Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination
AN: SOOO almost there...just a little...further...there is still one chapter left.
Chapter 12 – Out Of Time...
Sarah took off at a run with Jay right behind her, wondering where the hell she was going. Just when he was about to ask her, they stepped into a room that defied reality...
"Whoa...this is like...royally fucked up...where the hell are we??"
"The Escher room..." Sarah said softly as a tidal wave of memories crept down her spine. "Look for Silent Bob! Hurry!"
Jay looked around in awe, and to his surprise, he spotted Silent Bob smoking a jibba strolling across a sideways staircase above him. It was as if gravity didn't apply to him somehow...
"YO BITCH!! Silent Bob!" Jay shouted up to him.
Silent Bob looked over to Jay and nodded in greeting, exhaling a large amount of smoke.
Jay ran up the closest set of stairs with Sarah in tow, trying to figure out how to reach Silent Bob.
The room was so surreal, Jay almost felt lost. He looked around, and where he thought he would find Silent Bob, there was nothing. Now Silent Bob was somehow on the other side of the room, sitting on some other impossible staircase, this time smoking intently from a colorful glass blown pipe.
Jay left the stairs he was on, and scrambled to find another way he could reach Silent Bob.
"Silent Bob, Don't fuckin smoke all the weed bitch! Save me some of that Ganj!" Jay yelled.
Silent Bob looked at Jay again, offering the pipe in Jay's direction. Jay ran through a doorway that he thought should bring him to Silent Bob, but once again, it was to no avail. Jay looked at Sarah helplessly, and Sarah looked down to see Silent Bob sitting just below them on a ledge...the same ledge Toby sat on years before...
"Jay look!" Sarah pointed down at Silent Bob.
"Silent Bob! STOP SMOKING ALL MY WEED!!!"
Silent Bob looked up again at Jay, this time holding a rather large water bong as he blew the smoke up towards Jay.
"...We have to jump..." Sarah thought to herself, remembering this was where she jumped to get Toby.
Before she could even complete the thought, the smell of weed wafted up to her nostrils and Jay couldn't control himself...Jay grabbed Sarah's hand and jumped down, pulling her with him. Sarah let out a scream at the surprise of being pulled, but almost instantaneously the "falling" feeling became a "floating" feeling.
Jay and Sarah drifted slowly down, until they landed in a room that had fragmented pieces of wall floating aimlessly.
"Quick! Get the book – you have to say the words!!!"
Jay fumbled for the book as Jareth, as if on cue, strolled out of the shadows.
"What do I do now?" Jay asked impatiently
"Read these words! Hurry!" Sarah pointed to the part in the book, "The Labyrinth", where the heroine delivers her lines.
"Through...dangers un...untold, and hardships un...un...unumb...unnumbered..."
What is the problem? Can't you read?!? "Sarah asked horrified.
Jay looked at Sarah with a sorry grin, "A little, but Silent Bob never got me that hooked on phonics shit he said he was going to get for me..."
Sarah rolled her eyes and looked over at Jareth who had his arms crossed over his chest, patiently waiting.
"Why...why aren't you trying to stop us?" Sarah asked a little confused.
Jareth smirked and simply gestured to a large ornate clock that appeared to hang in mid-air.
"WHAT?!!? We ran out of TIME??? It can't be!!! How is that possible? By FIVE MINUTES!!! Oh come ON!!!" Sarah yelled out of frustration.
"Sorry love, you looked so determined, I didn't have the heart to tell you. Jareth said mockingly. "It's quite possible, I assure you. You have a one in a million chance of actually solving the Labyrinth in the allotted 13-hour timeframe. Last time you were here, I don't know HOW, but YOU managed it by sheer dumb luck. Not this time though, sorry love."
Sarah looked utterly defeated as she looked from Jay to Silent Bob and back to Jareth in disbelief.
"But you...you said ..." Jay began looking to find a reason as to how they could've lost so much time.
"I'm sorry Jay. I tried. I really did..." Sarah said sadly to Jay.
"Yes, well, get on with it...say your goodbyes, both Sarah and Silent Bob will be staying here." Jareth said indifferently, almost as if he was bored.
Jay's bottom lip trembled as the thought of never seeing Silent Bob again, or hanging out with him in front of the Quick Stop sunk in. Silent Bob was already crying softly as Jay moved towards him.
"Every time you smoke a fatty-boom-batty blunt think of me, okay?" Jay said to Silent Bob as he hugged his long-time companion. Silent Bob nodded and wiped his eyes.
"Oh come ON, Jareth, you can't separate these two, look how pathetic they are without each other!" Sarah pleaded. She looked past Jareth to see Jay giving her "blowjob" signals so that she could "commence with the sucking". Sarah made a face, and looked back at Jareth who was now looking down at Silent Bob deep in thought.
Silent Bob sat quietly crying with a small goblin curled up in his lap. As Jareth looked at this seemingly pathetic man, a thought occurred to him...
"Tell you what...I won't keep them apart under ONE condition." Jareth stated matter of factly.
"What is it??!!" Sarah and Jay shouted almost in unison.
"Jay has to stay HERE with Silent Bob, and the two of them must agree to take over this realm as Goblin King and..." Jareth took a sidelong glance at Jay, "Er...queen."
Jay gave him a dirty look, but knew better than to open his mouth for once.
"What about you?" Sarah asked Jareth, confusion coloring her features.
"Well, as I see it, YOU my dear have promised yourself to ME regardless, so I figure I can go back to YOUR world with YOU."
"You...you want to be with me?" Sarah asked shyly.
"Yes Sarah. I have always wanted to be with you. I knew how you felt about me long ago, but I knew you wouldn't trade your life in the Above-world to be with me easily. Now, it looks as if you won't have to." Jareth's mouth spread into a seductive grin.
Sarah bit her lip and smiled, but couldn't help but wonder WHY he would give up HIS life in this world so easily.
"Jareth I don't mean to ruin the moment, but..."
"You're wondering why I'm so willing to give all this up?" Jareth finished for her.
"Well, yes."
"Simple. I don't like being the Goblin King. There is no one here with a SHRED of intelligence to talk to on a day-to-day basis, and I really am sick of goblins. Nasty little beasts, really. I was given the title through inheritance, and unless I either pass it on or I die, I'm stuck with it. As I'm sure you can see, this opportunity is too perfect to pass up. It's my only chance to be free and live as I choose to..."
Jareth took Sarah's hand in his and kissed it graciously, "With the person I choose to..." Jareth finished as he looked deeply into Sarah's eyes and saw the desire in them.
Sarah blushed darkly at Jareth's confession. She had to admit, the whole prospect of Jareth living in her world would be more than a little strange, but it would also be wonderful. Most women never get to meet the man of their dreams let alone have a relationship with him.
"If I could interrupt this little Hallmark moment, don't me and Silent Bob have any say in this?"
"Not if you wish to remain together, you don't." Jareth glared at Jay.
"Okay, say we choose to stay here...there are certain...NECCESSITIES...we would require." Jay said to Jareth
"Well, as rulers of the Goblin Kingdom, naturally you will inherit Most, not all, of my power. If there is something you require, merely ask for it and you shall have it at your disposal." Jareth explained impatiently.
"You're shitting me! Anything we want we can have??" Jay asked him excitedly.
"No, I'm not 'SHITTING' you, as long as it truly already exists, you can summon it."
Jay slapped Silent Bob on the arm and he nodded in approval.
"Can I try it out first?" Jay asked Jareth pleadingly.
"Oh, I suppose, if it will shut you up..." Jareth muttered exasperatedly
Jay smiled at Silent Bob and said aloud, "I need a shitload of weed!"
"Hang on, be a little more specific...magic won't be able to determine exactly how much a 'shitload' is." Jareth corrected.
"Okay, I need 50 POUNDS of WEED!"
Before he could blink, a pile of marijuana, weighing exactly 50 pounds appeared on the floor in front of Jay.
"HOLY MOTHER-FUCKIN SHIT! Roll a big-ass blunt, Silent Bob, we're about to get FUCKED up!" Jay yelled to Silent Bob, whose eyes were as wide as dinner plates.
"So does this mean you accept my generous offer?" Jareth asked Jay.
Jay looked at Silent Bob and he nodded again in full approval.
"YEAH!" Jay yelled as he dropped to the ground to take in the intoxicating aroma of the weed.
"How do you know these two can responsibly run your kingdom? Aren't you at all concerned? Sarah asked Jareth.
Jareth raised his eyebrows as he looked at Sarah, "Not my problem!" He said happily.
"But Jareth, what about the goblins?" Sarah asked again.
"Sarah, they'll be fine. Silent Bob actually likes them. I have a feeling he is more suited to care for them than I am, I can't even stand the sight of them anymore! He was good to them. They are in good hands." Jareth reassured her.
Jareth looked over at Silent Bob and gave him a wink, and Silent Bob nodded to him out of respect.
"Shall we go, love?"
Sarah walked past Jareth and kissed Silent Bob on the cheek.
"Are you sure this is what you guys want?" Sarah asked him quietly
Silent Bob looked at her and smiled, "All of us here today were given a second chance. Jay and I get to stay together, the Goblins have someone who cares for them, and you and Jareth found love; Fate works in mysterious ways. Go on. Things will be just fine." He said as he pilled her into a bear hug.
Sarah smiled and moved over to Jay.
"Well it's been...er...interesting. Good luck with everything here...Oh, and Jay, remember, don't be afraid to be 'yourself'. Silent Bob is a true friend, he won't judge you."
"I already know." Silent Bob said quietly.
Jay's eyes widened in surprise.
"But you...how did you??" Jay stammered
"It's obvious Bro, but it's cool, don't sweat it." Silent Bob told him as reassurance.
Jay laughed and hugged Sarah, "Thank you, for real. Thank you for everything."
Sarah smiled and stepped back over with Jareth.
"One more thing before we go..." Sarah said to Jareth.
"Yes? What is it?"
"You can't go to my world dressed like that..." Sarah smiled
"Very well. Think of something you feel 'suits me'."
Sarah closed her eyes and smiled devilishly..."This would be interesting..." she thought to herself.
