Chapter 13 – Forgiveness
Sirius opened his eyes and sighed, rolling over. For the thousandth time since the night before, he wished he had never said those things to Remus and cursed the tattoo. He missed his mate with all his heart, and he wanted him home so he could apologise. He needed Remus, almost like Remus needed him. Remus had said that if he were ever unfaithful it would as good as kill him. He didn't know that it would have much the same effect on Sirius if the roles were reversed.
He sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. He whispered, "Oh, where are you?"
"I'm right here, you stupid pup."
Sirius' head turned so fast it hurt his neck. Before screwing his eyes shut and clasping his hands around his neck in an attempt to stifle the sharp pain, he saw Remus leaning on the doorframe of the door into the bathroom. His hair was damp – probably from the shower. All he was wearing was a towel, knotted so that it was definitely going to stay put around his waist.
After a moment of sitting on the bed, he felt Remus' hands slowly move his off his neck and his lips softly kiss the spot that was hurting. Sirius felt for the mental bond between them and tried to pull his pain back so only he felt it; Remus ordered him to stop so forcefully that he did so without argument.
He opened his eyes and looked up into Remus' amber eyes. Tears constricted his throat. All the hurtful things he had said the day before came flooding back. Remus wiped a tear from his cheek with his thumb. "Don't cry. Please, mate …"
"How can you bear to call me that? How can you even look at me? After all I said to you, you should only be here to tell me you're never coming back!" Sirius sobbed, his words barely discernable. Remus stroked his hair. "Shh, Siri, please … I came back because I love you – because I can't live without you. You're my mate, and I love you more than anything."
"Yeah, but – "
"Sirius, I'm sorry I went mad about your tattoo last night, I had no right to mouth off at you like that. You have every right to get a tattoo and you had every right to shout at me."
"I didn't have a right to tell you to drop dead," Sirius whispered, barely able to say the words. Remus winced at the statement, but he knew that Sirius hadn't meant it. He had known he hadn't meant it when he said it, but he had overreacted. "You didn't mean it … did you?"
Sirius shook his head. Remus cocked his head on one side, genuinely worried about his mate. Sirius had brought his knees up to his chin and was shaking, tears coursing down his cheeks. Remus took hold of his shoulders, kneeling on the bed in front of him. "Stop crying, Sirius. I'm here, and I've forgiven you."
Sirius shut his eyes, pulling back from Remus and lying down against the pillows. For a second, he hissed in pain as pressure was put on the tattoo. The pain wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it was still there. Remus winced in sympathy – and at the pain suddenly exploded in his own back. Remus crawled up the bed, pushing Sirius' knees down, until he was crouched over his mate. "Sirius, what's the matter?"
Sirius swallowed. "I – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so horrible – I shouldn't have hit you. I know it hurt you – I never want to hurt you. I scared myself then. I just lost control. I gave in to a stupid gut instinct. I told you to be scared of me … I thought you – I thought you wouldn't come home … I thought you'd stop loving me …"
Remus shook his head. "Never. I will never ever stop loving you, Sirius. I know you didn't mean to hit me. I – I didn't block you – from my mind, I mean. I could sense how you were feeling. All that guilt and fear about what you'd done … I know you're sorry, Sirius. Can we please never … have an argument like that again?"
Sirius swallowed and nodded, looking up into Remus' eyes. He saw the expression of love and anxiousness there and was almost drowned in a wave of desire. /God, Remus, I love you so much!/
Remus grinned. Tired though he was from his late night and foolish choices the night before, he would never be too tired for Sirius. /That much is obvious,/ he replied, glancing down. He moved his hands to either side of Sirius' head and bent down to catch Sirius' lips in a kiss.
Sirius' hands gripped his waist, pulling him down until he felt Remus' cock brush his own through their clothes and the bedcovers. He pulled back with a hiss of pleasure, his hips jerking, needing to feel that hardness pressed up against his own. Remus pulled out of his grip, breaking the much-needed contact.
He ripped back the covers, crouching back on his heels over Sirius' legs so he could pull off his boxers. Sirius scrambled into a sitting position and then pushed Remus back until he overbalanced, falling unceremoniously back onto the bed under Sirius' body. He fumbled with the knot on the towel, almost tearing the cloth in his haste. Remus suddenly went still, looking up at Sirius. The change in Sirius' mood was striking, though the desperation of his actions was the same, as was the look in his eyes.
Remus caught his head between his hands and Sirius looked up into his eyes. Remus whispered, "I forgive you, Sirius. If you can ever forgive me."
Sirius blinked slowly. He smiled as he looked down at his mate. For a long moment they just looked at each other, speaking without words, allowing their hearts to do the talking. Suddenly, they moved together, crushing their bodies together in a desperate dance of heat and desire.
Remus felt as though Sirius were all around him, able to touch every inch of him all at once. But at that moment it was all he wanted, to feel Sirius' body next to his, to feel that degree of intense love again. Even one night spent not curled up right next to each other was too much. Although they had both shared a bed – eventually – the distance between them had been immense.
Sirius pushed his cock up against Remus' and he yelped as fire shot through him. All tiredness was gone now, replaced by raw, carnal lust and an incredible feeling of love. Remus growled and rolled Sirius onto his back. Sirius arched under him, whimpering in pain as he leant back on his new tattoo. Remus frowned in sympathy and flipped them back so he was on top again.
Sirius smirked and pressed his mouth to Remus', sucking his tongue in as far as it would go. Remus whimpered softly. Sirius pulled his mouth away. Remus moaned, needing to taste his lover again. Sirius licked his lips, his eyes shut, then leant down to flick his tongue over Remus' lips. Remus opened his mouth, closing his own eyes in ecstasy, and let his tongue slide out to meet Sirius'.
They both moaned. The feel of skin on skin, the taste of tongue on tongue, the dull ache of cock brushing against cock … it was heaven; pure bliss for both Sirius and Remus. Suddenly, Sirius moved back, kneeling on all fours above Remus. Remus gasped at the distance between them. How could his lover tease him like that then pull away just as things were getting good. How dare he. Remus growled and grabbed Sirius' shoulders, rolling him onto his back and this time ignoring the pain in Sirius' back. Sirius, however, was far too busy enjoying Remus' attentions to notice.
The werewolf bit and sucked at the skin of his neck, moving up to his earlobe then over to his jaw. He kissed his way along the scratchy jaw line until he reached Sirius' waiting mouth. Their tongues met again, licking along each other, taking in all that taste. Sirius looped his arms around Remus' neck and pulled him yet closer. Remus nuzzled into Sirius' chest, his hair sticking to his face, sticky with sweat. Sirius' darker hair was plastered to his shoulders and neck.
The doorbell rang.
They groaned in annoyance and Remus pushed himself up off Sirius' body. Sirius growled, "I'll kill whoever it is!"
A smile twitched at Remus' lips. He slowly got up, wrapping the towel around himself again, Sirius' dark eyes watching every movement. He went to the window, which overlooked the front door and opened it, calling down, "What d'you want?"
James staggered back from the door, his head tilting up too look for the source of the voice. Remus glared down at him. James grinned, obviously guessing what he had interrupted. "Sorry. Thought you'd still be fuming at each other for the tattoo. I came to say it's my fault, not Sirius'. He talked me into a load of bother with Lilly."
From inside, Sirius called, "Who is it?"
Remus turned to tell him, "It's your bestest friend."
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, JAMES POTTER!" Sirius yelled. James' grin widened. He shook his head at them. "You pair are insatiable! Can I come in? Oh, OK, you're giving me one of those 'don't-you-dare-suggest-such-a-thin-someone-might-get-hurt' looks. I'm guessing the person who'd get hurt would be me? Right. Well, I only came to apologise and see that you were both still in one piece."
"You won't be in a minute!" Remus muttered.
James smirked. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"
Sirius yelled again, "Oy, Potter! If you're not gone in five seconds expect a large black dog to be down there latching incredibly sharp teeth onto your leg!"
James held up his hands. "OK, OK, I'm leaving. Have fun!"
James apparated. Remus shook his head, shutting the window on his friend. He turned back to Sirius, who had rolled onto his stomach and was watching him closely, his head cocked on one side. Remus smiled, wandering back over to sit next to him. Despite the fact he was still painfully turned on, Sirius' gentle, serene eyes calmed him.
Sirius ran a finger down his arm, causing a shiver to run through Remus' body. Sirius smiled and took hold of Remus' wrist, rolling onto his back. He seemed to have forgotten the pain of the tattoo now. He pulled Remus sideways until he was leaning over him, his palm resting on Sirius' chest. Sirius sighed, a smile playing over his lips. He blinked slowly, reaching up to cup Remus' cheek. "You're so beautiful …"
It was Remus' turn to smile, a slight blush painting his cheeks. Sirius ran his fingers down Remus' neck and onto his chest until he reached the towel, where he stopped and moved his fingers up again. Remus sighed in pleasure. Sirius whispered, "So pure … like silk. Skin like fine, white silk …"
Remus looked away, a lump appearing in his throat. He couldn't meet Sirius' eyes after he had said that. It was a lie, a total lie. He wasn't pure; he was tainted, corrupted by what he had done the night before.
Sirius sensed something was wrong. He sat up on his elbows and looked up into Remus' face. "What's the matter, mate?"
Remus turned back to him, his eyes uncertain. "Sirius …"
He couldn't tell his lover, his mate, that he'd caved in to a stupid, stupid drug. He couldn't … Sirius frowned up at him, reaching up to brush his cheek with his fingers. Remus' eyes shut. Even the simple contact was enough to send his mind spiralling away. Sirius himself was like a drug, the one drug Remus truly wanted to be addicted to.
"Are you all right, Remmie?"
Remus nodded, his throat still tight. He needed to know Sirius loved him. He whispered as much to the animagus, who smiled tenderly and pulled him down beside him to claim him once again as his own.
(Well it made ME laugh. Some of it. Then it made me depressed … OK, never mind.
Has anyone else seen the new Harry Potter film? It's SO cool! Sirius is so, so perfect! Not how I used to imagine him, but now my imagination has decided to change. And Remus is kinda cute too, in a weird way … he grew on me … like fungus … forget that. Anyway, I love that film. It's the best one yet! I nearly had heart failure in the queue to get in the cinema, and then in the trailers, because I couldn't wait, and then for most of the film, because I'm soft, really, and the Dementors are bloody frightening! I think PoA is the best book, and they made it into a really good film. Go see it! Now! OK, rant over …
Updates have been coming pretty fast because I'm on holiday at the moment and I want to update while I can. Also, are there more than 3 people reading this? It seems a bit pointless if there's only 3 or 4 people reading it; if I don't get more than five reviews, I might give up, because I don't see the point any more. So now, all you nice people out there, REVIEW please!)
