Author's note: I have found a plot. I know where I'm going with this and this part is out of order with the other one. There are several confessions Chris is going to give Leo before his sister Alex makes an appearance.

Spoilers for Chris-Crossed

Golden Gate Confessionals II

StarWindDancer

Chris was sitting on the edge of the archway of the golden gate bridge admiring the view. He had been sitting there for many hours, lost in the thoughts of his own mind. It really was nice up here. Listening to the wind and the cars zooming below. Lights of buildings twinkling on and off while car lights zoomed around the myriad maze of streets. In the future the sounds were usually the wind whistling among the buildings, occasionally interrupted by booms. The lights were usually fires and not made from something electrical. Cars or hover crafts were rare and expensive so there was none of that entertainment either.

San Francisco is a whole different world after the Great War.

So much change, so much destruction, so much death.

And he was one man, out of place and out of time trying to change it all.

This world, this era was so different then his world. Here people owned cars and homes. They could go shopping at grocery stores without fear for their lives or wondering if they have enough tickets for the food they need. They had clean water and could take baths or showers everyday. They had cemeteries where they could bury their dead.

It the future, the city smelled like burnt rubber and rotting flesh instead of used fossil fuels. In the future clean water was scarce and one of the lakes bubbled greasily in the rain. The dead were piled up and set on fire, which is how Crater Lake and its greasy, bubbly foam were created.

After the Great War, the dead numbered in the millions. Someone had the bright idea to dump all the bodies into one of the large craters and bury them all in one mass grave. That didn't work out. The mice, rats, and other creatures would dig into the bodies, eating their rotten and diseased flesh. So they decided to set the mass grave on fire. They dumped truckloads of flammables over the bodies and set it alight. The fire burned for days and days, covering the city with a thick layer of smoke. So thick that it rivaled the dust bowl days of the 1930's, it was said.

Eventually the rains came, putting the fire out and everyone got a shock. The ashes from the bodies and melted fat mixed together to make a greasy soap. The lake bubbled, overflowing and covering its banks with a smelly, soapy sludge that sickened most people and kept the animals from cooked flesh that rose to the surface. Burned bones would occasionally rise up as well, littering the circumference in a horror show that would rival the sickest of Hollywood minds.

On a hot day the smell from the lake was overpowering. And San Francisco wasn't the only city to have this problem, which didn't really help all that much.

Chris was still comparing the differences in his head when he heard Leo orb in. Chris fought down the usual disgust and nausea he associated with the elder. He knew the pain in his ass would want to talk, learn something about the future. Of course, Chris couldn't reveal anything important, anything vital. Instead he could horrify him with memories that could not be changed, at least not by Leo.

He could confess and give Leo just a glimpse of the future. But then he couldn't let Leo remember so Chris secretly checked to make sure he had his memory dust on him. Chris could tell Leo, get it off his chest, be a bit sad and depressed then have done with the whole situation.

"I see you've found that this place is a great place to think," Leo said, standing behind Chris.

"Yeah, it looks so different then what it does in the future. Its nice to sit here and dream on what it should be."

"You know, Chris, if you open up more it can help us find out who or what's going to happen to Wyatt." Though Leo had said it in a hopeful voice, he wasn't holding his breath. Chris could be most tight lipped about the future. Leo had tried everything he could think of; coercion, bribery, familiarity, bugging, caring, threats, and a few others. None of them worked and he'd really given up hope that Chris would tell him.

So he was awfully surprised when Chris invited him to sit and talk.

They sat there in silence for a moment, Leo taking in the view as well. He didn't want to start himself since Chris could easily clam up. Maybe if he was silent and waiting long enough, Chris would open up enough to stop the awkward silence.

Leo's patience paid off.

"Did I ever tell you why I came back? Why I came back now?"

Leo looked at Chris in confusion. Chris only sat there with his legs drawn up and his arms around his knees. He didn't turn his head to look at Leo or to get the flying hair out of his eyes.

"You came back to save Wyatt from being taken by a demon, to help the power of three to defeat the Titans, right?"

Chris laughed. "No, I mean why I took such a drastic measure. Why I took the chance to travel in time. And why I did it now, at 22 instead of waiting and seeing if I could gather more information first on what happens to Wyatt or coming back with more spells that I or the sisters could use. I didn't even bring any potions with me. Instead I came back in time with just the clothes on my back and the knowledge in my head."

"Oh," Leo replied.

"Yeah, oh. Now you get the picture. It all was a last effort plan we had but never really thought we'd use. It was too dangerous, too risky. It wasn't just that whoever was sent back in time had to get the message to the girls and hope the time line wasn't too compromised. It wasn't just that there may be no end date to the mission. It was that it was a suicide mission. Whoever went was not guaranteed to come back and if they did they would remember the world as what it was, not what it had become."

"Is that what you think your doing, committing suicide to save Wyatt?" Leo felt sick at the idea. He knew that Chris was risking a lot by coming here but could there be other risks that he was unaware of?

"Yes." Chris went silent and Leo considered what Chris was saying.

"Why, why would you do that to yourself? Things can't be that bad."

"Not yet, not entirely. As you know I had Bianca. There were others to return to, others that I love and want to see again but I accepted a long time ago my mortality and that I may never see them again. So many of my friends, people that I loved and held dearly are dead. They were alive one minute and the next gone." Chris shrugged. "You get used to it. You get so used to it you start expecting it."

"I promise you, we'll do everything to change that future. Me and the girls will do everything to get you back to the future." Leo slung an arm around Chris, intending to pull him into a comforting embrace. Chris just snorted in disgust and shrugged off the offending arm.

"Can you honesty promise that? Can you honestly say you'll get me back? No, no you can't. There isn't a spell to send me back. There isn't a future to send me back to. I'm going to die, Leo, and I'm looking forwards to it. The only thing keeping me here and now, the only thing I have left to hold onto is my mission to save Wyatt. Once that is done I can either go to the future and throw myself into the graves of my friends, of my family or I can stay here and fling myself into it now. Get there first."

Chris fought back the tears, fought back the sobs. This wasn't what he wanted to tell Leo. This wasn't what he wanted the elder to know about him. Even though he could feel the memory dust in his pocket, he felt that he had stepped too far, told way too much. It just hurt so much, cut into him so deeply. Here he was alive and healthy while everyone he knew was not in the same situations. Many of them dead. Many of them captured or on the run. So many of those he knew holding onto fleeting hopes that it can get better as the house burned down around them.

He didn't know how he could do it, how he could stay and endure this world. This bright, shiny, perfect world that so many of them never knew or would never know again.

Chris didn't even notice that Leo had gathered him into his arms and was comforting him, giving him whispered platitudes that it was all right, that it was ok.

"We'll find what demon gets Wyatt and the sisters will get you home. They're the Charmed Ones, the most powerful witches in the world. We'll get you home and back to your friends and family."

Chris cried into Leo's shoulder knowing the words were empty. Oh, Wyatt would be saved, one way or another. Chris would see to it but everything else, all the rest was as nothing. After Bianca's death, he accepted that this was defiantly a one way trip. His friends, his family was gone and he'd never be seeing them again. He'd never have his sister, Alex's cooking- which could be a blessing. He'd never get drunk off fairy wine with Walsh. He'd never hold the babies, the children of the future. He'd never snuggle under the blankets with a couple of his fellow Knights, keeping warm and safe. He'd never stand side by side with the Hunters Bridget and Nixa, Mary and Kara to fight the warlocks and demons.

It was all gone. He'd come here with just the clothes on his back and the memories in his head.

Chris touched the bag of memory dust in his pocket, pulling it out. It would be just like suicide. The entire bag and he could forget his entire past. He would forget the killings and the blood. He could forget what Wyatt did to his adopted sister, Alex. He could forget the pain of his mother's death, the abandonment by his father. He could forget it all and begin a new life here.

But that was an empty hope.

When he saved Wyatt, he'd try to get back to the future just to see what it has become. He could use the dust then if the world had changed for the good since he didn't want to remember the nightmare of his old world, his past. But getting back to the future, back to his world, however it was, it was not possible. The spell was a one way ticket and there was no way to change that now.

Eventually Chris would run out of time. Ironically.

Either the evil would take Wyatt or Chris would be killed by the time paradox effect. Already he could feel the affects of the time paradox, the forces that were keeping him stable in this time were starting to wear him down. He tired out quicker. His powers were not as strong. His emotions were all over the place. It was getting harder to think on his feet.

It had been subtle, these changes but Chris could spot them. Not just because he was expecting them but also because his life on the edge, always running and in danger had made him hyper aware of what his body was telling him.

"It's ok, Chris. We'll get you home and safe and everything will be all right."

"No it won't, Leo. I'm going to die, I am dying. Nothing can change that. Being displaced in time so long is killing me and I can only hope I can rescue Wyatt before it finishes the job."

"Chris! Why didn't you tell us! We have to get you back to your own time. We haven't even started working on that. You've warned us and I promise you, we will save Wyatt. You don't have to kill yourself to save Wyatt. There are other ways!"

"No, there isn't, Leo, and let me show you why," Chris wiped away his tears before pulling out a pinch of memory dust. Before Leo could think, Chris blew it in his face and orbed out.

Leo shook his head and looked out over San Francisco. He watched the city for a while before orbing out himself, going Up There. He sneezed right before the orb, something tickling in his nose.