No Doughnuts, Cigarettes, or Pudding

Chapter 1

Vash: (Smiling) Hello everybody! Why are you guys up so early?

Meryl: Why are you up so early?

Vash: (Thinks very long time)

Meryl: Vash?

Vash: I…uh…I don't know. (Pauses) Where are the doughnuts?

Meryl: What are doughnuts? Vash what are you talking about?

Vash: You know, the round circular pastries, that I'm totally obsessed with. They taste ooooh soooo good. You remember, I'd do anything to get them.

Millie: Mr. Vash, what in the world are you talking about. No offense.

Vash: Come on you guys, quit playing around, you know what I'm talking about!

Meryl: Vash, we really don't.

Vash: YOU GUYS! Quit playing around, and tell me where the doughnuts. Drastic measures will be taken to get them. Come on, where are they hidden.

(Millie and Meryl exchange confused looks.)

Millie: Mr. Vash, sorry, but we don't know what doughnuts are. Are they some kind of exotic food?

Vash: So, do you know Dunkin Doughnuts?

Millie: What?

Vash: No? How about Krispie Kream?

Meryl: Nope.

Vash: (Tears running down face) NOOOOO! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

Wolfwood: What's the racket here? I was sleeping, then I heard pinhead here yelling. What's the problem?

Vash: Tell me, you know what doughnuts are!

Wolfwood: (Nervously, scared that Vash might hurt him if he didn't) Yeah.

Vash: (Glaring) You don't, do you?

Wolfwood: No.

(Vash runs out the door.)

Wolfwood: Where's he going?

Setting: Nearest bakery

Vash: Excuse me sir, do you have any doughnuts, the people where I live, are telling me they've got no clue what doughnuts are, and-

Baker: Sorry sir, I don't know what…what did you say?

Vash: Doughnuts?

Baker: Yes, doughnuts. I don't know what doughnuts are.

Vash: NO! YOU CAN'T BE IN ON IT TOO!