Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: I have soooo much to tell you guys...I have finished this story...there is 13 chapters (coincidence??? I think not...) I have made some photos of "SCENES" from this story if any of you are interested...they are quite funny if I do say so myself...go to my website, , click on "Fanfic and Cast Pages" and then on "Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth's Cast Page" once there, scroll down to the bottom and click on the link to "SCENES from Jay and Silent Bob". After you check them out, PLEASE PEOPLE...FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE.... SIGN MY DAMN GUEST BOOK!!! ( hehehe) The Guest book is on the main page near the bottom for those who have not been able to find it...hint hint. Oh yeah...at the end of this whole fashizle, I'll post an ending author's note to all my responses to all your lovely reviews...(yeah that's right, I do read em...)

Happy reading...


Chapter 11 – The Goblin City...

Sarah peeked from around Jay as the large gates swung open into the Goblin City. This time, there was no giant monster trying to kill them with an axe, not since Hoggle had destroyed it. In fact, the city looked completely deserted, except for a few random chickens.

"There's nobody fuckin here!" Jay said rather loudly to Sarah. "Why the hell did I even listen to you? You're afraid of little tiny rug rats!"

"Shhh! We don't want to announce we're here!"

Jay rolled his eyes and turned around, and slowly headed into the Goblin City with Sarah following behind him. Jay stepped in front of one of the goblin huts and looked around.

All of the sudden, whole hordes or goblins surrounded Jay and Sarah, blocking their direct passage to the castle.

Sarah put her hands up slowly, and Jay laughed.

"You're kidding me, right? This will be like taking lunch money from fat kid..."

Suddenly, two of the goblins stepped aside to reveal a machine gun goblin that began firing mercilessly at Jay.

"SHIT!" Jay yelped as he dove for the ground.

Sarah crawled over to Jay combat style, and together they scrambled around the Goblin hut and into one of the nearby huts behind it. The Goblins didn't see in the dust of the gunfire where the two had escaped. Several goblins rushed by outside, running down the cobblestone streets of the Goblin City, trying to capture the two infiltrators.

"You told me they were little friggin things...you didn't say SHIT about guns!!" Jay scolded her.

"Well it sort of slipped my mind...besides, we have to concentrate now on getting to that castle...I'm sure we don't have much time to waste." Sarah replied coolly.

"Well Einstein, how do you propose we do that? In case you haven't noticed shit-for-brains, we're surrounded by little FUCKS with GUNS!" Jay yelled back.

"Yeah, yeah, I noticed...I have an idea though..." Sarah said biting her lower lip in contemplation.

"I'm afraid to ask..."


Jareth paced back and forth in the throne room, when one of his minions ran in completely out of breath.

"Yer Majesty!!"

"Yes, what is it now?" Jareth asked the little creature impatiently.

"They're here! They've just entered the city!"

"Well, stop them!" Jareth shouted at him angrily, when suddenly, he felt something small and hairy on his leg.

Jareth looked down to see what it was, and found a small furry goblin happily humping his leg as he stood there.

"Insolent Beast!" Jareth yelled as he flung his leg outward with disgust. The small goblin was launched through the air, and landed with a THUD in the pillow pit in the center of the throne room near Silent Bob.

Silent Bob glared at Jareth. He didn't really think he was a bad guy, but he despised the way Jareth treated his goblins. To Silent Bob, they weren't very intelligent, but they almost seemed like pets somehow...

Silent Bob reached down and coddled the goblin to see if it was all right. It looked all right aside from being a little upset. Silent Bob's eyes lit up, and he placed the sad little goblin on his leg. The goblin smiled a toothy grin up at Silent Bob, and re-asserted his humping, this time on Silent Bob's leg.

Jareth looked over at the spectacle in the pillow pit gave Silent Bob a baffled look.

"What are you DOING? Get that Goblin off your leg...you are to be transported to the Escher room immediately."

Silent Bob nodded and patted the goblin's furry little head as he carefully removed it from his now-damp leg, and stood next to Jareth to be transported.


"Okay, see that ally between those huts over there?" Sarah pointed to the small winding path that led indirectly to the castle.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"When I tell you to, I want you to sneak down that ally. I'll be right behind you..."

"Yeah, but it's all open at the end in front of the castle...we'll be seen!" Jay argued

"I know, but if you run across to the castle, I might be able to cover you, and then just make a break for it myself. The doors to the castle will keep them out if we block them once we're inside."

"Ok, sounds like it's worth a shot, what are you planning to "cover me" with?

Sarah bit her bottom lip and looked around anxiously for something to throw...She noticed a burlap sack in the corner and went over to inspect its contents.

"Hmm...Potatoes. I guess I can use these..." Sarah muttered deep in thought.

"You're gonna try to save my ass with potatoes? Are you shitting me? I value my life you know...I may be a stoned mother-fuckin slut magnet, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings..."

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

"Well, no..."

"Okay, so shut up and get moving..."

Jay cracked open the door and peeked out to make sure the coast was clear. He moved slowly down the narrow ally, his back against the side of the huts, With Sarah tip-toeing behind him with the potatoes. When he got to the edge of the ally way, he counted to three and made a run for it while Sarah pelted the gun-toting goblins with potatoes.

Once she saw Jay had made it to the castle, she ran out, whipping potatoes blindly all around her towards the goblins. Miraculously, she managed to reach the castle without being pumped full of lead. She closed the heavy castle doors and blocked them with a long wooden table that she dragged over from nearby.

Sarah looked around, taking in the intricate architecture of the castle, calling for Jay.

"Jay! Jay where are you!!"

She saw something move out of the corner of her eye, so she spun around quickly out of reflex. Jay peeked out from behind the tapestry he had apparently decided to hide under, and walked over to her.

"Is...Is it safe?" Jay whispered nervously to Sarah.

"Yes...we have to get to Silent Bob...do you still have my book??"

Jay shuffled around through his jacket, "yeah, I picked it up again after I gave it back to you the first time...I couldn't help it...I steal shit...it's like a disease..."

"Forget about it, you are gonna need the book, so I'm glad you grabbed it. Follow me..."