Okay this chapter may get confusing but I hope not. So good luck!!! The song at the end of the chapter is 'Why don't you kiss her?' by Jesse McCartney.
Craig fell asleep not long after we talked. Suddenly remembering the half carton of ice-cream I had eaten, I felt so nauseous. Despite the lost weight, I still felt like I was overweight. Maybe it wasn't even about my size. It was something I could control...I could control what I ate and I could control if I threw up or not, even if I couldn't control Dean or if I couldn't control if he was stalking me or that my relationship with Spinner had gone down the drain.
All of those thoughts were running through my mind as I threw up what I had eaten before. I stood in front of the mirror and wiped tears from my eyes and washed my face. I opened the door and almost fainted. Ellie was standing in the doorway looking at me like I was a freak.
"What was that about, Paige?" She asked me.
I walked past her. "It was nothing, don't be so dramatic."
She grabbed my arm. "You have an eating disorder, don't you?"
"No! I felt sick and could you blame me? I mean with everything that's going on...." I stopped before I gave myself away.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything! God, a girl can't even get sick without being blamed for bulimia."
"Are you bulimic?"
"No!"
"Then why are you being so touchy?" I stopped.
"Ellie, you don't know what your talking about. You don't know what's going on, and even if you did you would be too busy pining for the guy that my brother is in love with to even realize what is right under your face!"
She looked at me, her stare was cold...almost unfeeling but at the same time compassionate. "You don't know what you're talking about. This has nothing to do with Marco. This has to do with you hurting yourself."
"You should know about hurting yourself!" as soon as the words flew from my mouth I regretted it.
She looked hurt. "This isn't about me, its about you. And what you're doing isn't healthy."
"I'm not doing anything." With that, I walked away from her.
I walked into my house the next morning.
"What's wrong?" Dylan asked.
I looked to the couch where he was sitting. "Nothing, I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth.
"Yeah, right. Now sit down and tell me what's wrong."
I sighed. "It's nothing...life is complicated."
"Talking helps..." he said as I ran upstairs to my room.
I plopped down on my bed, wanting to disappear. I looked around the neatly organized room. By the way my bedroom looked, no one could have guessed that my life was a mess. ---------------
Craig lay on his bed that night, thinking of Paige. She had no idea how deep his feelings for her were, and even if she did he was almost positive that she wouldn't return her feelings. She had been raped and that had to effect her relationship or her ability to be affectionate. He wasn't going to push things. He wanted to be there for her. Paige needed him, and he liked to feel needed. But sometimes he had to wonder...why didn't he just kiss her? When Paige ran to him, needing him to hold her and comfort her, all he had wanted to do was kiss her tears away, but he couldn't. he couldn't betray her trust or let her know that there was anything deeper than friendship.
Sometimes he had to wonder why he was walking on edge. He hadn't bothered to take it slow with Ashley, and definitely not with Manny. So what was it about Paige that was different? Was it that she needed him....or that she had been hurt and needed to trust him? Was it that he could be in love with her?
Why Don't You Kiss Her? We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
Ohhh...
Lately something's changed
As I lie awake, in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide
She'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside Oh, I'm so afraid
To make the first move
Just a touch and we could
cross the line
And every time she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart
knows, hold her close
What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
or would she promise me
that she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself Why Don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why Don't You tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The Feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
