A/N: Ali, you're awesome. And amazing. And fantastic. Melissa, Marissa, and Mai: The three M's! Hee. I love you girls. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate the feedback.
Chapter Three
Luke was beginning to make Jess nervous. Ever since school had started again, and he had actually begun attending everyday, Luke had been striking up conversations with him about the future. They were concise and usually over before he even realized they were discussing his plans for after high school, but it was beginning to gnaw at him. It seemed as if Luke now had…expectations of him. Once in awhile, Luke would actually inquire just what he was studying. Jess would usually shrug at this question, because had agreed to go to school, but nothing had ever been said about effort or staying awake in class. But still, Luke was asking. He was interested. And pretty soon, if Jess wasn't careful, he'd begin throwing words like 'potential' around. Jess didn't have potential, and frankly, he didn't care to.
The fact that he had yet to miss a day was beginning to bug Jess as well. Every day it was the same old routine: Wake up, help out in the diner, drag his feet to class, accidentally absorb a few pieces of valuable information causing him to pass a test, go back to the apartment, work in the diner more, and maybe (key word: maybe) do some small part of his homework. He didn't like that he sometimes caught himself doing that, but often, he found he needed some sort of distraction from the mind numbing state of boredom he sank into. Working usually provided an excellent preoccupation, but serving customers their meal with a complimentary sarcastic remark could get monotonous fast. (It usually did.) So, once in a while, he'd sit upstairs at the kitchen table and attempt a little homework. Just a little.
On some nights, all of it.
Alright, so he actually wanted to graduate. It's not as if he didn't want to last year; that choice had been taken out of his hands. Despite what others thought, he didn't have this huge masterful plan of how he was going to drop out of school only to become some lowlife bum. That wasn't it at all. It was just that he had this problem of thinking ahead. Of past next week. Don't get your hopes up, don't have expectations (you hear that, Luke?) and everything will be fine. Why think past the current day? Of course this myopic tendency caused many problems for him—a.k.a. flunking his senior year. While he didn't want to go to college (he was very sure of at least that), he really would like to have a high school diploma. Then he'd see where that and a little cash would get him.
But that was almost a year away. At the moment, he really didn't need to concentrate on that. Instead, Chemistry homework was sitting in front of him, and a chewed pen cap was hanging out of his mouth. Even though he believed that Chemistry was the most pointless, not to mention boring subject next to required Health, he was still doing it. Or at least, attempting to. There was a slight flaw in this plan to finish his work, and it was sitting right in front of him.
"What are you doing?"
"Astrophysics," Jess muttered without looking up.
"It's awfully quiet in here," Kirk commented, already moving on to a different subject.
"Well it was until you decided to come in."
"Just you, me, and Luke. Must be because of the wedding."
"Of course, the wedding. The empty diner has absolutely nothing to do with your presence, Kirk," He mock assured the man in front of him, before turning back to balancing equations, a smirk present on his face.
"Stop trying to make me paranoid! It wasn't funny last time, and it's not funny now. I really thought the government was after me!"
"It was like A Beautiful Mind all over again. Minus the genius part."
"Is that astrophysics hard?" Kirk asked, trying to read upside down.
"Kirk!" Jess threw down his pen, exasperated. "I will give you a dollar if you leave me alone."
At this point, Luke walked out of the kitchen, and eyeing him, Kirk said, "Three fifty and you got yourself a deal."
"Seriously? I give you three dollars and fifty cents and you'll shut up?"
"Scout's honor. You can value that because I was a scout when I was younger. I remember this one time I got too close to the campfire--"
His story was cut off with Jess dropping the money on the counter. "Okay, pathetic story time over." And with that, he hunched back over the Chemistry again, his pen cap back in his mouth.
"Luke?" Kirk asked, causing Jess to groan. "Turkey sandwiches are $3.50, right?"
"$3.75," was the unfortunate answer.
"Oh. Jess, I'll leave you alone if you give me another quarter."
"Are you kidd--" Jess cut himself off and put his hands up. "Fine." He shoved his hand into his pocket, pulled out a quarter and slammed it onto the counter. "There."
"Thanks. Now Luke, I'll have that turkey sandwich. Can you cut up in triangles?"
Luke, now with a very amused smile on his face, replied, "That's going to cost twenty-five cents extra."
"Jess," Kirk began, swiveling around to face him.
"Geez." Jess took his wallet out of his back pocket and handed it over to Kirk. "Take whatever you want, alright? Just stop talking to me."
"Okay, I've got enough, Luke. I'll take that sandwich now. I'm starved. Stalking Lorelai and Rory is hard work."
Jess's ears perked up at this but he didn't move, while Luke raised an eyebrow. "Stalking?"
"I mean, following. Protecting! That's the word. It's basically all the same."
"Of course," Luke nodded, not even caring to know, and turned around to head back into the kitchen.
Getting his mind to concentrate on his work was now near impossible. Kirk had said the magic word that caused Jess to lose all train of thought. Damn it! It was just her name! But her name brought a mental image, which was then followed by the memory of their most recent encounter. A small pang of guilt popped up at this part. He didn't regret (almost) anything he said, because the best possible thing that could happen would be the two of them was having it out. Completely out. Screaming, name calling, whatever, as long as they cleared the air between them. It seemed as if that was the only way to go, because the animosity that now existed between them prevented a nice, clean reconciliation. But still, he supposed he may have gone a bit too far with the sex thing. If he had known she was going to freak out and leave, then he never would have said it. But maybe that was for the best. Did he really want to make up? What would that get him? An awkward conversation whenever he ran into her? A half smile, hurried words, and a quick brush off? Somehow, not speaking at all seemed better.
Why did everything have to be so damn complicated? Just as he hadn't planned on failing his senior year, he never meant to screw up the relationship so badly—so beyond repair. It could have been salvaged if he had just said something, but he had dreaded that. Sitting down and telling her that even though she had defended him against everyone, even though she had believed he could do so much better, he really, really couldn't. He didn't. Sorry to disappoint, but that was the way it always went. Jess was programmed to let down, and she didn't need to dull herself to that.
If he had never tried to run away, would everything have gotten better? In retrospect, he was fairly sure that that was the final straw. He may have stayed for her, but really, how in the hell did it help the two of them? Everything was worse, and to top it all off, the incident had given her serious trust issues when it came to him. And that had only led to her flipping out when she woke up that morning next to him. Because she didn't trust him. Yes, that was exactly what she had said. Sometimes it bothered him, really irked him, how she acted as if sleeping with him was one of the biggest mistakes she had ever made. Probably only second to asking him to stay. It actually hurt sometimes, and he hated the feeling. Sometimes, he thought he hated her.
"So you're an organ donor? How noble of you," Kirk commented, holding Jess's license in his hand.
Jess's eyes flickered up, very uninterested in what was coming out of Kirk's mouth, but nonetheless grateful for a distraction from his thoughts. Now, maybe he could get back on track and actually complete some of this Chemistry. He just wanted it over and done with, and maybe if Luke saw evidence of him putting in—dare he say it—effort, then he'd silently accept this and stop bringing up the future.
The bell above the door rang, signaling the entry of a prospective customer. When Jess saw who it was, he internally groaned for the umpteenth time that day. Any lingering hope of completing the homework in front of him was lost. Today officially sucked.
"Coffee," Rory immediately said upon arriving at the counter. Before he could say another word, she spoke again, "To go." She paused. "I'm in a hurry." Another pause, "Please." Ah, there was that trademark politeness.
He turned to retrieve a Styrofoam cup while she rummaged around in her purse for some cash.
"Oh, I'll get this one, Rory," Kirk piped up.
She looked at him, confused. "Um, are you sure?"
"It's no problem," he explained, opening up Jess's wallet once again.
"Hey!" Jess had turned, coffee-to-go in hand when he realized Kirk's idea of payment. "That's my money."
"You said I could take whatever I wanted," Kirk pointed out.
"But you had to leave me alone."
"I did."
"You did not."
"I did!"
"You did not!"
At that point, Rory's sullen mood was lifted slightly at the sight of the two of them in an argument very reminiscent of a couple of three year olds on a playground. She moved forward and swiped her coffee, and turned around and headed for the door. Her spirits were still low, however. She was feeling what most people felt when they had just seen their first serious boyfriend getting hitched to girl they weren't sure they hated or not. Down. Really down. So far down, she can't even see the freaking sunlight, down. Everything about today sucked—plain and simple. Plus, watching Dean just reminded her that she wasn't in a serious relationship, hadn't been since Jess, and then she was thinking of Jess and their time together, and god, today was only getting worse. The sooner she was out of the diner (and away from the town center), the better.
The door shut behind her, and the noise was enough to snap Jess out of whatever crazy moment he had unconsciously slipped into. He eyed her retreating figure as Kirk continued to stare at him. Now, he wasn't sure what possessed him to do what he did next. Maybe it was the fact that she had attempted conversation with him not once, but twice. The first time he had blown her off. The second he had unknowingly slipped into 'asshole mode' and she had called him on it. But today, she was only another customer, who hadn't even offered a casual hello. So he decided in a roundabout way that it was his turn to try, if he wanted to. And…well, he kind of did.
Jess muttered something about having to go, and walked out from behind the counter and started for the door. Then, he turned back around, grabbed his wallet back from Kirk, shot him a scornful look, and left. He jumped down the stairs and spotted Rory up the road, speed walking. Damn, she was fast today. He walked as quickly as he could, trying to catch up with her. Then he relented, and broke into a half jog before finally reaching her side.
"Hey," he said as casually as he could, falling into step beside to her.
His sudden presence made her jump, but she shrugged it off. "Hi," she returned before speeding up even more. He froze for a second watching her walk away before once again rushing up next to her.
"Rory?"
"Go away, I'm very busy at the moment."
"And what exactly are you so busy doing?"
"Not talking to you."
"Huh." He continued to walk beside her, irritated that she was ignoring him. "Rory," he began again, but before he could get one word further she exploded.
"Look," she snapped, "I've tried this before, the whole talking thing, and you know what? It didn't work. At all. So save me the headache and just leave me alone." On any other day, she would have brushed him off much more civilly, but it wasn't any other day. It was today. Dean's wedding. So therefore, everything was horrible, and she didn't need any kind of Jess frustration to drag her down further (if that was even possible).
"I just came out here to give you your change."
Finally, she stopped. "I didn't pay for my coffee. That was Kirk's—your money."
"Ah, so it was," Jess nodded.
"You knew that."
"So did you, but I still got you to stand still."
"Jess!" She abruptly swung back around and hurried away from him.
"I'm certainly getting my exercise today," he muttered. "You don't want to speak to me because I acted like a jackass last time we spoke," he explained, catching up to her. She remained icily silent, so he continued, "It's not my fault, you know, the whole 'jackass tendency' is kind of embedded into my genes. It's a mix from Liz, and well, you've met Luke so you can imagine, and Jimmy. He can be an ass too, so… really? I can't help act but act this way."
"God, Jess, you didn't used to talk this much!" She looked at him from the corner of my eye. "I don't have a choice in this whole thing, do I?"
"Nope."
"Fine, walk me home then, I don't care." She took a huge gulp from her coffee and let out a slow breath. After a few minutes of quiet, she felt herself calming as her curiosity got the best of her. "So, um, your father?"
"What about him?"
"I don't know… you mentioned him. Got me thinking… have you talked to him since…" She trailed off.
"Yeah, actually."
"Really?" She asked, surprised.
"Funny story." He paused. "Okay, maybe not so funny, but still partially interesting."
"Spit it out."
"I called him, because I had one of those temporary insanity moments that all those people on death row claimed to have had. So I call, hang up, and he star six nine's me."
"Just your luck," she almost laughed.
"By this time, I've walked away from the phone, so Luke picks up. I don't know what possessed him to say that he called Jimmy to chew him out some more, but I'm beginning to suspect that Luke can read my mind."
"Yeah, he's a regular Dunninger."
"Then Jimmy asks to speak to me since he's already on the phone. What follows is the most stilted, awkward conversation I have ever had."
"And how long was this conversation?"
"Five minutes."
"Five minutes too long, huh?"
They both looked at each other, and he offered a small smile which she, much to his surprise, returned. She didn't think he realized it, but he was talking to her. About his father. It wasn't much, but still, this was what he hadn't done when they dated. She found she really wanted to hear this.
"Did you talk at all after that?"
"He's called a few times and we…chatted," he explained, not a fan of his choice of words. But how exactly could he explain himself and Jimmy? "Always five minutes. Always brief. Always weird."
"And you wouldn't have it any other way."
"I guess I wouldn't," he smirked.
A small thought popped into her head, and her grin began to turn into a disbelieving frown. Wow, she had forgotten about this. Apparently, he had as well. "Jess, you never told me about your father."
"Yes I did. We just had a whole conversation about him."
"You never told me," she insisted.
"How did I not… But after you…" He pointed to her and then back to himself, "And then I…"
"Thank god, you're back to speaking in partial sentences." She rolled her eyes. "Luke mentioned it like a week after we broke up. I actually thought you were leaving just because of school and what happened between us. I had absolutely no idea your father had popped up."
"Why didn't you mention Luke had told you?" He asked before realizing was a horrible and idiotic question he had just uttered. Good job, he had really screwed himself here. Note to self: Extract foot from mouth.
"Why didn't I mention it? Why didn't you! I can't believe after you decided to stay that you didn't even tell me about him! After you didn't leave, everything was supposed to get so much better and instead, you just shut me out even more."
"Look, at the time, Jimmy was just not a subject I wanted to get into."
"But you were going to California to see him! You weren't just running away, you were running somewhere. You had a destination in mind: Go and see your father."
"What does that have to do with anything? Why does it even matter?"
She abruptly stopped walking, causing him to do the same. "Because you stayed! It wasn't just trying to get away from everything here," she began, and he internally flinched because when she said 'everything' she mostly meant herself, "You wanted to go see him. But you didn't, and now you're stuck here, back in a school you can't stand, and you missed a chance to get to know your dad. All because of…" She stopped.
"You," he finished for her. He had never said it so directly before, but she had always known it. Why else would he have stuck around?
"How long before you begin to resent me for it?"
Her question stunned him. He tried to speak, formulate some semblance of an answer, but the thoughts in his head were too garbled. In the end, as usual, he gave up. She walked away after the silence had gone on too long.
This time, he didn't follow.
