Chapter Four
I considered as we walked down the street why Hoji had gone crazy. It wasn't a good thing you know. He was our strategist. Shishio-sama was a top class fighter, but he tended to be blind to certain angles. Hoji was a little shrew. He exploited things. We needed him. Sane preferably. Oh well. Too late.
"Kamatari-san, should we have left Hoji-san sitting in the corner like that?"
Good question.
"Sure. He ain't nuffin' but a pompous asshole."
"Wow, you said a big word." I chirped, hiding my concern for the freak we'd left in a fetal position. Turning left on a side alley I couldn't help adding, "And then you denoted it by cussing. Really, how hard is it to keep control of your language? You can't possibly be as dense as you pretend, can you? If so, I pity your parents. You must have been a troublesome child."
He made a disagreeable noise and pouted. Really, I look so cute pouting. Eww. I freely admit I'm weird, but that's just sick. Sick thoughts. I had distracted myself so efficiently that I missed the turn.
Stopping abruptly caused Chou to smash into the back of me. It was kind of funny when he bounced off my back. I'd never realized how big he was. Of course, I knew my own body's frailty and femininity, but even so, that was a bit of a shock that such a simple hit could stumble my body.
"Oops, sorry about that." I said sheepishly, "I was distracted."
He glared at me for a moment then looked away muttering, "Yeah, watever." Being my sunny, positive self, I think I realized what had sparked the well and decided to learn from it. Ooo, well I wasn't going to enlighten Chou about it. Not for awhile yet. But this certainly would teach me to watch my idle words! Not that I generally walked around offending spirits and earning curses.
"Yer goin' the wrong way." Chou pointed out, looking around.
I shrugged, "You didn't think I would actually go out like this, did you?"
"So yer takin' off the dress?" He asked hopefully.
I smiled, "No, I'm going to the local bath." His mouth twitched at that and his brows furrowed. I take it that idea wasn't too appealing. Judging by the… smell and feel of his body, bathing wasn't something he practiced too regularly. "Actually," I said, putting on a stern face, "You're coming with me. I don't want my body to fall into the sand trap that yours is."
"Bathin' ain't natural." He grumbled and I latched onto his shirt before he could escape as Sou-chan had done earlier.
"Sure it is. Animals do it."
"That jest proves meh point." He sighed, "Dirty ol' animals."
"Listen, I don't want my skin to wrinkle. Do it."
"Eh, but doesn't stayin' in the water too long wrinkle ya up?" He asked crinkling his nose in confusion. Cute! Er, no, no more thoughts like those… stay away from those thoughts. I sighed in a long-suffering way and explained in the simplest way I could imagine, "Just do as I say."
That seemed to satisfy him.
A sheep unto the end.
I don't think he could even conceive not having someone there to tell him what to do. Such is the price of stupidity and dependency. Not that my own fetish for slavish devotion a man who was using me like a tool was any better. To each his own faults I suppose.
"I ain't getting naked in front of ya." He announced and I tittered in amused. He seemed to find this offensive and bristled up, "I ain't! Pervert!"
"Chou, darling, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."
"Yea', but ya might… ya know." No, I didn—oh shit. Okay, yes I did. Now… I puffed up with righteous fury fueled by my initial shock, "Are you insinuating that I might molest myself?"
I could see the words confused him, but the tone didn't. He took a step back with his hands up, protesting, "Well, ya hit on everythin' else!"
Sick! It went far beyond perversion. It was ghastly! Words! I don't have the WORDS to even to begin to describe the chain of repulsive thoughts and revolting instincts that went flying through my head. It went beyond the means of language! If social, moral, and ethical codes condoned incest, then what would they think of THAT? What would you even call it?
"What you do to yourself is your own business." I snapped and whirled. I added over my shoulder crisply, "Leave me out of it."
I heard footfalls behind me, but he didn't try to talk. A good thing all things considered. I wouldn't want to put a ring of purple-black bruises around my own neck.
"Er, sorry 'bout that." He offered hesitantly. I almost fell over from shock. When was the last time that pigheaded man had EVER offered an apology to ANYONE? For the second time that day he slammed into the back of me.
"You really mean it?" I asked, half turning to watch his face.
"Er,"
"So you do mean it!" I crowed in a childish voice. As expected, that set up a string of not-quite heard curses from my companion.
Rather than savor his expected apology, I found myself prying a rather loud young woman off me.
"Chou-kun! You're here! I thought I'd never see you again!" The female wailed against me. For some reason I felt really uncomfortable. I hadn't been this close to a female since… well, since I tried to bitch-slap Yumi. Maybe it wasn't that long again, but you know, bitch-slapping someone didn't promote a warm, happy feeling, or squeals of excitement.
I looked over the girl's head, something I noticed wasn't all that hard to do, and mouthed, "Who?"
He just gave me a helpless look.
"Don't you remember me Chou-kun? We used to have such a good time together!" The girl sobbed and I tried not to fall backwards.
"Just what kind of 'good time'?" I asked under my breath. Apparently it was a little too loud because the kid just kind of blinked then blushed.
"So you don't remember me." She said sadly. Rather than stupidly open my mouth and betray myself, I so wisely just sat there. Uh-huh. Me, sitting there, quiet… for an extended period of time… when I definitely had some protest to the feminine paws all over my waist… not happening.
She loosened her grip and sniffled.
Oh no, she was going to cry. "Don't you remember? I'm Aiko…"
"Sweetie, you look a little young to be…" I ventured and she turned bright red. Suddenly she started to bawl.
"Aw, now look what'cha did." Chou muttered as I helplessly tried to escape the harsh death grip on my waist. Good thing I hadn't worn silk.
"We used to be so close!" The girl continued. By then I had opted to forget gentle persuasion. It wasn't very gentlemanly to wrench a tearful woman off you, but hell, I was starting to suffocate. And the jerk who was the root of all this was just standing there stupidly. What in the world had he done to this poor child? To make her act this way. She looked far too young to be a prostitute, but who was I to judge. Maybe Chou liked them… okay, stopping now. Pedophilia was on my lists of mental-censors.
"Almost like siblings." Woah there, back it up. Siblings? This I really didn't want to hear. Especially after his earlier comment about… well, it's all taboo now. That thing. Can't even say it. Moving on.
"Aiko was it? I think you've mistook--."
"Where's your accent?" She sniffled and backed up suspiciously. Grateful for air, I hastily hid behind myself/Chou. Hopefully my body was safe from random attack teenagers. "I don't think I'm—."
"But… but! You're Chou! I know it."
Technically yes, I was "Chou." However, I had a dislike of women in general, and this whiny little girl was making me want to hurl her off a cliff. Besides, her dirty hands crinkled my new outfit.
Not caring if I confused her, I grunted over my shoulder, "Take care of your friend, will you Chou?"
"Wha'? Why meh?" He cried out in stunned surprise. Really, was asking him to deal with his own problems such a harsh thing to expect? I just wanted to take a bath.
The girl looked between us.
"Chou?" She asked hesitantly and he grunted. "Wow, what happened to you?" For the first time she seemed to stop and question why "Chou" was wearing women's clothing, "And why is this person dressed like that? Is there festival I don't know about?"
"No sweetie, I just wear it for kicks." I rolled my eyes. Apparently sheep flocked together with little aid from a Shepard. The girl was comparable to a bale of rice. Except maybe not so smart. "I find it amusing to switch bodies and waltz around in a dress to torment Chou." Well, admittedly, it was partly true.
She seemed to take a moment to think about this and nodded as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I see. You shouldn't be so mean to Chou-kun!"
Then she made a vicious jab at my ankles with her foot.
Brushing past her, I called over my shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
"No proble' there." He mumbled, looking less than thrilled at his new aquesition. The girl was like a new puppy. Cute… and loud… and less appealing every moment it stayed around you. I didn't hit any snags as I proceeded to treat Chou's body to a rare miracle: water. Of course, the poor liquid turned black almost immediately about the third dump (the first two were coffee brown while taking off surface dirt). In the end I had almost managed to flood the floor with water now only fit for a septic tank, but I was clean.
What a glorious feeling.
Now to start on the soap. Then I could really make a dent in the tougher grime that pure water wouldn't touch. Pulling out the purple, lavender-scented import, I proceeded to lather up. Unfortunately this produced some curious and not-so-pleasant results. Namely my arm foaming up and feeling like acid had been pour on bare skin.
I hastily grabbed the bucket and rinsed off.
Well, note to self: Chou was allergic to soap. That explained quite a bit. Why he couldn't have just told me that in the first place was a mystery.
Trying to ignore the purple-ish marks creeping up my arms and down my chest, I dried off.
Grabbing the mass of wild hair, I twisted it back into a messy ponytail. There was no way I was going to spend hours styling it to go straight up like I had been electrocuted by one of those foreign wires. Later I'd find something a little more attractive and far more serviceable.
After paying and listening to some local gossip, I headed out the door… to trip over Chou. He had a stoned look about him. Eww, I don't look—I'm stopping right there. Right. There.
"What'd you drug him with?" I asked the girl. She stared at me like I was crazy.
Shrugging, I waved a hand in Chou's face. No reaction. If he was in a coma… Leaning over further into his sight, I tried again. This produced a hoarse scream of outrage, "Wha' the fuck!"
"Pardon." I retorted, drawing back. Peering at my arms, I realized the color was now a rich plum. "Oh, yeah, why didn't you tell me you were allergic to soap? I must say this is the most interesting reaction…"
"Wha… wha' the fuck didja do ta meh hair!" He demanded, not quite grabbing a handful. I skittered back in case he decided to do it anyway. Grabbing the end, which was nearing my butt, I twirled it nervously, "Does it really look that bad? The owner said it didn't look too horrible…"
"It's fuckin' pink!" He pissed and several patrons exiting the bathhouse hurried it along.
"Well, I was going for red, but you know how dyes can be…"
"You're fuckin' dead, ya little freak!" He screamed and lunged at me. Luckily, size does matter. I swatted him away desperately and said quickly, "It does look bad then. Oh well, it'll fade in a few weeks. On the bright side, it matches that kimono I just bought today with your money!"
Somehow I couldn't help but feel like there was going to be some serious payback for that little mistake…
A/N: OMG, it didn't take me like a month to update! LOL. -evil laugh- Now to watch the end of the Christian Arc... must not hurt self making fun...
Wistful-Eyes: Don't you worry about that :) Your review pretty much inspired the end of this fic. Ha! Now you have to read it all. Soujirou escapes (fast little bugger), for now :)
Fyyrrose: I don't think XD is properly terrified, judging by his last reply to you - Didn't get the sleepwalking in, but that'll come. That's what I do on my b-days: hide. Why should YOU be afraid? It's your crazy family I'm worried about. Yeah, you're right, she'd be dead. Wow, I'm being unseasonably mean to Yumi - Oh well, she had it coming. I mean, poor Hoji has been reincarnated as a rat, had a katana rammed through him, and lord knows what we did to him in Springs (because I certainly don't remember). Yes, yes, I'll update HS... as soon as I finish Thanksgiving. Then I'll post Christmas break :)
I considered as we walked down the street why Hoji had gone crazy. It wasn't a good thing you know. He was our strategist. Shishio-sama was a top class fighter, but he tended to be blind to certain angles. Hoji was a little shrew. He exploited things. We needed him. Sane preferably. Oh well. Too late.
"Kamatari-san, should we have left Hoji-san sitting in the corner like that?"
Good question.
"Sure. He ain't nuffin' but a pompous asshole."
"Wow, you said a big word." I chirped, hiding my concern for the freak we'd left in a fetal position. Turning left on a side alley I couldn't help adding, "And then you denoted it by cussing. Really, how hard is it to keep control of your language? You can't possibly be as dense as you pretend, can you? If so, I pity your parents. You must have been a troublesome child."
He made a disagreeable noise and pouted. Really, I look so cute pouting. Eww. I freely admit I'm weird, but that's just sick. Sick thoughts. I had distracted myself so efficiently that I missed the turn.
Stopping abruptly caused Chou to smash into the back of me. It was kind of funny when he bounced off my back. I'd never realized how big he was. Of course, I knew my own body's frailty and femininity, but even so, that was a bit of a shock that such a simple hit could stumble my body.
"Oops, sorry about that." I said sheepishly, "I was distracted."
He glared at me for a moment then looked away muttering, "Yeah, watever." Being my sunny, positive self, I think I realized what had sparked the well and decided to learn from it. Ooo, well I wasn't going to enlighten Chou about it. Not for awhile yet. But this certainly would teach me to watch my idle words! Not that I generally walked around offending spirits and earning curses.
"Yer goin' the wrong way." Chou pointed out, looking around.
I shrugged, "You didn't think I would actually go out like this, did you?"
"So yer takin' off the dress?" He asked hopefully.
I smiled, "No, I'm going to the local bath." His mouth twitched at that and his brows furrowed. I take it that idea wasn't too appealing. Judging by the… smell and feel of his body, bathing wasn't something he practiced too regularly. "Actually," I said, putting on a stern face, "You're coming with me. I don't want my body to fall into the sand trap that yours is."
"Bathin' ain't natural." He grumbled and I latched onto his shirt before he could escape as Sou-chan had done earlier.
"Sure it is. Animals do it."
"That jest proves meh point." He sighed, "Dirty ol' animals."
"Listen, I don't want my skin to wrinkle. Do it."
"Eh, but doesn't stayin' in the water too long wrinkle ya up?" He asked crinkling his nose in confusion. Cute! Er, no, no more thoughts like those… stay away from those thoughts. I sighed in a long-suffering way and explained in the simplest way I could imagine, "Just do as I say."
That seemed to satisfy him.
A sheep unto the end.
I don't think he could even conceive not having someone there to tell him what to do. Such is the price of stupidity and dependency. Not that my own fetish for slavish devotion a man who was using me like a tool was any better. To each his own faults I suppose.
"I ain't getting naked in front of ya." He announced and I tittered in amused. He seemed to find this offensive and bristled up, "I ain't! Pervert!"
"Chou, darling, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."
"Yea', but ya might… ya know." No, I didn—oh shit. Okay, yes I did. Now… I puffed up with righteous fury fueled by my initial shock, "Are you insinuating that I might molest myself?"
I could see the words confused him, but the tone didn't. He took a step back with his hands up, protesting, "Well, ya hit on everythin' else!"
Sick! It went far beyond perversion. It was ghastly! Words! I don't have the WORDS to even to begin to describe the chain of repulsive thoughts and revolting instincts that went flying through my head. It went beyond the means of language! If social, moral, and ethical codes condoned incest, then what would they think of THAT? What would you even call it?
"What you do to yourself is your own business." I snapped and whirled. I added over my shoulder crisply, "Leave me out of it."
I heard footfalls behind me, but he didn't try to talk. A good thing all things considered. I wouldn't want to put a ring of purple-black bruises around my own neck.
"Er, sorry 'bout that." He offered hesitantly. I almost fell over from shock. When was the last time that pigheaded man had EVER offered an apology to ANYONE? For the second time that day he slammed into the back of me.
"You really mean it?" I asked, half turning to watch his face.
"Er,"
"So you do mean it!" I crowed in a childish voice. As expected, that set up a string of not-quite heard curses from my companion.
Rather than savor his expected apology, I found myself prying a rather loud young woman off me.
"Chou-kun! You're here! I thought I'd never see you again!" The female wailed against me. For some reason I felt really uncomfortable. I hadn't been this close to a female since… well, since I tried to bitch-slap Yumi. Maybe it wasn't that long again, but you know, bitch-slapping someone didn't promote a warm, happy feeling, or squeals of excitement.
I looked over the girl's head, something I noticed wasn't all that hard to do, and mouthed, "Who?"
He just gave me a helpless look.
"Don't you remember me Chou-kun? We used to have such a good time together!" The girl sobbed and I tried not to fall backwards.
"Just what kind of 'good time'?" I asked under my breath. Apparently it was a little too loud because the kid just kind of blinked then blushed.
"So you don't remember me." She said sadly. Rather than stupidly open my mouth and betray myself, I so wisely just sat there. Uh-huh. Me, sitting there, quiet… for an extended period of time… when I definitely had some protest to the feminine paws all over my waist… not happening.
She loosened her grip and sniffled.
Oh no, she was going to cry. "Don't you remember? I'm Aiko…"
"Sweetie, you look a little young to be…" I ventured and she turned bright red. Suddenly she started to bawl.
"Aw, now look what'cha did." Chou muttered as I helplessly tried to escape the harsh death grip on my waist. Good thing I hadn't worn silk.
"We used to be so close!" The girl continued. By then I had opted to forget gentle persuasion. It wasn't very gentlemanly to wrench a tearful woman off you, but hell, I was starting to suffocate. And the jerk who was the root of all this was just standing there stupidly. What in the world had he done to this poor child? To make her act this way. She looked far too young to be a prostitute, but who was I to judge. Maybe Chou liked them… okay, stopping now. Pedophilia was on my lists of mental-censors.
"Almost like siblings." Woah there, back it up. Siblings? This I really didn't want to hear. Especially after his earlier comment about… well, it's all taboo now. That thing. Can't even say it. Moving on.
"Aiko was it? I think you've mistook--."
"Where's your accent?" She sniffled and backed up suspiciously. Grateful for air, I hastily hid behind myself/Chou. Hopefully my body was safe from random attack teenagers. "I don't think I'm—."
"But… but! You're Chou! I know it."
Technically yes, I was "Chou." However, I had a dislike of women in general, and this whiny little girl was making me want to hurl her off a cliff. Besides, her dirty hands crinkled my new outfit.
Not caring if I confused her, I grunted over my shoulder, "Take care of your friend, will you Chou?"
"Wha'? Why meh?" He cried out in stunned surprise. Really, was asking him to deal with his own problems such a harsh thing to expect? I just wanted to take a bath.
The girl looked between us.
"Chou?" She asked hesitantly and he grunted. "Wow, what happened to you?" For the first time she seemed to stop and question why "Chou" was wearing women's clothing, "And why is this person dressed like that? Is there festival I don't know about?"
"No sweetie, I just wear it for kicks." I rolled my eyes. Apparently sheep flocked together with little aid from a Shepard. The girl was comparable to a bale of rice. Except maybe not so smart. "I find it amusing to switch bodies and waltz around in a dress to torment Chou." Well, admittedly, it was partly true.
She seemed to take a moment to think about this and nodded as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I see. You shouldn't be so mean to Chou-kun!"
Then she made a vicious jab at my ankles with her foot.
Brushing past her, I called over my shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
"No proble' there." He mumbled, looking less than thrilled at his new aquesition. The girl was like a new puppy. Cute… and loud… and less appealing every moment it stayed around you. I didn't hit any snags as I proceeded to treat Chou's body to a rare miracle: water. Of course, the poor liquid turned black almost immediately about the third dump (the first two were coffee brown while taking off surface dirt). In the end I had almost managed to flood the floor with water now only fit for a septic tank, but I was clean.
What a glorious feeling.
Now to start on the soap. Then I could really make a dent in the tougher grime that pure water wouldn't touch. Pulling out the purple, lavender-scented import, I proceeded to lather up. Unfortunately this produced some curious and not-so-pleasant results. Namely my arm foaming up and feeling like acid had been pour on bare skin.
I hastily grabbed the bucket and rinsed off.
Well, note to self: Chou was allergic to soap. That explained quite a bit. Why he couldn't have just told me that in the first place was a mystery.
Trying to ignore the purple-ish marks creeping up my arms and down my chest, I dried off.
Grabbing the mass of wild hair, I twisted it back into a messy ponytail. There was no way I was going to spend hours styling it to go straight up like I had been electrocuted by one of those foreign wires. Later I'd find something a little more attractive and far more serviceable.
After paying and listening to some local gossip, I headed out the door… to trip over Chou. He had a stoned look about him. Eww, I don't look—I'm stopping right there. Right. There.
"What'd you drug him with?" I asked the girl. She stared at me like I was crazy.
Shrugging, I waved a hand in Chou's face. No reaction. If he was in a coma… Leaning over further into his sight, I tried again. This produced a hoarse scream of outrage, "Wha' the fuck!"
"Pardon." I retorted, drawing back. Peering at my arms, I realized the color was now a rich plum. "Oh, yeah, why didn't you tell me you were allergic to soap? I must say this is the most interesting reaction…"
"Wha… wha' the fuck didja do ta meh hair!" He demanded, not quite grabbing a handful. I skittered back in case he decided to do it anyway. Grabbing the end, which was nearing my butt, I twirled it nervously, "Does it really look that bad? The owner said it didn't look too horrible…"
"It's fuckin' pink!" He pissed and several patrons exiting the bathhouse hurried it along.
"Well, I was going for red, but you know how dyes can be…"
"You're fuckin' dead, ya little freak!" He screamed and lunged at me. Luckily, size does matter. I swatted him away desperately and said quickly, "It does look bad then. Oh well, it'll fade in a few weeks. On the bright side, it matches that kimono I just bought today with your money!"
Somehow I couldn't help but feel like there was going to be some serious payback for that little mistake…
A/N: OMG, it didn't take me like a month to update! LOL. -evil laugh- Now to watch the end of the Christian Arc... must not hurt self making fun...
Wistful-Eyes: Don't you worry about that :) Your review pretty much inspired the end of this fic. Ha! Now you have to read it all. Soujirou escapes (fast little bugger), for now :)
Fyyrrose: I don't think XD is properly terrified, judging by his last reply to you - Didn't get the sleepwalking in, but that'll come. That's what I do on my b-days: hide. Why should YOU be afraid? It's your crazy family I'm worried about. Yeah, you're right, she'd be dead. Wow, I'm being unseasonably mean to Yumi - Oh well, she had it coming. I mean, poor Hoji has been reincarnated as a rat, had a katana rammed through him, and lord knows what we did to him in Springs (because I certainly don't remember). Yes, yes, I'll update HS... as soon as I finish Thanksgiving. Then I'll post Christmas break :)
