Chapter Five - Goodbye's

I got Jesse to drive me to Carter's after school that day.

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked.

"That's okay. You don't have to, "I told him.

"I want to, we won't see each other for awhile, I want to spend time with you while I still can," he insisted.

I smiled. The tears were gathering under my lids again. I agreed to let him pick me up in a couple hours.

I knocked on the front door and Carter's father answered it. He smiled.

"Lucky right?" he said moving aside so I could go in.

"That's right," I said.

"Carters in the dungeon," he said, trying to make a joke. I smiled tightly. I was too nervous to laugh. I found the doorway to the basement and took a deep breath. The last time I had been here was New Year's Eve and that hadn't turned out well.

I found Carter on the couch watching T.V. I didn't even have to say anything. It was alike he sensed my presence. He didn't look surprised to see me.

"Long time, no see," he said.

Crying would no doubt be unavoidable today.

"I'm so sorry," I said, my voice, cracking.

"It's not your fault, I was a jerk," he said

"I.I just didn't know you wanted to be more than friends," I told him.

"How could you not know?" he asked standing up.

I shrugged.

"I'm so glad you came over. I wanted to call you but I thought you hated you," he said coming closer.

"I don't hate you," I said.

He was right in front of me now, "Good," he leaned closer to me.

"There's something I have to tell you," I whispered. He kissed me gently and I let him. But there was something wrong. I didn't feel the same warm and fuzzy feeling I'd felt on New Year's Eve. It felt like I was kissing my good friend. I realized then that that was all he was to me. A good friend. And to my surprise, that was all I wanted him to be.

I pulled away and looked at my feet. I hoped he wouldn't be furious with me, "Carter, I have to leave for awhile," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm going to stay with my mother," I told him.

"What? I thought your mother was dead," he said.

I told him quickly what I knew about my mother.

"How far away?" he asked.

"I don't know yet, but I think it is somewhere around Ottawa," I told him.

"Ottawa?" he whispered.

I nodded. Maybe when he heard about me moving six hours away he'd forget about having a relationship. He fell back on the couch looking defeated.

After a moment his face lit up, "I've got at an idea," he said.

I didn't say anything.

"I'll move out there," he said excitedly.

My mouth dropped open.

"I have money saved. I can go to high school and get the credits I need and got to college in Ottawa," he said.

"Carter, I don't--" I started.

"It'll be great. I can get away from my parents, be on m y own, be near you, what a great idea!" he smiled, "Don't you think?"

"No," I said bluntly. With Carter I had to be direct. He wasn't good at taking hints.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Carter, I came here to say goodbye, not to start a relationship. We are friends and to be completely honest that is all I want right now," I told him. If he wouldn't respect my wished, maybe he wasn't worth my time.

"Oh, friends," he said finally.

"That's all," I said again.

He looked so disappointed and he had a look on his face that told me I had broken his heart all over again.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. I turned around to leave, "I'm leaving next Friday if you're interested, "I added.

I didn't know if he'd ever want to speak to me again. But I left that up to him. If he could accept being just friends then he could come and say goodbye.

It was too early for Jesse to pick me up so I walked to the gas station and used the pay phone to call him.

"Is everything alright?" he asked when I got in the car.

"No, not really," I said.

Dad was sitting in the apartment in silence when we got home. I hated seeing him like this. I sat down on the couch beside him and took his hand.

"Dad, I want you to know that I don't blame you for any of this and I love you so much," tears were threatening to spill over again.

"I love you like you are my real daughter," he said turning to me.

"To me, I am," I said crying openly now.

For the rest of the night we talked about all the good times we'd had. Before I went to bed Dad told me about my real mother, Maria Porter. He didn't know the details of why she left me but he told me she lived on the outskirts of Ottawa with her husband and fifteen year old daughter. It shocked me to hear she had another child so close to my age but she'd felt ready to have that child but not ready for me only a year and a half earlier. Dad said she married a man eight years older than her when she was only nineteen.

Despite how I had vowed to fight my mother every step of the way, I started to get more interested in meeting her. I had believed she was dead for so long and finding out now that she wasn't was a huge shock and almost a blessing. I would get what I had wanted more than anything else in the world.

A mother.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

For the rest of the week I said my goodbyes to all my friends and teachers. It was hard to leave the only place I had ever known behind. I had lived in St. Thomas all my life.

Finally, it was Friday. Dad told me a car would be by to pick me up around four. I wondered if my mother would be in the car waiting for me. I had all my things packed up and ready to go, but I was ready to go.

Jesse, Dad, Lana, Nathan and Kristen were all crammed into the tiny apartment to say goodbye. Nathan looked different than I remembered him. His brown hair was combed neatly. He had on clean, wrinkle-free clothes and his blue eyes weren't bloodshot al all. Lana had been a good influence on him and I could tell then had really gotten close.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Lana said, hugging me.

"We'll write, and call, and you'll probably be able to visit," I promised.

The moment the clock struck four the door buzzer rang. It was my ride. Everyone helped me carry my bags down. In front of our modest apartment building was a sleek looking black stretch limo. I gasped in surprise.

"Wow," Nathan said, "Your mom must be loaded,"

There was a man in a chauffeur's uniform standing beside the car. He had a hat on but I could see his light colored hair was graying. His face looked worm but I could see he had a friendly gleam in his greenish eyes. He was tall and very thin.

"Lucky Sinclair I presume?" he asked formally.

"Yes," I said.

"I am Gary, the Porter's driver," he introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you Gary," I said still not able to tear my eyes away from the limo.

"I will put your luggage in the car," he said. I nodded and turned back to my friends and family.

I took a deep breath, "Well, this is it," I said.

"I'll miss you," Jesses said. He gave me a hug and the tears fell down my cheeks. Everyone else hugged me and cried with me.

"Please try to give Maria a chance," Dad said.

"I will," I promised him. This was already hard enough for him; I didn't want to make it any harder by showing how angry I was with my mother.

Gary opened the door to the limo for me and I peered inside. And much to my disappointment, or relief, I don't really know, it was empty.

"Goodbye everyone, I love you," I said through my tears. I climbed into the limo and watched as everyone I loved went back into the building. Dad looked back once and winked at me reassuringly. I waved back. Gary closed the door, beginning my journey.

The inside of the limo was beautiful. It had black leather seats and a T.V, DVD player, stereo and fridge. I think it could have seated ten people but right now it was just me, all alone. There was a tinted window that separated the driving area from the luxury. I could see Gary's outline as he started the car.

Suddenly the window separating us moved away.

"There are drinks and snacks in the fridge, you can watch DVDs, they are in the cupboard under the TV. Listen to music, whatever you would like," Gary told me.

"Wow, thank you," I breathed. This was all just so unbelievable.

"If you need anything at all just push that red button and the window will move so you can talk to me," he said, "Sound good?"

"This is amazing," I said, "Thank you so much."

"No need to thank me, it's my job," he said, "and with someone like you to drive around, I'm sure I will enjoy it so much more."

I smiled in appreciation. With that, we were on our way out of St. Thomas. I looked back once when we stopped at the end of my street. I thought I saw someone standing in the street watching us drive away but we turned before I could be sure.

I was on my way to a new life and I had no idea what it would bring.