To Live a Life of Ridicule
by Satosh1

Chapter 1: Suicide

A/N: I might be overstepping the boundaries of the PG-13 rating, so please inform me if this story is.

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Ritsuko's life was but a sad one. Never having a father or a mother to look up to, her life wasn't as easy as most people. As a child, she lived with her grandmother and her two cats in a lone complex. She had luckily been keeping in touch with her mother who sadly, unwillingly devotes all of her time in Gehirn, a corporation researching and creating an ambitious supercomputer built on managing and maintaining a total govern. With literally nothing to do, she spends her time always at home playing with her cats every so often as they were her only friends. Ritsuko is introverted, quiet, and socially unaccepted.

Her mother's reputation as a lead researcher of Gehirn has been all and all a hated becoming, ever since the spread of rumors concerning Gehirn's means of adding biological incorporation into their research had spread throughout the world. To transplant thought patterns or utilize any human component into computers for control was by all means absurd, hazardous, unconventional and inhumane to anyone in the right mind. Thinking of such horrid technology is madness, even worse when in times as after the second impact. Driven by that fact and only that, anyone who ever comes near or sees the "child of Dr. Akagi" would shout out words of hurt and insensitivity, calling her a conspirator of inhumane acts, whether she was a child or not. This forever scarred her judgment and self-worth, synonymously. Never being open towards others or never having the opportunity, what had only driven her towards a life of normalcy is her love and study of science.

Most people would expect that she would despise her mother for burdening her with the hateful reputation of the family name Akagi, but that isn't so. She loved her mother, whether or not she hated the seclusion and of not seeing her mother so often as others. Besides, to hate the one who brought you to this world is quite disrespectful and would violate every belief that Ritsuko had... but her feelings towards her mother are as mixed as a stubborn hurricane. Caught between the middle of hate or love, belief or indulgence, this has and had always plagued her mind for many a years. Fortunately she had made it all but nothing and believed it to be the best, or so she'd like to think.

Nearly eighteen years old, Ritsuko took up schooling at a local university majoring in science. Whatever should seem to bother her, the immediate urge to pick up a book and take up study would get the best of her for nearly hours at a time. Her devotion for the study of science rivals her mother's devotion for Gehirn's research. Other than the usual classes and routine, it was quite mundane, even with the common ridicule.

One day on the brightest and nicest of all days, she stumbled upon a sensible bar in downtown Tokyo-2. Tired from her usual casual stroll around the city, she decided to gather a drink. Having it been the first time she ever entered the bar, she felt a sudden uncomforting as she stepped within. Maybe it being the quick reactions of the insiders and their gawks and whispers, or the colorful outlining of the walls and ceilings around. Ritsuko approached the front table, took a seat onto the rounded stool beneath her and then asked for a simple cup of sake to the bartender, who simply wavered her request. To her surprise, Ritsuko overheard her name a couple tables behind her. Turning unnoticeably to not hinder their conversation, she noticed some people whispering and cautiously listened in.

'...It's Dr. Akagi's child, how disgusting...'

'...what a horrid looking girl...'

'...I would never want to be her mother...'

'...she should be ashamed to be in this bar...'

'I'd wish she'd leave. Just to look at her makes me cringe.'

'...yes, she's a disgrace to mankind... she and her mother shouldn't have existed... God will give them their due.'

A tear ran down her cheeks. To hear so much ridicule and abhorrence from such people had affected her in the worst of ways. An irrepressible urge to pour out all of her feelings of pain and torment from her wounding past overwhelmed her. Feeling a spur of embarrassment, shame, reluctance, insecurity, and so many others, led her into a state of disorder and demoralization. To ignore and disregard it, and keeping inside the hurt from so much abuse has done her no good. Stumbling off of her seat and still of a teary face, she ran out of the bar but not before she had bumped and knocked over an unsuspecting man onto the tiled floorings.

She ran, and ran, and ran yet again, covering her tear-filled eyes, running towards just about anywhere. Her expression had turned from her previous status to a sadness incomprehensible. It was obvious to anyone that her feelings were hurt and torn in the most horrible of manners. Nothing can suffice in her comfort.

Slowing and tiring herself from the sprint, she uncovered her eyes to see that she had distanced about a mile away from Tokyo-2 and stumbled into a localized park. She silently and warily walked towards a bench and sat, slightly whimpering and quivering. Like clutching a book, she motioned her hands to act as if she was in her studies, but unable to suppress the pain and disheartening of earlier, she cried uncontrollably yet again, cradling her head under her arms. People nearby noticed this and in revulsion... strayed away to another location knowing that she was the daughter of the scientist everyone despises. Strangers passing by her threw trash and leftovers onto Ritsuko's purple hair with no dismay. Children threw rocks and small glass shards onto Ritsuko's brittle, pale body for their own amusement. Others would laugh and utter hateful wordings well enough for Ritsuko to hear. All she could do was hold her head and cry. There was no one to give her support. No one to comfort her. No one to be held by. No one at all.

Slowly wiping her tears off with her arms, she stood up with apparent gaping cuts, bleeding, bruised, dirtied and defiled. She knew her life will never be as peaceful as anyone else's. She knew that everyone will hate her because of her mother's dreaded and wicked reputation. She knew the inevitable.

Noticing something particularly appealing in the distance, Ritsuko grinned. Walking towards it and still in a mess, her expression became monotonous. On the grass was a standard issue UN forces 9-millimeter handgun, too conveniently placed for Ritsuko's notice. She hesitantly bent over to grab it and slowly set the muzzle onto her head. Still with no other expression, she whispered a few words.

'Goodbye, cruel world... goodbye mother.'

Prepared and anxious to die, she set her finger onto the trigger. Her thoughts, filled with the hatred of her mother and her rotten reputation. Her feelings, turning into happiness with the knowing relief that she wouldn't have to tolerate the ridicule and revulsion of people for any longer. Her mind, immersed in the anticipation of knowing if there is an actual God.

With shocking anticipation in her face and violently trembling, she pulled the trigger.

'Click...'

Much to her surprise, she was still breathing. The bullet never fired through. She pulled the trigger again.

'Click...'

'Click...'

'Click...'

'Click...'


In a pour of tears, clutching the pistol and pressing it hard against her head, she pulled the trigger once more and with an outcry she shouted;'Let me obtain absolute freedom!'

In the slightest of a millisecond, she in her mind acknowledged a vision of her mother's face and to that image, Ritsuko shed her last tear.

The gun fired with a thunderous roar.

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dekiru...