A/N This is the last of what I got. Please review. Major fluff/sap warnings but I think it works. See what you think.
Donna watched intently as Josh fiddled with his plastic coffee stirrer, staring into dead space. They'd been quietly chatting about idle things for almost an hour now, savouring a luxury breakfast at McDonalds. Funny how it's hard to find restaurants open for breakfast on Christmas morning, isn't it?
She'd noticed Josh looking at her quite a bit, always looking away whenever she tried to make eye contact though. But then she had said something, and all of a sudden he was just quiet, just staring into space, with a sadly bemused expression on his face.
Josh had come to a startling realization about himself, sometime between them picking the least sticky table and his third cup of the crappest coffee known to man, he had come to this realization. And now he was trying to process it, but overloading a little in the process. It was nothing, really, what she had said. Just an offhand comment that sparked a thought he had had for some time now, but never admitted. But what did it mean?
Donna continued to talk, more for the sake of filling the silence though, then for any belief he was actually listening. She came to a dead stop though when she looked closer at his face. She saw tears running freely down his cheeks, but a strange smile possess his mouth. He started to laugh, so sadly, sort of chuckling to himself as the as the tears flowed.
'Josh,' Donna said softly, leaning towards him to get a closer look. He blinked, as if remembering that she was there with him, and looked at her. At the expression of concern on her face he realized how insane he must look, but he supposed it was the natural result of how insane he felt. He smiled reassuringly at her, still softly laughing, almost a sob.
'Donna, I, um-' he cleared his throat, breaking slightly with emotion. He rolled his eyes, the last piece of reason in his head screaming for conscious thought. 'Donna, you've been a valuable asset to me over the past couple of years.'
'Okay Josh, is that it?' she could not have felt or looked more confused.
'Just, just let me finish, before you say anything. I have to get this out.' He had his eyes closed now, as if he was reciting something.
She stared at him, waiting.
'You've been a valuable asset to me,' he rushed, 'and to the staff in general. And even though you seek to control me and have an annoying tendency to, well, annoy me, I feel like we have a good relationship. I think we're friends. And I think that, well, somewhere along the way, you know,' By this point his mouth was running almost faster than his head, trying to get it all out without thinking about what he was saying, still trying not to look at her.
He took a pause, breathing deep and looking at his hand. And then, very softly and evenly, he looked her in the eye and said, 'I think that somewhere along the way I fell in love with you.'
He stared at her face, her only visible reaction being one eyebrow raised. Feeling suddenly like a complete schmuck, he looked away, wiping the tears off his face and toying with bandage, his hands shaking, not noticing the sudden hope in her eyes. 'And, that's it, you know,' he started to stammer, suddenly at a loss for words, 'that's just, why I've been so conflicted and it explains a lot and its just-'
'Josh,' she cut in softly as he looked sharply up to try to gauge a reaction. Donna cleared her throat and steeled herself, speaking harder this time, 'Josh.' She glared at him. 'I have to go,' she said coldly, grabbing her coat and walking stiffly into the street and away.
'Donna?' he questioned, confused by her reaction but making up for lost time by grabbing his coat and running out after her.
'Donna!' he shouted, running faster when he saw she wasn't stopping. He caught up to her and reached for her arm, panting, 'Donna, I'm sorry, it's just-'
'No!' Donna shouted, turning around wildly to face him, livid, 'No, Josh, you don't get to do this!'
Josh was confused and frightened by her visible anger, not really knowing what had happened, 'Wha-'
'You do not get to do this with me!' Donna flailed a little, looking about to cry for a moment before her defence returned, 'Josh, when are you going to learn that you can't toy with people this way!'
'Toy-?' he protested weakly before being interrupted again.
'I've seen you do it before, Josh, you become impassioned by something, an idea, and you completely forget that these are people involved. So when you, you get bored, you just leave, and the people who had invested everything in you just collapsed. But not me Josh, you can't do this to me! I have always been there for you and I will always love you, so just because you're in a low place right now and are looking for a different brand of comfort, does not give you the right to play me like this!'
Josh just stared at her, shocked by the image of her standing in the street, screaming at him with the snow blowing flurries around her as she pantingly continued.
'You can't convince yourself that something is real just because you're lonely! I won't let you hurt me like that, Josh, and I won't let you make me hate you. I will be here for you Josh, whatever happens, but you can't lie to me like this because I won't get sucked in to our scummy political mind that way. I know you have good intentions but I can't let myself believe it.' She was speaking softly now, sincere, 'I don't want to hate you. I love you, always and forever, but that's something that you just can't return and making you try would only be cruel.'
Josh was about to speak and then paused, as if registering what she had just said. 'Donna, are you trying to tell me you have feelings for me?'
Donna sighed in exasperation and then looked at him, 'I think it goes a little deeper then that, Josh. You could have it all, if it actually meant that much to you. But it doesn't, so you can't, but I'll always love you. I think in some way I always have.' She shrugged and gave a coy little smile. They stood for a few moments, smiling and looking at each other, basking but feeling the distance between them, a distance that looked to be permanent.
Donna fondly reached up to gently stroke Josh's face, lovingly, looking at what she had resigned herself to never truly having. She would always love him, but never let him take her, half-assed. She deserved better.
He tried to figure out if she was right, if he didn't really love her and was just fooling himself. Or if it was something more, something deeper. And then she touched him. And he felt the golden warmth of her touch spreading up his cheek, and looked down at her radiant smile, and felt more complete then he ever had before. It felt like he had spent life fighting an uphill battle, having pieces taken from him and nothing ever given back. He lived for politics and it made him happy, feeling like they were doing some good, but his life still seemed like a series of losses. A catalogue of pains.
Until now. And he suddenly realized why he had never been able to truly give himself over to someone, in any way, it wasn't just a fear of that much more loss. No one had ever given him anything back. Until now. So looking at her now, Josh realized that she was the only person who could save him. He owed her everything, and how better to repay that debt then by giving her his soul.
Donna noticed the change in his face, the return of that confidence that she hadn't seen for weeks, and something else, something she couldn't quite place. What was that?
And he looked into her eyes, and took her face in his hands, his mind made up to convince her.
There have been many kisses in this world before this moment, and many since, but when Josh kissed Donna on that blustery Christmas morning, in the middle of downtown Washington, he kissed her with all the passion and desperation of a man who needed saving, along with the all the heart of a lonely man who had finally found his saviour. He needed her, and was willing to give everything in return, even himself. Give her heart and soul, give her always and forever. And she felt it.
So as they stood there on that cold street corner, wrapped in each other's arms with foreheads pressed together, they smiled, complete. Josh laughed a little, and said the only thing that could come into his head, making Donna smile all the more.
'What's next?'
THE END
