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Thanks
Feathers1 - I'm so happy that you liked my previous chapter too !!!!!! Thanks a LOT for reviewing !!!!! About my use of floral meanings : last year, I decided on a whim ( as usual ) to learn about it, so I spent a few days doing a crazy research using my free periods at school, going to the library everytime I could, mostly using books, as I don't really like researching in French on Internet due to the tons of misspellings and non-trustworthy informations. I thought that it could get useful someday, but I was overall truthfully interested, so I memorized most of it while reading, not on purpose as it isn't really an "important" thing, but just paying it attention. I didn't have problems translating the names in the previous chapters as I sometimes had lists with English, French and Latin names, but this time, I had a serious headache because of that !! Green flowers... I only know a few of them in French, but in English ???!!!!! Guess I was bound to have this kind of problems when I decided to write in a language I've been learning from French teachers '-'; By the way, oriental hyacinths mean 'the language of flowers' :' )
heheangel kisses - Thanks for adding me to your favourites list !!!!! And for reviewing !!! Here's the update ! Sorry if it was late...
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I'm here for the last chapter of introduction ! As last main character, Kinomoto Sakura ! I think you would have guessed it anyway '-'; I had some trouble finding green flowering plants' names in English... Fell asleep on my French/English dictionnary yesterday :' ) I wanted to use flowers the same colour as the characters eyes, as it is said that eyes are windows opening on the soul... Sorry, sorry, sorry for the slow update ! Sadly, I won't be able to update again before a month, for reasons explained in my bio, if anyone is curious about it. Gomen, gomen, gomen !
Disclaimer : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.
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Symbols used in order of appearance
Plants
- musk pink {note. Pinks are a species of wild carnations, also called "poets' carnation". The flowers are smaller, with five or six petals, white, pink, purple or mixed and bloom in spring. In the CCS series, anime or manga, they are the symbol of the city of Tomoeda and Sakura's mother's favourite flowers - she was named after those flowers -, known as 'nadeshiko'} - childishness
- osmunda ( flowers : red or flowerless fern ) - reverie
- star of Bethlehem ( flowers : white, pale green ) - idleness
- ivy ( foliage : green, climbing ) - fidelity, friendship, I die where I attach myself
- fern ( leaves : green ) - sincerity
- cinquefoil ( flowers : white with very pale green, coral, red or golden yellow ) -beloved daughter
- everlasting ( flowers : purple or white ) - perpetual remembrance
- syringa ( - a variety of lilac - flowers : white, violet ) - fraternal regard
- asphodel ( flowers : white, yellow ) - regret
- pheasant's eye ( flowers : red, yellow ) - painful remembrance
- cypress ( foliage : dark green ) - mourning
- weeping willows ( spring foliage : light green ) - sadness
Note. April's birthstone is the diamond, meaning innocence, perfection and purity. I think it suits Sakura quite well :' ) But as the colour doesn't correspond, I will use the green opal, meaning hope and faith.
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Rebirth... The purpose of spring, the reason of its existence. As plants start to germinate, birds to chirp, I used to feel serene and content, letting all my worries fade away with the melting snow.
I would go to Tomoyo's, care for our secret garden, water the vivid pinks, dreamy osmundas, delicate stars of Bethlehem, and make vows of friendship on our patch of azure periwinkles. Our gardening often ended in water splashing and bubbly laughter erupting in cascades of glittering happiness. We built a low fence around our garden, to protect it from the wind, but mainly to let ivy and wisteria spread their intricate tendrils. We didn't pull up all the wild ferns while weeding because we liked how their green leaves added beauty to our precious plants, cherished for their magnificent flowers and even more for their profound meanings...
But those joyful times are condemned forever : to be only memories, shadows of a light filled childhood, blurred remnants of a distant past...
The shade of loneliness - Chapter IV : Withering ivy
When okaa-san passed away, I was too young to know what was happening. I just remember a day when otou-san and onii-chan came back very late, as I was already asleep on otou-san's favourite armchair, both looking sad and tired but both putting on a smile as I greeted them with a faint "okaeri nasai..." Otou-san hugged me, telling me with a soft voice that okaa-san went away to a nicer place, from where she will watch over us. I said that I would miss her... They smiled, promising me that they would always stay with me, because she asked them to, because they could never leave me alone, because they love me...
They kept their promise. They surrounded me with so much affection and care that I never really felt the absence of okaa-san. Every day during all those years, there was a different picture of okaa-san in the small frame on the kitchen table, on which she always looked cheerful, loving, and incredibly beautiful... I never experienced the feeling of loneliness. They've been strong for her, for me, keeping their sorrow to themselves ; showing me smiling faces when they were suffering inside. Why didn't I notice it ? Touya, when he was teasing me, was hiding his pain by making me so furious that I wouldn't see the look of sadness flashing in his eyes. And the shining droplets on the leaves of the potted cinquefoil otou-san gave me were most probably his tears... And when, and when I told them I wanted to buy everlastings to put on her grave, what must have been their sentiments ? But for all that time, I never suspected their feelings, being naive and dense, being cheerful and athletic, staying most of the time at Tomoyo's, to keep her company as Sonomi-san was occupied elsewhere... I never understood how selfish I was being, believing in their happiness and not trying to see further in their hearts, for if I only tried a little, I would have seen them hurting, ignoring their deepening wounds to offer me unlimited affection... I didn't realize that they needed company, as much as Tomoyo-chan...
Tomoyo-chan... Always acting so calm and mature, even when Sonomi-san had to leave her in their huge mansion with maids and bodyguards. A wonderful friend, helping me with my lessons, supporting me mentally when I had to get back the Clow cards and change them into my own, when anyone else wouldn't have believed that I had magic, that all this happened because I read the name of a card I found in an old book in the cellar. She sometimes tended to be eccentric, making me weird clothes to wear while card capturing, regretting that she couldn't be of any help magically. Though she got attacked more than once by these spiritual forces, she never agreed to leave me alone, arguing that no one would be there to videotape 'kawaii Sakura-chan'. That made me embarrassed, but I knew it was because she cared for me. She had the most beautiful voice ever, but was so modest about it, loving music more than any other subject although she was talented in almost all of them. It was her love for music that required her to go overseas, to England, as there were renowned music colleges and orchestras there... I was happy for her, it was her dream come true, but she seemed even sadder than me because of our separation, the day after her fifteenth birthday. That morning, I went to our secret garden with Sonomi-san and we planted two pots of blooming sage, to tell her that we would keep thinking of her. Four days after her departure, everything that made my world of childlike fantasies flew away from me...
That fateful day, Touya was coming back from his baito, as an ice-cream vendor this time. His bicycle got hit by a car, which brakes failed. The driver died as his car smashed into a wall after knocking down onii-chan. Touya went into a coma.
A week later, we learned that he wouldn't wake up again.
When he was hit, the impact caused a vein to explode in his cranium, forming a blood clot crushing the brain, at an angle making all surgery intervention impossible. At that time, we had a choice to make : either we paid to keep him alive artificially until the clot got too big and damaged parts of his brain controlling the vital functions, or we let him go, without risking him suffering more if the clot crushed the nervous system. We were given a day to take that decision. Otou-san was completely overwhelmed by despair, he didn't have the courage to make that choice, so he told me to do it. I didn't know what to do either, I was opting for the first choice, at least we would keep his with us a little longer... But that night, onii-chan came to visit me in my dreams.
'Sakura, you have to let me go... My time has come to go with okaa-san. Tell otou-san that I am sorry for leaving him. Remember that I love you all, you will need courage to face the truth, but I have faith in you. Good bye Kaijuu...'
He was smiling...
When I woke up the next morning, finding a single branch of snowy syringa on my pillow, I knew what options I was going to take... Otou-san told me that I made the right choice, but onii-chan, I can't help thinking of you whenever I saw the asphodels and pheasant's eyes you sowed in the garden, for okaa-san, as I now comprehend what they meant...
Next year, as springtime comes back, my eyes won't light up again with the shine of hyaline opal and friendly ivy : they will hold the grief of dark cypresses and the sobs of weeping willows. And my existence will lack of significance, be what it was fated to be : a mere joke, an April fool's trick, the birth of a child naive enough to believe in childish fantasies...
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It has been another week since I chose to let Touya go. I still can't cope with the fact that I won't be teased as soon as I wake up everyday, that he won't be there to scare off any boys trying to get close to me, that I won't see his smirk ever again. Otou-san decided to send me to Hong Kong, in a prestigious boarding school, because he needed time to recover and didn't want to take the risk of neglecting me during that period. I understand. But otou-san, don't you know that I would prefer staying with you, even if you can't take care of me, to take care of you ?
I just had a dream that woke me up, a strange one, I take a look to these unfamiliar surroundings, before realizing where I am. Constellation Academy... But something about it kept nagging me, a weird feeling, a feeling that this dream was like those prophetic ones I had during my card-capturing years, but not exactly the same... It wasn't special in any way, there was just a voice speaking to me, calling me... A voice I never heard before, neither masculine nor feminine, holding the wisdom of the ancient ones, but also the innocence of a newborn child. It asked me :
"Do you believe in the existence of hope ?"
I can't find anything to respond. Not after onii-chan' death, maybe not ever, but certainly not now.
What was so strange about that simple question ? The fact that I didn't know how to answer...
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:::::: End of Part I : The shade of loneliness ::::::
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Sorry for taking so long... I'm finally done with making them suffer. Whew, that wasn't easy. I think I fixed the main structure of this fic :
- Prologue : Our world's lament
- Part I : The shade of loneliness
: Chapter I : Grieving over buttercups
: Chapter II : Solitary salvias
: Chapter III : Regretful rosemaries
: Chapter IV : Withering ivy
- Part II : The tint of hope
- Part III : The hue of enchantment: Chapter I :
: Chapter II :
: Chapter III :
: Chapter IV :
- Epilogue : The colour of cheerfulness: Chapter I :
: Chapter II :
: Chapter III :
: Chapter IV :
It isn't final, but I think I like it ! Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it ! See you in a month ! Until then :
Ja ne !
Lazuline Violet
