Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: How lucky are you guys!! I updated!! Yay! I'm just kidding, I will have chapter 7 out real soon too. Don't forget to leave me a review :)


Chapter 6 – Silent Bob's words of wisdom

Jareth reappeared in the throne room and looked around. The Goblins were running amok, there were chickens everywhere, and Silent Bob had his head resting on his hands looking utterly bored...that is when the music started...

Jareth reached over and grabbed a Goblin by the front of its shirt and said, "You remind me of a babe..."

The Goblin replied, "What babe?"

"The babe with the power."

"What power?" The Goblin cried.

"The power of voodoo."

"Who do?"

"You do!"

"Do what?!?"

"Remind me of the babe!" Jareth shouted as he let go of the Goblin and began to sing and dance around the throne room, kicking goblins out of the way, totally caught up in the "Dance, Magic Dance" number.

Mid-song, Jareth looked over at Silent Bob and saw his puzzled expression. He immediately froze as if he had been caught wearing women's underwear in a sports bar. The music died in the background as if someone ripped the needle off of a phonograph.

"What??!!" Jareth asked Bob in confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Silent Bob walked over to Jareth, shaking his head in disapproval, and gently placed his hand on Jareth's armored shoulder.

"Do you love her?" Silent pointedly asked Jareth.

"What? Whom?" Jareth sputtered trying to dodge the question.

"You know who." Silent Bob added knowingly.

"Sarah?" Jareth muttered

Silent Bob shook his head in agreement.

"I...well, I guess I...What concern is it of yours?" Jareth asked Bob suddenly sounding defensive.

"I'm just trying to help man. There are a lot of fine looking women in the world, but not all of them would run your stupid Labyrinth. Ask yourself, what is a Labyrinth for? It is to keep something safe and hidden deep inside. Isn't that what you are doing? Keeping your feelings hidden from her? Maybe if you didn't act so cruel and "gay" she would be more responsive to you."

"What do you mean 'gay'??"

Silent Bob just looked at Jareth and gestured to his previous singing and dancing.

"Hmm...alright, I see your point. Anything else I should know?" Jareth asked Bob

"The tights. The tights are gay." Silent Bob answered honestly.

"I love these! They are NOT tights...they are riding breeches." Jareth answered smugly.

Silent Bob just looked at Jareth pointedly and raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, alright! So they are a bit revealing. I will see what I can do."

Silent Bob nodded in approval and patted Jareth on the arm. Jareth looked over at the clock and saw that 4 hours had already elapsed.

"Let's see where they are, shall we?"

Jareth formed a crystal on his fingertips and held it in front of Silent Bob so that he could see as well.


The lid slid off of the old pot easily as Sarah and Jay climbed out into the hedge maze portion of the Labyrinth. They both took a good look around and Sarah searched for things she would remember from her last trip here.

"This is exactly how I remembered it! Look, the old Wiseman and his bird hat are even here."

"What??"

"Oh, come on...lets see if he can help us."

Sarah pulled Jay up to where the old man was sitting and asked if he could help them get to the castle.

"Ah, a young girl, and a young man." The wise man acknowledged.

"Woo woo woo!" The bird whistled.

"Dude! Your fuckin hat can talk!" Jay sputtered.

"How's that for brain power!" the bird sniffed at Jay.

"What did you say?" Jay lashed at the bird, narrowing his eyes.

"You heard me stupid!" Spat the bird.

"Will you please be quiet!" shouted the old man at the bird.

"Yeah you best keep your trap shut if you know what's good for ya!" Jay shouted back at the bird.

"You gonna make me?" the bird peeped

Before the old man had a chance to say anything, Jay ran full speed and tackled his trying to strangle the bird.

"Jay!" yelled Sarah, appalled at his actions. She ran over and pulled Jay up off of the old man and then helped him to his feet.

"How'd you like that, Bitch! Yeah!" Jay taunted at the bird

Sarah apologized to the old man, his bird hat hanging limply from his head, apparently unconscious.

"I'm terribly sorry...my friend has a really bad temper."

"It's quite alright young lady, that bird has had it coming for some time."

"We better get moving then." Sarah said to Jay as she urged him ahead.

"Remember young lady, the way forward is sometimes the way back!" The old man shouted after Sarah's retreating presence.

"Thank you!" Sarah shouted back as she and Jay disappeared into the bushes.

"And what the FUCK are you thanking him for?? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?" Jay spat at Sarah, still clearly riled.

"Honestly, I have no idea what it means...I just thanked him because I was being polite. It was the least I could do after you tackled him."

As they made their way through the hedges, they found Ludo walking towards them.

"Ludo!" Sarah called excitedly towards him.

"What the fuck is that? Some kind of mutated monkey??" Jay muttered.

"Sawah! Sawah fwiend!" Ludo mumbled in his own manner.

"Jay, this is Ludo. He is a gentle beast that helped me the last time I was here. He can call the rocks!"

"Rocks fwiends! Ha ha yeah!" Ludo said, as he got excited.

"He's getting a little excited, watch out he doesn't hump your leg." Jay said sarcastically.

Sarah clicked her tongue at Jay in a disapproving way and turned her attention back to Ludo.

"We have to make it to the castle again, can you help?"

"Uh! No..." Ludo said sadly to Sarah

"Oh, you poor thing, did Jareth punish you?"

"No, Can't help Sawah again, or live in fowest alone." Ludo said apologetically.

"Ohh...it's okay Ludo. We can manage this time. It was great to see you again." She said to Ludo as she gave him a hug before turning to leave.

"Bye Sawah."

Sarah smiled at Ludo and urged Jay to keep walking deeper into the hedge maze.