WARNING: This chapter contains excessive cursing and some drug abuse. Sorry. Do you think this should be rated R?
Thank yous:
Chris: Lol yeah you're right, Remus either announces or just sits on the sidelines with Lily when she's not playing... I dunno, Remus is supposed to be perfect and sweet (minus the lycanthropy, however you spell it) and therefore very committed... And there's more Ollie-bashing in here...
fallen816angel: I didn't get obsessed until book 5 either (there wasn't really a lot before then)- I LOVED the pensieve chapter. And due to unfortunate circumstances they didn't quite get to go home for break, but the present did (sort of) have a lily! Wait for the next chapter...
Quack Quack 88: Hehe, cute "review"! I could barely read it... And thanks for your present ideas! I totally stole them =) I actually was also going to put in the secret admirer thing too, but then I forgot. (Christmas is in the next chapter... I think...)
roguemagic 13
TheSiriusSparrow: Thanks for the idea! Death eater attack is definitely forthcoming!
Summer Rain of '89
Scene Nineteen: The Great Foreshadowing, Seventh Year Girls' Dorm, the Middle of the Night
The seventh year girls and a stray, bullied first-year whom they have befriended are sleeping quite peacefully in their beds. Suddenly, OC screams loudly.
OC: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! A BUG!
DIRECTOR: Not the bug! The DREAM.
OC: But that's OC2's department. I don't do freaky prophecy dreams.
DIRECTOR: Oh yeah. Sorry, I got that confused with your teleporting abilities. Well, I'm guessing OC2 is up anyway.
OC2: (blearily) Wha? What's going on?
DIRECTOR: [Quickly hands OC2 an ecstasy pill] Take this.
OC2, who apparently does not realize that it is very bad policy to accept unmarked pills (especially hallucinogens) from strangers and evil Directors, takes it.
DIRECTOR: (to Lily and OC) If anyone asks, she's talking in her sleep.
LILY: Er... okay, we'll keep that in mind.
The boys, having been roused by OC's scream, come running into the room.
JAMES: What happened? Are you guys okay? Did you know that all the windows blew?
DIRECTOR: How did you get up here?
JAMES: [shrugs] Dunno.
REMUS: Obviously we, being extremely clever Marauders, figured out a way to get up the staircase.
There is a moment of silence.
DIRECTOR: (expectantly) And?
SIRIUS: (sheepishly) We haven't quite figured out the way that we figured out yet.
Suddenly, OC2 starts talking. Her eyes are still closed.
OC2: Hi Lily! [waves to a spot on the wall] Oh, hi James! What are you two doing here?
LILY: Erm...
OC2: Oh, EW! I didn't need a demonstration, you could've just TOLD me!
JAMES: Huh?
OC: She's [glances at the script] having a, like, dream and, like, talking in her sleep. Yeah, that's it.
ALL: Ohh!
OC2: Who's this? Awww, it's a baby!
PETER: (with interest) The dead one?
OC2: No, a new one. He's so cute! And he looks just like James!
PETER: Damn. Master's screwed.
OC2: Oh dear! Look! Here comes a flashy green light... And there's that creepy guy who hangs out with Peter!
Peter twitches.
OC2: And now he's taking out his wand... Hm, now James fell asleep all of a sudden...
DIRECTOR: I hate to burst your bubble, but I think he's dead.
SIRIUS: [sighs] Just like Sleeping Beauty!
REMUS: Um, Padfoot? Sleeping Beauty didn't die.
SIRIUS: (matter-of-factly) In the death eater version she did.
OC2: Oh, okay. Wow, what did this guy do to himself? His voice is way unnaturally high. Oh look, now Lily feel asleep too! And there's lots and lots of green light...
OC2 "wakes up" with a rather bad hangover.
OC2: Ugh... gargh... can't... move...
SIRIUS: So now what do we do?
DIRECTOR: Pretend the dream freaked her out and comfort her? [gives Remus a Look]
REMUS: [quickly changes the subject] So, does anyone know why it's green? The light, I mean? Is green just the evilest color?
JAMES: Well, green is a Slytherin color.
LILY: But so is silver.
OC: Actually, I think it's, like, black. Not silver.
OC2: (who has miraculously recovered, due to a huge amount of hangover potion the girls keep around) Maybe it's just really dark silver.
PETER: But really dark silver is still glittery.
JAMES: Well, it could be glittery black.
PETER: No, because then it would be silver because it would be glittery.
LILY: So maybe that creepy guy chose green because he can't get his wand to be glittery.
PETER: THE DARK LORD CAN DO ANYTHING! [twiches] I mean, uh, yeah, maybe...
Scene Twenty: The Time-Turner, Gryffindor common room, the next morning.
The common room is pretty empty, because, of course, none of the other students actually exist. There are some Ditzy Dorm Girls around, but they are of little importance. Remus and OC2 are "studying" in the library, Peter is "studying" in the dungeons, and Sirius and OC are plain old snogging in a corner because they don't study. Lily and James are also "studying" by the fire.
The Director approaches Lily and James.
DIRECTOR: [holds out a hula hoop with an hourglass on the end] Here you go, get in this.
LILY: What the heck is that?
DIRECTOR: A time-turner. A really special one that has settings, because I wasn't about to flip my wrist 24 x 365 x 20 times, whatever that is. And that's only without the leap years.
JAMES: (with a suspicious look) I thought time-turners came with chains.
DIRECTOR: Yeah, funny story about that... did you know rabbits are actually quite capable of digesting metal? Well, it wasn't long enough anyway. The chain, I mean.
LILY: Aren't time-turners illegal?
DIRECTOR: [shrugs] Peter has connections. That reminds me. [Takes out disinfectant and sprays the entire thing] (under her breath) Ew, Malfoy germs.
JAMES: So, uh, where exactly are we going?
DIRECTOR: Into the future. To give you more clues about your impending doom, not like it helps anyway. And so Hermione can fall in love with Remus and Ginny can fall in love with Sirius. Only that's not going to happen because Sirius and Remus aren't invited.
JAMES: Erm... why not?
DIRECTOR: Because they might possibly run into their future selves and become horribly discouraged at their own oldness and jump off the Astronomy Tower. (to herself) They really should start charging rent for that place.
LILY: (proudly) So you're taking us because you know we're well adjusted enough to face our future selves and retain our sanity!
DIRECTOR: No, I'm taking you because you don't have future selves, which makes my job a lot easier.
LILY: Oh.
DIRECTOR: (brightly) So, let's go!
Just as they step into the hoop, Ditzy Dorm Girl 1 runs over and joins them.
DDG1: Like, what is this? What does it, like, do? Are you, like, having a, like, powwow?
JAMES: Uh, you might not want to do that...
DIRECTOR: Oh well. Too late.
There is a blinding flash of glittery black light and the four find themselves in the Gryffindor common room again, only twenty years later.
Everyone stares.
JAMES: Dude! Who are all these people?
DIRECTOR: [shrugs] Probably the children of all your friends and acquaintances.
LILY: I don't have any friends. I'm such a dorky loser! [Bursts into tears]
JAMES: What are we, going all angsty now?
DIRECTOR: I thought we already finished all the angst. [flips ahead a few pages in the script] Oh dear, maybe not.
Dumbledore, twenty years older, runs in.
DUMBLEDORE: Nooooooooo! Quick everyone, turn around and close your eyes! You did NOT just see four strange people appear in the middle of the room!
Everybody complies.
Dumbledore hastily conjures a Japanese screen around James, Lily, the Ditzy Dorn Girl, the Director, and himself.
DUMBLEDORE: (loudly) Okay! You can look now!
RON: (in a muffled voice from offstage) I see them! Wow, Dumbledore really sucks at hide and seek.
HERMOINE: (also from offstage) Don't be stupid Ron, obviously the Headmaster is conducting a very important business meeting.
HARRY: (in a muffled voice from offstage) Probably some stupid fucking plan about stupid fucking Voldemort that nobody wants to tell stupid fucking old me about, never mind that I'm going to end up getting almost stupid fucking killed again.
JAMES: Somebody needs to wash out that stupid fucking kid's mouth.
DUMBLEDORE: Ahem.
JAMES: Sorry Professor.
DUMBLEDORE: No problem. I just went temporarily deaf and didn't hear any of that. [blinks] So what am I supposed to do with you again?
DIRECTOR: [doubtfully] Well, you could disguise them and make them transfer students from America... but the truth will come out anyway.
DUMBLEDORE: [nods sagely] It always does. And when it does, it shall come with fireworks and possibly homemade bombs in cases with nails sticking out of them. Should I just save myself the bother?
DIRECTOR: Yeah.
LILY: [points at the Ditzy Dorm Girl] What about her?
DUMBLEDORE: [shrugs] I supposed we could just keep her in this time period. Ginny Weasley could always use another annoying roommate.
DDG: Like WOW! The guys in the twenty-first century are even hotter than in the last one! OLLIE!!!! [runs away]
DIRECTOR: (bemused) I thought Oliver graduated.
DUMBLEDORE: Mr. Wood is currently in the Hospital Wing.
DIRECTOR: Oh yeah... [glares darkly in the general direction of the Hospital Wing]
The head of Sirius (twenty years older) appears in the fireplace.
SIRIUS: (in a singsong voice) How much Wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Wood?
The Ministry rushes in.
Amos Diggory, twenty years older, blows a fanfare on a trumpet.
AMOS: CHARGE!
Sirius' head disappears.
LILY: (to the Director) Who was that?
DIRECTOR: Er... Sirius.
LILY: No way! You can't be serious!
JAMES: EW! He's OLD! And he looks funny with long hair.
HARRY: At least he's alive. Unlike some certain stupid fucking people.
JAMES: [looks at Harry suspiciously] Who are you?
DIRECTOR: [nudges Harry] You're supposed to look shocked.
Harry looks shocked.
DIRECTOR: Lily and James, meet Harry, your son. Harry, meet Lily and James.
LILY: (disdainfully) That's my son? Ew, he's ugly!
JAMES: He looks like me!
LILY: Exactly!
HARRY: But I have Lily's eyes.
LILY: (grudgingly) Yeah, I suppose you do. [Gives Harry an annoyed look] Why can't you comb your hair or something?
JAMES: [clears his throat loudly] So Harry, how's life?
HARRY: Besides stupid fucking Voldemort and stupid fucking OCs who want me and stupid fucking Cho and Draco who don't, great.
JAMES: Didya do IT yet?
LILY: JAMES!
JAMES: LILY!
LILY: What?
JAMES: You're hot!
LILY: You're a prick!
HARRY: (disgusted) You're all so immature!
Ron and Hermoine come across the room.
RON: (catching sight of everybody) Hey look, Mione! It's Harry's evil twin! [waves] Hi Harry's evil twin!
JAMES: (indignantly) I'm the good twin!
Lily coughs very loudly.
HERMOINE: (snootily) Honestly Ron, that's not Harry's other self. That's Harry's father, fresh from a time twenty years earlier through the use of a very illegal time-turner.
RON: (snidely) Oh what, is that in Hogwarts, A History or something?
HERMOINE: (equally snidely) As a matter of fact, it is.
JAMES: [sobs on Lily's shoulder] Darling! Our son has friends who read Hogwarts, A History! I've never been so disappointed in my life. Whatever shall we do? [perks up] On the plus side, we're in Hogwarts, A History!
LILY: [backs away from everybody] Uh, sorry, we have to go and live our lives now... We'll see you later... Maybe...
RON: [waves] Bye! Nice meeting you!
HARRY: Wait! Here are some last minute notes! Beware of a FRIEND who happens to look like a RAT and whose name starts with P and ends with ETER PETTIGREW!
JAMES: Huh?
James, Lily, and the Director disappear.
They reappear in the common room a few minutes after they initially left. Sirius greets them.
SIRIUS: (looking annoyed) So, did you three have a nice time in the future without me?
DIRECTOR: (guiltily) Damn, he guessed.
A/N: Sorry, this chapter was a little weird... it mostly focused on those "supernatural" fics... I guess there aren't THAT many of them, but I noticed Lily usually has the dream in regular fics. I dunno, I guess it's not THAT unlikely, but I hate the idea that people know their fate but can't do anything about it. Also, it really sucks, having to read the death scene over and over and over and over. And I guess maybe the Golden Trio is a little OOC, but Harry really was a bit of a whiny brat in the beginning of the 5th book... and I just don't like Ron.
I'm seeing PoA tomorrow! Wheee!
