Chapter Five – You Left Me

When Steve fully regained his senses, he looked around and realized he was in the same room he had been questioned in during his previous visit. The same stern faced man stood in the middle of the room beside a table that held both he and Jesse's belongings.

"Lieutenant Sloan, why are you here?"

"You need to get someone to write you some new questions." Steve answered sarcastically. He felt the point of a rifle settle against his shoulder. He turned his head slightly and found the smiling face of his favorite guard. "Don't you get to take any breaks?" His response had been increased pressure applied to his shoulder.

"Again, Lieutenant Sloan, why are you here?"

"I came with my friend, the one I was looking for the last time."

"Well, you seem to have found him, so why are you here?"

Steve sighed and looked down at the floor. The strain from the handcuffs caused his hands and arms to ache, and he was worried about Jesse. "My friend went through a really rough ordeal, he is trying to come to terms with what happened…"

The government agent interrupted him. "He was never here; you know that, you aren't making sense."

"Look, I know this may be hard for you to understand, it deals with human emotions," he paused as the rifle bounced against his shoulder again. "But, my friend is just seeking some closure." He stopped talking as another guard approached the agent and whispered in his ear. The agent had nodded and then stared intently at Steve.

"We are done; if you ever come back again I will make sure you spend the rest of your life in a federal penitentiary. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, perfectly," Steve had responded sarcastically.

"Good, I am going to remove your cuffs, it seems you friend has experienced a problem and we need your help."

Steve had bolted out of his chair. "What have you done to him?" He had then rushed the man, only to find himself brought up short by hands on his arms.

"We have done nothing, he was left alone and it appears that in an attempt to free himself from the room, he has suffered some minor injuries, he also is non-responsive."

Steve was seething, straining against the hands that held him. He shook his shoulders in an effort to free himself. "Let me go!"

The agent had nodded at the guard who had quickly unlocked his cuffs. Steve pushed the men on either side away and again moved towards the agent. When their noses were practically touching he had begun speaking, his spittle spraying the man's face. "If my friend isn't alright, the next visit I pay you won't be here, I will find your home and make you sorry you ever met me, take me to him NOW!"

The man just stepped aside and motioned towards a door to the left. "The guard will take you to him."

………………..

When Steve had been drug from the room, Jesse had folded into himself. The walls of the room began collapsing around him. When the green light had appeared under the door he knew he could not allow them to take him again. After pushing himself upright he had begun flinging himself against the door, the walls, anywhere he thought might get him out of the room. Oblivious to the injuries he was inflicting on himself, he continued his assault against the room until fatigue and pain brought him to his knees. He felt the cloud descending over his mind and the numbness consuming his limbs, he ceased his fighting and fell to his side and curled into the fetal position. His mind had then begun a slow replay of the events that had happened over six months ago. The memories flooded like water released from behind a dam. Everything was clear and concise. Walking through the cabin door, Steve leaving him, the shaking of the windows and the green light that had haunted him since. Waking up cold, battered and alone, so alone. Screaming for Steve until his throat ached, then the men who had pinned him to the wall and jabbed the needle into a vein in his neck. The liquid in the needle had flooded him with a white hot heat that had been followed immediately with excruciating pain. He had struggled to break free and had been rewarded with punches to the face and stomach. His captors had then dropped him in a quivering heap and he had curled into the very same fetal position he was now in. The scenario had played out many times over the next five days. He didn't know at the time how long he was held, Steve had told him at the hospital. For Jesse it had felt like five years. The last vision his mind evoked was the most heartbreaking, the physical discomfort paled in comparison. It was the final blow to his fragile hold on reality. He saw himself denouncing his friends, no they were more than friends; they were his family. The final heartbreaking straw was the anger and hate he felt towards Mark, Amanda and Steve, they had won, because turning him against his friends was worse than losing his own life with and with this last vivid recollection his mind promptly shut down.

………………..

The first thing Steve noticed when he walked into the room was the blood stains all over the walls, it wasn't a large quantity, but it was everywhere. His eyes had then found the small bundle in the corner. A sound that was a cross between a sob and a gasp escaped him as he rushed across and dropped to his knees. "Jesse?" He reached a shaking hand and squeezed his friends shoulder. The trembling he felt there seemed to penetrate his entire body. "Come on, Jess, we are going to get out of here." He had then turned to look at the guard behind him. "Get these cuffs off him now! I want a stretcher to carry him on, and I want it all five minutes ago!" One guard had moved forward with a key while the other had left the room quickly. Steve was now rubbing Jesse shoulder and offering words of comfort. Once the cuffs were off he had rolled him on his back. "Jesse, come on buddy, it's me, Steve." After an extended time of talking that had left his mouth dry Steve, had begun to give up hope of reaching Jesse. He had talked about his dad, Amanda and CJ without even the slightest reaction. His level of desperation rising he had dropped his head and mumbled, "Jess, please, I don't know what else to do; I can't do this by myself." Unknowingly he had virtually echoed Jesse's plea to him before their journey had begun. Eyelids flickered and a ghost of a frown flitted across his face. "That's it," Steve encouraged. Again more reaction; and the eyes opened.

"You left me," Jesse whispered weakly.

Steve felt his stomach drop to his knees. Once again he had failed Jesse.

"I'm sorry Jesse, I….," he had stopped because he really had no idea what to say.

"I don't feel well," Jesse had whispered.

"I know; we are getting out of here. Where is that stretcher?" Steve barked.

"Right here," responded a guard.

"No!" Jesse had shouted as he made a weak effort to rise. "I don't want their help, I will walk out of here!"

"Jesse, you are in no condition…."

"Steve, I need to do this, please just help me." Jesse pleaded. He knew that Steve had no idea that the thought of the stretcher had sparked another memory, one of being tossed roughly upon one and then being thrown onto the hard, hot ground of a Utah desert. If he closed his eyes he knew he would once again feel the sand grinding into his wounds.

Though not understanding Jesse's reluctance Steve had nodded and placed a hand under his best friend's arm. It took some effort on both their parts, but Jesse was soon standing upright, although a good portion of his body weight was being supported by Steve.

"One step at a time, ok?" Steve instructed.

Jesse had offered a small smile. "Yes, one step at a time, is one step more away from here."

It had seemed an eternity till they reached the area where they had left the truck, once again Steve found himself retrieving his belongings off the ground where they had been tossed by the guard who had released them. This time though Steve had offered some parting words. "If you ever find yourself in LA, look me up, I'll treat you to the same hospitality you have shown us."

"Lieutenant, I may just take you up on that, I would love to teach you some manners."

"I look forward to it," Steve growled. "Come on, Jesse, let's get the hell out of here."

Jesse had stumbled slightly and if not for the strong arm that quickly circled his waist he might have fallen. Steve secured him in the passenger seat of the truck and then climbed in himself. "We'll stop by the cabin and pick up our stuff, then I'll get you to Community General."

"No," Jesse stated quietly.

"What do you mean no?"

"Just what I said, no, if I leave now, I may never get the courage to come back. I need to finish this."

"Jesse, you need to see a doctor."

Jesse had smiled. "Well then I'll look in a mirror."

"Ha, ha, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do, but please just help me do this."

Steve had sat gripping the steering wheel, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "You do realize that Dad and Amanda are going to kill me."

"Nah, I won't let them, they know you are scared of me," Jesse had offered with a giggle. "Now take me back to the cabin."

The smile that Steve had offered in return was hesitant and hopeful. All he knew was that once again he had allowed his friend to be hurt. This trip which had been meant to resolve issues had only seemed to create more. He knew his emotions were as raw today as they had been that day Jesse was wheeled into the hospital. The small weak voice seemed to echo through his head. You left me.