Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination
AN: Here is chapter 7!!! I am already half way done with this...Yay! Seriously though, I haven't seen many reviews...I know you are out there!!! Please give me feedback, or even any comments you may have...negative as well as positive are freely accepted. Questions are always welcome, I will answer your questions via email if possible, if not I will address them in the Author's notes of the following chapters. Thanks Again!!
Chapter 7 – Playing With Fire
A while later, after making a few turns in the hedge maze, Sarah and Jay came to the clearing where Sarah had first encountered Ludo.
"Look! There are the knockers!" Sarah cried in excitement.
"Knockers, where??!! How big are they??" Jay yelled looking around anxiously.
Sarah looked at Jay sarcastically and spat, "Not THOSE kind of knockers you idiot, door knockers."
"How the fuck should I know what the hell kind of knockers you're talking about??!! My mind is in the gutter 24-7! When you say "Knockers" I think of big beautiful luscious titties...not some stupid-ass fucking door bell!!" Jay yelled at Sarah.
"I get the point already...stop drooling over double D's and help me!"
"Fine by me, just don't get me excited because there is no one else here who can bring on the lovin."
"Fine I wont."
"Fine!"
"Mhmmrrhhh!" the doorknocker manages to grumble out from behind his ring.
"What did you just say?" Jay asked the doorknocker as he moved closer to pull the ring out of his mouth.
"Don't pull his ring...out." Too late Sarah sighed as she moved closer so she could hear what it was saying.
"I said, 'You again, huh. I'd like to see you get the ring back in my mouth this time!'"
"We have to get to the castle again, and I need to knock on this door."
"Hey check this out!" Jay yelled over to Sarah to get her attention. "This Guy has the coolest piercing I've ever seen! It goes right through his head!!"
"Huh?" The deaf doorknocker looked at Jay in confusion.
"Don't bother, he can't hear a thing!" The ring-less knocker said to Jay.
"Talk to the knob because the ears aren't listening!" yelled the deaf knocker.
"These two could be at it for a while" Sarah whispered to Jay "We have to get the ring back in his mouth se we can knock."
"Leave this to me..." Jay said coolly.
"Hey! You without the ring!" Jay yelled over to the loudmouth knocker.
The knocker sniffed and rolled his eyes up pretending to ignore Jay.
"Hey! Listen to this metal shit!"
"Huh?" interjected the deaf knocker again.
"Not you Helen Keller!" Jay yelled to the deaf one.
The ringless knocker moved his eyes over to Jay to sneak a peek at what he was doing, but still pretending to be uninterested.
"Don't worry...He'll love this song...when I distract him, you shove the ring back in his mouth." Jay quietly whispered to Sarah.
Jay cleared his throat and belted out, "My love for you like ticking clock, BESERKER! Would you like to suck my cock, BESERKER!"
The knocked didn't even seem the slightest bit swayed, and didn't even flinch.
"What the fuck! All the chicks back home dug it when Orloff sang it!"
"For goodness sake!" Sarah stepped in front of Jay and pulled her shirt up exposing her chest to the knocker.
The knocker opened his mouth wide eyed and stared unblinking at Sarah while she shoved the ring back into his mouth.
"There. Was that so hard?" Sarah said sarcastically.
"I...ahh...I...mhrmmh..." Jay stuttered.
"What?" Sarah asked
"You just flashed you tits!" Jay stammered still in awe.
"Yeah, well, I needed to do something to catch him off guard. Your stupid little song didn't do anything, so I took care of it."
"Can I see them again?" Jay asked hopefully.
"No."
"Oh...ok."
"Let's get moving, we're wasting time here."
Jay followed Sarah through the door as the knocker mumbled from behind the ring.
"Where the fuck are we now?" Jay asked.
"In the forest...this is where those freaky firey things live...they tried to take my head off last time."
"What??!!" Jay asked nervously.
"They thought they were just playing a game..." Sarah reassured him
"It's cool." Jay said casually as if the prospect of losing his head no longer freaked him out.
"HAAAAAAA!" The Fiery screamed as it jumped in the path in front of Sarah and Jay.
"THIS is what you were trying to tell me was gonna take my head??" Jay laughed
"Well, yeah...only, I remember them being a lot scarier a couple of years ago..."
The firey stoked up a bon fire as all the other fireys joined him.
"Hey lady! Where you think your goin'?" The firey asked
"We have to get to the castle."
"No lady, you got to join the party!" The chubby slobbery firey said from behind the other one.
"Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!" Jay said happily while pulling his last remaining joint out of his pocket.
"Jay! We don't have time for this!"
"It has only been about 6 hours...you said yourself we are more than halfway there and we still have 7 hours to go."
Sarah thought about it...last time, Jareth had taken time away from her to teach her a lesson in being humble. This time, he hadn't taken any. If she remembered correctly, all they had left to get through was the bog of eternal stench, the junkyard, and the Goblin City. Surely THAT won't take seven hours...they could spare a little time.
"Alright, alright...we can spare a little time, but no more than an hour."
"Sweet! I'm gonna get this party started the right way...raise your hands to the mother fuckin nooch!" Jay cried excitedly
Jay, surrounded by fireys who were watching him intently, lit the joint and took a big hit off of it and handed it to Sarah. She politely declined and made herself comfortable against a tree while Jay and the fireys smoked and danced.
"Do they know how to do that?" Sarah asked Jay
"I'll teach em' these mother fuckers will be as baked as Betty Fuckin Crocker in NO TIME."
The firey looked down at the joint in its paw and looked at Jay inquisitively.
"Watch" Jay said to the firey.
Jay put the joint up to his lips making sure the firey was watching him, and inhaled the smoke. Jay made sure to show him to hold it in and let it out slowly.
The firey nodded in understanding and took the joint again and took a successful hit as his eyes lit up like fire. Jay smiled and patted it on the back and urged him to share with his buddies.
After about 15 minutes, the joint was smoked and Jay and all the fireys were singing and dancing around the fire. They had changed the words from "Chilly down with the fire gang" to "Getting high with the fire gang".
Sarah looked at her watch and realized it was time to get moving again. She told Jay and said goodbye to all of the fireys as they kept moving towards the bog.
Just as they were heading to the Bog of eternal stench, it dawned on Sarah that Jareth wasn't interfering nearly as much as he had the first time she was in the Labyrinth. She found herself wondering what he and Silent Bob was up to.
