Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination
AN: I know it's been a while, but RL has been interfering again (Real Life
:) ). Here is Chapter 8 to keep you satiated for a bit
Chapter 8 – Who Farted?
Sarah led the way as Jay followed closely behind her. As they neared the Bog of Eternal Stench, The smell emanated through the air around them.
"Aww, Jesus, what the fuck is that smell? Smells like the bathroom after Silent Bob drops a fucking deuce!"
"That is the Bog of Eternal Stench. Be careful not to get to close to it. If you even dip your foot in the bog, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life."
"You're fucking lying..."
"No, really...Hoggle told me."
"I'd smell like that shit? I'd never get laid again! No chicks would come near me...Hell, Silent Bob wouldn't even come near me...Fuck That Shit!"
Jay was so ensnared about thinking he would never get laid again that he didn't notice the small fox jump out in front of him.
"HALT! No one shall pass this way without my permission." Didymus stated.
"What the fuck is this thing now?" Jay yelled over to Sarah, "A Medieval Taco Bell Dog?"
"Didymus!!" Sarah yelled over to him not seeing him at first.
"My lady? My Lady! Fair maiden, you have returned! But...but...but...why?"
"It's a long story Didymus, but we're here for Jay this time."
"I see." Didymus said as he sized up Jay.
"Didymus, we need to get across. You don't need to come with us, but we do need your permission to pass...May we cross the rocks?"
"Of course my lady. Godspeed on your quest and may this valiant knight protect thou."
Jay looked at Sarah and laughed, "Is he for real?"
"What?"
"That little dude is stuck in medieval shit...He thinks I'm a knight...a valiant one at that!"
"Yeah, well Didymus would lay down his life to protect me if the need was arose."
"Wow. That's some fucking devotion. Did you fuck him?"
"WHAT???"
"You heard me, are you into beastie types or what?"
"No!! Jesus Christ No!!! How gross! He was just my friend for Christ's sake...have you no shame?"
"Oh, that's right...you're fucking saving yourself for that Blond freak in tights!!"
"I SAID...Drop IT!!"
"But you admitted it already!!"
"So?"
"But you...but...but..."
"Sarah gave Jay a look that shot daggers. Let's get across these rocks before I am tempted to push you into the Bog for real..."
"Jay looked down to where they were supposed to cross the Bog. The old bridge was still out from the last time Sarah had been through, but Ludo's rocks were still firmly in place.
"Dare me to jump in the Bog?" Jay asked teasingly.
"You know what?" Sarah turned to look at Jay with feigned innocence, "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!" Sarah spat at Jay
Jay made a few faces behind her back, making himself feel a little better. He couldn't help himself though...he looked down into the bubbling green goop that constituted the bog and had an overwhelming urge to stick his finger in it. Sarah heard Jay sniff loudly behind her, and She turned around.
"Did you just do what I think you did?"
"What?" Jay said nonchalantly as he shrugged his shoulders.
"You fucking stuck your finger in the bog, and then sniffed it, didn't you!"
"No!!" Jay shouted back defensively, although his expression gave him away.
"Yes you did, and now you're gonna stink. Great. I'd actually laugh at you, and say you deserve it if I wasn't going to be stuck with you for the duration of this Labyrinth, Dumb ass!"
"I'm not REALLY gonna stink forever, am I?? Your Boyfriend can fix me right up I'll bet."
"I don't know if he can, but even if he could he probably wouldn't since I don't think he's too keen on you."
"Ahh...it's ok, I'll just blame the smell on you."
"What!! You wouldn't! That's not Fair!"
ENTER JARETH
"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...I shall have that engraved as your epitaph."
"Jareth. What brings you to this side of the Bog? Did you come to manipulate us as usual or did you just miss the smell?"
"Sarah, always so charming...Actually, I thought I might try my hand at being merciful for a change. I know you haven't eaten since your...munchies, was it? I thought you might be hungry."
"Oh no...I'm not falling for that trick again...There are always ulterior motives with you..." Sarah stopped mid sentence as she heard a slurping noise behind Jareth. Jareth saw her confused expression and turned to see what Sarah was trying to look at when he saw Jay behind him, caught like a deer in the headlights, mouth already full of fruit."
Jareth smiled menacingly as he turned back around to look at Sarah.
"Looks like you have little choice in the matter, love. Your friend here has already consumed half of the basket. Now, I suggest you take a bite and get him out of trouble, or it's Goblin life for Silent Bob."
Sarah sighed loudly as she realized she was out of options. "Give me the friggin peach, Jareth."
"You don't have to be curt about it, love."
"Sorry. Give me the friggin peach, PLEASE... NOW."
Jareth smiled at her defiance and tossed her the small fruit. "I daresay you might even enjoy this."
Sarah grabbed the peach and took a rather large bite as a last act of defiance before surrendering herself to the intoxicating juices of the peach. Jareth disappeared laughing.
"I knew it was too good to be true..." Sarah muttered to herself just before the peach's effects took over.
Jay however, having taken sooo many drugs in his life, had a little more resistance to the peaches effects. He would still succumb to it, but it took a little longer.
"Oh man...what the fuck is in these peaches??" Jay muttered out loud to himself.
He heard Jareth's echoing voice answer back, "Magic."
"Is that like some kind of drug like Ecstasy? I need some more of this shit. I could corner the market back in New Jersey."
Jay stumbled back against the tree right next to Sarah and let the effects of the peach claim him entirely.
