I didn't want to tell her I wasn't ready. I felt like if I began to tell her, if I actually said out loud that Jesse was dead, Spilner or O'Connor whatever his name is had given me the keys, Vince on the side of that truck, if I actually said it, it would make it more real and I didn't want it to be real.
I did tell her, she was, is family she deserved to know. I started from the beginning the first time we met Spilner. Him and Vince fighting outside the shop, him putting down his pink slips, bringing me the 10 second car we did up, him and Mia hooking up, Vince warning me he was a cop and me not listening, Jesse racing Tran for pink slips, Vince on the side of the truck, me just letting them paramedics take him away, he was probably locked up right now. Tran and Lance coming to the house shooting Jesse. Me and Brian going after them. Everything. I don't think I did it in any craniological order but I told her everything.
She cried when I told her about Jesse, sobbed her heart out when I told her about Vince being in some hospital or jail cell and we couldn't help him. She said Jesse got off easy, wasn't the right way for him to die but at least he got to be peaceful. Whereas we had a lot ahead of us.
It was 4 o'clock before we realised it we had spent the day trying to get our heads around what had happened to me the past month. What had happened between us? We got on to the subject of us when we first got together. We sat and reminisced.
It was Mia's 18th birthday we had a block party, everyone was there, and it was a great night. Me and Stacey had been together nearly a year. Dad had died a few months before. My sentencing was coming up and I think just for that one night we all forgot about it. It was out of our minds.
Stacey had pulled me in to the house near the end of the night. No one was in they were all out in the street drinking, laughing, dancing having fun. I had pushed her up the wall once I had closed the front door we were kissing passionately. She was pulling at my top trying to get it off. I allowed her to then took off her top. It didn't matter how many times I saw her naked, her body always took my breath away. We managed to climb the stairs without touching each other. As soon as I closed the bedroom door she was at my flies undoing the button then pulling my zip down. She began kissing my neck pushing my trousers to the floor.
"I love you" I said. We both stopped, she wasn't kissing me or trying to take my boxers off and I wasn't tugging at her clothes. She looked up at me. Both of us silent. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have…it's to soon…you don't feel the same"
"I… er… I gotta go" she said rushing out of the room.
"I was heartbroken" I told her both of us laughing.
"I'm sorry" she said smiling for the first time since I arrived. "You caught me off guard. I thought I was just a bit of fun to you, I didn't expect us to last a year! I didn't know what to say"
"how about I love you too?" I joked. "Instead of ignoring me for three days""I had to be sure"
"Sure about what?"
"You had been through a lot your dad had recently died and I wasn't sure if you just said it cause you wanted to feel close to someone" she explained.
"I meant it. I still do" I said softly looking in to her eyes. We had gotten a blanket a couple of hours before and we sat on it on the beach. I leaned in towards her and kissed her. After a couple of seconds she pushed me away.
"I'm sorry" she said "I can't do this I'm with someone"
"you can't tell me you don't want to" I said"You haven't changed one bit have you?" she asked standing up "you still think you can just walk back in to my life after two years and just pick up where we left off" she added walking in to the house and slamming the door.
