Chapter One: Declaration of War
I opened my eyes. Man, what a fucking headache. Did I fall asleep? And why couldn't I move my damn legs? It was almost like they were tied together or something.
"Here it is. Wow, there is a warning posted!" Damn that happy, overly polite voice. It could only belong to one person on Earth, because two people would tip the world balance and super nova the fucking sun. Like my fucking brain was doing right now. Super novaing that is. "Leaving appropriate offering. Misconduct and unsuitable offerings received with curses. Hmm, my, that sounds scary."
I groaned. Yeah, just like that floating piece of paper. Where'd it go anyway? Last thing I remember was it blinding me with that scummy pond water. Phew, stinky shit.
"Ah, Kamatari, such a funny time to take a nap. Lord Shishio is most displeased that you two are late, so he sent me to find you!"
Kamatari? Was the freak sitting next to me or something? Well, he was probably tittering and shooting flower buds at my prone body. Shit, now I was in trouble. Being late with Shishio was asking for it. Begging actually.
I tried to sit up and noticed something immediately. My hair. Where the hell was my hair! This couldn't be some sick joke… it couldn't. If someone, ahem, some jerk who wears woman's stuff, not to name any names, did something with my hair they were dead. Where they stood or sat or hung upside down for all I cared!
"Kamatari, you must have been really tired to fall asleep on the ground."
Uh-huh, why'd the kid keep saying that?
I looked around and couldn't spot the guy. Who was Soujirou talking to exactly?
While taking a look around I noticed two things almost simultaneously. Two very, very disturbing things.
First off: that was MY body! What the hell was it doing all the way over there? Crumpled in a heap with a piece of paper stuck to it, might I add. Pathetic.
The second thing was far more disturbing. I think my brain froze solid from the implications of it all. It couldn't possibly be true! Aww, shit. Did it have to be indigo? A nice, dark red would be nice. At least there weren't any cutesy, revolting petals all over the fabric. It also explained why I couldn't move my legs properly. Or my waist. Or breathe properly at the top. How did women wear these things? How did Kamatari wear these things and why?
My body sat up and looked around. Then it started to laugh.
I don't claim to be a genius, but I had a good guess who was animating it.
"Are you two alright?" Soujirou asked in confusion, giving an innocent smile. Twerp. No, they were not okay! Not at all! No way, no fuckin' how.
"Giv' it back!" I howled and jumped my body. There was a frantic scuffle and I realized that fighting with women's clothing was flat out evil. Even so, I was one determined, pissed transposed soul. It only took a few seconds to grab myself by the collar and start shaking heartily, "Now!"
"I can't do that!" Kamatari yelped in my voice. Did I really sound like that? Fuck. Oh well, no time for worrying about shit like that. He gave a sly smile, which was very disturbing to see on my face. Had I thought that word enough? No? Disturbing, disturbing, disturbing. Shocking, disgusting, disquieting… no, just disturbing. No stupid little word did the whole issue justice. "You made someone mad."
"No I didn'!" I shouted back, dropping my prey.
"Explain this then."
"Uh… you two are acting very peculiar. Are you sure you are fine?"
"Just peachy Sou-chan." Kamatari chirped, confusing the kid even more. The brat knew I'd never call him "Sou-chan." Disgusting. "Kamatari and I just have a problem. It should work itself out eventually!"
Eventually?!! And 'Kamatari and I?' Oh-heeeeeeeeell-no, I didn't like the sound of that. No way I was role-playing as a cross dresser.
"Well, Kamatari, ya shoul' pick up yer weapon."
Okay, what the hell was THAT?
Soujirou blinked, utterly lost. He gave us both a nervous smile, "Ah, I think we should be going."
"Sure." Kamatari said, not even trying to copy my normal speech pattern. This was doomed to embarrassment. He sidled up to the younger boy and dropped his speech to a loud whisper, "Can you keep a secret?"
Soujirou nodded, like he didn't trust himself to speak.
"I'm not really Chou."
No kidding!
Unless I was possessed by a deranged spirit that made me act moronic, that definitely wasn't me. Anyone with ears could tell.
"Uh…"
Kamatari gave me a wink. Again, disturbing.
"You see—." Before Kamatari could finish his sentence another wonderful, invited guest appeared. I have nothing against Anji. Well, I think he's a bit fanatically and righteously stupid. Not that I could do anything about it. Not my business really. Well, as long as he kept it to himself. Not all of us were appreciative of dramatic, traumatic pasts that led the goodies to the dark side.
I mean, did anyone actually CARE?
He was on our side and that's that!
Really, I don't know WHY those guys had to have a reason. Wasn't power and the chance to have fun with the blade ample reasons to be with Shishio? Well, they were for me.
The hulk didn't say anything, which suited me just fine.
"Mister Anji." Soujirou greeted politely and Kamatari rolled my eyes behind the fallen monk's back. He looked between the three of us, "We should really go now."
"Lead on." Kamatari said, somehow managing to sound, well not normal, but not too bad in front of Anji. Not like the guy'd notice anyhow.
Before he could prance off with my body, I grabbed an arm.
"'isten her' you." I hissed in his—my? – ear. This was getting confusing. "Ain't ya even the tinies' bit worried?"
He looked at me and blinked, as if worrying had never even occurred to him. It wasn't like he changed bodies every fuckin' day! What was with the nonchalance?
"Should I be? It's a curse, right? Either we break it or it will wear off." He replied confidently. And was that a SASHY in MY walk? Nooooooooooooo. "I think."
"Ya thin'! That ain't comfortin'."
"Well, I'm not entirely sure." Kamatari confessed. "Maybe we should work out a plan to break it?"
"Stupid well." I muttered, but didn't kick it like I wanted to.
"It was your fault!" He laughed. Okay, mental note: the freak was off his rocker. He shouldn't be all sunny and shit. He should be freaked out like I am! So wrong.
"It wasn'!" I protested hotly, wanting to shake him silly— well, sillier. How was this my fault? Did I ASK for this? No! Did I WANT this? Are you kidding! Besides, he was the one that insisted we wait here for the brat, not me. He was the one playing around and chucking pebbles in, not me. How was this MY fault? "Rules."
"Rules?" He quiered, slightly cocking his head. A slow, sinister smile (was my face really that creepy?) spread across and he nodded, "Rules. Umm, what did you have in mind?"
"No dresses."
"Not even pretty ones?"
"No!"
"Are you two really okay?" Soujirou asked, looking back anxiously.
"Grand!" I barked back, urging him to mind his own damn business, or Shishio's business, or whatever! Just so long as it wasn't mine or my body's. Lowering my voice vengefully, I did my best baleful glare.
He laughed!
Okay, that was not the result I was looking for!
"You look like you're pouting!" Kamatari twittered gleefully, "I'm so cute!"
Cute?!! No way. Freakish.
"Ya and yer ego may be 'cute'," I made sure to put venom into that. Cute should never be an adjective used to describe a human being. Bunny-things or baby chicks, yeah, maybe. I personally liked them better as dinner. A matter of taste I suppose. Kamatari seemed like the time to cuddle, I winced at that thought word, and coddle any beasts, rather than doing the sensible thing and eating them. "But I want meh body back."
"Fine, fine." He replied, waving my calloused hand in a cavalier fashion. My, er his, fingers itched to reach across my body, drag out one of my many blades, and end it all. Except then I'd be stuck in his body. Well, that would be stupid. I was slow, not stupid. Dense, not dumb. And pissed as hell to be even thinking. Life was much more simple when I could kill something and get paid. Oh, and eat. And sleep. Those were the finest things in life anyway. "So what do you suggest? I must tell you, I'm rather clueless about curses."
"Including the one ya were born wit'." I muttered rebelliously under my breath. Cruel, yes, but true.
"Well, I guess it can't be helped. We'll just have to find out how to break it." Did I hear some repetition? Couldn't he come up with something better than that? Huh?
Then he gave a devilish smile, "But in the meantime—."
"No!"
This time it was Anji who turned to look. Soujirou was up ahead, barely in sight. He was probably wondering how to ditch the crazies. Not that we didn't all have our ways to get back to Shishio anyway. One way or another each and every one of us knew how to find him. The little messenger boy just made things a bit easier, swifter. If he weren't already so fucked in the head, I'd imagine this was doing a mental number.
"It's not like you have a choice."
Why'd he have to make so much sense? Where was the flirty airhead I loathed and got irate with?
"Ya better not touch the hair." I growled trying to appear as threatening as possible. Now, how threatening could I actually be in this girly body? That just made me try all the harder. "If'n ya do, I'll have to take meh revenge."
This seemed to amuse the little bastard quite a bit.
"What pray tell would you do? I have all your pretty knives."
"Swords!"
"Yes, those things. I have them and you don't. I don't imagine you're well versed in hand-to-hand like dear Anji."
Fingers curled. I bet I could figure out well enough how to strangle the life out of him. It didn't seem all that hard.
"I hav' yer scythe."
"Mm hmm, yes, you do."
Narrowing my/his eyes, I glared. Now just what did that mean? Damn girly-man, playing with word games.
To prove my point I grabbed the thing. Now, I had picked it up when we left the well. Apparently carrying and using was not the same thing at all. The first move, retrieving it to an offensive position set me off-kilter. The second, the actual clumsy swing sent me spinning. That in turn made me trip over a rock. Suddenly I was in a jumble on the ground.
"Fuck!" And just for good measures, "Fuck fuck fuck!"
"It's a bit heavy." He said sweetly, offering me a hand up. I smacked it aside and dragged myself up into a crouch, staring at the weapon with mistrust. I love weapons, but I had always tended to favor blades and swords. This strange hafted-weapon apparently had a different set of rules attached. That was no problem. I would just grab a sword and finish the job.
Right. And I would do that how?
With a suddenly lunge, I made a grab for one of my babies.
Kamatari fell back in surprise, landing on his butt. Well, there was no small satisfaction in that.
Of course, even I could see that when he got up he wasn't a happy camper, if that murderous look was any indication. And damn did it look good on my face! No pout there. Just flat out red-glazed rage… and I was happy about this. That curse must have done a number on me too.
There was a swift zing as I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of several blades.
With an undignified yelp I scrambled to the side, feeling one of the blades cut open my cheek. Another scar for me.
"Wah! My face!" Kamatari squawked. My lower voice didn't quite get up in the decibles, which thrilled me. "That's going to scar!"
"Don' blame meh! Yer the one using my babies like throwin' 'nives!" I screamed back, collecting my abused blades.
He suddenly looked rather sheepish, "They're too light. What do you expect? All I was doing was taking them out and whoosh! They flew out of my grip."
Did he have to say it in a way that made me sound so weak? So my swords didn't weight a freakin' hundred pounds or out do me in height by a foot or so. That didn't make them pussy weapons. They simply took more skill that slamming a big stick/chain combo around. Yes, they required skill. And proper, tender care. None of this chucking them around.
I stared at one of my favorites and paled.
Now look what he'd done. It was dull.
Heedless of the time, place, and audience, I plunked down in the middle of the road. Pulling out a sharpening stone I set to work. This was abuse. Abuse of my precious sword.
Stealing my body, voice, and face was hardly polite, but messing with my blades only meant one thing: WAR.
A/N: Here's the next chapter and I didn't make you guys wait too long! Writing Chou in first person is hard (especially since I don't usually write first person or Chou). Sorry, pure, unedited chapter.
Fyyrrose: They should be terrified straight face. Even more so considering that I'm writing this right now. And it involves 2 (4 specifically) guys. No one will die however... I'll save the killing for Strays or HS (kidding!... or not). Playing with the Gods isn't too bright. I read "Pompeii" this weekend and I was laughing through most of it. Good novel though.
Rurouni hunter: Here's another, longer chapter!
MissBehavin: Ah, but we love Chou, don't we? Just like we love Hiko - Hehe, Chou's none too happy about this and it'll only go downhill from here! I was rereading Transgender and I was soooooo mean. So this will probably turn out rather evil too.
sekihoutai: Mwaha, update Chou's interesting, so hopefully I'm writing him IC. Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! I'll get around to writing a proper e-mail thank you soon .;;
Caitlin: I agree, there are not nearly enough fics around about them! I'm a bit biased, since Kamatari is one of my fav. chars.
I opened my eyes. Man, what a fucking headache. Did I fall asleep? And why couldn't I move my damn legs? It was almost like they were tied together or something.
"Here it is. Wow, there is a warning posted!" Damn that happy, overly polite voice. It could only belong to one person on Earth, because two people would tip the world balance and super nova the fucking sun. Like my fucking brain was doing right now. Super novaing that is. "Leaving appropriate offering. Misconduct and unsuitable offerings received with curses. Hmm, my, that sounds scary."
I groaned. Yeah, just like that floating piece of paper. Where'd it go anyway? Last thing I remember was it blinding me with that scummy pond water. Phew, stinky shit.
"Ah, Kamatari, such a funny time to take a nap. Lord Shishio is most displeased that you two are late, so he sent me to find you!"
Kamatari? Was the freak sitting next to me or something? Well, he was probably tittering and shooting flower buds at my prone body. Shit, now I was in trouble. Being late with Shishio was asking for it. Begging actually.
I tried to sit up and noticed something immediately. My hair. Where the hell was my hair! This couldn't be some sick joke… it couldn't. If someone, ahem, some jerk who wears woman's stuff, not to name any names, did something with my hair they were dead. Where they stood or sat or hung upside down for all I cared!
"Kamatari, you must have been really tired to fall asleep on the ground."
Uh-huh, why'd the kid keep saying that?
I looked around and couldn't spot the guy. Who was Soujirou talking to exactly?
While taking a look around I noticed two things almost simultaneously. Two very, very disturbing things.
First off: that was MY body! What the hell was it doing all the way over there? Crumpled in a heap with a piece of paper stuck to it, might I add. Pathetic.
The second thing was far more disturbing. I think my brain froze solid from the implications of it all. It couldn't possibly be true! Aww, shit. Did it have to be indigo? A nice, dark red would be nice. At least there weren't any cutesy, revolting petals all over the fabric. It also explained why I couldn't move my legs properly. Or my waist. Or breathe properly at the top. How did women wear these things? How did Kamatari wear these things and why?
My body sat up and looked around. Then it started to laugh.
I don't claim to be a genius, but I had a good guess who was animating it.
"Are you two alright?" Soujirou asked in confusion, giving an innocent smile. Twerp. No, they were not okay! Not at all! No way, no fuckin' how.
"Giv' it back!" I howled and jumped my body. There was a frantic scuffle and I realized that fighting with women's clothing was flat out evil. Even so, I was one determined, pissed transposed soul. It only took a few seconds to grab myself by the collar and start shaking heartily, "Now!"
"I can't do that!" Kamatari yelped in my voice. Did I really sound like that? Fuck. Oh well, no time for worrying about shit like that. He gave a sly smile, which was very disturbing to see on my face. Had I thought that word enough? No? Disturbing, disturbing, disturbing. Shocking, disgusting, disquieting… no, just disturbing. No stupid little word did the whole issue justice. "You made someone mad."
"No I didn'!" I shouted back, dropping my prey.
"Explain this then."
"Uh… you two are acting very peculiar. Are you sure you are fine?"
"Just peachy Sou-chan." Kamatari chirped, confusing the kid even more. The brat knew I'd never call him "Sou-chan." Disgusting. "Kamatari and I just have a problem. It should work itself out eventually!"
Eventually?!! And 'Kamatari and I?' Oh-heeeeeeeeell-no, I didn't like the sound of that. No way I was role-playing as a cross dresser.
"Well, Kamatari, ya shoul' pick up yer weapon."
Okay, what the hell was THAT?
Soujirou blinked, utterly lost. He gave us both a nervous smile, "Ah, I think we should be going."
"Sure." Kamatari said, not even trying to copy my normal speech pattern. This was doomed to embarrassment. He sidled up to the younger boy and dropped his speech to a loud whisper, "Can you keep a secret?"
Soujirou nodded, like he didn't trust himself to speak.
"I'm not really Chou."
No kidding!
Unless I was possessed by a deranged spirit that made me act moronic, that definitely wasn't me. Anyone with ears could tell.
"Uh…"
Kamatari gave me a wink. Again, disturbing.
"You see—." Before Kamatari could finish his sentence another wonderful, invited guest appeared. I have nothing against Anji. Well, I think he's a bit fanatically and righteously stupid. Not that I could do anything about it. Not my business really. Well, as long as he kept it to himself. Not all of us were appreciative of dramatic, traumatic pasts that led the goodies to the dark side.
I mean, did anyone actually CARE?
He was on our side and that's that!
Really, I don't know WHY those guys had to have a reason. Wasn't power and the chance to have fun with the blade ample reasons to be with Shishio? Well, they were for me.
The hulk didn't say anything, which suited me just fine.
"Mister Anji." Soujirou greeted politely and Kamatari rolled my eyes behind the fallen monk's back. He looked between the three of us, "We should really go now."
"Lead on." Kamatari said, somehow managing to sound, well not normal, but not too bad in front of Anji. Not like the guy'd notice anyhow.
Before he could prance off with my body, I grabbed an arm.
"'isten her' you." I hissed in his—my? – ear. This was getting confusing. "Ain't ya even the tinies' bit worried?"
He looked at me and blinked, as if worrying had never even occurred to him. It wasn't like he changed bodies every fuckin' day! What was with the nonchalance?
"Should I be? It's a curse, right? Either we break it or it will wear off." He replied confidently. And was that a SASHY in MY walk? Nooooooooooooo. "I think."
"Ya thin'! That ain't comfortin'."
"Well, I'm not entirely sure." Kamatari confessed. "Maybe we should work out a plan to break it?"
"Stupid well." I muttered, but didn't kick it like I wanted to.
"It was your fault!" He laughed. Okay, mental note: the freak was off his rocker. He shouldn't be all sunny and shit. He should be freaked out like I am! So wrong.
"It wasn'!" I protested hotly, wanting to shake him silly— well, sillier. How was this my fault? Did I ASK for this? No! Did I WANT this? Are you kidding! Besides, he was the one that insisted we wait here for the brat, not me. He was the one playing around and chucking pebbles in, not me. How was this MY fault? "Rules."
"Rules?" He quiered, slightly cocking his head. A slow, sinister smile (was my face really that creepy?) spread across and he nodded, "Rules. Umm, what did you have in mind?"
"No dresses."
"Not even pretty ones?"
"No!"
"Are you two really okay?" Soujirou asked, looking back anxiously.
"Grand!" I barked back, urging him to mind his own damn business, or Shishio's business, or whatever! Just so long as it wasn't mine or my body's. Lowering my voice vengefully, I did my best baleful glare.
He laughed!
Okay, that was not the result I was looking for!
"You look like you're pouting!" Kamatari twittered gleefully, "I'm so cute!"
Cute?!! No way. Freakish.
"Ya and yer ego may be 'cute'," I made sure to put venom into that. Cute should never be an adjective used to describe a human being. Bunny-things or baby chicks, yeah, maybe. I personally liked them better as dinner. A matter of taste I suppose. Kamatari seemed like the time to cuddle, I winced at that thought word, and coddle any beasts, rather than doing the sensible thing and eating them. "But I want meh body back."
"Fine, fine." He replied, waving my calloused hand in a cavalier fashion. My, er his, fingers itched to reach across my body, drag out one of my many blades, and end it all. Except then I'd be stuck in his body. Well, that would be stupid. I was slow, not stupid. Dense, not dumb. And pissed as hell to be even thinking. Life was much more simple when I could kill something and get paid. Oh, and eat. And sleep. Those were the finest things in life anyway. "So what do you suggest? I must tell you, I'm rather clueless about curses."
"Including the one ya were born wit'." I muttered rebelliously under my breath. Cruel, yes, but true.
"Well, I guess it can't be helped. We'll just have to find out how to break it." Did I hear some repetition? Couldn't he come up with something better than that? Huh?
Then he gave a devilish smile, "But in the meantime—."
"No!"
This time it was Anji who turned to look. Soujirou was up ahead, barely in sight. He was probably wondering how to ditch the crazies. Not that we didn't all have our ways to get back to Shishio anyway. One way or another each and every one of us knew how to find him. The little messenger boy just made things a bit easier, swifter. If he weren't already so fucked in the head, I'd imagine this was doing a mental number.
"It's not like you have a choice."
Why'd he have to make so much sense? Where was the flirty airhead I loathed and got irate with?
"Ya better not touch the hair." I growled trying to appear as threatening as possible. Now, how threatening could I actually be in this girly body? That just made me try all the harder. "If'n ya do, I'll have to take meh revenge."
This seemed to amuse the little bastard quite a bit.
"What pray tell would you do? I have all your pretty knives."
"Swords!"
"Yes, those things. I have them and you don't. I don't imagine you're well versed in hand-to-hand like dear Anji."
Fingers curled. I bet I could figure out well enough how to strangle the life out of him. It didn't seem all that hard.
"I hav' yer scythe."
"Mm hmm, yes, you do."
Narrowing my/his eyes, I glared. Now just what did that mean? Damn girly-man, playing with word games.
To prove my point I grabbed the thing. Now, I had picked it up when we left the well. Apparently carrying and using was not the same thing at all. The first move, retrieving it to an offensive position set me off-kilter. The second, the actual clumsy swing sent me spinning. That in turn made me trip over a rock. Suddenly I was in a jumble on the ground.
"Fuck!" And just for good measures, "Fuck fuck fuck!"
"It's a bit heavy." He said sweetly, offering me a hand up. I smacked it aside and dragged myself up into a crouch, staring at the weapon with mistrust. I love weapons, but I had always tended to favor blades and swords. This strange hafted-weapon apparently had a different set of rules attached. That was no problem. I would just grab a sword and finish the job.
Right. And I would do that how?
With a suddenly lunge, I made a grab for one of my babies.
Kamatari fell back in surprise, landing on his butt. Well, there was no small satisfaction in that.
Of course, even I could see that when he got up he wasn't a happy camper, if that murderous look was any indication. And damn did it look good on my face! No pout there. Just flat out red-glazed rage… and I was happy about this. That curse must have done a number on me too.
There was a swift zing as I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of several blades.
With an undignified yelp I scrambled to the side, feeling one of the blades cut open my cheek. Another scar for me.
"Wah! My face!" Kamatari squawked. My lower voice didn't quite get up in the decibles, which thrilled me. "That's going to scar!"
"Don' blame meh! Yer the one using my babies like throwin' 'nives!" I screamed back, collecting my abused blades.
He suddenly looked rather sheepish, "They're too light. What do you expect? All I was doing was taking them out and whoosh! They flew out of my grip."
Did he have to say it in a way that made me sound so weak? So my swords didn't weight a freakin' hundred pounds or out do me in height by a foot or so. That didn't make them pussy weapons. They simply took more skill that slamming a big stick/chain combo around. Yes, they required skill. And proper, tender care. None of this chucking them around.
I stared at one of my favorites and paled.
Now look what he'd done. It was dull.
Heedless of the time, place, and audience, I plunked down in the middle of the road. Pulling out a sharpening stone I set to work. This was abuse. Abuse of my precious sword.
Stealing my body, voice, and face was hardly polite, but messing with my blades only meant one thing: WAR.
A/N: Here's the next chapter and I didn't make you guys wait too long! Writing Chou in first person is hard (especially since I don't usually write first person or Chou). Sorry, pure, unedited chapter.
Fyyrrose: They should be terrified straight face. Even more so considering that I'm writing this right now. And it involves 2 (4 specifically) guys. No one will die however... I'll save the killing for Strays or HS (kidding!... or not). Playing with the Gods isn't too bright. I read "Pompeii" this weekend and I was laughing through most of it. Good novel though.
Rurouni hunter: Here's another, longer chapter!
MissBehavin: Ah, but we love Chou, don't we? Just like we love Hiko - Hehe, Chou's none too happy about this and it'll only go downhill from here! I was rereading Transgender and I was soooooo mean. So this will probably turn out rather evil too.
sekihoutai: Mwaha, update Chou's interesting, so hopefully I'm writing him IC. Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! I'll get around to writing a proper e-mail thank you soon .;;
Caitlin: I agree, there are not nearly enough fics around about them! I'm a bit biased, since Kamatari is one of my fav. chars.
