Summary- When the going gets tough, the tough get scared. Are you confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family.

Rating- R

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did that would be muy awesome.

Authoress Ramblings- Yargh. I am so bloody pissed off at , I really am. I looked at how chapter three of my story turned out, and guess what I find! I find that the lyrics to my song were NOT in italics like I had originally put them, and I noticed that the story was not SPACED CORRECTLY. I'm sorry....I'm not in a very good mood.....maybe it'll work for the best to have me writing this particular story in a sad mood.

Part Four- Secrets, Lies and Pain.

"When the road if full of nails, garbage pails and darkened jails, and their tongues are full of heartless tales that drain on you. Who would ever notice you?"

-'Nobody's Fault But My Own' by Beck.

When you scramble the letters in 'funeral' you'll get 'real fun'.... I got news that my sister, Nevra, died while I was in Potions two days ago. My oafish 'friends' Crabbe and Goyle were making obscene jokes about random girls when my old house elf Dobby walked into the room. No one noticed him at first as a thick fog had clouded the room from our potions...actually, if it hafn't been for Professor Snape (my godfather) I don't think I would have ever noticed the elf.

"What are you doing here?" Snape's voice was low and growling as he leered through the fog; he leaned forward menacingly upon his desk as he glared down at something close to the floor. A few people looked around, and someone with a familiar voice behind me called out "Dobby?!".

By the time I realized he was there for me, the entire class had noticed the damned elf (I don't dislike Dobby, but I do find him quite annoying). It's hard for me to remember this particular day in detail, but I know what basically happened next; Dobby and I somehow journeyed into the hallway before he immediately broke into a frenzy of words.

It took me a great amount of effort to get all of the details from him (he kept slamming his head into a wall), but he managed it all out eventually. Dobby told me a tale of hearing things he shouldn't have...that my sister died...my mother and father didn't care...the entire time he stared at me with his large green eyes that were over-whelmed with tears. Remembering that moment is hard; all I can see is his huge eyes...waiting sadly for a response...I can't remember what he said to me when I didn't say anything; I just remember his eyes.

The next thing I remember was screaming at the house elf that he was a filthy liar, but we both knew I was just venting. I could have riz-razzed everything to pieces at that moment, but I held back long enough to charge up the stairs to my headmaster's office. On the way there a lot of different ideas were flashing through my head, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could last before I broke down entirely, though I had a feeling it wouldn't be long. Once I finally reached the entryway to Dumbledore's office, I quickly gasped the password while catching my breath (Snape tells me the new password at the beginning of each year) and stumbled onto the spiraling staircase. Thinking about his office now, I've never really liked it- it's too fucking busy and it's hard to concentrate on him half the time. Well, anyway, back to my story.

I didn't knock.....I didn't bother listening to even hear if he was busy; I was inside Dumbledore's office and screaming at him before he even had the chance to say 'Hello'. He sat back and watched me at first with those fucking sparkling blue eyes of his...twinkle ever present....then as he began to realize what I was on about, the twinkle was gone and his face set into that of stone. "What the fuck is this about my sister?! She can't be dead, she's barely been in Azkaban! Well?! Talk you starry piece of shit! I have a fucking right to know! If this is some sort of fucking JOKE?! Do you think it's funny to scare me like this?! Do you?! Talk damnit! Stop viddying me up and SAY SOMETHING!!!"

My headmaster slowly stood up from his seat, traveled around his desk and grabbed a hold of my shoulders. He didn't seem to care I had been malicious towards him....he didn't really seem to care that I was heaving heavily, or that my face was contorted into an expression of rage. He merely pulled me into a hug and began to rub my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, Mr. Malfoy...." I looked up at him with tears welling in my eyes, not wanting to hear the rest of what he had to say....but he said it anyway.

"She's gone."

"I may be color-coated, but that won't hide the fact that under shades of lifeless gray I'm painted darkest black."

-'Paint Me' by The Posies.

Two days ago I thought my life could get no worse.....but today proved otherwise. I first 'woke up' (I haven't been sleeping since I found out Nevra died), got dressed in the same shirt and pants I've been wearing for two days and left my room in an un-clean, sloppy mess. I feel kind of shitty for letting myself get so dirty, but I just don't have the energy to care enough to do anything about it.

I began to head downstairs when I suddenly remembered that today was the day of the funeral, and so I would have to wear my best suit instead of my leisurely attire. I felt like shit.....a weight seemed to have sunk into my chest.....my head ached from crying....and above all, I felt so fucking weak. I tried to tell myself to let it go......that plenty of people lose their loved ones, but I couldn't pass the feeling that deep down I was terribly, horribly sad. Questions flooded my mind as I picked my suit out from my wardrobe and stripped nude. Why did it have to be her? Why not mother, or father? Why not me? Was this all some sort of sick, disgusting joke? That at any moment, Nevra was going to jump out from behind a door, or from under my bed, and yell 'Surprise! I'm still here!'?

My fingers were numb, and I fumbled as I buttoned, un-buttoned and re-buttoned the same fucking button fifteen times in a row. The dungeons were always cold, but as it was now December I was practically freezing. To tell the truth, I still am.....it's fucking cold in here. Well, anyway......back to my tale.

I'm not sure how long it took me to finally put on my best pants.....my best shirt.....my best jacket, shoes, gloves, coat........I just remember looking like cal, and feeling like I was about to be very, very bolnoy. I headed down the steps from my dorm into the common room, where all the malenky first years were playing chess, or talking about how bloody cold it was. Sodding twats. I headed out the door in a stracky mood, ready to either fist someone right in their sodding gob, or break down with the old boo-hoos. Either way, I didn't think I'd be very happy with myself later on.

After a quick stop to calm down, I trudged down the stairs as slowly as possible in hopes that the stairs would never end (for if they ended, I'd be a good deal closer to the funeral, now wouldn't I?). I swore I felt someone viddying me on my entire descent down, but every time I turned around, I viddied no one. When the stairs finally came to an end, I walked slowly to the entrance of Hogwarts, turning every once in a while to see if anyone was there, but it seemed as though I was on my oddy knocky. I quickly ran outside into the snow, trudging along through the shin-deep snow until I reached a modest Hogwart's carriage, whose door opened upon my arrival. I stepped inside after kicking the snow off of my boots on the side step, and sat on the cushion-y seat. Before I knew it the carriage that was pulled by nothing was off, leaving me in a fit of nerves in the backseat.

Azkaban was icy cold in the visitor's room, but far worse in the cell blocks. To tell the truth, I was terrified of this place; the halls were quiet, cold (much like the hallway to Snape's classroom) and above all eerie. No matter which way I turned there were eyes upon me as prisoners pressed their faces against the bars with looks of interest or confusion as I walked past. Dry blood plastered the walls in jagged stains that left clean gaps in the middles large enough for a head or torso. My nose stung with the stench of blood and urine that floated out of cells and made the air feel sticky. Dear Merlin, this wasn't prison....this was hell.

I followed dirty signs down twisted hallways, made my way down a rickety flight of stairs, and wound up outside in the barricaded cemetery. I wandered over to a large oak tree that was coated in snow, and viddied who all had shown up.....to my surprise, I was all on my oddy knocky again. I waited a few minootas under the large oak for the care takers, then once I viddied them I waited patiently for them to carry my sister's coffin over towards me.

It was a nothing special coffin.....fuck, it wasn't even a coffin. It was a bloody crate.....she was lying in a bloody crate. My beautiful sister.....in a crate. It made my blood boil at the time, but when I saw her all of my anger seemed to slip away, including the entire world and everything but Nevra, and myself. Her lips were tainted blue....her purple hair pooled atop of a small pillow inside the box.....her skin, her once beautiful skin, was now icy cold and as white as snow. Her cheeks were tear stained.....her nails broken or completely missing (she most likely scratched them off on the walls). I gripped tightly onto her plain white smock, finding it harder and harder to stare at her dead form each passing second. It was like.....it was hard enough when it all could have been some horrid joke......but the moment it was real....the moment I knew that this was it, she was gone......I couldn't handle myself.

I screamed, cried, kicked the oak that loomed over my shoulders. I even threatened to avada kedavra the caretakers if they dared to take her away from me. But alas, they did.....they held me away and took her to a small gravesite beside a dieing willow. It was like I was trapped in a whirlwind of emotion when I had no wings to fly, or I was singing in an ocean with no ability to swim to safety.

I was a lost cause.

I was shown the death certificate, and glared at the cause of death; she supposedly died of illness. Illness my sodding arse. I signed it anyhow, making the lying paper true, and was escorted back to the carriage that brought me. My teeth were chattering, my lips had turned blue and I couldn't feel my body by the time I made it back to Hogwarts. I was freezing on the outside, yes, but it didn't compare in the least to how dead I felt inside.

I didn't make it very far from the door. I decided to collapse behind a statue, which is where I've been for the past three and a half hours or so. So here I am, lying limply on the ground and thinking over anything and everything that could ever make me feel depressed about losing my sister. It's amazing how many things remind me of her. Songs, poems, stories, words, phrases, certain people.....and it's amazing how depressed it can all make me feel when summed into one great big fucking mess. One song in particular sticks out...'Paint Me' by The Posies.....she was always a huge fan of that group (I always found them a bit too depressing or weird for my standards, but she loved them) and she absolutely drove me crazy with that song. At the time she teased me about my finding it so disturbing, but now.....now it's a thousand times worse then 'disturbing'. It was a quirky, almost bouncy song....but fuck it haunts me like a slow death march.

I've never felt so fucking wretched in my entire life.....and I've never felt more paranoid, either. I swear I can feel someone viddying me from somewhere, but every single time I sneak out from behind the statue, I see no one. I wish this fucking superstition would go away with the pain, the anguish.......fuck. I'm so fucking depressed. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I try to go on? No, I would feel like shit. Should I stay depressed? I can't live like this forever.....I'm so lost. I don't know how I can go on knowing that she's gone.....that I will never see her alive again...I will never hear her voice again. It hurts too much to handle. What I really hate is I can never tell anybody about this, or else they'll know the most beautiful and most horrible secret in my life.

The secrets, the lies, the pain.....will they ever end?

Wow did that depress me. I'm already depressed to begin with as an old friend of mine died about....well......two days ago, and I'm going to the funeral any day now. I feel more like Draco then ever, heh. Anyway, I have lots of notes to make for this chapter.....which I'm not exactly looking forward to, but I always have to throw crap into stories, so now I must make notes. Anyway, read the notes if you want to have any chance at understanding my story.

...a familiar voice behind me called out "Dobby?!".- Come on, people....how many students that sit behind Draco actually know who Dobby is? Not many. We can probably take a fucking guess as to who said this one, hmm?

Starry- Good ol' nadsats. As you can see (as you read the bleedin' story already) this chapter has many more nadsats terms in it then last time.....this particular term means 'old'. In case you're wondering why Draco is speaking so much nadsats, it's because after you read A Clockwork Orange, or watch the movie, I almost guarantee you will be speaking nadsats for a while....I sure as hell did (and still do).

Bolnoy- More nadsats. This means 'sick'.

Sodding- This is simplistic English slang people....c'mon. It means 'fucking'.

Stracky- Even more nadsats! Whoo! It means 'horrible'.

Fist- In the sense I used it, this meant to punch. It's more nadsats lingo.

Gob- Yay nadsats! This means 'mouth'.

The old boo-hoos- Jesus Christ Superstar I used a lot of nadsats. Anyway, this is crying.

Oddy knocky- MORE NADSATS. This particular term means 'alone'.

Minootas- I think we've all heard this somwwhere or another, but in case you have not, it means 'minutes'.

Well, that'll do it. Yep. Mhm. Oh, I apologize for the last update I had on this story....it was depressing and all, but I felt like you should all know exactly wot I'm going through before you get pissed at me for not updating. But, as you can see, I am updating, so all is happy again. Now I think I shall answer those reviews, even though I said I would not.

Bryjin- Awesome, I shall check out your story. Yes, BAD bad Ron! We are angry at you, Ronald Weasley! GRR! And you are quite welcome for the update, hee.

DR 138- Thank you, Dead! I very much appreciate it! I'm glad you really like this one (to tell the truth I really like this one) and I hope you continue to read it.

fairy-dust3- Yes.....I put in a new character interesting and good for reading, and then I go and kill her off ::sweatdrops:: I'm so bad. And THANK YOU! I was so sick of these stories where Draco is all.....blah. I wanted to make him angry, make him sad...make him love ::birds tweet, wedding bells go up:: SHUT UP! Er...yes. Anyway, I'm really happy you're loving this story! Yes, A Clockwork Orange IS an awesome book. You see the similarities in problems? Thank goodness...I was afraid I may be the only one! Anyway, keep reading, keep reviewing, and you will be my bestest friend, lolo.

nicole w- Well....you er...found out what happened to Nevra. Poor thing, she never stood a chance in my story, did she? Oh well......I do this a lot, so I guess it doesn't effect me very much anymore. Anyway, glad you like the story, and KEEP READING!

Kairi099- Fine...I will not get psychic on your arse, but only this time! Bwaha, I just kid. I am SO happy you lovelovelove this story so far! Yes...it is interesting he randomly wakes up not knowing where he is.....that happened to me once, and frankly I was really scared. Then I remembered I spent the night at some friend's house and blah blah blah, but it was still scary. Anyway, I love you, I kiss you, keep reading and reviewing!

Well, I do believe that is it. Keep reading, reviewing, and above all.....keep loving me, MUWAHAHAHAHA.

Over and out from Whoa Tamo, Psychic Spade.