Fifty Ways to Make Joey Wheeler's Life Miserable
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Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh; I don't own any references I've used from the show; anything you don't recognize I've likely made up.
Notes: I actually intended for that to be a one-shot, but forgot to tell people. Oops. Anyway, to tie up a couple of loose ends (including that one) I wrote this quick epilogue of sorts.
Thanks: To everyone who reviewed. Wow… I didn't think this silly bit of fluff would be that well-received. You're all great!
Dedication: To Mamono. I actually meant to dedicate the last chapter to you, but it got cut it off. -.- I was just trying to thank you for being such a good buddy/listener/sounding board/source of endless humor for the months that we've been friends!
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Funny again.
This time, she could actually appreciate it.
For her part, Téa had never intended to go on a date with Kaiba. It was just too easy to get to Joey. And she was sure Kaiba would shrivel up in horror and die if she'd proposed following through with what had started out as a silly little joke.
Yet it was the night of the supposed date, and here she was, sitting side-by-side with Kaiba under the dark velvet sky, with a thousand stars twinkling overhead. The two of them were laughing, and Téa's face was flushed as she fed Kaiba a piece of chocolate.
To clear up the inherent misconstruction:
Téa had snuck out of her house at around midnight and made for the Wheeler's. She knew where Joey kept his spare key, and she was willing to break in to make him squirm. He'd spent two hours earlier that day on the phone with her, informing her of all the ways in which Kaiba was a jerk and why she should date someone sane, like… um…
At that point, Joey had forgotten what he was supposed to be talking about.
In any case, he'd made several slights upon her in the course of the lecture- she did not wear a padded bra- and that jerk was going to pay tonight.
Tomorrow, of course, things would return to normal. But Téa had discovered that being malicious was addicting.
So she'd taken the shortcut through the Wheeler's backyard- and that's where things got interesting.
"Kaiba?" she whispered when she was still a good distance away. She didn't know anyone else that tall.
Kaiba didn't respond right away. He was murmuring something under his breath. As she tentatively crept closer, he flicked a switch, knelt in front of the slightly cracked open window, and pulled something towards him.
"What on earth are you doing?" Téa asked, kneeling beside him. In response, he showed her the tiny tool he'd been using. After she stared at it a few seconds, it became clear what it was.
"A microphone?" she wondered aloud.
"On an extended track," Kaiba explained, moving the lever to show her how he could guide the microphone anywhere within a ten-foot radius. "I have the other end," he added, tapping his breast pocket.
"Oh no…" she said slowly, realizing what was going on. "You did it, didn't you?"
"Did what?" he asked innocently, his blue eyes twinkling merrily.
"You put that microphone next to Joey's ear while he was sleeping and started ranting about puppy dogs!" she accused.
"Did not."
" 'M not a dog… go 'way… …all right, all right, just put the collar away- Woof! Woof!"
Joey's voice drifted across the yard. Téa crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow at Kaiba.
"Well… maybe I did a little," Kaiba acknowledged, staring right back at Téa.
She spun away from the window and clamped a hand over her mouth to prevent her laughter from waking up Joey. They'd have a lot of explaining to do, otherwise: they were lucky he slept like the dead.
"And you're here because…?" Kaiba asked, when her giggles had subsided.
She straightened, composing her face again. Solemnly, she crooked a finger at him. Curious, Kaiba trailed her to the front of the house, where Téa reached up and unscrewed the lightbulb. A single brass key fell out.
"Joey always forgets his so he keeps a spare," Téa muttered, carefully replacing the bulb. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the slightly wolfish expression on Kaiba's face. He bent down and reached for the key, but before he could pick it up and wreak all kinds of havoc, Téa deliberately put her foot on top of it. Kaiba scowled at her, and made as if to shove her out of the way, but Téa scooped the key up and unlocked the front door. Placing a finger to her lips, she led Kaiba inside and directly to the right, where the small kitchen was.
"We're going to empty it," she told him, barely breathing in case she woke Joey. They were lucky that he was the only inhabitant of the house; he'd informed her a few days ago that his dad was on a business trip for the next month.
Kaiba grinned again, a decidedly evil look for such a happy facial expression. He nodded once, then went straight for the refrigerator, pulling out bottle after bottle of soda and piling them up in his arms. Téa scavenged through all the cupboards, yanking out bags of chips and sliding them across the floor to the front hall.
They spent ten minutes silently removing all traces of food from his kitchen, and Téa spent ten minutes convincing herself that a little harmless prank once in a while wasn't a bad thing, and that Joey wouldn't really die after five minutes of starvation while he sprinted to Tristan's. Then she remembered all the pranks he'd ever pulled on her, including the time he put the Funny Bunny plushee inside her mailbox with a little tag that said "Love Pegasus", and her resolve renewed.
"Do you think he'll find it?" she asked Kaiba doubtfully.
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "We hid the food in the bushes in his backyard. Will he sniff it out? Maybe. Will he come looking? Yeah, right."
She snorted with laughter. "All right, I suppose our work here is finished," she murmured proudly, gazing at the sky. It was a beautiful night- apparently the celestial beings approved. Her gaze wandered slightly until her eyes fell upon the corner of a bright red box: "Aw, man! Chocolate!"
"Chocolate?" Kaiba asked doubtfully, as she crouched down and picked up the box. It was only half-empty, a true miracle considering where it had come from.
"Have one," she offered, placing the sticky treat inside her own mouth. The chocolate immediately fell apart, filling her entire mouth with the deliciously comforting taste.
Kaiba rolled her eyes. "I don't think so," he said, rising to his feet and dusting off his hands. Téa remained obstinately on the ground.
"Joey'd share," she lied, grinning. "It's our reward for a job well done! These are the best chocolates in Domino!"
Kaiba stared distastefully at the box. "Mokuba likes those," he mused.
"You've had them before, right?"
"No."
"No?" Téa stared at him in disbelief. "You have to eat one! Come on!"
"I don't think so," he said, trying to back away. In a flash, she was on her feet, holding the chocolate treat before her.
"Eat it!"
"No!"
Téa leapt forward, taking Kaiba completely by surprise, and mashed it up against his mouth. Unfortunately, it wasn't entirely open, so far more smeared across his face. "Mmpf!"
"Good, isn't it?" she asked in satisfaction. He gaped at her for a long moment, then started chuckling in a low tone. She joined in with high giggles, realizing what exactly she'd done.
After Kaiba wiped his face clean, admitted that the chocolate 'wasn't bad', and gave her several idle death threats, they were ready to part their ways.
"You know, Gardner," Kaiba said slowly, as they cut through Joey's backyard again and ended up on the sidewalk. "For a bubbly airhead cheerleader… you have potential."
She was still laughing a bit, and she smiled at him, but inside she was seething 'Airhead?'
"For an icy, rude, billionaire asshole, you're not too bad either," she said, fixing him with a bright but sharp look. Kaiba must have missed the danger in the stare, however, because he chucked and walked away, bidding her a farewell.
So of course, she took the only recourse possible.
The next day, after listening to Joey rant for another two hours about how the food ran away from home, she plunged in.
"Hey Joey? I've been thinking…
"You know what'd be a good way to get revenge upon someone who's insulted us in the past? Prank 'em. Find out what's most likely to get them annoyed, and then do it. There are a couple of people who really need to get a bit more humor into their lives. We can get someone who's otherwise really uptight.
"Someone like Seto Kaiba…"
