Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination.
AN: I hope you guys have enjoyed this so far...it is just for fun. Please read and review...check out my website and sign my guest book if you haven't already!!!
Chapter 5 - False Alarms and Hidden Truths
"Turn back while you still can...this is not the way!" The large oversized false alarm heads bellowed from their niche in the walls.
"It's not necessary, I've already been through here before!" Sarah yelled behind her to the false alarms.
"Beware...for the path you will take will lead to certain destruction!"
"Just ignore them, they are only false alarms. We went this way last time I was here." Sarah said to reassure Jay that they were on the right path.
"Hold up...you never told me WHY you were here before..." Jay asked her spinning her around by the arm.
"Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Sarah spat defensively.
"Shit!! I knew it!! YOU were the one in that little red book I was reading about...The one who wished the Goblins would come and take away your screaming bratty kid!!! I knew it! I knew you weren't no virgin!"
"Uh...no...not exactly." Sarah pulled Jay down through the tunnel and urged him to talk and walk at the same time.
"No? Well I don't have a mother-fuckin clue. So, are you gonna let me in on your little secret then, sweet tits?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!"
"Well, they are. I just call 'em like I see 'em." Jay muttered
"Nice...well, ok, here it is. I had that book that you stole ever since I was young. It used to be my favorite book. God, I used to go to the park and imagine I was the heroine and rehearse lines from it. I used to imagine that the Goblin King..."
"What? You fantasized about getting stuffed by the Goblin King?"
Sarah blushed, "Well, no, not really, but I had a little crush on him...he was so powerful and he could give me anything I wanted. I used to imagine that he was in love with me."
"That still doesn't tell me how you got here before. Just liking a book doesn't send people to other realms and shit...smoking crack does...trust me..."
"I'm getting to that. It's not something I am particularly proud of, but it happened. One night, I came home late from the park, caught up in the role of the heroine, and my stepmother was so mean to me."
"She was a real bitch, huh."
"You could say that...well, I had to stay home and baby-sit my brother AGAIN. They never even asked me...they just expected it, which made me all the more upset."
"So what'd you do?" Jay asked with genuine curiosity.
"They left me there with Toby who would NOT stop screaming...I just couldn't take it. That sound, it went right through me. I just wanted him to be quiet..."
"Aww man, you offed your brother???"
"What??"
"You killed your baby brother right?"
"Umm...no."
"Oh."
"I tried to tell him a story...of course it was sarcastic and dramatic because I was pissed, but I pretended I was the young girl in the book. So I held Toby up and I...said the words."
"What words?"
"Jesus you are really an idiot! What did you say to have Bob taken away?"
"I don't know, I thought that pansy ass was just watching and waiting...I didn't think that I...Oh wait...I wished the Goblins took him?"
"BINGO!! You sure did."
"And that fuckin shit works?"
"We're here aren't we?? Okay then."
"Oh, I get it now...I wished him away, so that is why I need to be the one to get him back. So, if I'm the one who is supposed to solve this thing, why did you try so hard to get him to let you come too?"
"Because I knew you'd be incompetent."
"Whatever, I can do this shit without your sorry ass. What the fuck are you good for? You haven't fucked me..."
"You're an asshole."
"Is he bothering you, Sarah?" a familiar male voice seeped out from the shadows.
Sarah spun around startled, "You...you scared me...no, everything is fine."
"If he touches you, I'll have him thrown straight into the bog." Jareth snapped.
"No, really, he's fine."
Jareth looked over at Jay, "How are YOU enjoying my Labyrinth?"
"It's a fuckin trip man...you should take people here more often, and charge money...This is Alice and Wonderland shit...You could sell small hits of acid at the gate. I could be your dealer if you need something."
Jareth looked a little confused.
"What is he talking about?" Jareth asked Sarah.
"I don't know...he...well...he smokes too much weed to make sense." Sarah replied.
"I see. So, Sarah..."Jareth turned his full attention to Sarah and ran a gloved hand down the length of her arm.
"I wouldn't do that man...she's horny as hell for you...if you touch her she might want to fuck right here."
Jareth raised an eyebrow and looked back at Sarah (Who blushed quite a deep shade of crimson), "Is that so..." Jareth smirked.
"Ahh...we have a time schedule to keep...we better go." Sarah finally broke the tension.
"Yes Sarah, run along and help your friend save his chubby...yeah...I'll see YOU later" He said with a smirk at Sarah before he disappeared.
"Don't even fucking say a WORD!!!" Sarah snapped at Jay.
Jay put his hands up and laughed heartily at Sarah's humiliation.
"I don't need to" Jay said quietly.
Sarah gave him a dirty look and pulled him over to the ladder that led up to the hedge maze.
