Okay people...I have decided what to do about the Paige/Spinner situation.
However...you guys wont know until it happens. Bwahahaha!!! And for the
anonymous reviewer who said I was moving too fast and rushing things...I'm
really not. There is going to be a lot happening, so trust me, I'm not
rushing things. Just to straighten it out.
I was at my locker, getting my books for English class. I was trying to be in a better mood, and I knew that people thought something was wrong with me. I had been quiet all week....something that doesn't happen often. But I just felt like I couldn't talk...not with out breaking down and crying. But today was Friday...and Spinner and I had plans to hang out at my house tonight. Mom was on a date and Dylan would be 'studying' with one of his friends. Studying....yeah right.
I wasn't afraid to be alone with Spinner...well, maybe just a little. It's hard to explain. We'll be kissing or he'll say something and he'll look and sound just like Dean. I'm not saying I'm having flashbacks of Dean...Spinner reminds me of him. The look he gets on his face when we're done kissing...the tone his voice takes when he whispers my name. It sends cold chills all over my body, it's so hard to be with him. Its so hard to see him...and to love him knowing that he reminds me of my attacker.
So, that night, Spinner and I were hanging out at my house. We were watching Scream 3...again. I wasn't really paying attention, but I had promised myself to have a good time. I was going to have a good time. I wasn't going to let Dean interfere...I wasn't going to let my insecurities get in the way. That's why I didn't object when Spinner kissed me, or when we fell back on the couch...him on top of me. His hands wondered up my shirt, pulling it off and tossed it across the room. I felt like an alarm in my heart was going off...telling me not to do this. I ignored it, trying to prove that I wasn't going to let Dean get to me.
"You're so adorable," Spinner whispered in my ear .
I freaked out. I sat straight up, pushing him off of me. I grabbed my shirt and put it on, fighting tears.
"Paige..." he started. I looked at him, he looked confused...hurt.
"Spinner..." I realized what had happened. He had said exactly what Dean had. "I'm sorry."
"What happened? What did I do?" he asked.
"You...I...I..." I stumbled for words. "Spinner I can't be with you."
"What?" he shrieked, standing to his feet. "Why the hell not?"
I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to tell him that he reminded me of Dean? "Its not you, Spin, it's me...I'm going through a lot right now and I...don't think I can..." I couldn't find the words.
"You're leaving me?" he asked.
I blinked back tears. I stood with my back to him. "I'm sorry."
"Paige...I love you. I want to be there for you...why wont you let me?"
I felt him put his hand on my shoulder and I flinched.
I knew he felt it...I knew that he realized what was going on. "You're going to let him win again, aren't you?"
"Spinner don't make this harder than it already is," I told him. "You don't know what it feels like to be haunted...betrayed and hurt."
He said nothing, and I heard the door shut. When I turned around, he was gone.
I had been sitting on the couch, crying since Spinner had left. I heard the door open and close and I heard Dylan's heavy footsteps walk up behind me.
"I saw Spinner on the way over here," he said.
"really? Good for you." I wiped the tears away quickly.
"He looked pissed."
"He was."
"Why?" he asked.
"We broke up," I said.
He sat down next to me. "What happened?"
I started to cry again. "He...reminded me of Dean...and I freaked out."
"Reminded you how?"
"Do you want me to draw you a picture?" I asked.
"Paige...did he attack you?" Dylan looked infuriated.
"No...he said that I was adorable..."
He looked at me like I was crazy. "What's wrong with that?"
"That's what Dean said when he raped me."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Maybe you just need to be by yourself for awhile, you know...heal," he said. "Because I think you jumped into a relationship with Spinner way too fast."
"I know," I said.
"Don't worry," Dylan put his arm around my shoulder. "Everything will be okay."
I was at my locker, getting my books for English class. I was trying to be in a better mood, and I knew that people thought something was wrong with me. I had been quiet all week....something that doesn't happen often. But I just felt like I couldn't talk...not with out breaking down and crying. But today was Friday...and Spinner and I had plans to hang out at my house tonight. Mom was on a date and Dylan would be 'studying' with one of his friends. Studying....yeah right.
I wasn't afraid to be alone with Spinner...well, maybe just a little. It's hard to explain. We'll be kissing or he'll say something and he'll look and sound just like Dean. I'm not saying I'm having flashbacks of Dean...Spinner reminds me of him. The look he gets on his face when we're done kissing...the tone his voice takes when he whispers my name. It sends cold chills all over my body, it's so hard to be with him. Its so hard to see him...and to love him knowing that he reminds me of my attacker.
So, that night, Spinner and I were hanging out at my house. We were watching Scream 3...again. I wasn't really paying attention, but I had promised myself to have a good time. I was going to have a good time. I wasn't going to let Dean interfere...I wasn't going to let my insecurities get in the way. That's why I didn't object when Spinner kissed me, or when we fell back on the couch...him on top of me. His hands wondered up my shirt, pulling it off and tossed it across the room. I felt like an alarm in my heart was going off...telling me not to do this. I ignored it, trying to prove that I wasn't going to let Dean get to me.
"You're so adorable," Spinner whispered in my ear .
I freaked out. I sat straight up, pushing him off of me. I grabbed my shirt and put it on, fighting tears.
"Paige..." he started. I looked at him, he looked confused...hurt.
"Spinner..." I realized what had happened. He had said exactly what Dean had. "I'm sorry."
"What happened? What did I do?" he asked.
"You...I...I..." I stumbled for words. "Spinner I can't be with you."
"What?" he shrieked, standing to his feet. "Why the hell not?"
I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to tell him that he reminded me of Dean? "Its not you, Spin, it's me...I'm going through a lot right now and I...don't think I can..." I couldn't find the words.
"You're leaving me?" he asked.
I blinked back tears. I stood with my back to him. "I'm sorry."
"Paige...I love you. I want to be there for you...why wont you let me?"
I felt him put his hand on my shoulder and I flinched.
I knew he felt it...I knew that he realized what was going on. "You're going to let him win again, aren't you?"
"Spinner don't make this harder than it already is," I told him. "You don't know what it feels like to be haunted...betrayed and hurt."
He said nothing, and I heard the door shut. When I turned around, he was gone.
I had been sitting on the couch, crying since Spinner had left. I heard the door open and close and I heard Dylan's heavy footsteps walk up behind me.
"I saw Spinner on the way over here," he said.
"really? Good for you." I wiped the tears away quickly.
"He looked pissed."
"He was."
"Why?" he asked.
"We broke up," I said.
He sat down next to me. "What happened?"
I started to cry again. "He...reminded me of Dean...and I freaked out."
"Reminded you how?"
"Do you want me to draw you a picture?" I asked.
"Paige...did he attack you?" Dylan looked infuriated.
"No...he said that I was adorable..."
He looked at me like I was crazy. "What's wrong with that?"
"That's what Dean said when he raped me."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Maybe you just need to be by yourself for awhile, you know...heal," he said. "Because I think you jumped into a relationship with Spinner way too fast."
"I know," I said.
"Don't worry," Dylan put his arm around my shoulder. "Everything will be okay."
