HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING
by Yih
beta'd by Blackumbrage.
CURIOSITY: How many of the MALE SEX actually read this? Just wondering b/c I got an email from a male reader and I was impressed that I could write well enough that a guy would read this ;;.
6: The Manipulations
To set his plans for the seduction of Sebastian Biggerstaff into motion, Draco needed to land detention with the Professor. It was perfect, the idea, at least, but it was not easy to get detention with the Mediwizard Professor. A notorious precedent for detentions dealt out by Professor Biggerstaff was handled by Filch, and Draco had no intention whatsoever of spending detention polishing whatever knick knack that struck that squib's cruel bone.
His first three attempts to get detention had ended up with him losing 40 points for his house and getting shot nasty looks by Blaise and Pansy before he had given up for that class period. He didn't want to be too obvious about it, but what was it going to take to get a bloody detention? It wasn't like potions where he could blow up a cauldron or something, not that he would get detention for something like that… but accidents simply didn't happen in a lecture based class. But… Draco's eyes narrowed in calculation, there was the Weasel in the class and he knew how much Professor Biggerstaff despised house prejudices.
He had been very good about not insulting the red-headed loser in Professor Biggerstaff's class because he'd known that was not the way to get on Sebastian's good side. Well, he still did want to be on Sebastian's good side, unfortunately if Sebastian wasn't going to cooperate with his plans--- he had no choice but to insult the irritating Weasel. Draco's lips curved up into a smile of deliberate arrogance. He knew exactly where to prick the tomato head where it would get the juiciest response.
"I see," Draco drawled, putting all the Malfoy superiority into his tone, "that the Gryffindorks have turned to you now for guidance now that the bloody Harry Potter is gone. Does it make you feel better that you are finally in the spotlight only because the Golden Boy has disappeared and that by default the Gryffindorks must turn to the most foolish and stupid not to mention the poorest one in your entire house? You've become the leader, Weasel, congratulations to the only success you can have and you have it only because your best friend has conveniently vanished, eh?"
It was too easy to get the trademark Weasley temper up, Draco thought. It was child's play. He didn't even have to count to three before the Weasel exploded, his hands clenching into a fist as if he wanted to punch the guts out of him for the insults. Why did the stupid prat always think with physical violence before using the magic that was inherent in him? It didn't make sense to Draco. Draco always thought with his wand first. His lips curled up into a smirk for it was quite true.
"You bloody git!" Ron cursed. "Do you have any sense of decency in you? Do you Ferret boy? You have always ragged on Harry. Do you get it, he's gone, damn it! He may never come back! Do you understand how much it bloody hurts to know that? I would give anything to have him back. Do you even know what it is like to have a real friend you slimy stinky Slytherin… Slytherin…"
"Lacking on the insults, tomato face?" Draco retorted casually, his voice lined with an icy edge that betrayed nothing. Inside he was reeling from what the Weasel had about him. It wasn't like this insulting Harry business was anything truly personal. It was what was done. The Gryffindors and Slytherins had always been mortal enemies. Didn't the brain dead fart face understand? It was a ruddy act! "But it's not so surprising with your lack of intellectual prowess. You depend on your mudblood girlfriend for your academic lacking, eh?"
It seemed he had gravely underestimated the damage Ron Weasley could cause when he felt the Weasel's fist connect with nose in a bone breaking punch. What made it worse was that he hadn't been expecting it. That coupled with the Weasel showing incredible speed with his attack and his tardiness of reflexes… found Draco laid out on the floor outside the medimagic classroom with a severely broken nose that was causing him to bleed like a pig. Fuck, his nose had been perfect and now it was ruined.
And damn it all to hell Sebastian hadn't even been there to give him detention yet. What a waste.
His head was pounding and he hadn't even gotten drunk on fire whiskey, Draco thought with a groan. He opened his eyes and was confronted by glaring white walls that had to be from the hospital ward. Fucking fabulous, he cursed, he was in the realm of Poppy's domain. There was nothing worse than having to be sick and having her cluck over you like a mother hen. But he hadn't ended up here because he'd gotten sick; he'd gotten here by the aid of the Weasel's fist. He was never going to hear the end of her reprimanding him for starting a fight and ending up in the hospital ward.
"So you're awake."
Draco knew who that voice was. His gray eyes slide to the side and he was met with the vision that was Sebastian Biggerstaff. It made the aching head he felt that was rooted in his nose all the worthwhile, even though his favorite Professor was glaring at him with a none too pleased expression. It was okay though, he could deal with the glaring as long as the attention was focused on him.
"You know how I feel about house prejudices," Sebastian remarked sharply, "and yet you still persist to show how petty and ignorant you are. I had serious thoughts reconsidering you as my apprentice because of that." Draco felt a sense of panic rising in him. He had never meant to jeopardize that, only to get Sebastian to give him a detention! That was all! "But Severus convinced me that I ought not to ask rashly like a Gryffindor, and thus you will still be my apprentice. However, if I see any behavior like you've demonstrated today again I will heavily reconsider taking you on as an apprentice."
"I understand," Draco whispered hoarsely, relief flowing like a flood through his system at the idea that he had come that close to losing what he had wanted for so long. He had to be more careful next time; he couldn't risk upsetting Sebastian enough to make him recant his offer to him to make him his apprentice. "I apologize."
"Don't apologize to me," Sebastian replied dryly, "but you will need to make an apology to Ron Weasley."
Like he ever would! It wasn't like he hadn't said anything that wasn't true, and he was the one that had ended up in the hospital ward? Him? Apologize? That was bloody funny. Draco wanted to laugh hysterically at that mad request but his laughter died when he saw that the look on his Professor's face was dead serious. Sebastian meant it. He would have to apologize to the Weasel. Could this day get any worse?
"You also have detention with me for the next week every day."
It got worse, Draco thought dryly, but at least… he'd gotten what he'd wanted.
When Harry saw Severus approaching him for the second time that day, he had thought that Severus was coming to him to discuss Draco again. The first time had been Severus's attempt to try to show Draco's side of things. If it hadn't been for what Severus had said, he seriously had been considering re-evaluating taking Draco underneath his tutelage. It took a lot to get him to change his mind once it was made up, but to hear what Draco had said had pushed some of the wrong buttons. It also didn't help that it reminded him how different this Draco was from the Draco that was his best friend.
"I already told Draco not to do something like that again," Harry remarked, "or else I would reconsider taking him on as my apprentice. You don't have to vouch for the whole Draco has been raised as a Malfoy and that has been how Malfoys traditionally see others like the Weasley."
Severus smiled a strained smile. "That's good to hear, but that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
Harry frowned. "What do you want to talk about then?"
Sending him a pointed look that it was not something to discuss in the hallways where there could be a random student that might overhear them, Harry nodded and gestured for Severus to follow him back to his private rooms since it was the closest. Once they were safely behind the basilisk portrait, who would not offer admission to anyone without the permission of her master, Severus started speaking, "Albus has requested your presence."
Harry knew that if that had been the only thing that Severus had intended to say, he wouldn't have had Harry go to a secluded area where they could talk truthfully without the fear of being overheard. "There's more you want to say," Harry whispered knowingly. "If there is, just say it."
"It's about the matter of being Albus's second spy."
Harry closed his eyes. He had known this was coming. He had thought that he'd get a few more days, but he guessed he wasn't going to get much more time to think about this. Severus had tried to warn him about this a few days ago, that Albus would be approaching him soon about this. It seemed that it didn't matter which universe he ended up in, it seemed some way or another everyone wanted him to become a Death Eater.
"He wants to approach me."
Severus nodded. "I'm supposed to convince you to do it."
"And that is why you are here?" Harry questioned lightly.
"I am here," Severus began sharply, his dark eyes pinning Harry with their intensity, "to ask you, Sebastian, what I mean to you and what you mean to me in the future."
Severus was asking this because he wanted confirmation since there was no bloody way that he didn't know what they meant to each other in the future. Harry didn't even really know what they meant to each other, not truly, though he could guess that it was something close to what Sev and he had shared in the alternate dimension. However, there had been more desperation in Severus's kiss than had ever been in Sev's embraces. Was it possible that this Severus felt more strongly than his Sev? He wanted to say that it was impossible for anyone to feel as strongly as his Sev… but it was possible. Severus Snape was a man of intense emotions.
"Don't you know?" Harry posed the telling question back softly.
"I can guess," Severus responded. "My future self gave approval of you and that only indicates to me that you were an acceptable peer to him and I have known for a long time what my preferences have been. I like men," he stated bluntly, not showing the least bit embarrassment. "And if I respected you as much as I seem to in the future, it only makes sense that I at one point considered you as a potential partner."
Analytical as always, wasn't Severus? Everything with Severus had to be logical. It had always amused him how agitated his Sev would get when things didn't add up to the variables that life had dealt. As he liked to remind Sev, life was random as hell and couldn't always be predicted by any sensible means. However, he understood the values to a spy of being able to make a prediction--- even wild ones from information available. It was probably one of the reasons this Severus was a brilliant spy.
"It was more than a partnership."
Severus pressed his lips together, looking not that surprised though he did seem to be slightly uncomfortable. "Is that so?"
"Yes."
The dark eyes that Harry knew too well surveyed him slowly up and down. "I would not have thought you would be the type to like their own."
Harry chuckled. "Is there a type?"
"There is."
Harry smirked. "Do you fit the mold?" Harry countered, his eyes drinking up the sight of Severus even though it wasn't his Sev… since it was so close and so familiar all the same. He wondered, had driven himself crazy too many nights for him to count, wondering if making love to Severus would be like making love to Sev. "I would think you did not… fit the mold."
"I know I do not," Severus agreed.
"And should I then fit it for your sake?"
Severus shook his head. "No."
"That's good."
There was a silence, neither strange nor uncomfortable though Harry had felt he had allowed things to be pushed along further than they should have been. He should not have let things go this far. It would have been safer to scoff at the idea that he was gay, but he could not lie to Severus--- not even this Severus. It would be like lying his Sev, and he could not bare to do that. Not when he had vowed to always be true to him.
"I have one thing to ask you before I take you to see Albus."
"Ask it and I will answer," Harry replied graciously.
"Did I love you?"
Harry's breath caught. Of all questions, he had not been expecting that one especially from this Severus. His Sev had had a hard time admitting such feelings, but this Severus who had hated with such a passion was asking him now if he had fallen in love with his despised pupil? It was something Harry couldn't have conceived of if he hadn't spent eleven years in another universe loving a Severus that was the same and yet different.
"I don't know," Harry answered truthfully. "I think so, but you'll have to ask yourself that."
It was a moment before Severus nodded and when he spoke, he spoke not of the question but instead the business that had to be taken care of before they could even think about getting together and falling in love, "I need to take you to see Albus now, and if truth be told… I wish I did not have to."
"It's okay, I understand that you have to do this. We need every advantage."
"The price, I think, is too much at times."
The gargoyles that guarded the Headmaster's Office leapt aside when Harry and Severus approached. Harry only shook his head knowingly. Albus was always prepared for everything. The day that Albus was caught unprepared was a dark day indeed. The only time Harry had ever known Albus to be caught unaware and in ignorance had led to the dangerous coup that had let Voldemort take over the wizarding world in the alternate dimension. Harry sincerely hoped that it was not repeated here.
As much as he did not want Voldemort to reign supreme here as the Dark Lord of all of Britain, he shuddered to think of the sacrifice that they would ask of him. A small part of him wanted to believe that Voldemort would be like the Voldemort he had come to think of at times as a surrogate father. But he knew that that would never be the case. This Voldemort had been pushed down far too much for him to ever have the capacity for not being overly cruel. This Voldemort had lost balance, even as cunning and as resourceful as he was. He simply would not be a decent leader as the other Voldemort had turned out to be.
This Voldemort reminded him in some ways of that dimension's Albus. Both of them had lost some of edge of their sanity when they had been pushed to the depths of desperation. Then again, despair and suffering often did twist a person's soul into another being entirely. As much as he knew that the other Voldemort had still been inherently dark, he hadn't been sure that Albus was still inherently light.
The good thing about being back in his own world was that he had no such questions like that. As inherently dark as Voldemort was there, he had been a capable leader. To depose of him would have sent the foundations of the wizarding world to their knees in the turmoil they had only just recovered from. It was one of the reasons why he could not have killed that Voldemort, and in the end he had decided against it.
Here there were no such questions. His Voldemort had killed his parents and had tried actively to kill him. His Voldemort, he knew, was more than inherently dark. He was inherently evil as well. The other Voldemort, he hadn't been so sure, there had been some kindness--- probably the influence of having been a father. Would his Voldemort have been so malicious if he had had a daughter who worshipped the ground he tread? It was a question to think about.
Whatever the case may be, his Voldemort was evil and his Albus was good. The torn conflict of knowing who to support was easily abated. He knew he had to support Albus, and the only question was how far he wanted to go. Did he want to take up the horrible burden of becoming a Death Eater twice over? And what excuses could he make of the serpent tattoo on the back that marked him an heir of Slytherin? Damned if he knew, damned if he didn't.
"Good afternoon," Albus greeted them congenially, snapping Harry's thoughts from the inner turmoil he'd been conflicted over. "Please take a seat and would either of you like a lemon drop?"
"No thank you," Harry responded and noticed that Severus only glared at the Headmaster before taking the seat next to Harry. "What did you want to discuss with me?"
Albus's eyebrows rose slightly, not in surprise as much as in his curiosity. "Did Severus not inform you of what I wanted to approach you in this meeting about?"
"Yes, he did," Harry answered directly, "but I wanted to hear it from your own lips."
"Ah yes, direct aren't you, young man?" Harry didn't back down from the steady gaze he was holding with Albus's twinkling eyes. "Very well then," Albus murmured. "As Severus has told you already, I wanted to talk to you about becoming another spy for the Order."
"You want me to become a Death Eater," Harry stated calmly.
"To act as a spy," Albus countered, "of course."
"But still a Death Eater."
"Yes," he agreed, "there is that."
"And you think the Dark Lord would want to initiate me into his ranks?" Harry inquired softly. "I am but a mediwizard. I did not think that Dark Lords go out searching to add mediwizards into their ranks."
"There is your potions ability," Albus added, "and that you can brew potions with Severus that he would find useful." Harry already knew this for Severus had told him. "I would think that Voldemort would be very interested in adding you into his ranks. You are a very strong wizard, Sebastian Biggerstaff, any side would be lucky to count you in their ranks, mediwizard or not."
"If I choose not to?" Harry posed the question.
"Then I cannot force you," Albus responded. "It, however, would look bad if I were to mention to the rest of the members in the Order that Lucius Malfoy had visited you." Harry narrowed his eyes into blue slits. Trust Albus to know everything that went on in the castle that even Severus didn't know, it seemed Albus had managed to surprise Severus with his knowledge. Odd that Severus hadn't known why Lucius had come. As Draco's godfather and intended Professor, it would have made more sense for him to know. "Some members are quite of the opinion you are quite dark, Sebastian."
"Manipulations won't work on me, Albus," Harry stated softly with the power of his ability behind his words. It was enough to cause Albus to lose the twinkle in his eyes. Harry was not about to be pushed into anything until he had made up his mind. He still didn't know if he wanted to go through with this. He hadn't decided against it yet, but he certainly hadn't decided for it either. "However, I will consider what you're saying."
That seemed to please Albus for he smiled and the twinkle was back in his eyes. "That is good. Remember that your part could make the difference in the Light prevailing over the Dark, Sebastian. Even a small gain could tip the scale to our favor. Even the smallest bit helps, even if it doesn't seem like much."
"I realize," Harry responded curtly. "It's getting near dinnertime, and I really must excuse myself to clean up for it."
Albus nodded. "Good day to you two then."
When Harry rose, Severus also followed his stead and continued mimicking his actions until they were out of the Headmaster's Office. Harry knew something was bugging Severus, it was the way that he'd gotten unbearably quiet even if the Severus in any world wasn't prone to chitchat. What was telling was the way he could feel Severus's dark eyes bore a hole through his back. "If there's something that you want to say, then say it."
"What was Lucius Malfoy doing, talking to you?"
Harry chuckled, was it only that? "He wanted to demand what I'd done to get his son to agree to apprentice to me, a nobody."
Severus blinked and then had to share in Harry's laughter. "That would be like the Lucius I know."
Harry nodded. "Indeed." That wasn't all, Harry saw. There was still something else that was bothering Severus, it was easy to see in the rigidity of his stance. "There's something else, isn't there?"
"Are you serious?" Severus bluntly asked. "Are you serious about considering joining me as a spy for the Order? Becoming a Death Eater?"
Harry didn't know how to answer him except to say, "Do you think it would help?"
And that was the real question… would the sacrifice really come to mean anything at all or would it all be done in vain?
Author's Note: Review and I'll update faster, how does that work? This chapter is longer than the previous 3 so be very happy. I'm gradually going to lengthen the chapters, I think, or I might not depending on the kind of response I get. Let's just put it this way, as long as I feel like there's people reading and showing their appreciation--- I'll work on this as hard as I worked on MOP, okay?
Questions: (1) Draco/Ron fight? (2) Sebastian/Severus interaction? (3) Predictions on Draco's detention? (4) Albus asking Sebastian to become a Death Eater?
Thanks to all the reviewers that keep me going (you don't believe how they can make my brain say… oh maybe I really ought to write more of this b/c people are nice enough to review this): DarkjamAB, Dius Corvus, Sky (I don't think I said Voldemort loved Harry, he loves Sahar and he cares about Harry. What I described in the dream that future Harry told present Harry to do is basically what happened and yes Limped will be incorporated into EOE if I ever go back and write it), Mynona (We have to get to Voldemort knowing that Sebastian doesn't want Draco first), Slash n burn, C.M. Aeris Queen of Insanity, walker-of-the-shadow-path (Lucius is straight in this fic), lyress (glad it all makes sense), TigerBlak (well Draco in the other 'verse initially lusted for Harry, remember the Draco/Harry kiss?), HecateDeMort, mist-chan1 (my beta appreciates your thanks), leshanar, Grey Malwell, henriette(haha sick mind you've got w/ the biggerstaff), KNW (ah yes, poor Draco in a way, but this Draco is different from the Draco that Harry knows), Robbly ( Lucius is totally straight in this one. Draco's veela abilities are almost nothing, but it does give him marvelous beauty), Shuki – aka Quickjewel, Menecarkawan (for the 3rd time, Lucius is straight), Cassa-Andra (Sorry about the shorter lengths of POB vs MOP/EOE, but it'll get longer as long as haha you guys keep supporting me). Marishamarish, deliolith, Lindiel Eryn, aryth, winter (the L/S was an introduction, there will be more btw them but not slash and your idea for Draco's veela-ish is cute), riantlykalopsic (well Harry never has sex with anyone so far other than Sev), keebler-elmo, AutumnBitch, athenakitty, Kathy stgqvk (haha Sevvie does help Draco stay in Sebastian's good graces.)
