Disclaimer: Not mine, never has been and never will be.
A/N: Prequel to "Reunion".
Pairing: N/S
Id: In Freud's structural model, unconscious collection of drives, urges,
and wishes that continually push for complete gratification despite the
constraints of reality.
Superego: In Freud's model, the group of mental functions that represent morals,
standards, prohibitions, and conscience, and generate the affects of guilt and
shame.
Stay
Rain was falling from the sky like the tears from her eyes. Rain drops clutching to the window, trying to hold on. It was like they were trying to prevent themselves from falling in unknown depths. It was just like the way he was feeling when he held her all night, clutching to her frail body. Now he felt empty and broken. The rain only added to his misery.
He only had to ask and she would stay. One word, just one single word, which had been lingering on his lips all night while he was holding her tightly. He had found her crying softly in a dark corner of her bedroom. When he took her in his arms she started to cry desperately. Somewhere during then and now the decision had been made. He had to let her go.
With one swift movement he had picked her up and placed her on her bed. He lay down facing her. They had lain like this so many times before, comforting each other, holding each other, but never more. He knew she would give him what he desperately wanted to have. The mixture of guilt and sadness radiating from her eyes filled with tears told him that, but even though it would satisfy his needs that night, it would damage both of them even more.
She wasn't crying for herself, but also for him, for them. She was broken, but not beyond repair and her tears pleaded with him to understand, understand she was leaving him to save herself. Asking her to stay would be selfish, so he cried with her for all that would be lost and all that would never be. Dreams that would stay dreams and promises that would be broken.
Now he was standing here watching the sky cry the tears he didn't have anymore, remembering the feel of her body in his arms, remembering her scent. She hadn't left yet, but the relief on her face this morning told him she was already gone, making new dreams. Dreams he wanted her to have, but not without him in them. He was hurting, he was hurting bad. He felt physically ill.
A wave of nausea hit him when he watched her tell the rest of the team she was leaving never to come back. Her eyes never left his. It was like she was willing him to stop her, to speak up and say the one word which could reverse all the decisions made. Someone else spoke up and watching the impact his words had on her demeanor he knew the right decisions had been made.
Her eyes left his as she turned around and walked away, walking out of his life. His ears registered the word he was craving to say, but he realized it was his Id trying to control his Superego.
"Stay".
END
A/N I'm not a psychology major, just a medical student, but Superego and Id are all I always seem to remember after I have had a psychology exam. The rest of it flees from my brain instantly.
