Chapter Three – Grasping for Memories

Jesse awoke slowly and wondered at the firmness he felt against his cheek. Had he fallen asleep with his head resting on the floor? What else could account for the hard surface beneath his face? He pushed open heavy eyelids, blinked at the bright sunlight that filled the room and jumped suddenly as he realized exactly what or better yet who his pillow was. He didn't get to move far as a strong arm pulled him closer and a voice mumbled a female name. Hey, I didn't know Steve was seeing anyone, why hasn't he told me? That was soon forgotten as he felt Steve's breath ruffle the hair on top of his head. "Steve!" Jesse shouted. The resulting reaction was straight out of a slapstick comedy. Steve jumped up on legs that had fallen asleep and refused to support him, he stumbled backwards taking the nightstand and the lamp with him, his backward momentum was finally halted as he ended up sitting in the middle drawer of the dresser, which Jesse had left open the night before. Jesse sat wide eyed on the bed, then silent laughter began to shake his body, soon he was lying on the bed convulsing with mirth. What had been an embarrassing moment had quickly turned into a hilarious one, and it only got worse as Steve attempted to raise himself up and out and the flimsy bottom gave way and deposited him with a thud on the floor. He ended up nearly folded in half his chin almost resting on his knees. Jesse was doubled over as well; from laughter. He practically crawled off the bed and moved to stand in front of Steve.

"Need some help?" Jesse asked with a giggle. The sight of the always in control Steve Sloan folded like an accordion was a sight to behold. Jesse extended a hand and quickly found it enveloped in a meaty paw. He braced his legs and pulled, while Steve used his free hand to push on the floor, with a great deal of effort he finally popped out of the drawer like a cork from a bottle.

"What in the hell is wrong with you, Travis, you scared me to death?" Steve growled.

"I didn't mean to, but jeez, Steve, you were blowing in my hair!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Jesse, why would I be blowing in your hair?"

"I don't know, maybe for the same reason you had me squished against your side and called me by a woman's name. By the way, who is Miranda?"

"None of your business."

"Oh, but I disagree, I just took her place in bed, if anyone has a right to know who she is it's me. Does your dad know her? He hasn't mentioned anyone."

"No, dad has never met her, she has only been at the house a couple of times and he was gone for both of them."

"Well obviously you two have been 'together'," Jesse suggested with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Jesse, it is really none of your business."

"Oh, now come on, Steve, your love life is like watching a car race, you know there is going to be a crash you just don't know when, you can't keep us out of that."

Steve had mumbled something that Jesse was pretty sure disparaged his mother and moved to push by him when he stopped suddenly and grabbed towards the upper part of his right thigh.

"What's the matter?" Jesse asked.

"I don't know something just poked me, oh man, do not tell me that I got a splinter, I have a cut face, I'm sure I have a black eye and a really lovely bruise on my ribs and now I have a splinter?" As he had turned to continue his tirade he had been brought to an abrupt halt. Jesse stood looking for all the world like the little boy who had just lost his best friend.

"I'm sorry, Steve, I didn't mean to hurt you."

The change in emotions had been so dramatic that Steve was sure his head was swiveling. "Jesse, look it's no big deal, you were dreaming and I got in the way. So, I have a few bumps and bruises?"

"I should never have come back here, only bad things happen."

"Jesse, this has to stop, you can't continue to tear yourself up over things you can't control. You were and are the victim."

Jesse stood quietly for a moment before he spoke. "I just don't know how to stop, I hate feeling this way, but I don't know what to do about it."

Steve sighed. "Jesse, I think it's pretty obvious I'm not very good at this, but one thing I can guarantee you is that I am your friend and I will be there for you."

"Steve, you do more than you know, now how about you get out of my bedroom so that I can get dressed?" Jesse offered with a small smile.

"Oh, yeah, sure, you protect your modesty, I'll just stand in the middle of the living room and change!" The comment had earned him a chuckle and the mood lightened once again.

………………..

Steve leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. "That was a great breakfast!"

Jesse turned incredulous blue eyes on him. "A great breakfast? Steve, whoever told you black was a food group lied. Burned toast, burned eggs and burned bacon. Amazingly I think you came close to burning the coffee."

"But you gotta admit it was great!"

"Uh, no I don't. I'll be cooking the rest of our meals."

"Ok," Steve agreed quickly and suddenly found himself under intense scrutiny.

"You burned everything on purpose."

"Would I do that?" Steve responded with a devilish grin.

"Yes, obviously you would, you ruined perfectly good food."

"It wasn't ruined, I ate it."

"No offense, Steve, but you have the pallet of a water buffalo, and I'm thinking the water buffalo might find the comparison insulting."

Steve held up his hands. "Hey, I've already said you could do the cooking." He almost but not quite kept the smirk off his face, and it had not gone unnoticed by Jesse.

"That was your plan all along! You set me up!"

"Why yes I did young grasshopper," Steve replied with a smile.

"That is just dirty and why are you calling me a grasshopper?"

"Kung Fu."

"Kung Fu? What, is that a new item on the menu at the Chinese restaurant?"

Steve scoffed. "No, it's a TV show."

"From what decade?"

"Ha, ha, don't act like you have never seen it."

"Steve, if I have seen it, I was lying in my crib and I don't remember much about it."

Steve had offered a patronizing grin, pushed back from the table and quickly changed the subject. "So, what are we doing today?"

Jesse had hesitated before he answered. "Could we go for a hike? I'd like to see the area around the cabin, and maybe the military reservation where you went and looked for me."

"I would imagine the base is still off limits, and we will need to drive. Why would you want to go there?"

"Because I want to have a clear view of everything that happened, not just to me, but you as well. I have these fleeting memories, it's like my eyes are out of focus. I can see shapes and images, but no details."

Steve had lowered his head to cover the guilt that suddenly filled his own eyes, if he had been less concerned about his petty beer preference none of this would ever have happened. He carefully schooled his features then looked back up. "Sure, Jesse, I'm ready whenever you are."

………………..

They walked the perimeter of the cabin, and Jesse seemed to be on autopilot, he stopped several times never saying anything. Steve waited patiently during these moments, silently offering his support. After each one Jesse would look up and offer him a smile, it was as if he were resolving things slowly but surely. The two of them had then gotten in the truck and driven to Cedar Lake Military Reservation. They were now approaching the fence line of the base. Each step increased the size of the knot in Steve's stomach. The memories of his last time here were making it difficult to concentrate. The fear, guilt and anger were all warring for equal time in Steve's mind. He was so preoccupied he didn't realize Jesse had stopped again and he nearly ran into him, when he looked he saw they had reached the fence. Jesse had just reached out a tentative hand to touch it when they heard a voice from behind.

"Hold it right there, don't even twitch."