Reviews
To ObiWanGirl: You like this more than Forever Dreaming? Sugoi!!! *snigger* That's only coz it's got Seto x Jou tho, I bet!
To 'Fi': Here ya go, less than 5 months! In fact, it's just about one month! ^_^' Terrible, I know, But I have so much stuff outside of fic writing to do... Hope you enjoy!
To Blazing Kodachi: Well I had to pick on someone, and I think Mokuba's the only character I haven't picked on in any fics other than this...
To One Winged Tenshi: Yeah, I know,m Bazu ish being horrible in this ficcu... and I don't get any nicer this time around either... but... it'll be okay... maybe...
To 'KC': *giggles* Yeah, I'm sorry about that... it just kinda hit a slump, then a block, then a trap, then a pit, and got covered over... but ish slowly working now! ^_^''
To Celeste Rose: Thanks for all that! ^_^ Much appreciated *bow* And dun worry, the URL is fixed!
To Taddybear: NYU! Ryou's mine! *huggle Ryou with one arm and keeps rabid fans at bay with a cattle prod* Glad ya like it though!
To spiderweb: Glad you like it! ^_^ And yeah, Malik was f00kin' stupid... but there's more on that this chapter... I feel sorry for him now...
To Yuki KIKI: O.O Logged in??? *faints* Glad ya liked this and Man That You Fear though!
Shameless Plug: I don't know if it's too late or not, but please go to Yuki KIKI's profile and find the link to Chibizoo's fanfic contest... Much voting to be done!!!
To yugiyamifanadic: *squee* Glad you're glad! Here's more!
To silver_fox20: *grins* Thanks! ^_^ Here's more for you!
To Darkwolf193: Thank YOU for reviewing! And for kicking my butt so I updated! ^_^
To Lone Wolf55: Here's the update!
There we go - here's the latest offering! Thanks to Koori-chan and Dutchess Murasaki for beta duties!
*~*~*~*~*~*
Mokuba was alive.
Seto couldn't believe it. As the boy's coughs echoed round the room, Seto felt something deep inside him rising up, an emotion he'd only felt once before that was ready to take control of him.
It was relief. Relief that someone he loved was okay. That he'd been spared the hand of death this time round. Seto gave a small, choked breath, and ran to Mokuba's bedside, tears shining in his eyes. "Mokuba…" he gasped, taking the young boy's hand in his own and smiling as a tear rolled down. He didn't dare hug him yet – the doctors were still performing some checks, and the boy would be so fragile… delicate… breakable after something like that. Not that anything less would be expected, of course. After all, dying wasn't something the little human body was made to go through again, since it had already gone through it once before restored.
"Hi big brother…" the raven-haired youth gasped weakly, a pained smile across his face. He tried to speak further, but all he could manage was to grimace weakly before he passed out again, panting softly as his body fought to catch up with the oxygen it had been deprived of.
"Mokuba…" Seto whispered again, a smile on his face as a tear trail made its way down one of his cheeks. He was alive. Weak, frail, and in great danger of receding again… but he'd made it that once. He'd come through, and – as the heart monitor confirmed – was beginning to recover. Seto felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Jounouchi stood beside him, tears shining in his eyes too as he beamed at his love.
"Ah, jeez," Jou laughed, wiping the tears away with his forearm. "I never realized I was so close to the little guy," he said, chuckling and sniffling together. He really didn't know whether to laugh in relief, or cry because he was so glad to see Mokuba had come through, or what. Swallowing hard, he suddenly hugged Seto tightly, and the waterworks finally overcame him.
Seto smiled and fondly stroked Jou's hair as the sobbed against his shoulder, whispering encouragingly to him. "It's okay, puppy, he's alright now." Seto kissed the top of Jou's hair gently. "Come on, whatever happened to being strong?"
Under any other circumstances, Jou would probably have taken a playful swing at Seto, but right now it didn't matter. Everything was going to be al-
Jou's thoughts were cut off as the door to the room slammed opened, creating a mighty crash. Everyone, doctors included, jumped and spun round to see who or what it was.
Framed in light by the door, Malik stood panting, leaning against the wall as he caught his breath back. "Ryou," he gasped, his eyes frantically darting round the room. Heaving himself off the wall, he staggered into the room and grasped the closest person's shoulders firmly. "Yugi," he uttered, his voice pleading as he gently shook the petite teen. "Did Ryou come in here? Have you seen him?"
Confused amethyst orbs met Malik's own violet eyes, which were filled with worry and pain. "No…" Yugi replied truthfully. "What's wrong, Malik?"
"SHIT!" Malik yelled, before spinning round and trying to run out of the room. Unfortunately, his trainers skittered on the polished floor, and he lost his footing, crashing down on one knee before his momentum carried him to the ground, where he lay prostrate for a few seconds.
"Ryou…" he whispered again, his voice shaking slightly as one of his hands feebly curled into a fist. He squeezed his eyes shut as he allowed his forehead to rest against the cold tiles, a few tears dropping onto the hard surface. "Ryou…"
Yugi knelt beside Malik as the others looked on, bewilderment written across their faces. "Malik…?" he gently probed, lightly placing one hand on the shaking boy's shoulder. "What's wrong?"
Yugi gently eased the boy to a sitting position, gathering him close to his chest, where Malik let out a small sob. "Ryou…"
Feeling a little awkward, Yugi rocked Malik gently, rubbing the boy's arm encouragingly. "What's wrong, Malik?" he enquired for the third time, whispering so as not to upset the boy.
Malik's hand grabbed lightly at Yugi's clothes and fisted, shaking. "Ryou," he choked out. "I… I've fucked it up… he heard…"
An uncomfortable atmosphere settled on those beyond Yugi and Malik. They all knew how much Ryou adored the Egyptian boy, and vice-versa, and had a horrible feeling that whatever had happened to make Ryou leave Malik like this, it was bad. They slowly glanced at one another hoping that someone could say something to sort it out.
"What did he hear Malik?" Again, Yugi's voice was soft, and he gently stroked Malik's hair. Somehow, he knew what the answer was going to be. But he had to be sure before he could set about helping the two.
"M-… Me a-and Bakura… i-in th-the c-corridor…" Malik couldn't contain himself any longer as he saw Ryou's face flash into his mind, saw the pain in the boy's doe-brown eyes, the torment as his heart was torn apart. His defenses collapsed, and he burst into full tears on Yugi's shoulder. "Ryou saw us," he wailed, his whole body shaking as the full reality settled in. "He saw us kissing, a-and he's run off now, and I don't know where… and it's all my fault!"
The others had thought the awkward atmosphere before that revelation was bad. The stunned silence that enveloped them now was… it was beyond words.
Shock was beginning to settle in Yugi. "You and Bakura… kissing? But… don't you care for Ryou?" A weak nod. "Then why were you kissing that baka?!"
"How could I have been so stupid?" Malik sobbed, ignoring Yugi's angered question, the fist holding Yugi's shirt tightening even further. "I love Ryou; I didn't ever want to hurt him. I didn't want to be with Bakura, but I still did it. I'm such a damn fucking idiot!"
"Shh," Yugi soothed, gently rubbing Malik's back as his anger passed quickly. He could see the boy was punishing himself enough as it was. "It's okay; it'll be okay."
"How can it be okay?" the blonde-haired boy wailed. "I've fucked it up; I've ruined it! Who knows where he is now? What he's doing?" Malik was genuinely afraid that Ryou might be hurting himself. He didn't dare to think how much emotional damage seeing that could have done to the gentle tenshi he'd fallen in love with.
*~*~*Flashback*~*~*
Ryou slipped across the bed and wrapped his arms delicately round Malik, his cherished. Resting his head on Malik's shoulder, he sighed contentedly. "I love you Malik," he whispered, planting a kiss on Malik's cheek and shuffling slightly closer. "I couldn't live without you… I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."
*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*
As the memory played over and over in Malik's head, he became more and more frantic. "I don't care if I get him back now," he sobbed. "I don't deserve him. But… what i-if he's…?"
*~*~*Flashback*~*~*
"I couldn't live without you… I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."
*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*
"Malik," Yugi whispered. "Ryou's stronger than you think. He'll be okay…"
*~*~*Flashback*~*~*
"I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."
*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*
Malik shook his head weakly. "You didn't see him Yugi… I hurt him. I hurt him badly. I…" The Egyptian trailed off again, bursting into fresh tears. "It destroyed him Yugi. I saw it. He…" Again, the question most prominent in Malik's mind thrust itself forward, and he buried his face against Yugi's shoulder as he sobbed. "Where is he?" he choked out, before the tears overcame him completely.
"Oh, Malik…" Yugi whispered, hugging the broken boy gently. "Ryou will be fine… he just needs some time to come to terms with it." Yugi meant what he was saying. He knew Ryou better than any of the others, perhaps even better than Bakura did, and knew they all underestimated his resilience. "You need to calm down and think a bit, that's all. Where might he have gone?"
Malik sniffed softly, trying to focus his thoughts. "H-he might have g-gone to Lover's L-leap…" he managed by way of suggestion. "He always liked t-to go there when he n-needed to think…"
Malik shut that line of thought off as another memory came back to haunt him.
*~*~*Flashback*~*~*
Ryou laughed happily as he grabbed both of Malik's hands, dancing in a circle round him and spinning the Egyptian boy round. Malik couldn't help laughing too, at his beloved's antics, and tugged both his arms in so that Ryou fell against his chest. Almost instantly, the white-haired boy had wrapped his arms round Malik's waist and was snuggling against his chest, gazing off into the distance.
Malik followed his koi's look, and smiled as he saw the landscape before him. Ryou had been right; there was something so tranquil about this place; something about Domino City and the neighbouring woods by twilight that was so pretty, so gentle… Malik lightly kissed Ryou's hair, resting his head against the smaller's, and observed the peaceful scene before them.
It was moments like this that Ryou loved. Just the two of them in each other's arms, silently expressing their love, letting their emotions surround them. "Malik," he murmured, lifting his head and staring into lilac eyes.
"Yes, Ryou?"
The addressed boy smiled. "I love you," he whispered, tipping his head back and softly kissing Malik, sighing gently as he felt the Egyptian respond.
*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*
Malik shook his head firmly. "I can't," he choked out. "I can't go there. It'll hurt too much, whether he's there or not…"
Yugi nodded and comforted Malik. "It's okay," he murmured. "Yami and I will go up. You just go home and wait, in case he comes back. You could do with a rest too."
Malik nodded. Had he have been thinking coherently, he might have reflected on how strange it felt to have the Pharaoh's hikari helping him out like this, despite everything he'd done in the past. But right now it barely even occurred to him. Instead, he resigned himself to his fate. "Okay," he murmured tearfully, lifting his head from the short boy's tear-dampened shoulder. "…thank you…"
Yugi nodded, smiling slightly. He stood up, half-pulling Malik with him, and quickly looked the boy over. "You be careful now, okay?"
Not waiting for an answer, Yugi turned to Seto and Jou. "Will you guys be okay here?" When they both nodded their agreement, Yugi grabbed Yami's hand. "Come on," he smiled up at his darker self. "Let's go."
With that, Malik, Yugi and Yami each made their way out of the room, Malik to be sent for a taxi home, and Yugi and Yami to make their way to Lover's Leap.
*~*~*~*~*~*
As the taxi pulled up at the end of their road – Malik never got out in front of his and Ryou's house, for some reason even he didn't understand – Malik handed over the money and hopped out, barely any life in his actions. He felt positively wretched. In fact, he couldn't recall having ever felt this bad. Sighing deeply, he began the walk to his front door, not wanting to get there but not having anywhere else to go.
"Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide
I'll take it by your side."
Malik looked up in surprise as the words, being sung, floated to his ears. It was a song he recognised very well – his personal favourite, in fact.
What a time for someone to be singing it…
"Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide
I'll take it by your side."
Carefully watching his paces, Malik began walking again, much more slowly than before. Somehow, he wasn't sure he wanted to find out where the song was coming from. The voice sounded a little hoarse; and the owner distressed. He wasn't sure he could face being around anyone right now, least of all someone who'd upset him further… but he kept walking, never the less.
"Instant correlation sucks a breeds a pack of lies
I'll take it by your side."
Malik bit his lip, tears stinging his eyes again. Oh, how well he recognised the song. Not only was it his favourite, but it had also been his and Ryou's 'special' song.
"Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide
I'll take it by your side."
A shuddery breath. A step. Another breath. Another tentative step. For some strangle, bizarre reason he didn't want to leave presence of this voice. Somehow, each step that took him closer to the voice was more difficult than the last… yet felt more urgent too. Like he needed to find out who was singing it. Maybe they could understand him, too.
The voice choked, the meaning behind the lyrics not lost to whoever was singing it, before continuing. It was one of those songs – the lyrics seemed like nonsense on the surface, but when you thought about them…
"I'm unclean, a libertine, and every time you vent your spleen I
Seem to lose the power of speech
You're slipping slowly from my reach, you…"
Malik swallowed another sob, forcing his step to become more determined. Mentally, he was singing along, but on the outside it was the most painful thing he'd experienced. Singing along was a lie; his way of telling himself he was enjoying it. Really, it hurt.
As much as he had Ryou?
"…Grow me like the evergreen,
You've never seen the lonely me at all."
Malik bit his lip. The next few lines were the ones that Ryou always sang so well for him. Not only that, but they were the truth… and even more now than ever.
"I… Take the plan, spin it sideways…
I… Fall."
Malik feebly sang the next words out loud, his voice soft, scared and quiet, suddenly feeling more isolated and alone than he ever had before… even when Marik had banished him to the Shadow Realm.
"Without you… I'm nothing."
A sob escaped the Egyptian. It was true… without Ryou, he was alone. He was empty.
He was nothing.
"Without you, I'm nothing…
Take the plan, spin it sideways…"
Spin it sideways? Malik thought bitterly. Break it in fucking two, more like… Stood with the garden hedge between his house and himself, he sank to his knees. He couldn't face it. So many happy memories; so many cosy nights; so many joyful laughs… that was what that house represented to him. It was his and Ryou's, together. He couldn't go in there now. Not like this. He couldn't contaminate all they'd shared in there.
"Without you… I'm nothing…"
A tear dropped from Malik's cheek, the boy's hands fisted as he drove them into the floor, leaning on them for support. "I blew it…" he choked out. "I hurt Ryou. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone…"
"Without you I'm nothing at all…"
Malik stifled another harsh sob, a faint, high inward gasp escaping instead. "I don't deserve to live…"
The Egyptian boy lowered himself to the floor, not listening to see if whoever had been singing was still going on. Sobs shook him once again, and he curled up into a tight foetal position, wishing futilely that he'd never got with Ryou in the first place so that the poor boy wouldn't have had to go through that. "Ryou…" he choked out as he gasped at the same time, trying to get some air. " I'm so sorry… Where are you?"
Malik felt a hand shaking him, and one eye cracked open. Through the half-lidded, teary haze, he couldn't make out the person's face. All he saw was a mass of white hair and a pair of warm, brown eyes looking down at him.
"Malik?"
