A/N:  Wow.  Thanks so very much for the fantastic feedback.  Lia, Mai, and Marissa, thanks for an assortment of reasons.  By the way, Arianna?  You're the sweetest person.  Ever.  Thanks a bunch.

Chapter Five

Normally this was the one holiday out of the entire year that Jess could tolerate.  Unfortunately, Stars Hollow had the uncanny ability to suck the enjoyment out of any event, which was why he currently found himself tearing his section of the apartment apart in hopes of finding his jacket.  He was about five seconds from leaving without it, subzero weather be damned.  Tonight, he had no specific destination in mind, only the belief that a little money and his poor excuse for a car would get him somewhere better than this.  Anywhere that was not here would do. 

Although while part of him was egging himself on, ordering him to speed it up, there was a small, barely coherent voice suggesting he stay tonight.  He could barricade himself upstairs, avoiding interaction with all townies, and then around closing time, he could go down, casually park himself behind the counter and offer to close.  This would, of course, have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was a Friday night, and that a certain Rory Gilmore would be there after her weekly dinner at the grandparents'.  Definitely not.  Just like heading out in the first place had no underlying motive pertaining to her.  Oh no.

He spotted his jacket peeking out from his closet, and quickly pulled it on.  He was going to stick with the original plan:  go out.  After all, he'd bump into her soon enough.  The town was the size of a postage stamp, and he happened to work at the place that she frequented the most.  Running into her was inevitable; going out tonight was just a delaying tactic.  While he did want to see her — perhaps only to gauge her mood concerning the previous weekend's events — he still wasn't exactly looking forward to it.  They would exchange hellos, and she would offer a polite smile, while her eyes screamed deny, deny, deny! 

His forte was lying; hers was pretending.  It was a tired game.  She had a history of kissing and not telling.  Except it was more kiss and pretend that it didn't happen in the first place, meaning any feelings that may or may not have been stirred up were a figment of her overworked imagination. 

On that note, maybe he shouldn't have done it.  He just hoped that it hadn't ruined the progress they had made:  she had yelled and he had listened.  Most of what had been said he had already known, but to hear her say it out loud had made it so much more real.  Each one of his mistakes had been laid out in front of him, as if to ask:  now do you understand why everything is so screwed up?  Do you get it?

He did.  He really did.

Hopefully, the kiss hadn't undone everything.  It couldn't have.  In fact, it was proof that something, no matter how small, still lingered between them.  He had moved forward first, but she had kissed him back.  When she finally snapped out of her denial, she'd realize it.  She'd see it too.

"Where are you going?"  Luke asked from the doorway.

Jess nearly jumped at the sound of his uncle's voice, but managed to merely turn around, appearing nonchalant.  "Out."

"The return of my favorite vague answer."

"Its comeback was specially planned just for you," Jess replied, taking a quick glace at his reflection.

"Jess?"

"Relax, Luke, mischief night was last night.  The spray paint and baseball bat in the trunk of my car mean absolutely nothing."

"You're not going out."

"I was kidding," Jess brushed him off, and moved for his keys that rested on the kitchen table.

"I figured, although sometimes it's pretty hard to tell."

"What is it then?  Feeling left out?  I could bring you home a lawn gnome if you want." 

"I'll pass.  And you're not going out.  You're going to go downstairs, stand behind the counter, take people's money, actually give them their change--"

"Completely unnecessary," Jess interjected.

"And…" Luke drew out, ignoring the side comment, "Hand out the candy."

"Hand out candy to who?"

"Forgive me for thinking you knew the foreign customs of Halloween."

"Do you mean to trick-or-treaters?"  Luke nodded.  "You want me to hand out candy to small children?"  Jess reiterated.  "Say it out loud, Luke.  You'll notice how crazy it sounds."

"Jess… candy… small children…" Luke muttered under his breath.  He shook his head in dismissal.  "Look, you and I are the only ones that are not wearing a costume, meaning we are the only sane ones left in the diner.  You need to stay."

"What happened to Caesar?"

"He crowned himself emperor."

"That's too bad, but I really have to get going now."

"You're working.  There are no arguments.  You are the employee, and I am your boss.  You have to do what I say, and I say get your ass downstairs and help give those kids cavities!"

"I--"

"You stay in this apartment, you work.  Although, if you really want, you can quit the diner, and I'll just start charging you rent."

Jess slipped off his jacket, scowling.  "I don't like kids."

"Then we have something in common." 

Luke pointed to the door.  Jess let out a sound halfway between a grunt and growl before grabbing a book off his nightstand table, and heading down the stairs.  He immediately took his position behind the counter in an attempt to avoid being hailed over by one of the customers.  He would fill no orders tonight.  Candy duty and that was it. 

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the countertop.  He surveyed his surroundings and unsuccessfully repressed a groan.  Sonny and Cher had taken up camp in the far corner of the diner, and didn't appear to be leaving any time soon.  To his left stood Superman, studying the specials' board and contemplating his meal.  By the window, a rather robust Satine was gossiping with who appeared to be Mr. Rogers.  Jess wasn't entirely sure; the cardigan was a part of the man's usual attire.

Now that the place was scoped out, and there were no children in sight, Jess opened Invisible Monsters, hoping to disappear behind it.  Unfortunately, not even a minute had passed when he heard the bell ring above the door.  A small voice hollering "Trick or treat!" followed soon after.  Jess did not look up.

"I said trick or treat."  Jess didn't move.  "Triiiiick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat…"  The voice began to sing.  When Jess showed no reaction, he continued, "If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear!"

"Touch me and you'll seriously regret it," Jess muttered, keeping the book in front of his face.

"Invisible monsters?"  The kid asked, reading the title.  "Is that a ghost story?!"

"Yeah," Jess replied.  "It's about a three headed monster that no can see.  It likes to eat kids dressed up as…"  He lowered the book to see the child's costume.  "Aluminum foil?"  He asked, eyebrow raised.

"I'm a spaceman from the future!" 

"You look like aluminum foil," Jess insisted before lifting his book back up.

Seconds later, a bite size Snickers bar came hurtling towards him, missing his face by less than an inch.  He immediately dropped his novel and scowled at the kid, only to have a full size Hershey bar smack him in the forehead.

"Do you have a death wish?"  Jess snapped.

"You're supposed to give me candy!"

"Hey, have you ever heard the story about Little Johnny and the razor blades he found in his candy?"

Jess's gaze flickered up to Taylor who had paused in his conversation with Miss Patty to supervise his actions.  He wondered if the man could hear what he was saying.  He considered repeating himself a little louder to cause Taylor to revert to panic mode, but then he had another idea.  He lifted up the candy bowl that rested to his right, and shook it, shooting Taylor a smile.  He then poured all its contents into the little boy's bag.

"Luke!  Candy's gone!"  He announced, nodding at Taylor who scowled back. 

This was what he got for forcing all the businesses in town to participate in this ridiculous Trick or Treat tradition.  Personally, Jess thought kids should stick to ringing the doorbells of houses and bugging people there.  This belief may or may not have been based wholly on the selfish reason that he preferred not to be bothered.  Tonight though, he had no choice thanks to Luke, who must have experienced temporary insanity to even agree to Taylor's request in the first place.  Or perhaps he had done this on purpose to cause Jess extra irritation.

Yeah, it was probably the latter.

The tiny spaceman / aluminum foil boy ran off after expressing a very gracious thank you.  Jess picked up his book, and turned, ready to head back up to the apartment. 

"Where are you going?"  Luke asked, coming out from the kitchen.

"Isn't this a familiar conversation?"

"I said you're on candy duty."

"Candy's gone."

"What did you do?"

"I've been pelting customers," Jess calmly explained.

"There are six more bags in the storage room."

"I shouldn't be forced to give it out.  It's hazardous to my health."

"How so?"

"That kid threw chocolate at me!  He could have hit my eye.  He could have blinded me."

Luke reached over to the counter, grabbed the empty bowl, and shoved it into Jess's hands. 

"I'm willing to take my chances."

"How brave of you," Jess deadpanned before storming off.

He entered the storage room, and forcefully dropped his novel and bowl onto the table.  The latter spun for a few seconds before it teetered off the edge and shattered on the floor.  He swore under his breath, and then kneeled down to gather the glass into a pile.  He took his time in an attempt to delay heading back out to the diner to serve any more violent trick-or-treaters.  If one more object was sent flying toward his head, he would be taking some serious action of his own.

After several minutes of swearing and nearly cutting himself, Jess threw out the broken pieces, and pulled a plastic bowl down from a shelf.  He ripped open two bags of candy and poured them inside.  With a deep breath, he exited the room, novel and candy in hand. 

His gait faltered when he saw he who was now seated at the counter, but quickly, he regained his composure and continued on his way.  He put down the bowl, causing Rory and Lorelai to both glance his way.  He nodded in greeting.  Rory returned the gesture, and Lorelai offered a slight wave.  They then both resumed their conversation, while Jess opened his book.  He flipped to a random page, forgetting where he left off.  It wouldn't matter now though; his concentration was ruined.

"Rory, look… Kirk is Superman!"  Lorelai stage whispered to her daughter.

"Is he wearing a muscle suit?"  Rory mused.

"Huh, it appears so.  You know, I don't know how great a superhero he'd make if he can't even control CatKirk."

"And then there's the asthma…"

"Oh, never mind about Kirk, there's a free table," Lorelai noticed.  "Babette just got up.  So did that woman with her… Oh my god.  Is that Morey?"

Rory quickly turned.  Her jaw dropped once she spotted the couple.  "Why is he wearing that long black wig?"

"I think they're supposed to be Sonny and Cher… reversed."

"Mommy, I'm scared."

"Remember how I said that I was going to be dreaming of a fiery hell tonight, starring my mother as Satan?"  Rory nodded.  "Well, scratch that.  Tonight it's going to be Morey dressed in that sparkling pant suit serenading me with 'I've got you babe'."

"I hope I don't suffer the same fate," Rory muttered.  The pair both stood up, but while Lorelai began to walk forward, Rory lingered behind.  "I'll be right there, Mom."

Lorelai stole a glance at Jess and then looked back at her daughter.  "Um, okay," she replied, uncertain, before walking away.

Rory sauntered further down, so that she was standing right in front of Jess.  He didn't acknowledge her presence, instead opting to shield his face with his book.

"Hi, Jess."

He lowered his novel slightly to look at her.  "Hey, Rory.  You need me to take your order?"

"Oh, no, Luke already took ours."

"Okay."  He resumed reading.

"Um, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you put the book down for a second?"

"Why?  You said hi, I said hi, and I offered to take your order.  What else is there?"

"Jess…"  She began, an irritated tone taking over.

"I'm just trying to go by what you wanted.  I'm trying to make this easier for you."

"Forget it," she sighed, turning to go.

"Hey, Rory, I'm kidding."  Sometimes he didn't know why he had to make this so hard.  "But you did say that that was all you wanted from now on."

"Well, I changed my mind."

"Would this have anything to do with me kis--"

"Don't," she cut in.

Alright, so they were going down this route.  He almost wanted to continue on with what he was going to say, forcing her to talk or react or do something in regards to what had happened.  But more likely than not, it would only drive her away. He had to stop being so damn difficult.

"How come you're here so early?"  He asked in an abrupt subject change.

She smiled, grateful for his cooperation.  "My grandma let us out of dinner tonight.  She said she wanted us to have our small town fun, but really, I think she did it because my mom called, asking if it was alright if we came in our costumes, and if she thought a playboy bunny was sluttier than a half-naked centerfold.  I think she mortified her into letting us skip tonight."

"That makes sense.  It also explains the rabbit ears on Lorelai's head.  By the way, what are you supposed to be?"

"Guess."  She gestured down to her outfit, and slowly spun in a circle, as if seeing the back would actually help him.

"You're a maid."

"Old-fashioned maid.  You're getting warmer…"  She pushed her hair back behind both ears, and he spotted his much needed clue, dangling from her left ear.

"You only have one earring in."

"It's pearl," she explained. 

A light bulb seemed to manifest itself over his head.  "Girl With a Pearl Earring."

"You're on the right track," she said, a Cheshire cat grin appearing on her face.

He thought hard for a second, considering her outfit.  She was a maid!  She wasn't trying to be the Vermeer painting but, "Griet.  You're Griet."

"Ten points for the boy without a costume."

"I'm a homicidal maniac.  They look just like everyone else."

"Thank you, Wednesday Adams."

"Easiest costume there is.  You know, I didn't get it right away because you confused me.  I mean, Griet kept her hair covered."

"She also wore both pearl earrings, but what's the fun in being obvious?  You had to piece it all together before you knew."

"You're weird."

"Halloween brings out the crazies."

"So I've noticed."  He paused, wondering if she was going to head to her table now.  She hadn't come over to talk to him about what happened, and now she had flaunted her costume...  What was there left to say?

"I need a favor," she said.

Oh.

"I need a book," she elaborated.

"A book?  You're going to have to be a bit more specific.  I have many books."

"Dr. Zhivago."

"You're only asking for that one because you like saying the title."

"I need it for class."

"Why don't you just buy a copy?"  He asked innocently.

"When I could get it from you for free?  Plus, I'm sure the book is just filled with your enlightening comments."

"And what do I get if I lend it to you?"

"Somehow, I knew you'd ask that."  She lifted up a book of her own:  Blue of Noon.

He studied the cover, a flicker of interest showing on his face.  "What, I get to keep this book until you give mine back?"

"Oh, no," she said.  "This is yours."  At his confused expression, she continued on, "I mean I bought this for you.  Over the summer.  I… I was buying gifts for everyone, and I saw this one, and I thought you'd like it, and I had all this money left, so I bought it."

"Oh."

"Everyone got a gift," she insisted.

"Okay."

"I even bought the town troubadour a gift."

"I'm sure he appreciated it."

"Oh, he did."

"Good.  So yeah, we have a deal, now hand it over."  He reached for the book, and hesitantly, she placed it in his hands.  A small blush still burned her cheeks from her latest ramble, but he didn't draw attention to it.  "Look for yours on my bureau.  Try the first couple of drawers."

"Yeah, thanks," she said, rushing over to the stairs. 

She pushed back the curtain and disappeared up the stairs.  She entered the apartment, and leaned back on the door, taking a deep breath.  Whoa.  She hadn't been up here in five months.  Five months.   She could hardly believe it had been that long.  Unfortunately, the memory of their last encounter lingered behind.  She did her best to ignore it as she headed over to his side of the room, her eyes quickly sweeping over his bed.  The top of his bureau was empty of anything other than loose change, so she opened the first drawer.  At least two dozen books were shoved inside.  She pulled out a few and placed them on the bureau's surface, sending the change scattering. 

Soon enough, the drawer was practically empty.  At the very bottom were miscellaneous objects:  more change, a couple of combs, ripped pages that had fallen out, and a small tape.  Huh.  She reached into the very back, and drew the miniature tape out.  It didn't appear to be a cassette.  It looked more like an answering machine tape.  She stared at it for a moment, before shaking her head and placing it on top of the bureau.  She slipped all the books back into the drawer, before moving on to the next one.

This search proved to be much more fruitful.  Dr. Zhivago was the fourth book she pulled out.  Happy with her success, she replaced everything she had taken out, ready to go back to the diner.

But then there was the tape.

Why would Jess have that?  Spare tape?  Old tape?  Maybe there was something on it.  Curiosity eventually got the better of her, and she grabbed it, and moved over to the small table next to couch, where the ancient answering machine resided.  Carefully, she pulled out the current tape and replaced it with Jess's.  She pressed play.

The door slamming caught her attention, and she turned away, hoping to appear innocent. 

"Do you think Taylor could actually throw me in jail for throwing candy at kids?"  Jess asked as he walked further into the room.

"What exactly did you do?"

"Nothing, nothing," he shrugged.  "Can't be proven.  But shh, I'm not up--"

His voice was cut off by the sound of static, and the message from the old tape began to play:  "Hey Jess, it's Rory…"

Jess froze, and Rory's jaw dropped as it continued.

"I have no idea why I'm calling… just wanted to say 'Hi', I guess, and see how you are…"

Before it could continue, Jess ran over and turned it off.  He glared at Rory, but remained stubbornly silent.

"Was that my message?"  She asked in disbelief.  "From over the summer?"

"Nope."

"Yes, it was!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I can't believe you saved it!  Did you listen to it over and over again?  Fall asleep to the sound of my voice?"  She teased.  He looked uncomfortable — he was almost squirming, and she couldn't help but enjoy it.

"You're being ridiculous."

"You kept my message."

"And you bought me a book."

Well.  He had her there.

Instead of spending the summer doing her best to forget him, she had entered bookstore after bookstore, wondering which novel he would like best.  Part of her didn't want to bother wasting the money, because really, when was she going to give this to him?  Would she even have a chance to?  A biting fear always lingered at the back of her mind, warning her:  He's already gone.  Finally made that trip to California now that he doesn't have your tears and pleading voice begging him to stay.  There's nothing left for him to stay for.  Nothing worth it…

But she showed that voice, didn't she?  She purchased the book, and not too much later, she called him on the phone, hoping he would answer.  Even though he frustrated her, even though she was still hurting over what had happened between them, she had missed him. 

Judging from his own actions, he had missed her as well.  He had saved the tape.  Saved it!  A small smile graced her face when she thought of him listening to it more than once.

He still cared.  Did she not understand that?  Everything he did now:  repeating his senior year, working at Luke's, just being here… it was all for her.  His own way of silently apologizing since she wouldn't accept it in words.  She was beginning to think that enough was enough, and it was time to forgive.  But there was one thing that always haunted her, something she didn't think she could so easily overlook.  One day, she could wake up, and he could be gone.  She resented him for giving her that fear. 

"Jess, why didn't you leave over the summer?"

Her question caught him by surprise.  They had been discussing something else, where had this come from?  He took a seat next to her on the couch, contemplating how to answer.  However, all he could come up with was "I don't know."

"Did you think about going?"

"All the time," he admitted, his eyes catching the way she flinched.

"Then why didn't you just go?"

Was that what she wanted?  "Maybe I didn't want to leave without a goodbye."

"That never stopped you before.  Besides, you're still here now."

"I am.  And I'm not going anywhere."  The words slipped out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying.  But now that there were out there, they sounded real.  Honest.  He thought maybe he could believe this.  He hoped she would too.

"Don't say things you don't mean."

It was his turn to flinch.  She didn't trust what he had to say.  He only told lies, remember?  "Rory, I'm not going anywhere."

"How do you know?"  She asked, hating that she even had to question this.  "How can you be so sure?  Last year, when we first started dating, I'm sure you weren't planning on disappearing months later."

"Look, right now, I'm here with no plans to leave, I swear."

"What about in a couple of months?  You need to think about the future!"

"And you need to let go out of the past!"  He snapped.

"What?"

He stood up abruptly, walking into the center of the room.  He was so sick of this.  No matter what he said, it wasn't good enough.  He tried to make this better, but she wouldn't tell him how.  Nothing worked, nothing was right with her!  He fucked up and was doing his best to make amends, but she wouldn't accept it. 

"Fine!  I screwed up!"  He burst out, almost yelling.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on!  I'm sorry I didn't take to your prom, and that I didn't tell you that I flunked out!  I'm sorry for pushing you away, and for having sex, and for not telling you my father was in town, and for everything else I did wrong.  I'm sorry, alright?"  He took a deep breath, and turned away, running a hand through his hair. 

She sat on the couch, staring at her lap, trying to take all of this in.  She needed to accept this — him and his apology and everything.  He was right:  she needed to let go of what happened.  Not forget, just accept it.  Dwelling on past mistakes wasn't going to change where they were now.  Only they could do that.

"I'm sorry too."

He turned back around to look at her. 

"I'm glad you didn't leave.  I'm glad you're here.  Right now," she said.

He considered her words.  He studied her carefully, wondering if maybe this was it.  Maybe the fighting was over.

"I am too," he admitted.

She looked up at him, surprised at his response.  However, her own thoughts stunned her more.

She believed him.