Around the corner from the Goose Lady's house inside a fancy sports car, which is sitting in an abandoned parking lot, two friends talk about everything and nothing, trying to pass the time. One is the son of Fairy City's richest and most lucrative pornography moguls. His name is Prince, and he is the envy of all men and the want of their women. The other is a hit man and convicted murderer who was released due to a lack of evidence. He is Prince's best friend and sometimes bodyguard, and is known simply as Wolf.
For the last several minutes the two men have been sitting and talking to each other awaiting the return of their third comrade on this mission of discovery. Her name is Twinkles and she is a slightly deformed midget drug dealer, who is on her way to try and get Prince a meeting with the Goose Lady. Standing in her way is Fritzy, a schizophrenic dwarf who trust no one and who just happens to be the Goose Lady's door man.
Back in the car, Prince and Wolf continue to talk, when suddenly Prince's cell phone rings. He pulls it out and answers, as he usually does, "What?"
"Hey. It's me."
"Ok? Who the fuck is 'It's me'?"
"Prince, stop playing. I was over the other night. You haven't called and I just wanted to know what has been going on. I've missed you."
Prince rolls his eyes and hits Wolf on his shoulder to get his attention to listen. Prince answers his caller, "Ohhh, your that hairy bitch who ran away from her mom, right? I picked you up in front of the thrift store, right? What, I didn't pay you enough?"
"What?? What are you talking about, Prince?"
"Look, like I told you the other night, unless your goin to lose the 70's bush, I can't do nothing with you. Maybe I can talk to my dad and he could put your ass in one of his movies or something. People pay good money to see a hairy bitch getting fucked by a horse. I'll let you know," and then Prince hung up.
"You are so fuckin wrong. I swear one day your goin to fuck over the wrong bitch and your goin to get fucked up good," Wolf said to Prince.
"That's what I got your big scary ass for. So considering you've been out for like ten minutes you think you wanna tell me what the fuck happened with you and that shit with the three pigs? Shit was all over the news and everything, I thought I was goin to have to start to act like I never knew your ass."
Wolf didn't answer Prince right away. Instead he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a very slow and deliberate pull from it. Right before Prince was going to ask the question over again, Wolf blow smoke from his nose and started to talk. "You remember that red headed chick from your party?"
"The cake bitch, right? Umm, Red Ridinghood, I think her name is. She works for my dad all the time, I've fucked her. What about her?"
"Yeah, that's her. Well, a couple months ago, I'm working security at this strip club. You know just a in-between job, till I got my next contract or whatever. One night the Red chick comes in for one of those fuckin special shows or something. I'm on the job at the time so I don't pay her no mind, you know. You've seen one stripper, you've seen em all, not like they got something different from every other chick in the world. I'm just tryin to keep the fuckin drunks off the girls.
Well, a couple hours go by and this bitch has been eyeing me the whole time. During one of her breaks she comes up and asks for a cigarette. I give one up and we get to talkin. She starts telling me about her fuckin life, right. Same old story at first, right, my daddy never loved me, blah, blah, blah. Then she gets to some shit about how she's supposed to get a fuckin truckload of money.
Obviously, by now I'm interested and wanna hear more. She goes on tell me about her grandmother is well off and she's her only living relative, but the old bitch is healthier than a Russian race horse. Starts goin on about how she'd give almost anything to get the old bitch takin care of. So I get curious and ask her why's she telling me this shit and you know what this bitch says to me?"
"What was that," Prince said while taking another cigarette from his pack. "That she could tell that you were the most sexually frustrated man she's ever seen and she wanted you to fuck the old bitch to death."
"That's funny, comin from the fag who's gotta sleep with a different girl a night to prove his heterosexuality."
"Ha, fuckin ha, bitch. I ain't gay."
"Yeah, whatever."
"No. Seriously, I ain't gay."
"Alright, I heard you, you're a big dicked, pussy destroying, heterosexual fuck terminator. Whatever. Anyway, she tells me that 'she heard' that I was fuckin hit man. You believe that? Here I am, a fuckin professional hired killer getting picked up to do a job by a fuckin fuckbot. Right then I'm thinking that I've been way too exposed and wanna leave the business all together, but I start thinking with my dick and that's how shit gets fucked up.
See I figure, this bitch don't know shit about the business, she just got lucky and stumbled onto the best. Well, I was goin to juice the fuck out of her. Charge high as fuck to do it, then fuck her back to the stone age till she was throwing her own shit at me like a fuckin howler monkey, and then kill her and take all the money for my self. It seemed like a fuckin no-brainer, I win, she loses. I go home richer then I was, she ends up dead. Everybody's happy right?
We set shit up and I'm supposed to hit the old bitch that weekend. When the time comes I'm doin my thing, like a fuckin James Bond movie and shit, right. I get in the house where the old bitch is supposed to be sleepin, no body knows what's goin on, everything looks good. I open the bedroom door and the old bitch is fuckin this Paul Bunyon motherfucker."
"You mean that big ass lumberjack dude, that was on those world's strongest man things?"
Wolf gives Prince an awkward look before he continues. "You are so gay. Seriously, what straight man watches that shit?"
"I am not gay. Those dudes are just really strong. It's impressive."
"Whatever, dick mouth, you love the cock, and no it wasn't that guy. It was just some big and hairy motherfucker who was fuckin this eighty something year old women. I guess he was tryin to pull an Anna Nicole and try to keep the old bitches money for himself. He hears me open the door and then sees me and fuckin panics. Starts runnin at me butt ass naked."
"What did you do?"
"I bet you are curious? Unfortunately for your ass, I shot him in the dick. His balls go flyin across the room and he curls up on the floor and starts cryin like a baby that just shit on itself. I shoot his ass two more times and the old bitch is screamin her head off and tries to run past me. I grabbed her by the back of the neck and just slammed her face in the door jam. This bitch is out cold, Paul Bunyon is dead, blood and nut juice everywhere, my shoes had gotten… I don't fuckin know what on em, sweat, cum, k-y, nut juice, who knows, but they're ruined. Then all I hear is fuckin sirens. I'm thinking I'm rightly fucked now. So I do what I do and throw the old bitch on my shoulers and I go out the back door."
"So you got away?"
"Fuck yeah I got away. Ain't no fuckin city cop goin to bring me in. I get back to this safe house that I keep for emergencies and shit. No one knows about this place, not even you. I tied the old bitch up and was tryin to figure out what I should do with her. Couldn't kill her cause I couldn't get rid of the body. I didn't wanna go out to dump it somewhere and have Johnny Citizen see me doin it. So I'm really thinking of just beatin this old bitch and letting her go, but then she woke up. She saw my face, so I had to do it. Two quick shots, one to the head and one to the gut. Bitch is dead. I start freakin cause I had to get rid of the body, I knew the heat was goin to start searchin everywhere for this old bitch."
"Well what did you do?"
"You believe in divine intervention?"
"What? You mean like God could alter reality in some way to benefit certain people? I guess it could happen. I ain't never seen no shit like that, but yeah, I guess it could."
"Well, right after I kill this bitch and I'm thinking of what to fuckin do, Hannibal comes on HBO."
"No fuckin way!!! Your bullshit!!! Here is where I pull your card, bitch. I know you can kill people like it was nothing, I've seen you fuckin do it, but under no fuckin circumstance do you fuckin eat somebody. I mean seriously, who the fuck eats people?"
Wolf takes another long pull off his cigarette and then says, "You know, I can actually answer that. It's somebody who's got everything to lose. I know if I get caught, even now, there is a lot of shit that they could pin on me. I'm not tryin to die in jail, there's a lot of people I still owe, in one way or another."
"Wow… how… I mean how could you?"
"It was hard at first. It was real hard, but then I just did what I had to. I've shot kids in the head, I could do this. I couldn't finish her all in one meal, so I was eatin for like a week. After awhile it started tasting pretty good. I started trying out recipes and shit, if I ever get trapped somewhere I feel sorry for whoever I'm stuck with."
"Right, you are one sick bastard. I mean really fuckin sick. I thought I fuckin knew you, dude. Wait a minute, how the fuck did you get caught then?"
"Don't know. A couple days after the body was gone, the three pigs show up at my door with fuckin TV cameras and shit. I was thinking I was finished, that they knew, but when they got there seemed as lost as everybody else. I went to trial, but without a body and no witnesses, they couldn't make anything stick. I was released, but those fuckin pigs still watch me every now and then. Tryin to catch me slippin. I'm goin to pay them a visit one day and show em exactly where the old bitch is."
"You got any ideas on how they knew?"
"Yeah I got a couple, but nothing solid. When I find out who told them though, there's goin to be a whole lot of pain goin around."
"You really are fucked in the head, but it's good that your back where you belong."
"Yeah. I'm still not goin to let you suck my dick, fag."
"Fuck you, bitch. I'd fuck your mom if the bitch wasn't so hairy."
"You'd have to dig her up from behind my house first," and with that Prince is left wondering if Wolf is still joking with him or telling the truth. The crooked smile on his face leaves no doubts in Prince's mind what Wolf meant though.
********
Around the corner from an abandoned parking lot is the Goose Lady's house. Her name is Twinkles and she is a slightly deformed midget drug dealer, who is on her way to try and get Prince a meeting with the Goose Lady. Standing in her way is Fritzy, a schizophrenic dwarf who trust no one and who just happens to be the Goose Lady's door man. Fritzy was given this job by the Red Queen, herself to keep everyone away from the Goose Lady.
Twinkles walks directly towards Fritzy, making him quite nervous. She walks up the steps and places her hand on his crotch and kisses him gently on his cheek. She lightly squeezes, getting an immediate reaction from Fritzy's midget hard-on. She lets go and starts walking towards the back of the building, taking her top off in the process. She turns her head back towards Fritzy and says, "You wanna have a friend like me."
Fritzy is stunned. He looks around, up and down both sides of the street. Then at his midget erection which is causing his pants to tighten uncomfortably. He quickly jumps from the steps and follows Twinkles around back.
To be continued…
Author's Notes
Hey people. I'm all happy. We're having a boy! We don't have a name, if anyone has an idea for one, I'd appreciate it. I'll let you know when we decide on one. This chapter would have been up earlier, but it got erased and I had to write it over again. This chapter was goin to be different, but I got a reviewer who likes Wolf, so I figured more of him would be good. Oh, I'm still working on the picture too, me and my sister keep arguing on what certain characters should look like. Next chapter- midget sex. If anyone has a character that they'd like to see somewhere in this story, let me know. I should be introducing a couple more soon. Like always, thanks in advance.
