Title: Nightswimming II
Author: Kaitlyn
Rating: R
Summary: Burning lungs, dirty dancing, nightswimming and second chances...Loud music, tainted smoke, fiery kisses and racing hearts. Everyone remembers what it was like to be 18. Established R/R and eventual C/M\
I ended up bringing my laptop to NYC with me. My sister and I've decided to stay in tonight, and she thought it'd be fun to help me with this chapter! We're making an evening of it :-) If you like it, then yay for a team effort! If not...then the parts you dislike were her ideas ;-)
Also, just as a disclaimer of sorts, I'm not as good at writing Chandler and Monica as Ross and Rachel. I like them together, but I'm not as into them on the actual show. By all means, though, if you are an avid Chandler/Monica fan and you can think of any way in which I can improve my portrayal of them, let me know.
This section is rated R. For those of you who've read previous stories of mine and subsequently their R-rated chapters, this one is more so than any of those. I mean it this time. Not for the kiddies. Come on, you've got me, my sister and a bottle of Tequila! What do you expect!? :) Trust me, though, it was all pre-devised and serves a VERY important function in chapters to come. You should know my policy by now: no gratuitousness!
The next update probably won't be for another week or so.
****************************************************************************
"Hey, have you seen Ross and Rachel lately?" Monica asked. She was standing in a small circle with Chandler and Joey, taking sips from her beer and trying not to look too disgusted. She's never really cared for the stuff that much. On the occasions that she did drink, she preferred wine. Joey cocked his head to the side, gesturing over to the lake that was now completely obscured by the blackness of the night.
"He followed her down there like an hour ago. I wonder what they could be doing," he submitted, lifting a sarcastic eyebrow and sharing a secret chuckle with Chandler. Monica was not amused.
"No, I don't think so."
"You're telling me they haven't yet?" Chandler asked, looking genuinely surprised. Monica's face showed equal disbelief.
"You and Ross don't talk about that kind of stuff?" she asked.
"Well, yeah, and he always tells me that they haven't, but I kind of figured that was just his way of protecting her or something. So they REALLY haven't?"
"Nope," Monica confirmed, shaking her head. "She says she's not ready, and I say good for her."
"Heh?" Chandler asked, his face gleaming with the classic deer-in-headlights look. "You're, uh, you're saying that you don't think they should have sex? Even after 6 months?"
"EVEN after 6 months?" Monica asked, looking slightly appalled. "You think 6 months is a lot to have not had sex? They're not grown, you know. They ARE still just in high school." Monica crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly getting very defensive.
"Woah, calm down. I know that, it's just that...well...Ross IS going to college next year. I know he loves her and everything, but I just think that a relationship as serious as theirs would be hard to...sustain in a situation like that if there weren't some sort of...incentive there..." he trailed off on the end, realizing that no matter what he said, he was going to come off sounding like a jackass. From the look Monica was giving him, she obvious agreed. All the while, Joey was keeping quiet, content to listen to these two almost-strangers fight like an old married couple.
"You don't even know what you're talking about. I've never seen anyone our age love someone else the way they love each other. I know my brother, and he'd never expect ANYTHING from her that she wasn't ready for. You know, just because you're too immature to understand that a relationship doesn't always have to be..."
"Woah, Monica, calm down! Look, that's not what I meant. Forget I said it, okay? I know that Ross cares about her. He may be your brother, but he's me best friend. I know how much he loves her. I don't want you to think that's the way my mind works. It's not." Chandler's hands were out in front of him as a defense mechanism. Monica nodded, uncrossing her arms and lessening the rigid stance that she was in a bit.
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusion. That's not how...I mean, I don't think..." She was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that it was Chandler she was talking to. For a moment, she couldn't believe that she had actually yelled at him. He felt slightly embarrassed until he reached out and touched her arm, smiling lightly.
"I know it's not. You're just very protective of your best friend. It's okay, I understand." The situation turned on a dime from being very tense and unyielding to being quite the opposite. Joey was becoming a little uncomfortable.
"Hey, so, uh, anyone want another beer? I'm going to go get one." They both shook their heads, still not taking their eyes away from the other's gaze.
"Hey, you wouldn't want to...I mean, you don't want to go on a walk or something, do you?" Chandler asked. Monica immediately noticed how shy and hesitant the question had come out, and it made her smile. She was glad to see that she was making him just as nervous as he was making her. She nodded and reached for his hand, taking it in hers.
"I'd love to."
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"I've got it," he offered, bending down over the cooler and retrieving two beers. It wasn't until Joey looked up that he saw just who he was talking to. She was tall, blonde and gorgeous. That was really all that registered with him. The moon was casting a soft light across her face, adding an innocent yet fiery quality to her. She smiled and whispered "thanks", taking the iced drink that he'd extended to her from his hand.
"Uh, I'm, er, my name's..."
"Joey. I know," she finished for him, nodding and smiling. "I've seen you around at school."
"Really? Well then, what's your name?" he asked, putting on the 'Joey charm' and winking provocatively at her.
"Phoebe," she answered, her voice going velvety and flat. She was wearing a dark brown halter-top with some sort of Indian print on it and long khaki pants that started low on her hips. Her eyes were a deep chocolaty color in contrast to the long locks of gold that flowed from her head.
"That's pretty," he replied, smiling flirtatiously. How had he not noticed this girl earlier in the evening? She stuck out like a sore thumb in comparison to all the others. There was definitely something special about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He was going to dedicate the rest of the evening to figuring it out, though.
*****************************************************************************
"You have nice hands," she whispered, playing with the long elegant fingers of his right hand with both of hers where it rested on her stomach. She was laying on her back with her head on his chest and her feet sticking straight out in front of her. They formed a "T" in the grass beside the reservoir, and they'd been like that for almost an hour. The water was still soaking through his clothes, but she didn't mind.
"Thanks," he answered softly, tucking his left hand behind his head to rest on. They'd been looking up at the stars, but secretly, he'd just been staring at her. He couldn't take his eyes off her the entire night. It was bordering on physical impossibility. Part of him thought it might have been because of the whole Joey thing, and he was just feeling more protective and insecure than usual. I knew could never accurately explain it to her, but it was hard for him to see other guys blatantly coming onto her or checking her out as she passed by. He was fully aware of how adorable and sexy she was, she part of him thought at least once a day of how inadequate he was for her. She deserves someone better than me, he thought. She deserves someone with more charisma- someone who turns heads just as like she does. He saw that charisma in Joey, and that's part of what threatened him so much about the new mysterious Italian.
"What?" she asked, having realized that he hadn't said anything in quite a while. Uh oh, he thought. Busted.
"Nothing, I was just...uh..."
"Admiring the view?" she teasingly asked, entirely aware that the front of her white t-shirt was soaked through from when she'd hugged him earlier. He blushed slightly. He wasn't sure why.
"You caught me," he admitted, though that hadn't been all he was staring at. His eyes had moved throughout the evening from the smooth expanse of skin stretched over he shoulders, to the valley between her breasts, to the tight flat plain of her stomach, to her thighs and toes. She'd been going sans shoes, and he wasn't at all embarrassed to admit that even her feet turned him on. He couldn't get enough of her. He was drinking her in through every orifice in his body.
"Ross..." she whispered, suddenly becoming very serious.
"Yeah?" he asked, watching her play with his hand as his fingertips occupied themselves along the waistline of her shorts.
"You know I'm attracted to you, right? I mean, you know you don't have anything to worry about?" She was still just gazing down at where his hand was on her stomach, examining it as she turned it over in hers. She didn't turn her head around to look at him, but she knew that her question had probably confused him.
"Now I do," he answered softly, in a bashful tone that made her heart wrench. She couldn't believe he had never known. What had he thought for all this time?
"Good," she stated dryly, squeezing his hand tightly to affirm that she meant it. "Because I know how you are, Ross. I know that you get an idea in your head and you just run with it, like you probably did with the idea that I was attracted to Joey. The truth is, though, I don't see anything when I look at him. Yeah, guys flirt with me from time to time, but I want you to just drop any of these ideas you have about me just deciding one day that I'd rather be with someone else. I don't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep, but I WILL promise you that I've never been as attracted to someone- physically OR mentally- as I am to you. Never."
"Wow, uh, I don't know what to say." And he didn't. He hadn't at all seen that coming. "I mean, I'm not going to lie, Rachel. I see the way guys look at you. Whether it's with good intentions or not, I see the way they stare at you and elbow their jackass friends as you walk past. Even when I'm standing right there- even when I have my arm around you- they still do it. I can only let that kind of thing roll off my back so many times. I can't pretend forever like I don't get insecure. I mean, you're hot!" This last part was said rather flamboyantly, causing Rachel to smirk and giggle a little, which eased the mounting tension.
"Well you are!" he exclaimed, smiling himself this time. Then, he pressed his hand flat across her stomach and pushed down firmly in a gesture that told her he was about to become serious and wanted her to listen to everything he was going to say. "And that intimidates me, sometimes. You intimidate me sometimes, Rach. I need you so goddamn badly I can't breath, and that can scare the hell out of a guy. That DOES scare the hell out of me, and the thought that one day you might decide that some new guy's got something that I don't...well, that scares me, too. I don't have the kickass car, or the cool shades, or the suave lines. The only thing I have to go on here is the fact that every morning I wake up and think 'my god, I'm with Rachel', and the fact that that one thought keeps me going through the day. That's really all I've got, and the thought of you deciding that it's not enough..."
"Shut up, Ross, and just kiss me." Before he knew it, she had turned around completely and had crawled on top of him. She let all of her weight press into him and tangled her hands through his hair. Instinctively, his hands went to her waist. They traveled frantically up and down her back, down to cup her ass, and back up into her hair. Their kisses were rushed and deep, and he broke away a few times to kiss her jaw and neck.
She moaned slightly when he lifted his hips up into her and an especially sensitive area pressed into her stomach. She bend her legs and let them slide down his sides so that she was straddling his hips, but she did not sit up for fear of breaking the kiss. When his hands moved down to take permanent resident on her ass and he pushed her down into his increasingly hard groin, he was caught by surprise and gasped. He broke the kiss and a look of utter terror crossed his face.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't..." he began, but she placed her pointer finger over his lips. His breathing was erratic, but he closed his mouth instantly.
"No, it's okay. It's okay," she cooed. She smiled weakly and shook her head. She could tell he was embarrassed from the way he was blushing and back-peddling. Even his hands were shaking, and they'd never done that before. Something about this scenario made him even more nervous than usual, and she wasn't sure what it was.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm, uh...I'm fine. I mean, I'm more than fine, really. I mean, you're...How couldn't I..." he stuttered, trying to find the right words to cushion this touchy situation. "Shit, um...is it okay i we just keep going?" he asked again, swallowing hardly and scared to death that she might say 'no'. Instead, she smiled and nodded.
"Yes," she whispered. "Keep going." He bent down and their dance continued. He assaulted her with his tongue and hands, instinctively rocking his hips up into her. With every thrust, she could feel it pressing against his jeans and her stomach. With a steadier hand than usual for this situation, she reached down between them and found the cold metal button of his jeans. From just this isolated act, he moaned into her mouth from deep in his throat. She lifted his shirt and let her hand graze his stomach before dipping down into his boxers. He grabbed her wrist suddenly to stop her.
"Hey, you don't have to," he murmured into her ear. She nodded.
"I know..." She proceeded, anyway. As soon as she was holding him in her hand, he jerked his hips abruptly up and bit into her shoulder.
"You okay?" she asked for the second time that evening. He mentally kicked himself for making her feel like she was babysitting him. Why was this time so much different? They had done this dozens of times. Why was he so nervous and eager?
"Yeah...God, I'm sorry. You're just...uh...REALLY good at this, is all" he managed to chuckle out, gripping her shoulders for leverage as he held the upper half of his body up. The muscles in his stomach contracted and Rachel pressed her hand flat against his torso to feel them momentarily and patted his chest before continuing. After a few even strokes, he had to grab her hand and remove it from his pants.
"I'm going to...I mean, I'm close..."She smiled. For whatever reason, he was incapable of finishing his sentences tonight. Knowing that it was because of her made her feel special. She nodded and slid off of him, but that something that had been left unfinished from her new angle beside him on the ground. She grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him over to lay on top of her. He rested the lower half of his body over hers, but provided support for himself with his bend arms on either side of head. With her hands firm on his waist, they proceeded in their kissing. Slowly, he slid a shaky hand up her stomach and underneath her shirt. He stroked and grasped everything he could with no rhyme or rhythm about it. His head was too far into the clouds and his heart was racing entirely too fast to think maintain any sort of composure or control. His actions and kisses were rushed, but she was keeping her pace with him, and bent her knees to cradle his body between them.
She felt his other hand move down between them to the metal teeth of her zipper. Her heart clenched for a moment and she felt herself break out into a small sweat. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that his pants were still unzipped and a certain part of him still very upright. Her body was telling her that this felt good, though, and she didn't want to stop. It was Ross, and she could never feel as safe with anyone as she did with him.
Her name poured in steady streams from his lips, dripping down his chin and onto her skin. She felt the pressure of his kneading hands underneath her shirt and a firmness that pressed continuously and firmly into her underwear. Then, time stopped when he hooked one finger underneath her panties and pulled them to the side. Her breath caught in her throat, and he felt it, causing him to cease all of his motions.
"Rachel..." he pleased, breathing heavily into her ear. "Tell me if it's okay." He said it like a 5-year-old boy begging for a before-dinner treat. His voice was small and more unsure than she'd ever heard it. And that scared her.
"I..." she began, her mouth standing agape as she waited for the words to come. "I..." she started again, hoping that she would suddenly be able to open up the flood gate and all of the thousands of explanations she was looking for would come rushing out in a title wave. No such luck. Instead, she panicked and threw him off of her in one involuntary shove.
She flew up, frantically buttoning her pants and straightening her shirt and hair. For as hard as she'd been breathing before, she was now gasping for breath. Meanwhile, a very confused and scared Ross quickly tucked himself back into his pants and before burying his face in his hands and allowing himself to fall backwards onto the dirt on his back. He ran his hands over his face and up through his hair.
"Jesus, Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." He shot up after a moment and slid over next to her, touching her arm softly. She didn't flinch at his touch, which he took as a sign. "God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know what I was thinking, I just..." he rambled. She cut him off before too long.
"No, no, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong," she assured, surprising both of them by crawling between his legs. She burrowed herself against his chest and he supported both of their weights, enveloping her in a tight hug and pulling her into him. He rested his chin on her head and kissed her hair. They sat like that for a long while, and he rocked both of them back and forth.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry," he continued to apologize. He felt a sickness in the pit of his stomach. There was a deep, dark void there that seemed to be sucking at all of his insides. He thought he was going to be sick, but he just sat there and rocked their bodies together. I don't deserve to still be touching her, he thought. I don't know why she's letting me hold her.
"I'm sorry, too," she whispered, grasping and clawing at his shirt and chest. Silent tears fell from her eyes, but she didn't cry. She didn't know what had come over her. All she knew was that she loved him more than ever for how sorry he'd been, and part of her wished that she had never stopped it at all. Now, with the security of his strong arms around her, she wasn't sure why she had.
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End Chapter 7. Continued in Chapter 8.
Author: Kaitlyn
Rating: R
Summary: Burning lungs, dirty dancing, nightswimming and second chances...Loud music, tainted smoke, fiery kisses and racing hearts. Everyone remembers what it was like to be 18. Established R/R and eventual C/M\
I ended up bringing my laptop to NYC with me. My sister and I've decided to stay in tonight, and she thought it'd be fun to help me with this chapter! We're making an evening of it :-) If you like it, then yay for a team effort! If not...then the parts you dislike were her ideas ;-)
Also, just as a disclaimer of sorts, I'm not as good at writing Chandler and Monica as Ross and Rachel. I like them together, but I'm not as into them on the actual show. By all means, though, if you are an avid Chandler/Monica fan and you can think of any way in which I can improve my portrayal of them, let me know.
This section is rated R. For those of you who've read previous stories of mine and subsequently their R-rated chapters, this one is more so than any of those. I mean it this time. Not for the kiddies. Come on, you've got me, my sister and a bottle of Tequila! What do you expect!? :) Trust me, though, it was all pre-devised and serves a VERY important function in chapters to come. You should know my policy by now: no gratuitousness!
The next update probably won't be for another week or so.
****************************************************************************
"Hey, have you seen Ross and Rachel lately?" Monica asked. She was standing in a small circle with Chandler and Joey, taking sips from her beer and trying not to look too disgusted. She's never really cared for the stuff that much. On the occasions that she did drink, she preferred wine. Joey cocked his head to the side, gesturing over to the lake that was now completely obscured by the blackness of the night.
"He followed her down there like an hour ago. I wonder what they could be doing," he submitted, lifting a sarcastic eyebrow and sharing a secret chuckle with Chandler. Monica was not amused.
"No, I don't think so."
"You're telling me they haven't yet?" Chandler asked, looking genuinely surprised. Monica's face showed equal disbelief.
"You and Ross don't talk about that kind of stuff?" she asked.
"Well, yeah, and he always tells me that they haven't, but I kind of figured that was just his way of protecting her or something. So they REALLY haven't?"
"Nope," Monica confirmed, shaking her head. "She says she's not ready, and I say good for her."
"Heh?" Chandler asked, his face gleaming with the classic deer-in-headlights look. "You're, uh, you're saying that you don't think they should have sex? Even after 6 months?"
"EVEN after 6 months?" Monica asked, looking slightly appalled. "You think 6 months is a lot to have not had sex? They're not grown, you know. They ARE still just in high school." Monica crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly getting very defensive.
"Woah, calm down. I know that, it's just that...well...Ross IS going to college next year. I know he loves her and everything, but I just think that a relationship as serious as theirs would be hard to...sustain in a situation like that if there weren't some sort of...incentive there..." he trailed off on the end, realizing that no matter what he said, he was going to come off sounding like a jackass. From the look Monica was giving him, she obvious agreed. All the while, Joey was keeping quiet, content to listen to these two almost-strangers fight like an old married couple.
"You don't even know what you're talking about. I've never seen anyone our age love someone else the way they love each other. I know my brother, and he'd never expect ANYTHING from her that she wasn't ready for. You know, just because you're too immature to understand that a relationship doesn't always have to be..."
"Woah, Monica, calm down! Look, that's not what I meant. Forget I said it, okay? I know that Ross cares about her. He may be your brother, but he's me best friend. I know how much he loves her. I don't want you to think that's the way my mind works. It's not." Chandler's hands were out in front of him as a defense mechanism. Monica nodded, uncrossing her arms and lessening the rigid stance that she was in a bit.
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusion. That's not how...I mean, I don't think..." She was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that it was Chandler she was talking to. For a moment, she couldn't believe that she had actually yelled at him. He felt slightly embarrassed until he reached out and touched her arm, smiling lightly.
"I know it's not. You're just very protective of your best friend. It's okay, I understand." The situation turned on a dime from being very tense and unyielding to being quite the opposite. Joey was becoming a little uncomfortable.
"Hey, so, uh, anyone want another beer? I'm going to go get one." They both shook their heads, still not taking their eyes away from the other's gaze.
"Hey, you wouldn't want to...I mean, you don't want to go on a walk or something, do you?" Chandler asked. Monica immediately noticed how shy and hesitant the question had come out, and it made her smile. She was glad to see that she was making him just as nervous as he was making her. She nodded and reached for his hand, taking it in hers.
"I'd love to."
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"I've got it," he offered, bending down over the cooler and retrieving two beers. It wasn't until Joey looked up that he saw just who he was talking to. She was tall, blonde and gorgeous. That was really all that registered with him. The moon was casting a soft light across her face, adding an innocent yet fiery quality to her. She smiled and whispered "thanks", taking the iced drink that he'd extended to her from his hand.
"Uh, I'm, er, my name's..."
"Joey. I know," she finished for him, nodding and smiling. "I've seen you around at school."
"Really? Well then, what's your name?" he asked, putting on the 'Joey charm' and winking provocatively at her.
"Phoebe," she answered, her voice going velvety and flat. She was wearing a dark brown halter-top with some sort of Indian print on it and long khaki pants that started low on her hips. Her eyes were a deep chocolaty color in contrast to the long locks of gold that flowed from her head.
"That's pretty," he replied, smiling flirtatiously. How had he not noticed this girl earlier in the evening? She stuck out like a sore thumb in comparison to all the others. There was definitely something special about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He was going to dedicate the rest of the evening to figuring it out, though.
*****************************************************************************
"You have nice hands," she whispered, playing with the long elegant fingers of his right hand with both of hers where it rested on her stomach. She was laying on her back with her head on his chest and her feet sticking straight out in front of her. They formed a "T" in the grass beside the reservoir, and they'd been like that for almost an hour. The water was still soaking through his clothes, but she didn't mind.
"Thanks," he answered softly, tucking his left hand behind his head to rest on. They'd been looking up at the stars, but secretly, he'd just been staring at her. He couldn't take his eyes off her the entire night. It was bordering on physical impossibility. Part of him thought it might have been because of the whole Joey thing, and he was just feeling more protective and insecure than usual. I knew could never accurately explain it to her, but it was hard for him to see other guys blatantly coming onto her or checking her out as she passed by. He was fully aware of how adorable and sexy she was, she part of him thought at least once a day of how inadequate he was for her. She deserves someone better than me, he thought. She deserves someone with more charisma- someone who turns heads just as like she does. He saw that charisma in Joey, and that's part of what threatened him so much about the new mysterious Italian.
"What?" she asked, having realized that he hadn't said anything in quite a while. Uh oh, he thought. Busted.
"Nothing, I was just...uh..."
"Admiring the view?" she teasingly asked, entirely aware that the front of her white t-shirt was soaked through from when she'd hugged him earlier. He blushed slightly. He wasn't sure why.
"You caught me," he admitted, though that hadn't been all he was staring at. His eyes had moved throughout the evening from the smooth expanse of skin stretched over he shoulders, to the valley between her breasts, to the tight flat plain of her stomach, to her thighs and toes. She'd been going sans shoes, and he wasn't at all embarrassed to admit that even her feet turned him on. He couldn't get enough of her. He was drinking her in through every orifice in his body.
"Ross..." she whispered, suddenly becoming very serious.
"Yeah?" he asked, watching her play with his hand as his fingertips occupied themselves along the waistline of her shorts.
"You know I'm attracted to you, right? I mean, you know you don't have anything to worry about?" She was still just gazing down at where his hand was on her stomach, examining it as she turned it over in hers. She didn't turn her head around to look at him, but she knew that her question had probably confused him.
"Now I do," he answered softly, in a bashful tone that made her heart wrench. She couldn't believe he had never known. What had he thought for all this time?
"Good," she stated dryly, squeezing his hand tightly to affirm that she meant it. "Because I know how you are, Ross. I know that you get an idea in your head and you just run with it, like you probably did with the idea that I was attracted to Joey. The truth is, though, I don't see anything when I look at him. Yeah, guys flirt with me from time to time, but I want you to just drop any of these ideas you have about me just deciding one day that I'd rather be with someone else. I don't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep, but I WILL promise you that I've never been as attracted to someone- physically OR mentally- as I am to you. Never."
"Wow, uh, I don't know what to say." And he didn't. He hadn't at all seen that coming. "I mean, I'm not going to lie, Rachel. I see the way guys look at you. Whether it's with good intentions or not, I see the way they stare at you and elbow their jackass friends as you walk past. Even when I'm standing right there- even when I have my arm around you- they still do it. I can only let that kind of thing roll off my back so many times. I can't pretend forever like I don't get insecure. I mean, you're hot!" This last part was said rather flamboyantly, causing Rachel to smirk and giggle a little, which eased the mounting tension.
"Well you are!" he exclaimed, smiling himself this time. Then, he pressed his hand flat across her stomach and pushed down firmly in a gesture that told her he was about to become serious and wanted her to listen to everything he was going to say. "And that intimidates me, sometimes. You intimidate me sometimes, Rach. I need you so goddamn badly I can't breath, and that can scare the hell out of a guy. That DOES scare the hell out of me, and the thought that one day you might decide that some new guy's got something that I don't...well, that scares me, too. I don't have the kickass car, or the cool shades, or the suave lines. The only thing I have to go on here is the fact that every morning I wake up and think 'my god, I'm with Rachel', and the fact that that one thought keeps me going through the day. That's really all I've got, and the thought of you deciding that it's not enough..."
"Shut up, Ross, and just kiss me." Before he knew it, she had turned around completely and had crawled on top of him. She let all of her weight press into him and tangled her hands through his hair. Instinctively, his hands went to her waist. They traveled frantically up and down her back, down to cup her ass, and back up into her hair. Their kisses were rushed and deep, and he broke away a few times to kiss her jaw and neck.
She moaned slightly when he lifted his hips up into her and an especially sensitive area pressed into her stomach. She bend her legs and let them slide down his sides so that she was straddling his hips, but she did not sit up for fear of breaking the kiss. When his hands moved down to take permanent resident on her ass and he pushed her down into his increasingly hard groin, he was caught by surprise and gasped. He broke the kiss and a look of utter terror crossed his face.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't..." he began, but she placed her pointer finger over his lips. His breathing was erratic, but he closed his mouth instantly.
"No, it's okay. It's okay," she cooed. She smiled weakly and shook her head. She could tell he was embarrassed from the way he was blushing and back-peddling. Even his hands were shaking, and they'd never done that before. Something about this scenario made him even more nervous than usual, and she wasn't sure what it was.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm, uh...I'm fine. I mean, I'm more than fine, really. I mean, you're...How couldn't I..." he stuttered, trying to find the right words to cushion this touchy situation. "Shit, um...is it okay i we just keep going?" he asked again, swallowing hardly and scared to death that she might say 'no'. Instead, she smiled and nodded.
"Yes," she whispered. "Keep going." He bent down and their dance continued. He assaulted her with his tongue and hands, instinctively rocking his hips up into her. With every thrust, she could feel it pressing against his jeans and her stomach. With a steadier hand than usual for this situation, she reached down between them and found the cold metal button of his jeans. From just this isolated act, he moaned into her mouth from deep in his throat. She lifted his shirt and let her hand graze his stomach before dipping down into his boxers. He grabbed her wrist suddenly to stop her.
"Hey, you don't have to," he murmured into her ear. She nodded.
"I know..." She proceeded, anyway. As soon as she was holding him in her hand, he jerked his hips abruptly up and bit into her shoulder.
"You okay?" she asked for the second time that evening. He mentally kicked himself for making her feel like she was babysitting him. Why was this time so much different? They had done this dozens of times. Why was he so nervous and eager?
"Yeah...God, I'm sorry. You're just...uh...REALLY good at this, is all" he managed to chuckle out, gripping her shoulders for leverage as he held the upper half of his body up. The muscles in his stomach contracted and Rachel pressed her hand flat against his torso to feel them momentarily and patted his chest before continuing. After a few even strokes, he had to grab her hand and remove it from his pants.
"I'm going to...I mean, I'm close..."She smiled. For whatever reason, he was incapable of finishing his sentences tonight. Knowing that it was because of her made her feel special. She nodded and slid off of him, but that something that had been left unfinished from her new angle beside him on the ground. She grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him over to lay on top of her. He rested the lower half of his body over hers, but provided support for himself with his bend arms on either side of head. With her hands firm on his waist, they proceeded in their kissing. Slowly, he slid a shaky hand up her stomach and underneath her shirt. He stroked and grasped everything he could with no rhyme or rhythm about it. His head was too far into the clouds and his heart was racing entirely too fast to think maintain any sort of composure or control. His actions and kisses were rushed, but she was keeping her pace with him, and bent her knees to cradle his body between them.
She felt his other hand move down between them to the metal teeth of her zipper. Her heart clenched for a moment and she felt herself break out into a small sweat. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that his pants were still unzipped and a certain part of him still very upright. Her body was telling her that this felt good, though, and she didn't want to stop. It was Ross, and she could never feel as safe with anyone as she did with him.
Her name poured in steady streams from his lips, dripping down his chin and onto her skin. She felt the pressure of his kneading hands underneath her shirt and a firmness that pressed continuously and firmly into her underwear. Then, time stopped when he hooked one finger underneath her panties and pulled them to the side. Her breath caught in her throat, and he felt it, causing him to cease all of his motions.
"Rachel..." he pleased, breathing heavily into her ear. "Tell me if it's okay." He said it like a 5-year-old boy begging for a before-dinner treat. His voice was small and more unsure than she'd ever heard it. And that scared her.
"I..." she began, her mouth standing agape as she waited for the words to come. "I..." she started again, hoping that she would suddenly be able to open up the flood gate and all of the thousands of explanations she was looking for would come rushing out in a title wave. No such luck. Instead, she panicked and threw him off of her in one involuntary shove.
She flew up, frantically buttoning her pants and straightening her shirt and hair. For as hard as she'd been breathing before, she was now gasping for breath. Meanwhile, a very confused and scared Ross quickly tucked himself back into his pants and before burying his face in his hands and allowing himself to fall backwards onto the dirt on his back. He ran his hands over his face and up through his hair.
"Jesus, Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." He shot up after a moment and slid over next to her, touching her arm softly. She didn't flinch at his touch, which he took as a sign. "God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know what I was thinking, I just..." he rambled. She cut him off before too long.
"No, no, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong," she assured, surprising both of them by crawling between his legs. She burrowed herself against his chest and he supported both of their weights, enveloping her in a tight hug and pulling her into him. He rested his chin on her head and kissed her hair. They sat like that for a long while, and he rocked both of them back and forth.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry," he continued to apologize. He felt a sickness in the pit of his stomach. There was a deep, dark void there that seemed to be sucking at all of his insides. He thought he was going to be sick, but he just sat there and rocked their bodies together. I don't deserve to still be touching her, he thought. I don't know why she's letting me hold her.
"I'm sorry, too," she whispered, grasping and clawing at his shirt and chest. Silent tears fell from her eyes, but she didn't cry. She didn't know what had come over her. All she knew was that she loved him more than ever for how sorry he'd been, and part of her wished that she had never stopped it at all. Now, with the security of his strong arms around her, she wasn't sure why she had.
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End Chapter 7. Continued in Chapter 8.
