrupted by a masculine voice.
"You just going to stand there all day," Nathan said with a nervous laugh as he dug his hands in his pockets.
I glared at him, "I will if I want to," I snapped back.
Nathan looked down at the ground and then back up at me, "Look, about what happened last night"
"I don't want to talk about it," I grumbled.
"I'm sorry," Nathan said before I stormed away and gave him the cold shoulder.
I shifted my weight to one side and scoffed, "For what? Embarrassing me in front of everyone? Or for making me seem like the biggest slut ever?"
"Both," Nathan said uncomfortably, "I came to apologize because I saw how hurt you were and I felt bad."
"Don't give me your pity Scott," I said coldly.
Nathan sighed, "It's not pity. I honestly feel bad about what I said. You do some stupid things when you drink, you know?"
"If you're going to blame this on alcohol than go ahead," I said sharply, "But I highly doubt a drunk person could say something that mean."
"It was a joke," Nathan said as he threw his hands up in defense.
I laughed at his stupidity, "Yeah, and it sure was one hell of a knee slapper, let me tell you!"
I could see the anger growing onto Nathan's face, "You know what? Fine, I gave you my apology, now I'm done," he went to walk away, but I grabbed his arm.
"I forgive you," I said as I looked into his eyes.
Nathan smirked and pulled his arm lightly out of my grip, "I'm glad that's settled," he said softly and then walked away.
I watched as he walked away, he looked back once and smiled and I smiled back. Either we had reached an understanding or the kid was on drugs. I walked into the library and saw Peyton sitting at a table drawing. I walked towards her and sat down, "Hangover?" I asked.
Peyton looked up and nodded, "The worst one yet."
I rubbed Peyton's head softly, "That's what happens when you drink too much honey. Believe me, I know."
Peyton smiled, "Are you okay? I know what Nathan said was really shady"
"I'm okay," I assured her, "He apologized to me like ten minutes ago, so everything's patched up I guess."
"That's good," Peyton said as she bobbed her head and added detail to her drawing.
I looked at her drawing and smiled, "Draw me a picture Peyton."
"What?" Peyton asked.
"Draw me a picture," I repeated.
Peyton's face lit up, "OkayâWhat do you want me to entitle it?"
"I'll explain the concept," I began, "Girl likes boy. Boy doesn't know girl likes him. Boy is dating another girl."
"I think I can do that," Peyton said with a laugh.
I hugged my friend tightly, "You're the best," I whispered in her ear and then walked out of the library.
When I walked out of the library I almost bumped into Haley who was walking into the library, "Hey," I said softly.
"Brooke," she said, "I've been meaning to talk to you, look, Nathan is really sorry about last night," she started.
I stopped her, "Yeah I know, he already talked to me."
"He did?" She asked.
"Yeah," I said with a nod, "Haley I know you don't like me."
Haley looked down at the ground, "Brooke I just don't like you because you tried to ruin Nathan and mine's relationship."
"You have to understand I never meant any intentions of hurting you guys," I said genuinely.
Haley sighed, "That means a lot Brooke, but when you have a bottle of beer in your hand well I personally don't want to be around you."
"I know," I said trying to hold back my tears, "I'm trying to be better at the whole drinking thing."
Haley looked around the hallways and then back at me, "Why are you like this?"
I held back my tears and swallowed the lump in my throat, "My umâparents are never really around," I said apprehensively.
I thought Haley out of all people would be understanding of my situation, but she wasn't, "That isn't an excuse to try and ruin people's lives," was all she had to say.
I didn't know why I was just standing there and letting Haley verbally beat me right in front of my face. She stood with such confidence and anger before me that I didn't know what to do. I felt scared, which is something I hardly ever feel. I bit my bottom lip and looked her straight in the eye, "You have no idea what I have to go through Haley," I sneered, "And if you went through half the shit I did, you'd be the same way too," I walked away before she could get another word in.
I went straight to my car and drove to the river court. I had heard people talking about this place so often that I decided to go down there myself and check it out. I walked out of my car and towards the bleachers that were set up. I looked around and saw that I wasn't alone. Nathan walked towards me and sat down as I crossed my arms tightly across my chest.
"Skipping?" He asked. I nodded my head, but didn't say a word, "You look sad," he pointed out. I nodded my head again and looked straight ahead, "Want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked.
I looked at him and sighed, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Nathan squinted his eyes because of the sunlight, "Try me," was all he said.
"Haley just really ripped me a new ass hole," I said with a hint of sad laughter, "She hates me Nathan, because of something I did when I was drunk and unhappy."
Nathan sighed, "She was really upset about that."
I rolled my eyes, "You guys are still together so what I did obviously didn't have any effect on your relationship."
"That's what you're upset about?"
"I'm upset about everyone thinking that I don't have any feelings," I exclaimed, "Everyone thinks that I'm never sad and that I never cry. About 75 of my day consists of me crying and be upset!"
Nathan leaned back and looked straight ahead, "I had no idea."
I bit my lip, "Now during a party you can use that against me and make me feel like shit."
"That wasn't what I was trying to do," Nathan stated.
I felt the warm tears against my cheek and looked down at the ground, "I'm so sad sometimes Nathan. Sometimes I just want to run away and never come back, and sometimes I wish people didn't know me as Brooke Davis, the chick to go to if you need an easy lay."
"People don't think that" Nathan said.
"Don't say that," I mumbled, "Don't lie to me don't act like you and I are best friends again and that everything is peachy keen."
Nathan rubbed his eyes, "What happened to us Brooke?"
"We grew apart," I said softly, "High school came along and we forgot about how much we really did love each other."
"Was it really love?" Nathan asked.
My lips quivered and I didn't know whether it was from me crying or the cold chill, "I know that I loved you Nathan."
"Why are you telling me this now?" Nathan asked as he threw his hands up.
"You asked!" I exclaimed, "It's time for the truth, I'm not going to lie anymore."
Nathan looked at me in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"I" I began, but was cut off by Lucas dribbling a basketball and coming towards us.
Lucas gave us an apologetic look, "I didn't know you guys were skipping too."
"It's okay," I assured him, "I was just leaving," I said and got up from the bleachers and started towards my car.
Lucas looked at Nathan, "Hales was looking for you," he said and then took a jump shot.
I heard Nathan say okay and then heard him jog towards him and grab onto my forearm, "What were you going to say?"
"Nothing," I said, "This was all a mistake."
"What was?" Nathan asked.
I sighed, "Us talking. We were best friends Nathan, now it's over and we can go back to our lives."
"Don't do this Brooke," Nathan said as I started to walk away.
I turned around and wiped the tears that were beginning to run down my cheek, "Remember when we were 15 years old and I came over to talk to you. You were working on your foul shooting and I wanted to join you. Your dad must have been riding you pretty hard about that damn foul shot because I remember you snapped at me and I walked away. I waited for you to come after me Nathan, I waited and waited. You never came after me," I sobbed.
Nathan looked at me and sighed in regret, "You never told me that you wanted me to come after you."
I looked up at the sky and then back at him, "I shouldn't have had to," I said and then walked back slowly to my car.
Nathan walked into Haley's room and saw her typing at the computer. Her warm smile greeted him, "Hey," he said as he sat on her bed.
"What's going on?" Haley asked.
Nathan flipped the pages of Haley's scrap book, "Did you say something to Brooke today at school?"
Haley sighed, "Yeah why?"
"She seemed upset at practice," he said. Nathan wasn't planning on telling Haley about his little encounter with Brooke at the river court.
Haley walked over to Nathan and put her hands on his broad shoulders and kissed him softly on the lips, "I just told her the truth."
"It was kind of harsh Hales," Nathan pointed out.
Haley walked back over to her computer and shrugged, "She deserved it Nate."
I knocked on Lucas's bedroom door and stood until he finally answered. He looked at me in confusion. He and I were never an item, but we did go out on a date once and made out. I thought of him as a good person to turn to when I needed someone.
"Brooke?" He asked. I loved the way he said my name, his voice was filled with worry and compassion.
I looked down at the ground, "Do you think I'm pathetic?"
"No," he said genuinely.
I looked and saw Peyton coming up to the door, I smiled at her and then at him, "Thanks," was all I said and then walked away.
"What is she so upset about?" Peyton asked.
Lucas closed his bedroom door and shrugged, "I was going to ask you the same thing"
Peyton looked concern, "I hope she's okay. I've never seen her so upset before."
"She's a strong girl," Lucas said.
"Let's hope so," Peyton said softly to herself.
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