Disclaimer: not mine
Note: this is a songfic based around the song by Michelle Branch
Jim's POV
Here With Me
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It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror,
I guess that I was blind,
Now my reflection's getting clearer,
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again...
--
I walked into the loft and tossed my keys into the basket. With a start I stood still and looked—really looked, around the room. I hadn't noticed before how different it was. It , more impersonal. And quiet. So quiet...
--
There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day,
You're such a part of me,
But I just pulled away...
--
It's so different without him here...
--
Well, I'm not the same guy,
You used to know,
I wish I said the words I never showed...
--
I spend all my free time at work now. Keeping busy so I won't think about what's missing in my life. Mostly desk duty, after an 'incident' I had during one of my cases--and I don't even care just so long as it's something to do. I come back to the loft and usually don't even bother turning on the lights—it just doesn't seem to matter any more... I didn't think that I'd ever admit it, but I miss him...
--
I know you had to go away,
I died just a little, and I feel it now,
You're the one I need,
I believe that I would cry just a little,
Just to have you back now,
Here with me,
Here with me...
--
I know his leaving was for the best—there was nothing else he could have done. But, I don't care what's for the best. He needs to be here. My senses are out of wack again and I can't seem to find the dials. Everything's different. Everything's wrong. I need him. I need my Guide...
--
You know that silence is loud,
When all you hear is your heart,
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true,
But I was scared and left it all behind...
--
I find myself unconsciously stretching out my senses. For the scent that has long since dissipated... For the sounds no longer heard... Scanning the streets for a certain face... Listening for the heartbeat that isn't there... All that's left is silence. I never really noticed before how much I needed him. I'd never known anyone like him before. He was my friend unconditionally, no matter how I pushed him away... Until I pushed too far, that is. I didn't really think that he would leave. Well, maybe I did. But he was supposed to come back...
--
I know you had to go away,
I died just a little, and I feel it now,
You're the one I need,
I believe that I would cry just a little,
Just to have you back now,
Here with me,
Here with me...
--
He wasn't supposed to stay gone. Even after the incident with Alex Barnes he came back. I mean, I know why he left and a part of me knows that he didn't have much choice... But he belongs here. He was supposed to come back. He belongs with me...
--
And I'm asking,
And I'm wanting,
You to come back to me,
Please...?
--
I need him back here. I need him to be my Guide again. I need him to just be here—with his loud jungle music, weird food, and constant chatter. I miss him...
--
I never will forget that look upon your face,
How you turned away and left without a trace...
--
And I keep seeing his face when I told him to go. Hurt, sadness, and a little bit of pain as well as some conviction. As if he had been waiting for this moment. As if he knew that it would eventually come to this. As if he actually believed that I didn't want him around any more. Then, he just turned around and left—didn't even look back. I kept expecting a phone call, a letter...hell, for him to just walk back into the loft as if nothing had happened. But he didn't...
--
But I understand that you did,
What you had to do,
And I thank you...
--
I knew that if he had stayed people would still speculate about my Sentinel abilities. They would have figured out that he had lied. I mean, it was so obvious that he had lied... I would have resented it if he had stayed. I would have resented him. I never told him to give up his career, I never told him to let everyone think that he was a fraud, I never told him to hold the press conference. But, he did. And I never even thanked him...
--
I know you had to go away,
I died just a little, and I feel it now,
You're the one I need,
I believe that I would cry just a little,
Just to have you back now,
Here with me...
--
He wasn't supposed to stay gone, damnit. He wasn't supposed to stay gone. He was supposed to come back. He was supposed to come back and things were supposed to be like they were before. He was supposed to come back. I need him...
--
Here with me.
--
