Hey again everyone! Another update, another batch of angst... I quite enjoyed writing this chapter though. The angst itself is almost... fluffy...

Reviews

s.h.i.r.o.i.k.e.t.s.u.e.k.i: That song in the last chapter was 'Without You I'm Nothing' by Placebo. It definitely features among my all-time classics. If you download that one and like it, I can recommend a few more too!
Bakura'sLittleDiscipleofEvil: I'm not sure how long is left of this story... given my current ideas, only a few chapters... But I might find my plot bunnies suddenly go hyperactive, in which case I'll carry this on as long as possible ^_^

Special thanks also to: yamiyugifanadic, ObiWanGirl, DarkWolf193, Sorceress MooNBlaDeR, One Winged Tenshi, spiderweb, Tabiku Tab Iakkin, Ril, blazing kodachi, Taddybear and trekkie-54! *snugs for all*

Now for the fic!

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ryou…Gods… I'm so sorry… Where are you?"

"Malik?"

The Egyptian boy's mouth dropped open in a silent gasp as the figure spoke. It couldn't be… it was impossible… things were never that easy…

"…R… Ryou?"

The figure nodded its confirmation, and Malik hurriedly began blinking his tears away. "Ryou!" he cried out, sitting up and throwing his arms round the boy's neck. "Oh, Ryou, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Malik felt yet more tears trying to fall, tears of relief, and squeezed his eyes tightly shut, pulling Ryou closer in the process. "I'm so sorry Ryou, I'm such an idiot… please, I'm so sorry…"

"For what?"

Malik gasped, hesitating before pulling back in shock. Ryou's voice had been so… cold. So bitter. It hardly sounded like him at all. He skittered back across the pavement, pressing his back against his garden wall below the hedge – only then realising that Ryou hadn't even returned the hug – and stared at him, hurt and confusion in his eyes. "W… What do you mean?"

"What are you really sorry for, Malik?" Again, his voice was harsh, almost as if he were trying to push Malik away with it. His voice betrayed how much he'd really been hurt, how deeply Malik had wounded him, and he was making no effort to hide it. Right now, Ryou wasn't only hurt and upset – he was angry too. "Are you sorry for doing it, or just sorry I found out?"

Malik felt a lump catch in his throat. Swallowing it away, he stared pleadingly into Ryou's eyes, practically begging him to believe what he was going to say. "Ryou… please, I–"

"How long?" Ryou cut him off, his voice even harder than it had been. "How long has it been going on for, Malik? How long were you going to carry on for?"

"Ryou–"

The frosty-haired boy stood up, his body tense and determined. "How far did you go, hmm? Was he worth it? Was he worth breaking my heart over?" Ryou's voice began to crack, and he turned away, not wanting to face Malik any more. "You're welcome to him."

With that, Ryou began striding back toward the house, not even looking back over his shoulder, leaving Malik sat in the dirt, his eyes wide in bewilderment and hurt. "Ryou…" he whispered softly.

Jumping to his feet, Malik rounded the hedge and ran up the path behind the other boy. "Ryou, wait!"

"Don't follow me!" came the terse reply.
"Ryou, please! I'm sorry! Please just listen to me!"
"I said don't!"
"Ryou, please!" Malik begged, tears in his eyes as he pursued his love, determined not to let him go. Almost as if in reply, Ryou stopped where he was, his body shaking as he held his ground determinedly.

"Ryou…"

"Don't…" the boy whispered, his body beginning to shake even more as he fought it for control. "Don't follow me… If you do, I'll…"

Ryou sank to his knees, his shoulders quaking fiercely as a sob shuddered through him. "I won't be able to carry on this act…" he said, a little louder than a whisper, his voice barely audible, before a small choked cry came from him. Ryou brought his hands up to his face as he whimpered into them, and he slowly sank forward, crying softly. Almost instantly, Malik was by his side, his arms round his shoulders, and Ryou didn't resist as Malik pulled him close, the boy instinctively snuggling closer to Malik's chest, that place of security and warmth. He buried his face in Malik's clothes, his hands slipping down and drawing in close against his chest so he was almost curled up into a ball, and simply lay against him, crying his heart out.

"Oh, Ryou…" Malik whispered, gently rocking the boy back and forth much as Yugi had done to him. "I'm so sorry…" He lightly kissed the little tenshi on top of his head, letting his face rest in the boy's hair. "I am so, so sorry…"

Malik felt Ryou shaking his head against his chest, and nodded his understanding. Saying sorry wouldn't make it all better. Saying sorry wouldn't make it all go away. Ryou still hurt, and there was a lot to still be done. Softly scooping the boy up in his arms, Malik carried him into the house, lightly kissing his neck and whispering soothingly in the hope that it would help him calm down.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Eventually, Ryou's tears had ceased. Malik had made a drink for him, and then gone upstairs to change. He didn't overly mind the fact that his clothes were dirty – certain other things were more important right now – but he'd needed to give Ryou time to compose himself, without making it obvious he was. So he'd simply made an excuse and – at a slight nod of acceptance from the other boy – had gone upstairs.

Now that he'd found Ryou, Malik had no idea what to say. He knew Ryou would ask why, and he had a fair idea of what else would be said. What he didn't know was how to respond to it. His mind was all over the place, and he couldn't focus. He couldn't make coherent thoughts, couldn't dress himself properly – it was all he could do just to keep himself from running downstairs, taking Ryou into his arms and just repeating over and over again how sorry he was.

Leaning against his door, he sighed heavily. "What the fuck am I doing?" he murmured to himself, his palms pressed to his forehead and his fingers buried in his hair. "Why did I do it? Why did I bring this situation up? Why didn't I just end it the first time I felt bad?"

A small voice in the back of his head answered for him. 'Because you're an idiot' it replied. 'You're an idiot, you know you don't deserve Ryou, and you're just trying to prove it.'

Malik sighed heavily. That voice was right. After what he'd done, he didn't deserve Ryou. How did that quote go?

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, then they are truly yours."

Malik nodded slowly to himself. That was what he had to do. He had to set Ryou free. And if the boy came back…

Malik sighed in defeat again. That wouldn't happen. After what he'd done, there was no way it could.

True love isn't always meant to be.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ryou looked up from his swirling mug of hot chocolate as the living room door opened, Malik's head slowly poking round it. Malik's eyes saddened as he saw the boy – even with blotchy, tear-stained cheeks, puffy red eyes and the look of deep pain haunting him, Ryou was still truly beautiful, and it hurt Malik to admit to himself that he'd have to lose the boy. He really loved him, with all his heart, and now…

'That doesn't matter' Malik told himself glumly, his eyes dropping to the floor as Ryou's made contact with them. 'You had your chance. Let him be happy now.' Malik knew no one could love Ryou as much as he did… but he was sure that lots of other people wouldn't hurt him like he did. That others would treasure him, and not treat him so badly. And that was fairer for the pretty young boy. Just to set him free.

"Ryou…" he began. "I–"

Ryou silenced him with a raised hand, and patted the seat next to him. "You can sit down…" he said quietly, still looking upset. "…if you want to…"

Malik swallowed, and nodded once before shuffling round the door and across to the space Ryou had indicated, gingerly setting himself down on the edge of the couch. He tried to encourage himself to speak, to get it over and done with, but Ryou's small act of kindness had thrown him. If the boy hadn't spoken, if he hadn't heard Ryou's beautiful voice, he could have just kept his resolve. Now he had to find it again, and soon. If Ryou did anything much more, he was sure he'd lose his nerve altogether.

"Ryou–"

Again, a gently raised hand, palm facing forwards and all the fingers vertical beside each other, was enough to silence Malik. He was entirely under the boy's control. "Malik…" Ryou uttered, sighing softly. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths, trying to compose himself, and swallowed. "…" Again, he paused, taking time to think about what he was going to say, to balance it in his head, to calm himself down so he kept his mood level. "…Do you have any idea how much you hurt me…?"

Ryou didn't mean that to sound like he was trying to get at Malik, but he had to try to make the boy understand. Ryou had always been delicate at the best of times, and the one thing he'd come to trust in and depend upon most of all had gone and betrayed him. His one pillar of strength had crumbled.

After a pause, Malik nodded slowly. "I saw it…" he murmured. "When we made eye contact, I saw it."

Ryou gave no reply to indicate whether he accepted this or not, instead sitting in contemplative silence, his hands gently folded in his lap. His eyes flicked down, so he was looking at the floor, and he cautiously spoke again. "…why, Malik? Why didn't you just end it between us, instead of doing that?"

Malik bit his lip, his eyes closing as pain stabbed at his heart from Ryou's gentle words. "Because I didn't want to end it, Ryou. I still don't. I still lo–"

Again, a raised hand silenced him. "If you really felt like that about me," Ryou whispered, his voice beginning to thicken as he held back tears again. "Then why did you do it in the first place?"

"…I don't know…"

The two boys sat in silence, Ryou afraid to ask any further questions and Malik afraid to speak in case he damaged things further. The atmosphere thickened slowly, the air growing heavier and more depressing. A single tear rolled down Malik's cheek as he recalled that look on Ryou's face again and again, and he closed his eyes to the room around him. They had shared so many happy evenings in here… he didn't deserve to look at the things around him, to be reminded of their happier times.

A sudden whimper from Ryou broke the silence, and Malik opened his eyes to see the boy sobbing into his hands again, his body shaking slightly with each hitched breath. Acting on impulse, Malik shuffled sideways, lightly placing an arm round Ryou's shoulders, and was surprised when the boy leaned into his chest again, still seeking out that former haven. "Why, Malik?" he whimpered, his voice cracking and wobbling with each syllable. "Why did you do it?"

Malik desperately struggled to think of something to say to placate the boy. Like the truth.

"…because I loved you."

Ryou made no response to this, still sobbing into his former lover's arms, and Malik continued softly, gently rubbing the boy's shoulder soothingly. "I've never felt love before, Ryou… I wasn't used to feeling like that, and… I guess some part of me…" Malik bit his lip softly again, closing his eyes. "I guess it kind of scared me. Somehow, the only way I could deal with it was to taint it… like I am…"

Again, Ryou didn't offer a reply, but Malik did notice he buried a little deeper into his arms. "I'm so sorry Ryou," he whispered. "I don't deserve you now, I know that… but it doesn't change how I feel for you…"

This time, Ryou shook his head softly. "It's not that easy though…" he whispered. "You betrayed so much… I depended on you, and you betrayed me… you betrayed Serenity…"

Malik gasped a little at this. He hadn't even thought about that. Serenity, one of Ryou's closest friends, the one reason they had actually ended up together… he'd betrayed her memory too…

*~*~*Flashback*~*~*

Sighing in exasperation, Serenity gave Ryou a helpful shove into Malik, who caught him almost instinctively. Ryou hadn't been able to help himself, stood there with Malik's arms around him, and he slowly slid his arms round Malik, hugging him tight. Malik gently eased Ryou's head down till it was resting on Malik's shoulder, and he rested his own head against Ryou's silky-soft white tresses, sighing contentedly.

"Oh for pity's sake!" Serenity cried, even though the delight was already evident on her face. "Just kiss him! Do it for me!"

With that, Ryou lifted his head and gazed into Malik's eyes, a small smile playing about his lips. Closing his eyes, he slowly leaned forward till their lips met.

*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*

"Do it for me…" Malik whispered softly, repeating Serenity's words.

Ryou nodded against Malik's chest. He'd always had strong beliefs in respecting the deceased, in honouring their memory that they might live on… and it was like Malik had gone and slapped Serenity in the face. That hurt on top of everything else… that someone – his own boyfriend, of all people – should treat her like that.

"Gods, Ryou… I didn't think… I'm so sorry…" A tear squeezed from Malik's eye as he spoke, leaving a crystalline path down his cheek and splashing onto Ryou's head.

The snowy-haired boy slowly lifted his head, looking up at Malik. "You hurt me Malik," he admitted, whispering. "But despite that, I still love you. I always will…" He gently returned his head to that same warm spot again, this time his tears dampening Malik's clothes. Malik looked unsure, though. He was fairly sure he'd sensed some hesitation in Ryou's voice.

"…but?"

Ryou sighed, sniffling softly. "I don't know if I can trust you again…"