Chapter Five

That little prick. I should kill him. No, death was too good. Way too good. I needed some serious help thinking up some good payback. Fuck that. This was personal.

Now, what did Kamatari value more than life?

An evil grin spread across my, er, his face. Perfect…

So I had a few errands to run now. Well, I'd just leave my evil hair-dying nemesis to his own devices. Okay, that sounded like a horrible idea. Worse than that time I thought to play a drinking game with the jerk in the white cape. Word to the idiotic, don't go in a bar and try to drink down a big guy. Even drunker than hell I could still hear his mocking words ringing in my ears. Bastard.

"Er, I hav'ta go. I'll be back later." I said hastily, already gleefully plotting out where to go first. It was bad enough the freak threatened my babies, but did he have to turn my head pink? Who takes a pink-haired man seriously?!! That's right! NO ONE. I mean, it's like that rumor I heard about the Battousai now wearing a magenta gi. How can you fight someone like that without going blind because you feel shame for your opponent?

I chuckled anyway. Pink shirt or not, I would whoop his ass royally if Shishio ordered it. Assuming I wasn't still in this freak's body. I doubt it even had the coordination to draw a knife, let alone one of my babies. Anyone could swing a stick around… okay, with a tiny bit of practice and a lot of upper body strength, anyone could swing a stick around. Swords took skill and technique and coordination.

I was so engrossed in that train of thought I didn't notice the thing—er, girl following me.

"Wha' do ya want?" I asked without turning around.

"Umm…"

I rolled my eyes.

"Don'cha have a family or sumthin'? A boyfriend ta pester."

There was a long pause and I was hoping she had taken the rather blunt hint and left. No such luck.

"But Chou-kun!" She wailed and I resisted the urge to clap my hands over my ears. My name did not deserve to be shrieked out by a banshee. Name abuse! Was nothing of mine sacred anymore? "I want to tag along after you, like I used to."

"Used ta? Listen, I don't know who the hell ya are!"

Sniffle.

Oh no.

She was going to start wailing. Maybe it was good that Kamatari wasn't with us. He seemed to have bad reactions to things like that. Damn, why wasn't he around? Stupid freak, avoiding his own misery so easily.

"You don't remember me Chou-kun?"

Uh, duh, no. I just said that!

"It's me, Aiko!"

Oh, and that cleared it all right up. Dumbo.

"You used to baby sit me. We were neighbors."

Blank stare.

I try not to remember my childhood. Who cares about memories of being a puny, snot-nosed little kid? A runty, picked-on little kid who always ran to his older sister for protection. The one who was called all sorts of names until he decided to find the biggest, meanest bully in the neighborhood and slaughtered him with the kid's first sword.

"Eh, okay." Just nod your head and agree, I told myself. Then she'll be happy, the crying will be averted, and you don't have to think about it anymore.

"So you remember me now?"

Shit. Time to change the subject…

"Er, ya live 'ere, right?"

"Yes!"

"So ya can tell me where a few shops 're, right?"

"What do you need to know?"

Maybe she did have a use after all. I couldn't wait to run my errands and flaunt the results. It was time that the freak got a bit of payback. Cold? Hell no. There's a reason hell is fire and brimstone. Revenge is best served unbearably hot! As in A.S.A.P.

The contents of Kamatari's wallet and three hours later I was set to head back to our temporary HQ.

As for Aiko, well, I figured if ignoring her wouldn't work I could always use her to torment the freak. I considered that further. Yes, the guy would have a fit if his body walked in with a girl in arm.

"'Ey, Aiko. Why don'cha hold meh hand?"

One suggestion was all it took. Man I'm sexy.

We ran into Anji and Soujirou playing some sort of pointless game outside. Hehe, the looks of shock… dammit, where were the looks of shock? I swear, it'd be an alien invasion that wiped the smile off that kid's face, and nothing less. As for Anji, hey, his faults are already well known. I think he's related to rocks.

"You look different." Soujirou commented carefully, glancing up from the corner of his eye. He was showing far more interest in his pieces than my hard work. "I do not think Kamatari will enjoy the new him."

"That sounded so odd." Aiko commented from beside me.

"Ah, who's your friend? Kamatari will not like that much either." Soujirou commented, moving one of his pieces decisively. He brushed off his palms and stood up to greet Aiko, "Good afternoon, my name is Soujirou Seta."

The girl flamed up and stuttered, "A-ai-aiko."

"It is a pretty name."

"Qui' harassin' her." I grumbled. Stupid pretty-boy.

"Eh-heh." Soujirou grinned and rubbed the back of his head, "Sorry."

"Better."

"But Seta-san wasn't bothering me too much!" She protested.

Feeling slightly cross, okay really pissed, I growled, "Sure, take his side."

She blushed and clutched my arm tighter, "Please forgive me Chou-kun."

And that was why women did not belong in my life for more than one night. They were just too damn complicated!

Awkwardly I tried to pat her shoulder under Anji's brooding glare. There were times when I wondered what the fuck was his problem and there were other times when I knew he has issues, yet still didn't know what the fuck his problem was. People like him were uptight pricks who deserved to be locked up in some lonely mountain sanctuary. No social skills.

"Didja hav' sumthin' ta say ta meh?" I glared. Somehow I was thinking that it was justifiable to punch a fallen monk. In the face preferably.

"You may wish to reconsider your current path." He said blandly.

Okay, I need plain Japanese here! No stupid metaphors. Next he'll burst out into song or something. Maybe some bad haikus. I shuttered at the thought. Nothing was worse than bad poetry.

"And if'n I don't?"

"I assume there will only be Nine Swords."

"Haha." I snapped. Jerk. And his soot eyes made him look like a possessed insomniac! So there.

"Do not take Anji-san too seriously." Soujirou laughed, "I think he's jealous that you stole his hair style. Kamatari has an interestingly shape head."

"Ya can say that again. Bet it's why his brain's so scrambled." I said, absently rubbing a hand across the smooth surface. "Ain't no skin off meh nose though."

"Hey, where have you be—Oh dear lord! What have you done?" Kamatari gasped as he came out. I totally missed the look on his face, seeing as I was staring at my strawberry candy-colored hair. He had done it up in… in… pigtails!

I stared, mesmerized before I realized Kamatari was still talking, "… And that suit is hideous. Seriously, I know most westerners have no taste, but did you have to go out of your way to find something that ugly? At least it's black and not grey. It's hard to go wrong with black, even if it is a dark, brooding color. That doesn't match my personality at all!"

It sure didn't, but it was going to match someone's face in a moment if he didn't shut up.

"…And where did you get the money for all that? I'm assuming that you took my wallet, but it's not like I had a fortune in it after that last shopping spree…"

Seriously, when was he going to start screaming? If I knew I'd get another lecture…

"AHHHHH! What'd you do to my hair! You brute, it's all gone! All my lovely, perfect hair is gone. Do you know how much time I've spent conditioning and coddling it to make it just so? Well do you! I told you the dye washes out in a week or two! It's going to take months for my hair to grow back. Not to mention the hideous way it will stubble. You've ruined me Chou! I'm glad I decided to get rid of those nasty swords because you deserve it! You really do. You're an awful, awful person with no respect or taste." He shrieked, making Aiko and Soujirou instinctively clap their hands over their ears in pain.

It doesn't matter. Only one thing came through my gloat-enjoyment.

"Wha'd ya do ta meh babies?" I scowled, seriously considering just killing him and living in this body forever.

He fixed me with a poisonous glare, "Nothing as bad as I should have! They're not melted down into something useful, if that's what you're worried about."

"Let meh repeat mehself, cuz I'm goin' to thrash ya! Where are they?"

Kamatari's mouth pinched shrewdly and he jutted his jaw. Now there was an expression worthy of my face. No more of that cutesy, look-at-me pout shit.

"I sold them."

"Ya didn't."

"And I don't feel like telling you to whom." He added before I sprang forward, latching onto a pink ponytail.

"Ya will tell me." I threatened. Vaguely I heard Aiko making some comment to Soujirou about how what the freak had done was low and disgusting. The boy declined to comment.

"Or you'll do what exactly. Tell me because I'm dying to know. Really. After what you did I might have to kill myself out of shame."

Woah, what a fanatic! Who cares? Hair is hair. It grows back. My own extravagant hair-style was more for effect than anything else. It tended to get me remembered, for better or worse. I certainly wouldn't even give it a second thought if it were chopped off. Hair grew on heads; blades didn't.

"Fin', ya tell meh 'bout my babies and I'll tell ya about where I pawned yer scythe." I bartered.

He sniffed, "Why bother? I'll just get a new one."

My jaw dropped. He didn't deserve a weapon! Even a lousy sharpened stick was too good for his uncaring attitude.

"Listen ya, I want my babies back." I paused, unsure of what to say to get to him. "How can I be useful to Shishio…" Long pause. As much as I distained honorifics-- really who needed them? –I needed to say it. It couldn't be that hard… really. Kamatari and Soujirou and Yumi did it all the time. Easy. Just a S-A-M-A. Just four simple letters. Dammit! "When I don't hav' any weapons?"

"He certainly doesn't need you for your brains." Kamatari sniped bitterly.

I ground my teeth, "And he doesn't need ya fer your so-called "sex appeal" or your spats with Yumi. Yer a tool, just as much as I am. At least I'm honest 'bout it, huh? Cuz life's a serious bitch when she feels like it."

The shrewd look left his eyes, replaced by something I didn't have much to do with: pity.

"It's sad that you think so little of yourself Chou-san." The sudden honorific made me really edgy. What was he planning now? Know your enemy. To hell with that bs! I didn't know him at all. And I didn't want to! "I know we joined for different reasons and I don't know yours. Somehow I don't think it's the purest," Eyes flick over to Anji, "And certainly not out of loyalty," To Soujirou, "And I doubt you've ever known love, even one-sided, unrequited love."

Now what was he getting at?

"So where does that leave you? Cold and alone with nothing but your babies I suppose. You don't trust people, do you? That's really too bad. It's a hard life by yourself."

Thoroughly confused by his new and disturbing tactics, I turned red, "So? It ain't yer business!"

And doing something I thought only women could successfully pull off, he did a complete 180.

Smiling, he grabbed my hand and pulled it off the cotton candy hair. It took a bit of force, seeing as even stupefied I wasn't about to let him go.

Rather than prancing out of reach to say something tormenting he stood close enough to whisper in my ear, "I'll be your friend Chou-san. If you want me to be."

Sputtering, I shoved him away.

He winked and leered, "You know I mean it!"

"The fuck ya do!" I howled after him.

Soujirou stared before piping up in a small, curious voice, "Did Kamatari-san propose something obscene?"

"Sumthing like that." I snapped, stalking off with a rather confused Aiko in tow.

A/N: -- and this story took an unexpected and unappreciated twist. Don't worry, I'm not done with Kamatari grins evilly His torture got cut a bit short, but I'll make up for it.

Tsutanai Shikaku: Hmm, lol, make up and become friends? I suppose I could suppress my sadonic streak and make it happen. I'm not good at "happy endings." And it would be friendship, I promised no yaoi :)

Wistful-Eyes: I knew someone who was always hacking. It was horrible. He carried his inhaler everywhere (for all the good it seemed to do). I knew someone else who was allergic to chocolate (the horror!). I don't want to know what they made soap out of back then (I'm thinking animal fat), but it's plausable he'd be allergic to one of the ingredants!

Fyyrrose: Yes, I told you, I was tired, that worked, and I was going to bed. Unlike Chou, most of "Tari's" fun is with harmless intent. Flirty, not malicious. Fine, fine, I'll write HS. I'm going to post a chapter RIGHT NOW, okay? And I was thinking a more non-AU dream. No Bubbles basically, but I will keep that in mind :)

eriesalia: Glad you like it - Yes, they are somewhat of polar opposites.

sekihoutai: I wish my drawing skills were better. I'd love a picture of a pink-haired chou in pigtails being flirty --falls over laughing at the mental picture!-- I'd find that paragraph amusing except I've seen it in real life... eww.