I wish to say this in advance now... I am so sorry for the awful ending below. I spent five months trying to come up with something, and it wouldn't happen. I figured I'd best tie it off now, before it just died altogether.
So sorry...
The man at the front stood shuffling awkwardly behind the stand on which his notes rested, before clearing his throat to speak. "Well, I'm sure we all know why we're here today. We, friends and family, have gathered to mark the passing of the late Jounouchi-san." (1)
The reader gazed down at his notes again, reminding himself of what he was going to say, and Seto couldn't help shaking his head softly. The poor man didn't have an easy job right now - you're supposed to say nice things at funerals. How could you say something nice about someone like Jou's father?
Again, the man at the front cleared his throat. "We should take this opportunity not to mourn the passing of Jounouchi-san, but instead to remember and celebrate his life - a life that certainly was by no means easy, but plentiful none the less."
'Ah. The tactful sidestep' Seto cynically noted. 'Can't say something nice, so make excuses instead.'
Seto glanced across to his boyfriend, sat next to him in the seat closest to the aisle and at the very front. There was a faint hint of tears in his eyes, and he was swallowing thickly quite frequently, obviously not finding this at all easy. Maybe he was being reminded of Serenity...
"First of all," the speaker continued. "Let us remember the finer moments of Jounouchi-san's life. Moments such as the day of his wedding, when he married the woman he declared to be the most beautiful on earth. An occasion of much rejoicing for almost all of us present..." At this, he smiled softly at Jou, before continuing. "It was unfortunate that this marriage did not last, for he had never been happier than when he and his wife were together. Never, except - as he frequently told anyone who'd listen - when his two beautiful children, Katsuya and Serenity, who has sadly also passed on, were born. These two wonderful children were the proudest of his memories, and the crowning achievements of his life. Although in later years he fell upon hard times, he would often confide in friends that he loved those two more than anything else, even if he never showed it. While some would say he wasn't a great role model..." The speaker trailed off, before resuming with a deep sincerity in his voice. "Deep in his heart, he was a wonderful father."
Seto heard a choked sob from beside him, and turned to see Jou shaking softly, hiding his face in his hands as he cried. Right there and then, the poor boy looked weaker and more frail than Seto had ever seen him; so lost and alone. With a gentle sigh, Seto leaned across and pulled Jou into a hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and cradling his head gently against his shoulder, nodding to the speaker to continue. "It's okay puppy," he whispered gently. "Just let it all go..."
Once the reading was finished, the guests were invited to come to the coffin to say their final goodbyes and make their peace before Jou's father was cremated. One by one they all walked up, distant friends, close friends, drinking buddies, aunts, uncles and others, quietly placing a hand on the coffin, whispering a few words, before shuffling away, sniffling gently. The only ones that didn't go up were Jou's friends, who had never really known him - Yugi, Yami, Ryou, Malik and Anzu, Bakura having opted not to go in case it caused even more awkwardness. Instead, these five - who had come to offer support to Jou - waited for the others to pass before moving forward to sit around Jounouchi.
"...Jou?" Yugi asked, tentatively placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "How're you feeling?"
Jou turned to face the smaller boy, his eyes vacant for a moment before clearing and focussing on him. "I guess I've been better," he replied with a weak laugh, wiping at his eyes as the tears threatened to return. "Not really the nicest day out, is it?"
Yugi smiled softly and nodded, knowing Jou was trying to make light of it as his way of dealing with it. It was just easier that way - to try to pretend that nothing was really wrong. "It was a nice service, wasn't it?"
This time, it was Jou's turn to smile. "Yeah... I heard a lot of things about him I'd never known before... kinda puts him in a whole new light, you know?" Jou's gaze lowered as he reflected for a moment, his smile becoming almost wistful. "I guess I can see it when I look back, though it might just be wishful thinking..."
Wiping at his eyes once more, Jou stood up, the others following suit. "Guess I'll go say my piece now," he said, excusing himself from the little group, the intonation of his voice making it sound almost as if it was just an irritating little job that had to be done - again, his way of dealing with it; of distancing himself from it. As the others parted for him, he began the hard walk to the coffin.
Jou's thoughts fell completely silent as he stood by the oak casket, gazing up and down it in muted surprise. He'd always thought of his father as being such a big man; a huge, strong man, who could easily overpower him at any time he wished. Now, though, he could barely believe it was the right coffin. It seemed so small, compared to what he'd expected. He almost didn't dare touch it, as if afraid he might damage it, or that something might leap at him. Mentally reprimanding himself, he shakily placed a hand on the cold wooden surface, shivering through his whole body. "Hey old man," he murmured. "I guess I got a bit of explaining to do, huh? About me and Seto, and why I ran away... Ah, who am I kidding? You were never stupid, you've probably figured it all out by now, up there..." Jou realised that he was rambling, and corrected himself by pausing for a breath, exhaling deeply and lowering his head as he continued, mumbling toward the floor. "I guess... what I wanna say is that... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I turned out to be such a disappointment for ya, and I'm sorry I misunderstood ya so badly. I guess things coulda been better between us, but... you're still my father. And I'll never be ashamed to call myself a Jounouchi."
Jou stopped, wishing he could think of more to say, so that he need never actually say goodbye properly, but realised it was but vain hope. He'd have to let go some time, so it may as well have been now. "See ya round," he murmured, before turning away from the coffin slowly to head back to his friends, trailing his hand across the smooth wooden surface as he left.
Stood by his little group once more, he offered a wan smile. "Guess I should go face the relatives now, huh?" he asked lightly, referring to the certainty that everyone would want to tell him what a wonderful man his father was, and what a beautiful boy he'd grown up to be, and how his father must have been so proud. "May as well get it over and done with."
As one, the others nodded, turning to the small side door to file out, thanking the reader for the service as they left. Before long, only Jou and Seto stood in the hall, the silence around them hanging like a thick shroud. "Ya coming?" Jou asked quietly.
Seto gave a small nod. "In a minute. You go wait outside, puppy," he whispered softly.
Jou nodded softly, knowing that Seto wanted his own quiet time with his father. Tiptoeing up to give him a quick kiss, Jounouchi turned and headed to the door, stopping to talk to his father's friend on the way.
Once he was sure he'd be granted the privacy he needed, Seto walked slowly across to the coffin, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent room like he was walking through a deserted cavern, the soft 'clump' of his boots against the wooden floor magnified beyond what he'd believed to be possible even after the many silent nights in the KaibaCorp headquarters. Once by the elevated platform, he spoke quietly, his voice almost harsh but still respectful. "I guess we got off on the wrong foot," he murmured, his eyes half-narrowed. "But I prefer to keep my first impressions. I can't say that I'll miss you, but you did a good job with your boy, even if it was the wrong way." Seto nearly placed a hand on the coffin too, but realised such a formal gesture would be inappropriate. "Don't you go worrying about a thing now. I'll look after him."
Not even bothering to say goodbye, Seto turned and stalked away from the coffin abruptly, headed for the side-door so that he would be out with Jou and his friends once more.
Later on, after the wake - quite a quiet affair - had ended, Jou sat in the Kaiba mansion, slumped against the back of the couch. With a heavy sigh, he allowed his head to drop onto the back cushions, staring vacantly up at the ceiling, looking physically drained.
"Something wrong, puppy?"
Jou slowly let his head drop to one side so that he was facing his boyfriend before slowly raising both his eyebrows. "Is something wrong?" Jou repeated, sounding like he might be amused if he wasn't so otherwise distracted.
"Aside from the obvious," Seto clarified, striding softly into the room, his feet sinking into the plush carpet. He stopped beside Jou, eyeing him up and down for a moment before sitting next to him. "You seem worse now than when we were at the funeral."
With a sigh, Jou turned to face the ceiling once more, his gaze listless and almost vacant. "Yeah..." he replied vaguely, not bothering with blinking.
"...anything you need to get off your chest?" Seto enquired gently.
"...nah..." Jou replied after a slight hesitation, shaking his head. "I was just thinking, that's all..."
Seto smirked softly, lightly prodding Jou in the ribs. "I've warned you about that before puppy. It's not good for you."
"Hey!" Jou retorted huffily. "Just what d'ya mean by that?"
Seto didn't reply, but instead his face fell almost solemn with just a faint hint of a smile in his eyes as he gazed at Jou. "What's wrong, puppy?"
Jou let out another sigh, listlessly casting his arms up into the air in a 'whatever' gesture. "I dunno," he replied vaguely again. "I was just thinking, wondering how this might be different." Jou turned to face Seto, his eyes softened as though he'd been hurt. "I mean, if I still lived there, he'd still be alive now, ya know?"
Seto gave an audible groan at this. "Don't," he stated simply. "Don't start blaming yourself, else you'll never get over it. You weren't happy living there. He pushed you out. That sort of thing happens. You didn't have the slightest clue it'd end up this way, did you?"
Jou shook his head softly, lowering his eyes. "But..."
"Listen, puppy," Seto interrupted. "If you want to blame yourself for his death, blame yourself for everyone else's too. He'd never have let you leave, and you'd never be happy staying there. You moving out was for the best. You were happier, Mokuba was happier... I'm a lot happier..."
Jou stared sullenly down at the floor, his mind ticking over as if trying to find a reply that would contradict what Seto was saying. "...yeah, I guess you're right," he finally - albeit reluctantly - admitted, closing his eyes. "I guess I'm just feeling guilty, you know? I mean, I wish I could've been there at the end, to say goodbye properly, so I could have a last chance at making friends with him, or to apologise to him."
A slight smirk tugged at the corners of Seto's mouth, unseen to Jou. "I shouldn't worry about that, puppy. So I hear, his last words weren't exactly inspiring anyway."
Jou suddenly lifted his head up, staring seriously at Seto. "You know what his last words were?!"
Seto forcibly kept his smirk under control, levelling his voice out. "Well, I'm only making a guess here, mind... but his last words were probably 'Ouch.'"
A stunned silence fell between the two boys, Jou staring wide-eyed at Seto in disbelief. Slowly, a grin spread across Seto's face, and before long Jou felt himself starting to grin too. "Bastard," he whispered with a slight chuckle, shaking his head slowly as the grin grew wider. "You total... utter... bastard..."
With that, Jou reached down, grabbing for a cushion beside him and swinging at Seto's head as hard as he could. The brunette was ready though, and simply leaned back slightly, watching the cushion sail past his face, throwing Jou's balance off momentarily. "You'll have to do better than that, puppy," he taunted, reaching for a cushion of his own and beating Jou across the back of the head with it. The blonde gave an indignant squawk of protest, and before long all-out battle was raging.
That night, Seto lay gently cradling Jou in his arms, the boy's flaxen hair fanned across his bare chest. A slight chink in the curtains allowed what little moonlight was showing to dimly illuminate the room, just enough for him to see that Jou wasn't asleep. For a little while he did nothing, instead just resting and watching Jou's eyes, trying to read into them, to see what Jou was thinking. As much as he tried, though, he couldn't get in - there was too much to read at once, optimism and confusion and hurting and happiness all at the same time.
"Puppy?"
Slowly, tiredly, the boy tilted his head up til he was facing Seto, his cheek brushing softly against Seto's skin. "Hmm?"
Seto gazed steadily at Jou for a couple of seconds, as if weighing up his question in his mind. "Do you regret any of this?"
Jou blinked sleepily at Seto, his eyes slightly hazy as he ran the question through his head again two, three times. Eventually, he gave up trying to understand it, and settled for tilting his head slightly in question. "What do ya mean, do I regret it?"
"This," Seto repeated, gesturing vaguely with one arm. "Us. Everything that's happened. Would you change it?"
Jou gave a soft groan against Seto's chest, letting his face flump against the taller boy's skin. He was too tired to think about things like that right now. After a few moments had passed, though, he felt Seto's expectations of an answer beginning to weigh down on him, and gave another groan as he finally conceded that he'd have to answer if he wanted it to stop bugging him. "I dunno," he murmured, waving with one hand vaguely. "For ages, I woulda given anything to have Serenity back. There's still a part of me that wishes it hadn't happened." Jou sighed heavily as the idea of Serenity smiling again returned to his mind's eye for a brief moment. "But..."
Seto paused for a moment, waiting for Jou to continue, before gently pressing him. "But...?"
"I dunno..." Jou admitted again. "I mean, if Serenity hadn't..." Jou's voice fell for a moment. "If she hadn't died..." The boy swallowed thickly, composing himself before continuing. "Then we wouldn't have gotten together. As much as I love her, I love you too... I couldn't choose between you."
Seto nodded silently, before his voice resonated softly once again. "Would you change it, to have her back?"
After a moment's thought, Jou shook his head. "She wouldn't allow it," he stated. "If she knew what had become of her death, she'd be so happy for me. She wouldn't want me to give you up for anything. We always had that kind of relationship."
Again, Seto gave a nod, and fell silent as if satisfied by this answer. Truth be told, there were a hundred other questions he wanted to ask... but then, he supposed they had thousands of nights to share yet.
"That's it?"
Seto raised his eyebrows slightly at Jou's question. "Hmm?"
Jou propped himself up on one elbow, apparently a little more awake now. "That's it?" The boy gave a soft laugh. "You're not gonna regale me with some deep and meaningful insight, or the 'moral of the story' or nothin'?"
Giving Jou a sideways glance, Seto reached out and swiped the boy's elbow out from under him, causing him to drop heavily onto the mattress with a surprised squawk. "Nope," came the simple reply. "I'm done now."
"Well what about you?"
This time, it was Seto's turn to give Jou a questioning look. "Hmm?"
"All that stuff with Mokuba running off and ending up in hospital." Jou persisted. "I mean, I saw how hard that hit ya. You must have gotten a few grey hairs over that!"
Seto refused to dignify this taunt with a response.
"What I mean is, that wouldn'ta happened if I hadn't been here. Do you regret that?"
Seto rolled over onto his side, so he was facing directly toward his boyfriend, and permitted himself a small smirk. "Jou..." he began, sounding confident of his words. "I really don't plan to worry about that. I'm sure you're going to be responsible for many more grey hairs yet."
"Me?" Jou questioned with a slight huff. "What do ya mean?"
Seto rolled his eyes as if it should be patently obvious. "Oh, come on, it's not that hard to figure out."
Jou simply blinked in reply, indicating that he honestly didn't know what his cobalt-eyed lover meant, and Seto continued with a mock heavy sigh, counting off on his fingers. "Firstly, there will be times we will fight over something, I'm sure..."
Jou gave a half-joking gasp at the thought. Him? Fight with Seto? Never! The thought alone was preposterous!
"So there's one grey hair. And then Mokuba will want that PlayStation 3 that will be coming out next month, and when I argue with him that the GameCube, PlayStations 1 and 2, Nintendo, Computer games and consoles that he already has are enough for one teenage boy, there's another grey hair. And God knows about the others that I will get with the idiots that work at Kaiba Corp!"
Jou nodded. "But, Seto dear, you can also buy the best grey hair remover on the market, ne?"
Seto nodded, rolling his eyes slightly, before smiling. "True... you two will surely be the death of me."
(1) For those who may not have known this, 'Katsuya' is actually Jou's first name. 'Jounouchi' is his family name - hence 'Jounouchi-san' refers to Jou's father (literally 'Mr Jounouchi')
End
...once again, so sorry... Full credit awarded to Dutchess Murasaki, my beta, who at least salvaged a decent end of the chapter (trust me, you don't wanna know how mine went -.-;) after a little work, but... yeah. For a final chapter, that sucks.
Please be gentle?
